Lose Me Again

Between the Shadows (Part 2)

Chapter Nine

Between the Shadows (Part 2)

(Andy’s POV)

You’re an i***t, I told myself. Just let it go. She’s not interested.

But even as I thought it, I knew it wasn’t that simple. Esha wasn’t like the other girls I’d been with. She didn’t fall for the charm, didn’t melt under a smile. She challenged me, pushed back, and made me work for every inch. And that… that intrigued me more than I wanted to admit.

There was a darkness in her, a pain that mirrored my own, and for some reason, that made me feel connected to her in a way I hadn’t expected. I wanted to know more. I wanted to understand her. And that terrified me.

The group moved on, heading toward their next class, but my thoughts stayed on Esha. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was missing something when it came to her. Something important. I’d seen glimpses of it—like when she’d opened up that one time about her mother’s death—but I knew there was more beneath the surface. More that she wasn’t ready to share.

And then there was Cecily. I sighed, thinking about how she’d been draped all over me the other night at the pub. Cecily had been a constant in my life for the past year—flirty, persistent, and completely obsessed with me, hence the never-ending stream of text messages. She was fun in small doses, but it was obvious her interest ran deeper than just casual flirting. She wanted more from me—something I wasn’t willing to give. But she kept pushing, kept showing up, as if one day I’d finally relent.

Not when my mind was already drifting back to someone else.

I hadn’t missed the way Esha’s expression had darkened when she saw me with Cecily at the bar. I hadn’t meant to hurt her—not that she would ever admit she was hurt—but I couldn’t deny that a part of me had been curious. Curious to see how she would react. Curious to see if she cared at all.

And the truth was, it had bothered her. I could tell. The way her jaw had tightened, the way her eyes had narrowed ever so slightly before she’d turned away and pretended not to notice. She could act all she wanted, but I wasn’t blind. I’d seen the flash of jealousy in her eyes, and for some reason, it had both irritated and excited me.

Why does it always feel like a game with her? I thought, running a hand through my hair in frustration. A game I can’t win, no matter how hard I try.

But it wasn’t a game. Not really. It was more like a dance—an endless push and pull that neither of us seemed to know how to stop.

---

Later that day, I found myself sitting in the back of my economics lecture, only half-listening to the professor as my mind drifted elsewhere. My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I pulled it out to see yet another message from Cecily.

Cecily: Hey, so are you coming to the party?

I sighed, staring at the screen for a moment before typing out a quick reply.

Andy: Can’t. Busy tonight.

I didn’t want to deal with Cecily right now. Not when my thoughts were already tangled up in someone else.

The lecture droned on, but I barely paid attention, my mind wandering back to my own family. I didn’t talk about it much—didn’t let anyone see the mess behind the mask I wore. None of my friends knew. Not even Jay, my older brother, knew the full extent of how badly it had affected me. I’d always been the one to keep my head down and just get through it. But the truth was, the secret our family kept had shaped everything about who I was.

My father had been having an affair with my aunt—my mother’s sister—for years. The affair had produced a son, a boy who was now ten years old, completely unaware of the web of lies he was part of. My mother had found out about the affair years ago, but instead of leaving, she’d decided to stay and keep up the façade of a happy family. For the sake of appearances. For the sake of me, Jay, and our younger brother, Vick.

I hated it. Hated the lies, the pretending, the way my mother refused to acknowledge what was right in front of her. But what I hated most of all was the way it had affected my brothers. Jay had taken on the role of protector, the one who kept everything together, the one who made sure the family didn’t fall apart. Vick, on the other hand, had retreated into himself, quiet and withdrawn, trying to disappear in the chaos of it all.

And me? I was just waiting. Waiting for the day when I could break free of the whole mess and help Jay build something real. Jay had started his own business, working tirelessly to carve out a future for himself, and I wanted to be part of that. I wanted to stop being a burden and start helping instead. I wanted to prove that I wasn’t just another casualty of our screwed-up family.

But until then, I was stuck here. Stuck in college, stuck pretending that everything was fine when nothing ever was.

Three more years, I reminded myself. Three more years, and then I’ll be done with all of this.

But even as I told myself that, my thoughts drifted back to Esha. The pull I felt toward her was undeniable, and it made me feel… conflicted. She wasn’t like Cecily, who was all surface-level attraction and convenience. Esha was different. She had depth. She had that fire inside her, the kind that burned hot and bright, but there was pain in her too. A kind of quiet suffering that mirrored my own.

I wasn’t used to caring about people like that. I wasn’t used to feeling anything beyond the surface level. But with Esha, it was different. She made me feel things I didn’t want to feel, and I hated her for it. But at the same time, I was drawn to her, like a moth to a flame, unable to pull myself away.

Why her? I wondered, staring blankly at the professor’s lecture slides. Why can’t I stop thinking about her?

But I knew why. Esha was the first person who had ever truly seen me. Seen through the mask I wore, seen through the façade of arrogance and confidence. She had pushed me, challenged me, and in doing so, she’d unknowingly gotten closer to the truth of who I really was. And that terrified me.

Because if she got too close, if she saw the real me—the mess, the broken pieces—what then? Would she walk away? Or would she push me away, the way she always did when things got too real?

I didn’t know the answer, and that scared me more than anything.

The lecture ended, and I gathered my things, heading out of the hall with my usual group of friends. They were talking about some party happening that weekend, but I barely paid attention. My mind was elsewhere, still stuck on the one person who seemed to have taken up permanent residence in my thoughts.

As we stepped out into the quad, my gaze drifted, as if by instinct, to where Esha was walking with Cassandra and Sophie. She didn’t see me—her head was down, focused on something Cassandra was showing her on her phone—but my chest tightened at the sight of her.

Three years, I reminded myself again. Just get through three more years, and then you can move on.

But even as I told myself that, I knew deep down that moving on from Esha might not be as simple as I’d hoped.

Because no matter how hard I tried to fight it, something about her kept pulling me back.

And that scared me more than anything.

---

I stood just outside the library, scrolling through my phone, half-listening to the conversations buzzing around me. I didn’t want to admit it, but I was hoping to spot a certain someone. I hadn’t planned on sticking around much longer, thinking maybe she wasn’t going to follow her routine and come to the library today, but then a familiar voice caught my attention—Esha’s. My head snapped up immediately, and I spotted her a few feet away, leaning against one of the library’s stone pillars, talking to some guy.

My brows furrowed as I watched them, my stomach tightening in that way it always did when Esha was involved.

“...yeah, I’ll come to Nick’s party with you,” Esha was saying, her voice light, almost teasing. “Should be fun.”

My jaw clenched. With you? I didn’t recognize the guy—just some random student, probably—but the way he was standing close to her, that easy smile on his face, made my blood boil. Esha was my problem, not some random guy’s. The idea of her showing up to Nick’s party with someone else set my nerves on edge.

I hadn’t even planned on going to the party tonight, but now? There was no way I wasn’t going. My thoughts spiraled as I imagined her laughing with that guy, maybe even dancing with him. The idea of anyone else getting close to Esha made something hot and angry twist inside me, something I hated feeling but couldn’t stop.

The guy said something that made Esha laugh, and the sound grated on my nerves. I clenched my fists at my sides, trying to keep my expression neutral even though my mind was already racing.

So, she’s going to Nick’s party with him, huh?

Not on my watch.

The second the guy walked away, I pushed off the wall and made my way to the edge of the courtyard, my mind already made up. I was going to that party, and I was going to keep an eye on her. If Esha thought she could just forget about me, about whatever was going on between us, she was wrong.

I wouldn’t admit it to anyone, not even myself, but the thought of Esha with someone else made me feel sick. She wasn’t mine—not really—but that didn’t mean I was okay with her moving on. Not when I still didn’t know what this thing between us was.

“Looks like I’m going to Nick’s party tonight after all,” I muttered under my breath, shoving my hands into my pockets as I stalked off, my mind already set. I’d be there, watching. And if that guy tried anything, well, I’d handle it.

One way or another.