Lose Me Again

Confessions

Chapter Six

Confessions

(Esha’s POV)

I stopped dead in my tracks, breath caught in my throat. His words—sharp and cutting—struck deeper than I wanted to admit. My fists clenched at my sides as I turned back to face him, eyes blazing with anger.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I snapped, voice tight and trembling with frustration.

Andy’s face was set, his jaw clenched as he stared back at me, unyielding. “You heard me. You’re always running, Esha. The second things get real, the second someone pushes you, you walk away. You’ve been doing it since the day I met you.”

My anger flared, hot and all-consuming, like a fire igniting inside my chest. I took a step closer, heart pounding so hard I could feel it in my ears. “Don’t pretend you know me or what I’ve been through. You don’t get to make assumptions about my life.”

“I’m not pretending to know your life,” Andy shot back, his eyes stormy and intense. “But I’m not blind either. You put up walls. Every time we talk, it’s like you’re daring me to push through them, and when I do, you hate me for it. You think I haven’t noticed?”

His words hit me like a punch to the gut. I wanted to deny it, to push back against everything he was saying, but part of me knew he was right. I did put up walls because it was easier—easier to keep people at a distance than to let them in. Especially someone like Andy, who made me feel things I didn’t understand, things that scared me.

My silence only seemed to push him further. Andy stepped closer, his voice lower but brimming with frustration. “You’re so damn stubborn. I’ve been trying—trying—to figure out what this is between us, and every time I get close, you shut me down.”

A chaotic mess of emotions churned inside me—anger at him, anger at myself, anger at this whole situation that I didn’t know how to handle. “Because every time I let you in, you turn it into a game. You act like this is all some kind of joke to you, and I’m not going to be the punchline, Andy.”

“It’s not a joke!” he snapped, frustration boiling over as he took another step toward me, his blue eyes blazing. “You think I’m not serious about this? About you? Do you really not see the truth?”

His words hung in the air, heavy and electric. I stared at him, my heart pounding. I’d spent so much time convincing myself that Andy was just an arrogant jerk, someone who enjoyed getting under my skin for the fun of it. But now, hearing him say this—seeing the way he looked at me—I didn’t know what to think.

“Then what is this to you?” I demanded, my voice quieter but still sharp. “Because all we ever do is fight. How is that supposed to mean anything?”

Andy exhaled sharply, running a hand through his wet hair, clearly trying to rein in his temper. “I don’t know. I don’t have all the answers, Esha. But I know that when I’m around you, I feel something, and it’s not just anger. And I think you feel it too, whether you want to admit it or not.”

My heart raced, his words sending a rush of confusion through me. I wanted to deny it, to push him away, but the truth was, I did feel something. Something intense and overwhelming that scared me more than anything. And that’s why I fought him, why I kept up these walls.

Because I didn’t know how to handle it.

“Andy…” I started, but my voice faltered, unsure of what to say. I didn’t want to admit that he was right—that I felt something too. Admitting it would mean opening up in a way I wasn’t ready for.

But Andy wasn’t backing down. He took another step forward, close enough that I could feel the heat of him despite the cold dampness clinging to us both. His eyes locked onto mine, intense and unwavering. “What are you so afraid of, Esha? Why can’t you just admit that there’s something between us?”

I shook my head, backing up a step, trying to put some distance between us, but there was nowhere to go. I felt trapped—not by him, but by the storm of emotions building inside me. “Because it doesn’t make sense! You drive me crazy. We fight all the time. How could there be anything between us?”

Andy’s voice softened, his frustration ebbing as he looked at me, his gaze searching mine. “Maybe that’s exactly why there’s something between us. Because it’s real. Because we don’t fake it. We push each other. Maybe we fight because we care.”

My throat tightened, heart twisting at his words. I hated how vulnerable I felt right now, how exposed. I wasn’t used to letting anyone see me like this, especially not someone like Andy. Someone who was supposed to be just a thorn in my side, not someone who could break down my walls.

“I don’t want to care,” I whispered, barely able to admit it to myself, let alone to him.

Andy stepped closer, closing the distance between us, his eyes never leaving mine. “Then stop pretending you don’t.”

There it was—the raw truth, laid bare between us. I felt like the ground was slipping out from under me, like everything I thought I knew was falling apart. I wanted to push him away, to tell him to leave me alone, but I couldn’t. Not when he was standing so close, looking at me like that, like he could see every part of me that I tried to hide.

But then, just as quickly as the moment came, anger rushed back in, fueled by fear and confusion. My hands curled into fists at my sides as I glared at him, my vulnerability morphing into frustration. “This is all some kind of game to you, isn’t it? Get me to open up just so you can turn it against me later?”

Andy looked stunned, his expression hardening as my words hit him. “Are you serious right now? You think I’d do that?”

“You’ve done nothing but mess with me since the day we met!” I shot back, voice rising. “Why should I believe that this is any different?”

His jaw clenched, the tension between us spiking again. “Because it is different, and you know it.”

I shook my head, emotions swirling too wildly to process. I couldn’t think straight, couldn’t trust myself to see what was real and what wasn’t. All I knew was that I didn’t want to feel like this, so out of control, and Andy was at the center of it all.

“Just… leave me alone, Andy,” I said, my voice cracking slightly as I turned away from him, my heart racing.

“Fine,” he bit out, his voice tight with frustration. “If that’s what you really want.”

I didn’t answer. I just walked away, the storm outside reflecting the one raging inside me. The moment we’d almost shared shattered, broken beyond repair, leaving Andy standing there in the aftermath of words we couldn’t take back.