Breaking Her Walls

░Eight░

SOPHIA

AGE: 24

Shock robs me of speech. I turn my head eastwards and glare at my roommate.

She tries to keep up a straight face but a moment later, laughter bubbles out of her.

"This isn't funny." I grit my teeth. "It's...ugh, I can't even look at it."

Truth was, I kind of liked the tattoo. Sierra dared me to let her get me tattooed with a design of her choice.

And I'm always up for a good challenge.

However, I'm second-guessing my choice now for I have my trainer's name imprinted onto my right shoulder.

Of course that's not the part I'm worried about – no matter how immature it is – I'm more concerned about him seeing it.

Or anyone for that matter.

I focus my attention back to Sierra, who is looking up at me with knowing eyes.

I swallow. Then, grin. Throwing my arms around her, I squeal like a little girl.

"I LOVE IT!"

She laughs and pats my back.

"Ouch!" I say while grimacing.

The process was supposed to be painful. I, however, did not feel any pain.

Sierra apologises. Several times.

I wave it off like it's nothing. Because really, it isn't.

I can barely keep the grin off of my face and maintain that calm, collected look that I've become accustomed to.

...

"You ready, Soph?" Sierra asks, yet again.

I point a finger to myself. "Do I look like I'm ready? Seriously, Sierra, I'm not going."

"Really?" She walks towards me like a predator might prey. "What if I tell you that Mr Chang will be there?"

I sit rooted to my seat. Then, inhale deeply.

"Daniel will be there? Do you take me for a fool? Trainers don't mix up with trainees!"

She rolls her eyes. "He's coming to this one. Gu Ze Feng told me himself. Plus, there will just be around twenty people. Promise."

The last thing I want to do is go to a party. Lord knows what happens there.

But after a few more promises of how she'll stay by my side and a few more pleas, I agree.

Might as well get this thing over and done with. It has not even been a whole month since I'd gotten that damned tattoo.

Next thing I know is that I'd have my lip pierced.

I shudder at the thought. Never in my life will I ever get that done. Heck, even my ears aren't pierced. I just have a severe dislike for jewellery.

Sierra interrupts once again with my thoughts.

"Get up and get ready! HURRY UP! We have to be there by 8!" She shouts and scurries off to my cupboard.

After basically just throwing everything out of my unorganised cupboard, she sighs and raises her hands up in the air in frustration.

"Seriously," she shoots me an exasperated look. "What are you, a tomboy?"

"Hey! Look at my hair, it's long now is it not? I'm not a tomboy I'm just not...a girl." I frown at my own words.

"Whatever. Let me get you something out of my closet." She says and saunters off to her cupboard.

•••

"You look beautiful," Sierra says, her voice a whisper as she looks me up in wonder.

I'm not being arrogant or something but I know that I'm attractive. I don't want anyone to tell me that. My body that was once bones and skin is now perfectly proportioned.

It's the first time I'm wearing a dress in years. I'm used to lounging around in my sweatpants and sweatshirt.

I don't really care about how I look. I don't want to be appreciated. Lord knows that my ego is high enough without anyone having to add up to it.

As we walk to the car and I slide into it, an uneasy feeling makes its way into the pit of my stomach. It's most definitely not butterflies.

It's something else. Something I can't quite name as yet.

•••

"What the hell, Sierra! You never told me that we were coming to a . . ." I search for the correct word. "Drunken vicinity."

I wasn't even sure what I'd said but it was something.

She rolls her eyes. "It's just a few drinks nothing too much. Plus it's not like you're a practicing Muslim or anything."

I freeze for a few seconds. An unexpected wave of guilt sweeps over me and I quickly suppress it. 

I have nothing to be guilty for, do I?

But I can't seem to convince myself of it.

"Well well, if it isn't the little girl." I hear a gruff voice from behind me.

Instantly my ears perk up and I swiftly turn around to look at Daniel Chang. Aka, my trainer.

I stare up at him with open-mouthed amazement. His buttoned-up t-shirt fits his large, sculpted chest and the fabric creases on the inner side of his arms. His khaki pants complement the green of his eyes.

I watch his eyes as they roam down my body. And dammit if I don't feel like running away. s**t! This wasn't how I had planned this to be.

I thought that I'd feel normal –even giddy– but all I feel is disgust. It's disgusting. His eyes that once looked too beautiful to me, now frighten the hell out of me.

He notices the change in my demeanour. And I think I see a hint of hurt in his eyes. But he then inclines his head in accusation.

When I just frown, he walks towards me with assured arrogance. That's when I notice that Sierra has already ditched me.

Talk about untrue promises.

Daniel gets too close and raises his hand. I flinch. He doesn't get the hint because he tries to touch me. The stench of cheap booze –which basically smells like piss– fills my nostrils and I scrunch up my nose in disgust.

"What, are you too good for me now?" He surprises me with the raw venom in his voice.

I grit my teeth. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He looks me right in the eye. "I mean, princess, that do you take me for a fool? Do you think I haven't noticed the little crush you seem to have developed for me?" A wry smile curves his lips. "And that god damned tattoo. God, that's just the kind of thing one expects from an eleven year old."

Eleven year old.

That's the only thing my mind processes as memories that I've tried day and night to forget, come flooding back to me.

My heart beats thunderously in my chest. It feels like someone is holding me by the throat with immense pressure, choking me.

I hold out my hand, stopping Daniel from getting closer.

"Go away." I squeak out. "Please."

That word feels like ash in my mouth. I haven't said it in years.

"Are you okay?" He asks, worry lacing his slurred tone.

No. I'm not okay. I try to say but it doesn't come out.

The dawning realisation of still being that weak girl fills my senses. Somewhere deep inside me, she is there. Scared and scarred.

I try to push her down.

I hate her!

And being the weak, small girl that she is, she's gone easily. Always freaking willing to bend to people's demands.

Everyone's little puny.