Second Chance..
1201 Words
"Hi! Maxim, How are you? I miss you..."
"N - Nicholas..." Hindi makapaniwalang napakurap kurap ng kanyang mga mata si Maxim. Nasa harapan nya ngayon si Nicholas, nakangiti, pero malungkot ang mga mata nito. Napayuko na lang tuloy sya ng di matagalan ang titig ng binata sa kanya.
"I miss you so damn much and I hope I could say it to you right now. I am so stupid to let you go. So f*****g stupid to stay away from you without even telling you how much I love you."
Nagsalubong ang mga kilay ni Maxim, naguguluhan sya sa mga narinig mula kay Nicholas. 'Anubang problema ng lalaking ito?'
"Alam mo bang sa bawat pagtalikod at paglayo mo sakin naiinsulto ako? Na sa bawat pagsasaya mo kasamang iyong mga kaibigan ay naiinggit ako? Ang makita kang masaya kasama sila ay nanliliit ako, Maxim. Kasi, pakiramdam ko hindi sapat sayo ang mga ginagawa ko, na hindi ko maibigay ang lahat ng nais at kaligayahang nararapat para sayo. Kaya dumestansya ako sayo.. Hindi ako lumayo Maxim, nasa tabi tabi lang ako. Nakamasid.. Binigyan ko ng pagkakataon ang aking sarili na magmuni muni, ang intindihin ka pa ng lubusan."
Namasa ang mga mata ni Maxim dahil sa mga sinabi ni Nicholas. Hindi nya akalain na nasasaktan na pala nya ito, yung mga paglalakwatsa nya kasamang mga kaibigan akala nya okay lang sa binata. Aaminin nyang may pagkukulang sya bilang girlfriend nito. Ilang beses na ba syang wala sa mga importanteng okasyon nila. Ilang beses na ba syang wala kapag may nangyayaring hindi maganda kay Nicholas. Kapag nagkakasakit ito at walang nag aalaga dito. Kung tutuusin sya ang may kasalanan kung bakit sya nasaktan.. Kung bakit sya nagdusa..
"I am sorry for not being there when you needed me. I am sorry for making you feel worthless when you were my whole world. I am sorry for not cheering you up when you needed it. And I am sorry for not loving you when you craved for it. I’m sorry, Nicholas!.."
I feel disabled.. I feel that something in my body is missing, I feel pain. I am sore at the moment. Its like I’m a flower without petals, a laptop without a keyboard, a plant without a root, a guitar without the strings and a car without the wheels. I’m incapable, I just don’t know what’s missing, All I know is that I’m broken, maybe into pieces, shattered everywhere. I just wish someone would try to mend, would try to fix me. Literally, would try to care. Because something is building up in me, I lose my heart, yeah my heart is missing. I gave it to someone before that I Thought he tear it apart.
But, I was wrong, I was supposed to blame and not Nicholas.
"I'm sorry! Maxim. I'm not perfect too. Sorry for messing up sometimes. I'm sorry for being stupid. Sorry for not being good enough. Sorry for trying to do my best. Sorry for not being able to do anything right. Sorry for getting on your nerves. Sorry for being annoying. Sorry for complaining. Sorry for being insecure. Sorry for thinking I could actually do something right for once. I'm just freaking sorry and I'm so tired of being myself. I'm just sorry okay? I love you so much and I just want to shout it in your face, say sorry, hug you tight, kiss you passionately and never ever let go." Napailing iling si Nicholas at mahinang natawa sa sarili. "If only I could." bulong pa nito na narinig naman ni Maxim.
"I don’t recognize the sound of your laugh, or the way that you speak. You used to have value with words that comes off your lips but now all you say were nonsense. I don’t recognize the look on your eyes, even when you smile. You used to have all the positivity in the world but now all I see is sadness. I don’t recognize the way you touch things, the way you see things. You used to be so calm and graceful on both but now all I see is your recklessness. I don’t recognize the person standing in front of me. You used to be strong, firm, and bold but now you’re just weak and vulnerable. I don’t recognize you anymore Nicholas, But you can be back again, right? In a way much better. Please!"
"How? What am I supposed to do Maxim?"
"Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down." Sinapo ni Maxim ang naguguluhang mukha ni Nicholas saka nginitian nya ito..
"Sometimes I think that you aren’t worth everything I put myself through. You don’t even notice how much pain I’m in because of you. You’ve had a permanent impact on me, and honestly, I don’t really know how to deal with it. I think that it’s just so easy to give up on you and let you be, but every time you smile I come up with a million reasons to let you hurt me again." Mahigpit nyang niyakap si Maxim.. "Baby..." bulong nya dito.
"Hmmm.."
"Pwede pa ba tayo sa second chance?" Pinalo ni Maxim ang puwet ni Nicholas. "Aww... para naman san yun?" Napabitaw tuloy sya ng yakap dito.
"Bakit?" Pinandilatan nya ng mga mata ang binata. "Nag break ba tayo! ha?"
"Hindi ba?" Napakamot ng batok nya si Nicholas.
"Hindi!.. at kahit kelan hindi tayo magbe brake! Gets mo?" Nakapamewang nya pang sabi dito.
"G - Gets ko." Nauutal na sabi naman ni Nicholas na nagpatawa ng malakas kay Maxim.
'Ngayong bumalik kana sa buhay ko Nicholas... Natupad ng hiling ko... Thank you Lord!. '
There will be a point in time where we’ll all feel weak, lost, frail, fragile or insignificant. We will all feel tired of being strong or pretending to be one and that’s okay. It’s okay to surround yourself with weakness. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be vulnerable.
This is not about wanting pity or sympathy from other people. Or, testing who will be there for you and who will stick up with you. No. This is about you, being a human, courageous enough to face your own weakness. It’s okay to succumb yourself with pain when the emotional weakness is too strong for you. There’s no wrong with that.
There will be moments where we lose from something great and they will make us weak. But to be strong in the face of them is like denying their existence, or importance and impact in your life. These few moments reminds us that we are human, alive and fully connected to things we value in life, that we break down when things don’t go our way.
Always remember that a life without weakness, pain or sadness, is a life without strength, happiness and worth.
?MahikaNiAyana
- Writer
