Addicted

18

MAYRA'S POV

"Come on Mayra. You are no fun." Tara said with a roll of her eyes and huffed in annoyance. I licked my dry lips and stared at my wedding ring.

The diamond ring shined brightly unlike my relationship with Rehan.

It's been almost a month since we had even shared a conversation. After that night when he told me that I had broken his trust, since then nothing was normal between us. He even sleeps into another room. Every day he goes to his office without even sparing a glance at me or at the breakfast which I prepare for him. And then whole day, I don't get a sight of him until late at midnight when he returns to home, all drunk and wasted. And next I know he is asleep in another room. Basically he is doing every possible way to ignore the fact that I don't even exist.

It hurts. It hurts deeply to get ignored by him. I really want to solve every misunderstanding between us but maybe he's not ready to give me a single chance to explain myself. I thought of giving him some time so that the folds of anger which he has around his eyes flew away but how much time? I know that time heals everything but how much time I am going to waste without my Rehan? How much?

Nothing feels good without him. I hate myself to confess that spending my time with my parents also doesn't feels so good. I mean how am I supposed to feel all happy with my parents when I know that my husband is working constantly to mask up the hurt he is going through? I can understand that how horrible it feels when our trust gets broken and here we are talking about Rehan who has serious trust issues.

Mom and Dad were constantly worried about me. They asked many questions that whether everything between me and Rehan was okay or not. I just plaster a fake smile at their question and instantly try to divert the topic. Dad had asked to transfer that project to Rehan but all I did was to reply in no. I don't want to complicate anything further. I know very well that Rehan will never accept this project from Dad.

And talking about my parents. It was bliss. A total ecstasy to have them in my life. Crave for family since childhood was now satisfied. They both are great people. Sometimes watching them being in love, even after few decades of their marriage was like watching any romantic novel or movie; where everything becomes happily ever after.

But will Rehan and my relationship ever reach the phase of happily ever after even though I know that he'll never love me but still? Will we ever be able to live our life without any complications and misunderstandings?

"Mayra. Are you even listening to me?" Tara screamed near my ear. I jumped in shock and gave her an apologizing look.

"God!" She exclaimed dramatically and pulled me away from the bed by my arm. "You are acting like your life was doomed." She muttered and pushed me in front of the mirror.

"Now. Take a look of the reflection in the mirror, Mayra."

I blinked then fixed my eyes on the mirror. My reflection was staring back at me. I looked more clearly to find that how different I looked. My hair were in a messy bun which were more like a bird's nest, there were dark bags under my eyes, my skin looking paler than ever. It seems like I've been diagnosed with any life threatening disease.

"What's missing?" Tara asked and stepped closer to me till both of our reflection was visible to me.

"Smile?" I asked back, unsurely and she nodded with a huge smile.

"Yup babe, your smile was missing and without that sweet smile, Mayra looks missing." She chipped.

I bite my lips in disappointment. Tara has no idea that my smile was missing because I miss my Rehan. Without him, how can I smile like nothing's wrong?

"Then put a fake smile." She stated.

"Huh?"

She sighed. "Look babe, I know that there's something happened between you and that stupid Rehan which is bothering you. I don't know what and frankly I don't even want to know because it's your personal matter. But sweetie just because something was wrong that doesn't means your whole life was doomed. I know okay that you love Rehan with all your heart but Vishal had once told me that being in love not always means only expecting happiness from our partner. Your life is yours, not of your partner. First make yourself happy Mayra then think about bringing happiness to Rehan."

A low frown crossed my face after hearing her words. She wants me to become selfish?

My happiness lies in Rehan's happiness. What's wrong in this?

"Everything's wrong in this." She said.

"Did I said that loud?" She nodded at my question and passed me a tight smile.

"Just answer me in yes or no. Do you believe that happiness doesn't need a reason to depend?" I mouthed yes in response and mentally started putting her every words together.

"Then why you are depending your happiness on Rehan? Just because he is your husband? Or just because you love him? Whatever the reason might be but you have to accept this Mayra that you have your own life and Rehan has his own life. Just because you two are married that doesn't mean all the time you have to behave all the craps of two body and one soul. I mean it's a complete bullshit. Life is not any cliché fiction. Satisfy your soul Mayra by having some fun till you can and then listen to your heart. Everyone says that always listen to your heart not your brain but I am saying that listen to your soul Mayra. Do what you wanted to do with your life, have fun in doing things which are different from your taste, live a little honey. Live a little. Loving and caring for someone is not the way one should live. At least do a little love for your own self. If only you have the potential to bring happiness to your own life by loving it then only you'll be able to paint happiness in anyone else's life." She said.

My mind started puzzling with the new information and for a minute, I pressed my eyes close to calm my jumbling thoughts.

From so long I was doing everything to bring happiness into Rehan's life by showing him sweet wonders of this world in little things like sunrise, children, beach, stars... But what I am doing for myself? I also enjoy those things, I also love working as a psychiatrist, I also love jogging in the morning, I also love wearing clothes according to my choice, I also love freedom, I also love interacting to strangers but instead of placing my point in front of Rehan, I had always done what he said. Instead of making him understand my point I always followed what he wanted.

Rehan had changed. He had clearly reflected from his actions that he also wants my happiness and if I had told him that in which things my happiness lies then for sure he had allowed me to do so. But I never even tried.

Am I being a hypocrite?

I never wanted his happiness to depend on me but here how easily I have depended my whole happiness on him?

"You are not right Tara but neither you are wrong. Your thinking is just different from mine. But you know what if in the world where I have to choose between my freedom and Rehan then without thinking twice, my answer will always be Rehan." I molded my next thought into words.

She shook her head with a soft smile and sat on the bed in Indian style. I also occupied the seat on the corner and raised my eyebrows at her in questioning way. She shrugged her shoulder and said. "But if I have to choose between my freedom and Vishal then I will choose my freedom. Call me a b***h, I don't give a f**k about it. For me if love forces you to do something against your will then it's not love."

Something felt weird. How can she be so sure about love? I had also changed Rehan even though he never wanted to change. That doesn't mean I don't love him.

"No Tara. I don't agree with you. We always have a choice. Choice to change that person's mentality who is forcing us to do something. Maybe love is selfish. It pushes us to do anything, just to maintain the relationship and I must add every sacrifice for love is worth it; if it's in a right direction." I ranted to which Tara made a face and burst out laughing.

"Whatever. No one can ever beat you in the battle of words. But sweetie you do agree that you need to slack it up a little bit?" She asked.

Do I?

"Yeah. You need. Now come on. Let's head to the club tonight and have a blast Darling." She all of sudden screamed and gave me one of her mischievous look. I instantly shook my head.

Is she crazy? Club? And that too when Rehan is not in the right mood? No. I couldn't take a risk. He will for sure not like all this.

"Why? Huh? Please best friend....pretty please." She pouted and I smiled at her funny expression.

"No Tara. I can't and plus I also don't even want to go. I never liked this club and all." I explained but like Vishal, she just laughed at my face.

"Are you scared of Rehan? I know he's one hell of a possessive caveman types." She faked a shudder.

"He's not caveman. He's just err...possessive. That's it." I defended and punched her slightly on her shoulder. She rolled her eyes and muttered something under her breath.

"But my Vishal is so sweet. Sometimes I feel like I am more possessive over him." She laughed and then looked at me for few seconds. "Thank you Mayra. A genuine thank you. If it was not you than I should have never found my Vishal back."

I smiled at her and for a minute I thought that how easily I and Tara has formed a bond of friendship. She might be little different from me, but I respect her thinking. Everyone's mind is unique in its own way.

"Please Mayra. Okay think like this, let's go and celebrate the start of our friendship."

"No Tara. I don't want to go." I mumbled under my breath with a deep sigh.

"Wait. I will take the permission from Rehan only." My eye widened at her and I shook my head in a no like any crazy person.

But by practically ignoring me, she took her cellphone and connected a call to Rehan.

My breath gets caught up in my throat. The level of nervousness was at its best. She's going to ask him? Oh no. H-He w-will get more a-angry.

Tara how can I explain you my relationship with Rehan? He's not what he fakes through his actions. He's not strong instead he is just a broken soul who is trying to survive his life. First I want to heal his broken wounds which he is hiding then only I want to think about my life. He is more important to me than going to any club and enjoying for few hours. My real enjoyment is with him. Only him.

And Tara you said about freedom, right?

But how easily you forgot that this freedom and enjoyment in clubs, parties...are only till we are young. Then what? Life is too long to survive alone. On those times when I'll be all old thinking that when will death come to me, I want to be with someone to feel, till my last breath instead of being on death bed and remembering all those fun of my young age and who knows I might get weak memory and forgot about all my fun and young life. Then what? At that moment I will need a hand to hold and a shoulder to lean on instead of anything else.

"What do you want Tara?" A deep annoyed voice came from the other side of the phone and instantly Tara scowled.

"At least you can do is to say hello or hey." She replied.

"Come to the damn point. I don't have enough time to listen your bullshit." He yelled in frustrated voice and just as I was hoping that he will yell something again, Tara asked in a low whisper which only resulted into silence from both side.

"Can Mayra go to club with me?"

Breathe in. Breathe out.

"Rehan? I asked you something."

"Yes. She can go and do whatever she wants after all who the f**k I am to stop her?" His reply came in surprisingly calm tone which only hurts me more.

He will not stop me? He never liked me to go anywhere alone?

"You sure Rehan? I mean there could be many pairs of eyes in the club who would not let go of a single chance to look at your wife in such a dress which will expose a hell lot of her skin." I gasped at her words and found that she's doing all this purposely to ignite jealousy into him which I know he will never going to feel for me. I mean why would he when he already hates me?

No response came for his side. After throwing a wink at me, Tara thought for few seconds before saying anything else.

"Anything could happen in the club. Who knows a hot guy would came to your wife and ask her for a dance. Then your wife being f*****g innocent, she will accept his offer and soon on the dance floor that hot guy would have his arms wrapped around your wife's waist. Then in a swift moment, his hand will reach up to her bare shoulder and next..." Like a fuel she let out her words to which I scrunched up my nose in disgust.

Dance and that to anyone else apart from my Rehan? Not a chance.

"Sir the file you said..." Another female voice came from his phone. Maybe of any employee who had come into his cabin.

"OUT NOW." He yelled in a murderous tone to which my body froze. He must be angry due to Tara's word.

"Looks like my plan is working. Your husband is walking on a thin line of jealousy. Poor employee, she was victim of the bomb which is soon going to be explode as I will continue further." Tara whispered in extremely low tone and giggled. I just pressed my eyes closed, knowing nothing how to react at this.

"Mhmm so where I was. Yeah right, then his hand keeps on crawling till it reaches the bare back of your wife. And your wife being completely naive, she'll get little uncomfortable but soon dash her discomfort when she'll notice the friendly smile that hot guy would be faking. They both will dance to the beats of some dirty lyrics and soon that guy will start bringing his face closer till it would be only inches apart from your wife's face." My face flushed as she continued with her stupid story.

"STOP. JUST f*****g STOP TARA. SHE'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE. GOT IT? JUST GIVE THE DAMN PHONE TO HER, RIGHT NOW." He yelled through the phone and while at one place where I was sweating, Tara was trying her best to control her laughter.

She batted her eyes innocently and pushed her cellphone towards me. I licked my lips nervously and with shaking fingers, I grabbed the phone.

"H-Hello?" I said after turning the loudspeaker mode off and attaching the phone near my ear.

To my periphery I found Tara showing her thumb and mouthing 'all the best.' I do need luck. This is the first time I am going to talk to him after a whole month. I walked towards the balcony, completely away from the place where Tara can heard a bit.

"I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT WHETHER YOU GO TO SOME CHEAP CLUB AND w***e YOURSELF AROUND IN SHORT CLOTHES OR f**k SOMEONE. ALL I WANT YOU IS TO REMEMBER THAT IN FRONT OF THIS WHOLE WORLD, YOU STILL ARE MY WIFE. SO JUST CONTROL YOUR INNER s**t TILL WE GET DIVORCE, OFFICIALLY."

Tears welled up in my eyes and I clenched the cellphone tighter in my hand. At this moment I felt nothing else then disgusted by his sick words.

Why it always happens like this? Why? Whenever I feel like everything's good then something happens. Something terrible.

Divorce? Where did that came from?

"D-divorce? W-Why?"

"The reason for which you have married me is now over then...Don't you want a divorce?" His voice came in unsure tone which sounded almost broken.

"Are you okay?" I asked and he chuckled dryly.

"Will you go to the club?" He questioned back.

"No."

"Then I am completely okay." His response caused a huge smile to drop on my lips.

"I mean...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME? Listen Mayra, please this time I am begging you to stop playing games with me. You've got whatever you wanted, now please just leave me alone. Stop making it difficult for me. I want to forget about you. I don't have enough strength to feel something strange towards you again and again when I know very well that you are nothing but just a lie."

My heart almost jumped into the pit of my stomach. The tears which were filled in my eyelids formed their way.

"Will you ever talk to me Rehan?"

"Am I doing already?"

"No. Not on phone."

"I don't know. I-I don't know how to talk to you without looking into your eyes and the moment I look, I know I will lost it. Your eyes only reminds me that you've broken my trust." He breathed out and I pressed my lips together to control my trembling lips.

"Do you really think that I'll do something like that?" I asked.

He laughed half heatedly and then after few seconds of plain silence, he replied. "I do."

"Oh..."I felt myself going out of words. What if he said that he don't? But why would he when I had spent enjoying those time with my parents when he needed me the most?

"I am going to end the call...o..Kay?"

"Okay."

But he didn't. He didn't ended the call. We held the phone near our ear in itching silence. The only sound exchanged between us was our rapid breathing. And just like that I realized that maybe one day everything will be alright. I don't know how but I know one day, maybe it would take some time but for sure everything would be normal between us.

Seconds passed into minute but nothing changed. No words were exchanged but soon the empty silence faded into comfortable one. I smiled and cut the call. Then quickly pull out my cellphone from my pocket and after putting Tara's phone aside, I composed a message through my phone.

Me:

Don't think that I've ended the call because there were no words exchanged between us but I did so because you need time. Time to realize that the sometimes truth is not what it seems like. Who knows there might be any different story? And Rehan you said that you don't want to look into my eyes, right? No problem. We can talk without looking to each other. This message function in mobile is great, isn't it? ;)

From,

Mayra Malhotra (Your wife.)

I tapped on the send button and closed my eyes, waiting impatiently for the reply although I was 99% sure that he will not reply back.

Exactly ten minutes later, my cellphone popped with message notification. My heart raced up and excitingly I read it.

Rehan:

I hate you. I really hate you for what you did to me. I know that you've lied to me from the start but see, still here I am feeling f*****g ecstatic after reading your message. You want to know why? Well because of you mentioning your name as ' Mayra Malhotra' instead of ' Mayra Saxena." And that 'Your wife' thing also.

But still it doesn't compensate the fact that I hate you.

From,

Rehan.

You say you hate me? But your message sounds otherwise. You really hate me or you are convincing yourself that you hate me?

Me:

I am Mayra Malhotra and will always be.

From,

Mayra Malhotra (Your wife, forever.)

Rehan:

However I love proving you wrong with you being my wife till forever. I need to go and concentrate on my work since you've already snatched an important project from me, for your father's company. So I should need to work before I go bankrupt by who knows which plan you are plotting next.

From,

Rehan.

I laughed at his message and texted him bye to which no reply came. Trying to suppress the huge smile on my lips, I entered into my room and my eyes went wide.

"Tara?" I called out her name and blinked to process that why my bed was covered with dresses and makeups?

"You love Rehan?"

I nodded.

"You want to solve everything between you two?" I nodded again whilst wondering that what she's up to?

"Good. I have an awesome plan. We are going to make your husband jealous and for that all you have to do is to wear something smoking hot and come to club with me." She suggest with a wide grin.

"No Tara." I said flatly. She rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Mayra. This isn't any fairy tale that everything will be good at the end of the day. This is freaking reality and here you have to play your cards for making everything well. For once trust me."

I sat at the corner of the bed in defeat. Rehan doesn't want me to go to club. He will get angrier. But what's harm in following Tara's word?

"What if...." But before I can say anything further, she gave me a look to shut up.

"Okay then." She smiled widely and patted my shoulder.

"He will definitely come there, the second he gets to know that you've gone to the club." She said giving me mischievous smile and I nodded absentmindedly.

Why you can't say no to anyone, Mayra? You should have said no to Tara. I know this all will not end up good.