Addicted

19

MAYRA'S POV

My legs automatically stopped working as I saw something unusual in this house. Since the day I've stepped here, I've always seen a room near the corner which remained locked. But today, it was open. Strange. Is Rehan had unlocked that door? But what could be inside that it was locked from so long? For feeding my curiosity, I decided to go inside the room and have the answer of my questions.

The first thing which I noticed after entering inside was Rehan who stood in the middle with his back facing me. As I shifted my gaze towards the surrounding, my eyes went wider in surprise. This room was not an ordinary one but every wall was full of pictures hanging over them. Not even a single space was free.

I took a step closer to the wall only to have a clear view. There were the pictures of a girl maybe in her earlier twenties. She was indeed beautiful, more beautiful than any other girl whom I've came across. Moving to next, there was the same girl but this time with her pregnant belly. But when I saw another one, my face paled. In that picture Rehan was also present and his palm was pressed again her baby bump.

What?

Unknown fear started shivering up my spine with the only question that who was this girl and why my Rehan was with her? What if Rehan had a past with her but then why he had her pictures locked up in this room?

As the various questions started invading my mind, my heart begun shattering. I know it was wrong of me to feel this jealousy after all since very long I've my mind set that these emotions only destroy relations but what about my heart? I maybe a psychologist but still I've a heart of an ordinary woman. That heart which loves Rehan more than anything else. What if Rehan wants to go back with her? He will leave me? I-I...

"Mayra?" His voice pulled me back to realize that he had sensed my presence and was looking at me. I let my eyes to meet his and then what I saw was almost heart breaking. His face was reflecting deep agony, vulnerability. His eyes were red and moistened. Faded tears were easily visible in his eyes.

And at that moment, I was scared.

I was scared of whatever the past he had. My brain no longer holds the curiosity to solve the mysteries he held because deep down now I've found that his past will destroy our new formed relation. His demons were strong enough to reflect their darkness even though I don't know a bit about them.

"So I guess you've finally saw the half truth about me?" All I did was to take a step back. No. I couldn't take it. I couldn't watch my world falling apart. I couldn't hear him confessing that he's going to leave me for this girl. I am not strong enough to fight my heart to calm down and witness him with someone else.

"Time, I n-need time..." I said in throaty voice and quickly turned around, not being able to hold an eye contact with him.

I need time to accept the pain. If he wants to be with someone else than I will let him. His happiness is all I care about but first I need to adjust the pain which was going to last forever. I need time to let him go.

Even after all the reluctance, my eyes still fell upon the various pictures. In most of them, they were together. There was nothing but happiness reflecting from them. Letting my tears silently roll down, I moved my heavy steps forward.

"Can I ask you for something, Mayra?" I nodded absentmindedly at his question without even looking back and ignoring his void tone.

"Leave me." And that's what all my heart needed to feel nothing but emptiness. With his only two words, Mayra was long gone and was replaced to someone who was breaking due to her heart break. I turned around and watched him intently but this time it was he who was looking everywhere but me.

"You should have told me from the start, maybe then it wouldn't have hurt this much to let you go." I voiced out my only thought. The only thing I want now was to hide my face into his comforting arms till the sun forget to rise again.

He clenched his eyes shut and after regaining his composer, he took a slow steps towards me. I shook my head and again turned to leave before my heart decides to stay with him, forever even though it wasn't possible. His cold fingers get wrapped around my wrist making my breath caught up. For a second we stayed like that until he decided to turn me around to face him. With my tears filled vision, I found him struggling to control something. But before I can process anything, he pulled me into the beautiful embrace of his arms. Each nerve of my body became alive. I stood there, simply with my arms craving to wrap them around him.

"Don't. Don't leave me. It hurts more than you would ever imagine to think my life without you." He said, burying his face in the crook of my neck. Shock was all I could feel after the words he had spoken. Even though my heart was breaking but still my heart bloomed with new hope.

"Max said that you'll leave me the second you get to know about my past." He said and pulled himself back to his initial position with his eyes fixed on the floor. With few of his sentence, everything again started coming back to that point where nothing makes sense.

First he wanted me to leave than he wants me to not leave but then again he said that Max had said something. But why he believed Max when he hates him? If he was already into another girl who was pregnant with his child then why he said that it will hurt him, if I will leave him?

I wiped my tears with the back of my hand and cleared my mind till it became empty. I am going to ask him everything today even if it means feeling more pain. If it was going to be our goodbye then I want to know the reason by him only, not by what my eyes had seen. Who knows, maybe that reason will give me little strength to be apart from him?

"Will you tell me everything, Rehan?"

"If I will tell you everything then you would also leave me alone, like everyone else." He said in a weak voice. I blinked twice before everything clicked together. My lips parted in shock. How can I make those assumptions? Why haven't I thought this earlier?

Leave me alone, like everyone else. It was the same sentence he always used to say which means...Oh my god. My eyes went wider as a huge realization hit me.

The girl in all these photographs was no more? Yes. Otherwise why he would have married me after all she could be his love?

All the earlier thoughts faded in the air and was replaced with guilt. I am sorry Rehan for judging you like that. I don't have any idea that from which mental and emotional pain you're going through. I took one deep breath and cupped his face to make him look at me.

"Rehan you can show me all the scars you've hidden from the world even they were dark enough but still nothing could change my feelings for you. I am not going to leave you, no matter what." I said looking straight into his eyes. He chuckled bitterly as if he was challenging me but soon he sighed and sat on the floor.

"Can I hold your hand?" He asked and I placed my arms forward with a small smile. He interlocked our fingers together and pulled me into his lap. My cheeks burned red as he placed a lingering kiss on my forehead.

"When I was a year old, my father remarried a Woman after the death of my mother. My father never liked my mother so eventually he ended up hating me. My step mother was also like my father, she also hated me with passion. Hatred was the first emotion I've learned as a child. For them I was just a scumbag who was nothing but a burden. They never held a single conversation with me, neither did they show any warmth towards me. But in spite of all, I had someone. My step sister who was two years younger than me but was were more like real sibling. She was always adored by our parents but I was happy for her. Because she deserved happiness, unlike me." He spoke with enough grief in his eyes that I lived my past again with him.

I can feel the pain he had gone through, even worse than mine. At least I believed in orphanage that I don't have parents but he, he had felt the hatred his parents offered. I craved for my parents but he had craved for their love.

His grip on my palm loosened as his fingers started shivering. I interlocked our fingers together and he closed his eyes shut when he parted his lips to continue.

"Everything was going less painful until I was ten." His face broke down into worst kind of pain.

"O-One day she found a g*n from our father's room as he was in crime branch, he might have brought the g*n home. Riya, my sister came to me and excitedly placed that g*n in front of me. I warned her many times that our father will get angry if he find out that she had touched his important stuffs but she ignored me and pressed the g*n next to my forehead just like we'd seen in the movie. I nodded in excitement and told her to pull the trigger. She did but nothing happened. Then it was my turn to follow her action but when I pressed the g*n next to her head and pulled the trigger, everything went stilled after a loud sound."

I froze in shock and goose bumps became alive on my skin. H-He was the cause behind the death of her sister?

"I killed her. The pain, fear, guilt, self-hatred, anxiety I felt that day was still alive in my heart. Her smiling face just before I pulled the trigger, always came into my mind. How much I wish that she was alive today. She was innocent, it was me who deserved to die not her. I killed her, I killed my sister who was the one to never hate me." He shuddered and started struggling for breath. I was in shock to react in any way but yet he continued.

"When my parents found out about her death, they were devastated. My step mother told me that I was a monster who killed her daughter because I was jealous of her. I swear Mayra I know I had killed her but I was never jealous of her...N-Never. Both of my parents hated me already but after that incident, everything changed...every single f*****g thing. What started with a single smack lead to constant beating on me by my father. He started finding reasons for unleashing his anger on me. But I never complained not now also because deep down I know that I deserved it. I deserved to suffer. Everyday my morning started with their constant blaming and ended up with my father beating on me. I don't call it a***e because it was all what I deserved. f**k I deserve more badly than that-"

I placed my palm over his lips to stop him from saying anything more. My chest rose up and down, struggling to breathe. It was enough that my heart can take in one stroke. Tears welled up in my eyes as I saw the broken look crossed over his face. He was holding his emotions, he was in pain but still he was not reflecting it.

"Let it go." I murmured and that's when he took a deep look of my face before exhaling a breath he was holding from so long. As I removed my palm from his lips, I found them trembling. Plain salty tears rolled down to his cheeks but he tried his best to hide them by turning his face away. I shook my head and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Sometimes we just need a good cry. Let everything go, cry as much you can, curse and blame as much you want but remember this is the last time you're going to think about that accident as your own fault." I said and rubbed his back as he let out his tears, silently.

He had gone through this much? First the blame on him for the death of his sister then physical a***e? Tears stung to my cheeks after having the thought that through which mental turmoil he had gone. His soul was broken by his own family? His tears fell on my shoulder making my heart clench in pain. How he had gone through this much? If anyone was else at his place then they might have already given up. Rehan has no idea that how much strength he has to tolerate all this.

"Do you want to know, who was the girl in these photographs?"