Four
1157 Words
I should have told you how beautiful your eyes are every morning as you wake up. How they shine bright like diamonds, making me stare at you with full attraction. That eyes that blink wonderfully together. That tantalizing pair of crystals that curve every time you smile or laugh. That eyes which shed a lot of tears because me. That eyes which you promised never to look at me again.
I should have hold those hands as tight as I can, I shouldn't have let them go. Those delicate hands, so soft they can actually make me sleep by just touching my hair strips. I should have crossed my fingers unto yours and made you feel that I'm always here for you. That I'm always willing to stay by your side through thick and thin. I should have caressed them more whenever you're not in the mood, as to make you feel that everything will be alright as long as we're together. I should have hold those hands more just before you let go of mine.
I should have sang songs for you. Songs that could have touched your heart before you sleep. I should have sang lullabies for you, or mellow songs, or even hard cores. Songs that you should have requested me to sing. I should have whispered melodies unto your ears, making you feel comfortable with me. I should have used my voice to complete your day, because I know that even how terrible my voice is, it could have made you happy.
I should have written poems and prose for you. I should have dedicated my writings for you because I know that that's what you ever wanted. I should have made you my only subject, my inspiration. You've always been that one person beyond each words and phrases, I just didn't say it to you. And I should have told you about it.
I should have given you my time and effort because I know that's all you need. I should have sent you a lot of text messages and f*******: chats. I should have told you a lot of funny jokes and corny pick up lines. I should have called you more often and let you know how much i miss you every second that you're not by my side. I should have asked you to come with me to watch movies, or go to amusement parks or simply eat in fast food chains. I should have told you to come over my place, cooked food for you and cuddle with you until the sun sets. I should have made you happy by just simply being happy with you beside me.
I should have told you how much I love you, not just in words but also through actions. I should have made you feel what my heart feels for you. I should have not kept everything to myself and let my pride eats me up. I should have hugged you when you are down, and kissed you when you needed it. I should have love you more than what I did. I should have appreciated all your efforts, all your care and all your love for me. I shouldn't have let you go. I know I've been so stupid. I shouldn't have been that stupid.
If ever I'm given the chance to do all those things to you, this time, I'll be the best boyfriend you could ever have. Please, come back...
AFTER TWO YEARS..
"Wooo okay, you know what sound f*****g awesome? forgetting everything! I want to be distracted by everything! I hate crying alone, I hate every song that plays, l hate how l look around and just reminds me of my ex, and screw time, I just want to like do whatever!
I don't know whatever stage this is but lets jump off cliffs and rooftops and fly in the sky!!! I wanna do stupid s**t like shoot fireworks at each other or see how fast l can ride a shopping cart at 3am in a middle of a busy intersection! this feeling is like a big "f**k it" and l'm afraid of a lot of things, and you know what; although the guilt part is somewhat still there lets jump off high places and s**t and learn parkour or something.
I always said i'll never be that person who wanted a rebound, but goddamn does the idea sound like a good idea 'part of me can't believes I'm agreeing and another part of me is like, "f**k it" ' rebounds to distract the pain? maybe so. I'ts like alcohol to distract the pain? I will nod furiously 'yes' at it. I think what scares me the most is how I came committed to one thing like this and for it to be gone.
I get why people are closed off after these things. Love is like a d**g, and getting hurt is like forcing someone to stop like doing that particular d**g and pushing them into healing when the horrible relapse/addictive tendencies are still there fresh in the mind 'along with the withdrawal and such '. I guess I overdid it and wore my heart out on a chain, around my neck, but now it's missin'. never again will l feel like could l fall in love, well i mean lets be honest, who am I to be in love now.
You know what would be funny to do? blow something up! or stand in the middle of a very violent storm! that would be sick!! rent a motel or whatever and just drink my heart out with my friends! its been wayyy too long since ive been drunk and that could be soon that l break that. anything dangerously stupid but fun, l want to do it! I WANT to be distracted so bad to some point of no return?
I mean what better way for myself to always be "smiley okay" and f*****g s**t is to distract myself on e v e r y t h i n g ? great idea!! no more depressed, guilty, suicidal and especially. heartbroken man, time for four cans on redbull to chug and go do something f*****g stupid! I want to live a life from a new perspective, this might be it and if being depressed was an olympic sport, oh man, would I win. but no, not anymore. f**k crying, f*****g listening to every love song or heartbreak song, f**k being depressed, f**k everything!!"
Natigilan si Griffin ng mag ring ang cellphone nya, nagdalawang isip pa sya kung sasagutin ito o pababayaan na lang na mag ring, hanggang sa magsawa ng tumatawag sa kanya. Pero sa huli sinagot nya na rin ang tawag.
""Yow K., napatawag ka?"
"Griff, favor! "
"Send me some details and give me one day ok! Sayonara."
Pinatay na nyang cellphone. saka tumayo at naglakad papasok ng banyo.
"Time to move.........on!"
?MahikaNiAyana
- Writer
