I Revolve Around You

SEVEN

Oriana's POV

Jeramaine was there leaning against the brick wall, watching anyone that passed by and sometime checking the time on his watch waiting for me, like we hadn't just broken up a few days ago. When I looked at him, it felt like all I can do is tell him everything that's been going on. Was it painful for him because he didn't know, or will it hurt him more if I tell him the truth. What's sure was that I couldn't bear the pain of hurting him myself. He trusted me, and I lied so many times. So many perfect lies that now I'm drowning to the point that it'd become too deep and I couldn't resurface anymore. When I'm finally close enough that he could sense me, he turned to look at me, with a smile on his face. A smile so alluring and calm that will always stay the same no matter how loud the sadness in his eyes were but no matter how much I tried to not see it, I still see it as clear as the love that flows in my blood, only for him. “You're still waiting for me...", I said almost asking as I looked at him. “You said you'll meet me here. You said it's okay and I told you I'm not giving up.”, he said, a smirk still on his face. “Okay let's go.", I said as I walked ahead of him, my head low, staring at the ground beneath me. He quickened his pace to catch mine and as we were walking side by side, his fingers brushed against my hand ever so lightly but I didn't pull away but neither did he try to hold my hand. I was disappointed but it was wrong to expect anything more from this because we were not anything anymore.

“See you later.", I told him and quickly went to class as we reached my classroom and with just a nod he left. No more hand squeezing, no more forehead kisses, no more hugs. Those little things that kept making me forget that I am not human and that I am not meant to be here for long. Maybe remembering was better than forgetting because if I was smart enough to just stay away from the beginning, I wouldn't have to risk so many heartbreaks. “You're really something aren't you?", Savannah said, claiming the seat next to me, her leg crossed over the other, her chin propped up on her left hand, her eyes piercing through me. “You're letting him be around you. Can't you see how miserable he looks because he can't actually be with you? Are you really stupid or are you just selfish?", she said as she slammed her hand onto the table as she stood up so forcefully, the chair tumbled to the floor behind her. She proceeded to flick her hair to the side and stride off to her own seat right before the bell rings. I looked up at Vanessa who was sitting in front of me and realising that she was watching me with the corner of her eyes but didn't say anything as if she was agreeing to what Savannah had said. I didn't want to cry so I just held onto the edges of my textbook as if I was holding the tears in my eyes from falling but I could only resist too much until in the end, drops of tears slowly fell onto the pages of my book as I kept my head engrossed in it trying to stop every muscle in me from shaking.

“Are you coming?", Vanessa asked. “You go on without me. I think I'm going to pass today's lunch.", I said and as I was about to leave the classroom, “You should stop being around Jeramaine. It's painful for him and painful for you. What's the point of breaking up if both of you refuses to move on? At least one of you should.", she said without even turning to look at me and just left out the door leaving me in my stand. I was stunned for a moment but what Vanessa said was right. What Savannah had said was right. Realising all the stares I got that morning because I was walking with my ex, everyone was right. Jeramaine still loved me but everyone else seemed to hate me now even myself. But maybe being hated was better because at least nobody will feel the lost of me. All that's left is to make Jeramaine hate me too but I'm not sure if I'm ready. I didn't want to face anyone yet, so I went to the school field. I chose my usual spot on the bleachers, watching the sky and feeling the cold breeze on my face, as they wiped my tear stained face and sometime hoping to see Jeramaine here. This was always his place when he needed some space to think but the field was completely empty. Maybe if I waited longer, he would realise that I'm not there and try to find me, I thought. I was actually waiting and there's nothing I wanted more than to see him here, at least for a little while even if its from far away, but lunch time was almost over and he was still no where to be seen. That was when I knew that he probably hated me too by now. As I turned and was about to leave, from the corner of my eye, in the shadows, I could see a glimmer of someone, from the other side of the field in the bleachers opposite mine. Jeramaine was standing there, his hands to his side, his eyes watching me. Just watching. I wanted to run to him right then and there but I didn't because I was scared that he would disappear. I was scared that this wasn't real and if it was just my imagination, I would want to stay in this dream, so instead I just stood where I was, as we watch each other from afar silently.

I didn't know what this feeling was. Waiting for him to show up was painful. Not being able to see him was painful but just as I was about to embrace the pain, he was there watching over me and it was still painful. Everything about him was painful now and I didn't know what I should do anymore. “You should go home early today. You don't have to wait for me at soccer.", Vanessa said when final period was over and she was packing her bag, to leave for the field. “Are you angry with me, Vanessa?", I mustered up the courage to ask. “No, Oriana. I just don't want to be walking on eggshells around your relationship with Jeramaine. I'd rather just avoid you than having to watch what I say because it might hurt your feelings.", she stated and left. Her face was stern but her eyes were sad. I knew it was hard for her seeing me like this because we were inseparable since the day we became best friends. I knew she would always be there to help me but maybe right now it's just too hard for her. I decided to pucker up for Vanessa. Seeing me so devastated was probably very painful for her too. So I was determined to wait for Vanessa until she was done with soccer and we could grab snacks after practice like we always do. When I reached the field though, I couldn't go any further, because Jeramaine was there sitting on the bleachers and Vanessa was sitting beside him. Both of their elbows were resting on their legs as they bent forward, watching the field, like best buds, talking about something, their face serious. Probably talking about me or about our relationship and it was not the right time for me to be there, because Vanessa was right, I didn't want to hear what they have to say because it might hurt me, so I left.

“A cup of camomile tea please, like you did the last time.", I said to the guy behind the counter as he asked for my order, his eyes on the register and his fingers ready to tap in my order. He looked up from the screen and his emerald green eyes met mine. Looking into his eyes, I knew that he recognized me. The psychotic girl who cried on the other side of the street that one time. “Of course.", he said as he gestured to an empty table. I chose my seat at one of the empty tables and propped my elbows onto the table and my chin onto my knuckles as I observe the wall beside me. A wall of sticky notes and pictures were placed onto the wall creating a tapestry of memories and confessions. I took the sticky note and a pen that was already on the table and started writing my own confession. 'I love you. I have loved you and I will always love you. -your Sun.', I wrote and placed it on the wall so that there's a piece of me behind on this Earth. “Another difficult day it seems?", he asked as he placed my tea in front of me. “Did you write something?", he continued and I nodded. “Let me tell you a secret then. If the note you wrote on this wall stays on the wall, it means your significant other will come here one day and write you a confession note too. And one day you'll be back here in this bakery together as a happy couple. Finally.", he said and for the first time, there was a slight smile on his face but sullen in his eyes. “I hope he comes so that I can finally tell him how much I love him.", I said softly almost to myself as I looked at the note that I had written. “..and thank you.", I continued as I turned to look at him and he nodded then left for the counter.

The wind outside was starting to get colder and colder everyday. It's going to be winter soon and winter is a depressing season to be so alone. Before we broke up, winter would've been our favourite season of the year because no matter how cold it might be, we we're always warm together. On weekdays before school, Jeramaine would still be waiting near the intersection for me. He would blow heat into his palm, and rubbing his hands together before he stuffs them in his jacket pocket. The pom poms dangling from his cozy winter hat looks cute on him as he paced back and forth trying to keep himself warm. When he saw me, his piercing grey eyes would light up, just like a kid waiting for his favourite toy. He would take both of my hands into his as he pulled them up to his lips to warm me, eventhough he knew that I never get cold but he did it anyway, when I should be the one who did it for him. As we walked to school together, he would hold my hand as he pulled it into his pocket and I was more then welcome to share him my heat. When there was no school however, we would spend the rest of the day in his apartment. We would be in our sweaters and sweatpants, making hot chocolate with marshmallows and sitting in front of the fireplace as I read my book while he laid his head on my lap, resting his eyes. Sometimes we would cuddle on his window ledge, my back leaning against his chest, his hands around my waist and his chin on my head as we played, “I spy with my two little beautiful brown eyes, something blue.". “,The car that just passed by?", he would say and I nodded in approval. “Then I spy with my two charming grey eyes, something beautiful.", he would say and I straightened up, turned to look at him and asked, “Is it me?". “Well I'm only looking at you at the moment.", he would say, grinning, his eyes teasing as he stares into my eyes that would trail to his lips from time to time. The game didn't last long after that though because we were busy from flirting and teasing to kissing and touching all the way to the bed. “We should stop.", he said as he rolled off of me when he realised that his hand was under my sweater trying to reach for my bra. I nodded as I stood up and started turning on Netflix so that we could get distracted and get back to just cuddling. Although, yes, we wanted it to happen but we didn't want to risk it because who knows what could happen.

“Are you not going home? The sun is about to go down. You've been here for hours.", the baker with the green eyes said, interrupting me from my reminiscent. I looked at him, then looked at the sky outside and realising all this while, all I've been doing is stirring the tea in my cup, recalling all the memories I had with Jeramaine. I jumped from my seat as I grabbed all of belongings and ran to the entrance. That was a close one. I would've been in so much trouble if I didn't make it in time. I was about to take my rest when I realised, my phone was not in my bag. I must've left it at the bakery, I thought and it was too late to go back now. For a moment, I was anxious thinking that Jeramaine would probably call me by now like he always would, to check in if I was home safely but then suddenly my anxiousness turned into sadness thinking that he probably won't call at all. He made it clear for me at the field, that we shouldn't be too close around each other by just standing there from afar, looking over at me as if he was bidding me goodbye and he made it absolutely clear to me the next day, when he was not waiting for me at the intersection anymore. Yesterday was definitely a goodbye then. I didn't want to believe that our promises were made for us to break them. “You said you can't live without me. You said you can't pretend like we don't know each other.", I muttered under my breath before I closed my eyes, shook my head and looked up at the sky trying to keep my tears from falling. That was when I got a tap on my shoulder and I turned around, eager to see Jeramaine behind me, 'he was just a little late', I thought but then I realised it was not Jeramaine. I sighed. “You left your phone at the bakery yesterday.", he said as he handed me my phone and turned to leave before I could say thank you or even asked for his name. I quickly checked my phone afterwards, searching for any calls or messages from Jeramaine but there was none. “Aahh...", I exclaimed, as my heart ached. He could at least tell me that we won't be doing this anymore.

“I saw Jeramaine like 15 minutes ago and you were not with him. I guess you actually listened to me.", Savannah said as I stepped to class. I was going to listen but I was also expecting that Jeramaine would keep his promises so that I could convince myself that listening to them wasn't going to keep us apart. Now I guess I was wrong. “Are you okay?", Vanessa asked her face calm and her eyes were finally warming up to me. “I'm fine.", I lied. I sighed a heavy breath. “It was all for the better. You were right.", I said as I mustered up the courage to pull a smile on my face. “Oriana, I...", Vanessa started but before she could finish, the bell rings and our history teacher walked in for first period. But all the while I couldn't concentration on my favorite subject of all because all I could think about was the fact that Jeramaine didn't wait for me on purpose. At lunch, I was searching around for him and he was not at our table but he was sitting at his old table at the end of the cafeteria, eating alone just like the time before we were all friends.

“I thought you two ended on good terms. Why the sudden change of heart, Oriana? Why would you do that?", Devorah asked, her face was flushed with worry. I did? I wasn't the one who broke my promises, I thought. “Can we not talk about this? What's done is done.", I said, as I poked my Vitagen with the straw aggressively, feeling a little bit frustrated and disappointed. “Is it okay to let him eat by himself like that?", Micah asked to no one specifically as he nudged Jordan with his elbow. “He was fine all alone without us to begin with. I don't think we have to worry that much. Just give him time. He'll come around. He's probably just sorting things out for himself.", Vanessa said as she picked the crumbs from the edges of her bread with her nails. “Vanessa stop picking your bread.", Doloris said, interrupting Vanessa from her haze. “You okay though?", Jordan asked, his hand squeezing her shoulder. “Yeah,.. I'm just pretty busted from soccer yesterday. I had a long run.", she said as she brushed Jordan's hand off her shoulder leaving Jordan with disappointments across his face that he quickly tried to hide by stuffing his face with his sandwich. I looked over at Jeramaine between other tables and the constant passing of the students, I caught his eyes but only for a split second because he refuses to keep his gazes on me any longer.

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End of chapter

*Author's note: Hey everyone!! So what are your thoughts. Jeramaine was so sweet to still wait for Oriana at the intersection, but why was he suddenly acting so distant later? Did someone get into his head? Do you really think Jeramaine had given up on her?