Collateral Damage |+18|

8. I'm getting too old for these games.

I'm getting too old for these games.

Defne.

I leave my tray with my lunch on the table and take a seat, watching in amusement as Levi and Kass argue. They're so engrossed in what they're talking about that they haven't even noticed my presence.

"Defne!" She finally notices me, but before I can respond to her greeting, she says in an intense tone, "Tell Levi how wrong he is."

"About what?"

"Do you know Kris?" Levi asks, looking at me.

"The new guy from accounting?" I say immediately. They look surprised that I know who he is. I omit to tell them that I know of his presence because his arrival was a relief to me. I'm no longer the new kid, so I'm no longer a curiosity. Now he is the center of attention. So... thank you, Kris.

"Kacey wants to set him up with her cousin."

"Okay" I slowly sip my drink, looking from one to the other without understanding the problem here.

"He's gay, Defne" Levi says in a bored tone, looking at me with an expression that pulls a smile from me. He looks as if the whole situation is obvious and it exasperates him that only he has the intelligence and wisdom to notice it.

"He's not" Kass refutes.

"I tell you he is," our partner insists.

"I've seen him looking at asses," Kacey says, surprising me because it's the most vulgar vocabulary I've ever heard her say. Levi usually brings out the worst in her, though, so it's really not that strange.

"Big surprise, everyone looks at asses" he rolls his eyes dramatically. "Would he have to look at only p*****s for you to accept that he's gay?"

"Nobody looks at p*****s" I add.

"You'd miss what I've seen people look at, my dear sweet Def" Levi tells me with some pity and I know he's calling me naive inside. "I'm keeping you from making a fool of yourself, Kacey. Take it from me, the man is gay. Pair him with a cousin if you want, but not your cousin Lily."

"Why don't you just ask him about his sexuality?" I suggest, finding the most feasible solution.

Kacey looks at me in alarm.

"No, how can you say that? We don't know him that well. What if he's someone susceptible and, in asking him, I touch a nerve by implying either he's gay or straight?"

"And you don't go around asking about other people's sexuality, Defne."

"Why not? Life would be so easy if we were direct and honest, unafraid of the truth. We'd save ourselves a lot of suffering."

"That sounds like personal experience to me, Defne. What happened to you?" Levi looks at me with those prying eyes of his.

I bite into my sandwich to buy time.

"Tell us" Kass joins in.

"I would have to have a few drinks on me to tell you" I start. "And I'm not enough..."

"Perfect!" Levi interrupts me. "Drinks after work and we have your confession. Bon appetit, my women."

And he leaves, denying me the chance to refuse his offer.

I look at Kacey, but she just shrugs, as if to say "no other choice."

God, sometimes I hate them.

|...|

Hiding behind a huge printer, I watch Kris from a careful distance.

The guy is handsome and outgoing. He has a pearly smile that he flashes at every person who approaches him. He is friendly with both guys and girls, without exception. He is quite masculine, but that doesn't tell me anything regarding his s****l inclination. He doesn't necessarily have to be feminine to be homosexual, there are masculine guys who are homosexual, which is perfectly fine because the two don't go hand in hand. So how do I help Kacey without doing what I want to do, which is to go right out and ask him?

As an idea is already forming in my head, the phone vibrates in my hand.

I answer when I read his name on the caller ID.

"Miss Sinclair, shouldn't you be at your workstation right now?" He says in my ear, which makes me blush. Not because he's caught me off guard and I think he's angry, because he's not. It's because of his tone, with that accent that causes things in my gut. And let's add to that his low, husky, slow voice, as if he purposely expects me to blush. Matheo Slade can be a seducer when he sets his mind to it and right now he's setting his mind to it.

"I'm in the bathroom" I half lie, as I was in the bathroom, I just went a little out of my way at the last second.

"Defne, I've been waiting ten minutes for you and you haven't come. Unless you have a female emergency and...."

"No, it's not that" hell, why am I so bad when I try to think of credible excuses? Why can't I think of something that isn't embarrassing? "It's okay, nothing happened to me. I'm just... I'm being a bit of a stalker in the accounting area. I'm hiding behind a printer."

"What?"

"You see, I'm keeping an eye on the new guy in accounting. You know, that dark-haired guy with the cute smile? I happen to want to know if..."

"I'm not liking the direction this conversation is going."

"I need to know whether or not he likes women."

"Defne" he almost growls. "You're making me seriously consider firing all the men in the place and sticking to women only. First Levi and now..."

I open my eyes wide at the realization of what he thinks and when that plants itself in my brain, I laugh, covering my laughter with my hand to keep it from being heard.

"Take that hand away from your mouth, Buttercup, I want to hear you laugh, even if it's at my expense."

"I'm not interested in it, it's for a cousin of Kacey's."

"Thank God" I hear him say. "Wait for me, I'm on my way."

I put my phone in the pocket of my dress and look at my prey again. I can't help but feel that knowing his s****l orientation has become personal. I don't want Lily to get her hopes up for him if she has no hope.

"And what are we doing here?" There comes a whisper in my ear, his hand moves down my lower back until he grabs me by my waist.

I turn to look at him with a smile on my lips.

It's the first time we've spoken in person after I slept over at his apartment three days ago. That night after he bought me some ointment for my wound, we chatted some more and went to sleep each in separate rooms. It was obvious that my battered body would not accept anything else. Also, I feel like we both came to a silent agreement that we accepted that we were moving too fast.

We have since texted and sent each other little glances from afar. Also, we've each been immersed in our jobs. So yeah, I hadn't seen him that close... until now, when he's right in front of me, stealing all my attention.

Then I start talking.

"I want to know if Kris is gay or not. If he's not, Kacey wants to introduce him to her cousin Lily. She saw him leaving the company yesterday when she came to deliver some papers Kass had left at home. She was immediately smitten. Levi says he's gay, which we're not sure about. I suggested asking him directly, but they're afraid of hurting feelings and...."

"And I've never heard you say so many words since I met you" he interrupts me, raising his hands to gently silence me. "I get what you want, but why is this so important to you?"

Because I spent months in a relationship with a jerk who used me as a cover to hide his homosexuality and I don't want anyone else to go through that. So yes, I'm taking this personally.

Of course, I don't tell him that. Instead, I blurt out a: "I want you to show him your penis."

Matt looks at me silently, his face completely blank, expressing nothing, absolutely nothing to tell me what my words have caused him.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Kris stand up and I praise the fate that is in my favor when I see him walk straight to the bathroom.

I lift Matt by the elbow and silently push him also towards the bathroom as I say towards him, in a whispering voice: "Go, show him your penis."

"Defne..."

"Please" looking around, I move him and lean him against a small gap in the path that hides us a little from the others. "Go and do what men do in the bathrooms."

"And what would that be?"

"Use the act of urinating to show off their p*****s!" I whisper, sticking close to him as I look at him and say in a pleading voice, "Go, stand next to the urinal he's using and draw your sword. Please, Matt..."

"Defne..." he stares at my lips.

"If he stares at you, according to Levi, then he's gay."

Matt runs his hands over his face, up and down, snorting a laugh somewhere between incredulous and amused, as if he can't believe me.

Indeed, he says so.

"I can't believe you."

"Please!" And grabbing him by the lapels of his jacket, I push him toward the bathroom.

Before the door closes, I think I hear him say: "What I do for you."

I return to the small gap to hide and after what feels like an eternity, Matt returns, walking patiently towards me.

"¿And?" I ask.

He keeps his hands in his pants pockets and looking to the side, whispers: "Sometimes I really want to kill you."

"Matt!"

"When I did the act of urinating, as you call it... he looked at my p***s" he nods with lips tightly pressed together, giving me a dirty look. But because seconds before I had you pressed against me, looking at me with those beautiful eyes of yours and saying a whispered "please, Matt" that only led my mind to imagine you begging for my c**k, it's only natural that he looked, Defne."

"What?"

He takes my hand and presses it to his crotch, hard and swollen against the material of his pants.

"I was hard, so yes, my employee looked at my dick."

Instinctively, I squeeze it, drawing a grunt from him.

Quickly, he corners me, leaving his hands against the wall behind me and lowering his face to look at me.

"Now there's an employee out there, probably telling my staff that his boss had a hard-on in the bathroom for no apparent reason," he kisses the corner of my mouth. "See what you're doing to me?"

"I'm sorry" I laugh, looking at him with joyful eyes because of the fun of the situation.

My hand is still holding him, so I caress him again.

He drops his forehead on my shoulder and grunts unintelligible words against my skin.

When his hand drops to my waist and he grips me tightly, as if he's putting everything in him to control himself, I stop, knowing we're going too far.

We're at work, for God's sake.

Slowly, I pull his T-shirt out of his pants and let it drop, hiding the erection that was already impossible to conceal.

He watches me silently throughout, observing my hands and face, watching my every move and my reaction to him.

Finally, being satisfied with his appearance, I nod and lean up. I cup his jaw with my hands, move my thumbs through his beard in a caress and look him straight in the eyes, helping him calm down. Slowly, the more I caress him, the more his eyes clear again and the desire changes, melting into sweet, soft tenderness.

"Already?" I ask in a whisper, my thumbs moving around the corner of his mouth.

"I think I'm getting too old for these games."

"You're perfect."

Gently, I feel him move his hand across my ass until he gives me a quick squeeze.

"Come on, let's get back to work, love."

With my hands still on his jaw, I lean up further and kiss the tip of his nose, then turn and walk away.

It's when I reach my cubicle that I discover: I haven't stopped smiling the whole way.

And I don't stop for the rest of the day.