Collateral Damage |+18|

6. You haven't understood the extent to which you drive me crazy. [Part 2]

When I don't answer, she adds, "You despise me, so stop looking for me. You're my boss and I'm your employee, but I bet there are over five hundred employees you haven't even said a word to in years. Think of me as just another one of the bunch and leave me alone."

I wish it were that easy.

But it isn't.

And I just don't get it, I don't understand this maddening need I have for her. It's as if my mind, my heart and everything about me came alive as soon as I saw her. As if a glimpse of her blue eyes and that messy hair of hers activated something inside me, something that I myself had turned off.

It infuriates me, it infuriates me because she makes me lose control, because she makes me feel all these feelings that remind me of the old me, the screwed up kid who was used to getting what he wanted. The impulsive kid who almost ruined his own life because he thought he was more powerful and invincible than God himself.

I turned myself off, I took it upon myself to turn myself off so I wouldn't ruin my life again and she's turning me back on, at the speed of light and with all the volts that have the potential to light me up like the biggest Christmas tree in the f*****g country.

And I don't want that.

So I lash out, I lash out at her because I'm an asshole and because this girl is going to break the man I've worked so hard to be.

A f*****g twenty-three year old girl is beating me, look after look, fight after fight and lock after beautiful lock of curly hair, she's bending the unflappable man I put on top and replacing him with the old me.

I don't know what it is about her, I don't know if it's her reserved smile, the way her eyes give kindness to all, her temperament full of calm and fire at the same time, bowing to nothing. I don't know if it's the way she fights back, not giving in to me. Or I don't know if it's the way she fights to show what she's capable of despite the s**t I give her.

Or worse, I don't know if it's that hair, that f*****g hair that has me obsessed like nothing has ever obsessed me. Because it's her, her hair is a representation of her: a sweet, wild mess all at once. All in one package, one beautiful package that I want to inhale and take inside me.

And then it's not just one thing, it's all of her, everything she is, everything that makes her her. Her essence, her pure yet spicy aura. Everything about her has me obsessed, breaking my mettle and bending my pride.

God. God.

I'm losing my mind over a girl much younger than me who doesn't fit into the life I'd already designated I was going to have.

When I remain silent, staring at her without giving in to her request, she growls, bringing her arms to her sides, as exasperated as I am with this situation.

"Do you think I want this?" I finally blurt out, glaring at her, "Do you think I want to be obsessed with you?"

Her mouth drops open in surprise and I curse under my breath as forbidden images fill my mind. Images of her using that same mouth, in that same way, but this time taking inside her my....

"f**k" I whisper again, trying to get those images out of my mind because the last thing I need is for her to see me aroused right now.

"You're not obsessed with me."

"Are you sure?" I open my eyes and let her see into them, let her see the hunger I feel so she can take in what's going through my head herself.

She blushes, her face taking on a soft pink hue that runs down her neck and I'm sure reaches her breasts.

"You don't get involved with your employees."

"Worse, Defne, I don't get involved with women fourteen years younger than me" I finally get out a growl.

"You despise me" she says with confused eyes, looking at me with a wrinkle between her eyebrows, a wrinkle that I myself want to undo. "Is it about s*x?"

"Do you think if it was s*x I wouldn't have gotten it somewhere else by now?

"You despise me" she repeats again, that wrinkle deepening on her forehead. And her words affect me, stirring something I've never felt before, something that hurts deep, deep in my chest.

I can't take it anymore and in the blink of an eye I move closer. I tangle my hand in her hair and pull her to me. I run the tip of my nose in a caress across that frown on her forehead and then my lips land on the same spot, in a kiss so soft that even I myself can't believe those actions are mine.

Defne trembles, but says nothing. She remains silent and so do I, assimilating what I have just done. Assimilating this tenderness that I am capable of, tenderness and gentleness that I have not had with anyone. Tenderness that is new to me and is hers alone.

"Are you sure it's contempt, Defne?" I whisper against her forehead as my fingers loosen a tiny braid on the side of her head.

"You hate me."

Taking strand by strand, I continue to comb through the tiny lock of hair, obsessing over the way it falls wavy, getting lost among the others.

"You bring out the worst in me," I agree, pulling my head back to meet her eyes, "But is it really the worst in me? Or was I so dead inside that I had even forgotten what it was like to live?"

Her mouth drops open again in surprise, pure and utter confusion on her face. And I lean in, needing to catch that mouth if only for a second, for one tiny bite. But before my teeth can catch her, Defne recoils, breaking free of my grip and looking at me utterly dumbfounded.

"No."

"Defne..."

"You've been a complete asshole to me, what the hell is wrong with you? Is that your way of showing your interest? Because I don't..."

"Defne..."

"No" she denies more emphatically. "You're an arrogant jerk who has questioned my job qualifications, just because... I don't even know why."

"I thought it was you who made the mistake, not Scarlett. I'm sorry, Defne, but yes, you are the new one, who is not yet familiar with the way we work here. So forgive me for doubting you when you were the person most likely to fail. And yes, I find it hard to believe that, being so young, you are so talented. You amaze me, do you understand that? But that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me and my lack of faith in people. And have I been a jerk about you?" I laugh, suddenly furious. "I don't know if you've ever heard of me and my reputation, Defne. But after the little scene you made that first day here in my office, if you had been anyone else, I would have fired you right then and there."

"I didn't do..."

"You didn't do anything wrong?" I ask, this time I'm the incredulous one. "Isn't doing an act of exhibitionism for your boss grounds for dismissal? Why don't you go and ask human resources and tell me what they think of your cute little act?"

"I..."

"And after watching you sneak out with Levi from that damn cleaning room when you should have been working," I remind her, my anger rising. "Believe me, if you were anyone else, I would have had you out of my company right then and there and out the back door."

"He and I..."

"Don't you finish that sentence, Defne, don't you dare," I mumble through my teeth, "You and him don't go in the same f*****g sentence ever."

"You're unbelievable" she gasps almost speechless, looking at me with big eyes.

"You're getting to know me, love" I flash her my cynical smile, the one that I know makes her angrier "Don't ignore me again, Defne, and all hell will break loose if I ever see you in another compromising situation with Levi. God knows you're my weakness and I couldn't hurt you even if I wanted to, but I don't give a s**t about Levi and I sure as hell won't care that he's one of my best workers when I decide to fire him."

"You wouldn't dare..."

I bite my bottom lip hard, staring at her, resisting the urge to reach out and eat that sassy mouth of hers with kisses.

"Then you haven't understood the extent to which you drive me crazy, Buttercup."

She looks at me obfuscated and, without another word, turns and I watch her grab the door handle to leave, running away from my confessions.

But it's Defne, she's the disaster-prone woman, the one who attracts tragedy and calamity like a magnet. So she grabs the handlebars at the same time Sebastian enters, opening the door with force. The wood bounces on her head, pushing her back.

With a livid face, I watch as Defne falls to the floor in a loud sound, a small piercing scream escaping her mouth.

And just at that instant, with panic invading me like never before, I realize that this girl has me totally and irrevocably in the palm of her hand.