Cloned (Book 1 of Vampire Trilogy)

Kabanata 44

Pain. Why is his eyes screaming pain? I don’t think I can look at it for another second. Don’t be fooled by him, Caith. Think of yourself.

“Hija, maybe you’re just affected by those dreams. It’s not true,” mahinhin ang boses ni Aunt Celia at halatang inaamo ako.

Hindi totoo. Hindi pa sa ngayon.

Umiling ako. I have already decided that I won’t leave with him. Tama. Kailangan kong protektahan ang aking sarili upang hindi ako tuluyang mahulog sa patibong. Isa pa, hindi nawawala sa isip ko ang mga napanaginipan ko. Mas apektado ako roon sa nakita sa kaniya kaysa akin. Ako alam ko sa sarili ko na pagkagising ko mula sa panaginip na iyon, hindi ko kailanman magagawang ibigay ang sarili ko sa ibang lalaki pero siya… Hindi ko alam. Hindi ako sigurado.

Magus is in love with Loren. That’s my sister and he’s been like this to me because for him, I am Loren. Sa una, oo, ginusto ko ito ngunit ngayon ay natatauhan na yata ako. Ngayon lang sumasaksak sa utak ko ang consequence ng pinili ko.

“Come on, wife. We left the castle by two, we should return as two,” hirap ang boses niya nang sabihin iyon at nagsusumamo ang mata.

He’s like that because he thinks I am Loren pero sakaling malaman niya na hindi, madali na lang sa kaniyang iwan ako.

“Hija…” Aunt Celia called me but I stayed looking at my enveloped hands.

“I… I just wanted to stay here for a while. I’ll send you someone once I feel like going back to the castle,” I whispered.

“But… I need you there. You’re my wife and so you should stay with me…”

I pinched my fingers to stop from being hook to his words.

I heard Aunt Celia’s sighed. When I look at him, he has this painful expression and tired one too.

“Let her be, Magus. I’ll send her home once she said that,” Uncle Von promised.

“I’ll go back here tomorrow. I hope you can change your mind,” his voice is dripping with sadness but I chose to ignore it.

I stayed at the room where we stayed. I watched him walk and enter the car while looking up to where I am. I am sure he can’t see me though. I sighed. Take some time to freshen your mind, Caith. You need to think what do you truly feels and what can you really do for the man you love. Kung handa ba ako na ipaglaban siya sakaling maging magulo ang lahat o pababayaan ko na lang na ipagpatuloy niya ang buhay niya kasama si Loren?

I really wanted to come home to him but the truth is, I don’t know whether he’s really my home or just a shelter that I can have for the mean time? I can still remember the truth that he is not mine.

“Hija, tell me if you need anything, okay?” Aunt Celia dropped by and gave me milk.

“I will tell Magus that you’re safe and are about to sleep,” she said before she left.

I have been here for a week. Magus tried to send me some letters and person who will assist me to get back but I still don’t want to. The first three days, he kept on coming and asking me to go back but I don’t think I still can. I don’t think… I am ready to be a masochist.

“I can’t bear to see him but I missed him,” I sobbed.

Magus… I depended on him too much that my day will not be complete without his kisses, his touch, his voice… his presence but this is still not the right time to go back to the castle. Hindi pa ako pwedeng bumalik na may agam-agam pa sa aking puso.

“Uncle Von…”

“Yes, hija? What is it? Have you decided to go back now?” namamag-asang tanong niya.

I smiled plainly and shook my head.

“Please, tell Magus that I don’t want to received anything from him anymore. I’ll go back but I just want to feel free for the mean time. I do not want his letter, those flowers, not even his presence. Those made me feel sicker.”

That made Uncle Von and Aunt Celia’s lips parted. I am looking to them from above; from the second floor while they are on the first one.

“H-hija…” Aunt Celia’s face looks so bothered but all I did is smile plainly and bid a goodbye before entering my room again.

I know he’s listening. I felt his presence and I really wanted for him to hear those words so he’d stop coming here and giving me roses. I do not want that.

I know it looks like I am too much. Para sa isang panaginip? Iyon ang iisipin nila. Maybe they are also thinking that I am selfish and sooner they might want to throw me outside for hurting their nephew but if they did, I’ll beg for them not to. I’ll beg until they will understand where I am coming from.

I expect them to question my decision but all they did is to give me a smile that encourage me to continue getting up every day when all I wanted to is to just stay in the bed and wait for death to come.

Too emotional and dramatic, Caith.

I walk towards where the painting has been placed and I caressed it with my hand. I smiled upon feeling the texture. It’s so soft. As soft as the feelings that I have for this painting.

“He betrayed you and still has the guts to paint you,” I murmured.

“He’s much more a monster than you,” dagdag ko pa.

Kinuha ko ang painting noong isang gabi at itinabi sa akin ngunit napansin ko ang sulat sa likuran noon. Halo-halong mga salitang masasakit na pinatutukuyan ang babae sa larawan. Kahit isa, walang sulat doon na nangangalit sa lalaking nagpabaya sa kaniya kaya niya nagawa ang ganoong klase ng kasalanan.

“If you have another life… I hope you don’t cross your path with him.”

I was about to take the painting again but I felt a sudden waive of pain inside me. It seems like I cannot breathe again. Walang gaanong hangin na pumapasok sa aking sistema. Nagsimulang manginig ang aking kamay at dumulas mula sa pagkakahawak sa painting. Nalaglag iyon na ikina-singhap ko lalo.

Mistulang pupulutin ko sana nang maramdaman ang pisikal na sakit na sumasagad sa kaibutaran ko. Sa tapat, sa bintana ay naroon ang salamin at kahit pa malayo ay kitang-kita kong muli ang dugong umaagas mula sa aking mata maging sa dalawang bakas ng kagat sa aking leeg. Malalim na malalim iyon at ang sakit ay parang sinaksak ako ng patalim ng ilang beses. Gayunpaman, walang makapapantay sa sakit na hatid ng dibdib kong parang pinipisil.

Bumukas ang pinto, malakas ang lagabag noon.

“Hija? What happened? May narinig akong bumags–“

Hindi na naituloy ni Aunt Celia ang sasabihin nang matanawan din ang reflection ko sa salamin kung saan ako nakaharap.

“–Oh goodness! W-what’s happening?”

Nanginginig ang boses niya at napuno ng pag-aalala ang mukha. Madali niya akong dinaluhan at nanginginig ang kamay na sinubukan na hawakan ang pisngi kong puno ng dugo na nagmumula sa aking mata.

Gustong-gusto ko magsalita ngunit hindi ko magawa dahil umiiyak lang ako dahil sa nadaramang sakit.

“A-anong nangyayari?” boses ni Unlce Von ang narinig ko sa aking likuran na agad akong kinabig at binuhat para maiupo sa kama.

“Von, what’s happening to her?” Aunt Celia’s voice is groggy.

“Send letters to Magus, Celia,” Uncle Von voiced out.

Aunt Celia is about to go but I hold her hand and shook my head.

“It’s… him…” I tried  my best to say that. Kahit hirap akong magsalita dahil sa kawalan ng hangin.

Mukhang hindi nila nauunawaan iyon. Sa huli ay pinakinggan nila ang pakiusap ko kapalit ng pagtigil ko sa pag-iyak ngunit hindi nila naiintindihan na nag dugong iniluluha ko ay hindi lumalabas dahil sa pag-iyak ko. Na ang dugo sa leeg ko ay hindi isang kababalaghan.

“Hija… what happened? N-naguguluhan ako sa nangyayari sa iyo. Are you cursed? Is this the first time this happened?”

Sunod-sunod ang mga katanungang ibinato sa akin ni Uncle Von matapos na humupa sa paglipas ng higit kinse minutos na pagluha ko ng dugo at pagdurugo ng leeg ko. Nawala na muli roon ang bakas ng pangil na kanina ay kitang-kita rin mismo nila.

“You should tell us what happened, hija. Your husband will surely end up insane if he found out about this,” anito.

Mapait akong ngumiti kasabay ng paglukob ng sakit sa aking sistema. Will he be? Why would he? Is there a reason for him too? I am bleeding because of him.

“That happens whenever I feel sad. That’s just me,” mahinang paliwanag ko.

Hindi ako sigurado kung mapapaniwala ko ba sila sa sinabi ko.

“I’m sorry for the painting,” pag-iiba ko sa usapan nang makita ang painting na nasa lapag pa rin at ‘di na nabigyang pansin.

Aunt Celia pick it up and place it to where it belongs.

“Can you not tell Magus about this? I…” I gulped before continuing. “I don’t want to burden him.”

Sabay silang bumuntong-hininga bago nahihirapang tumango.

“Labag sa kalooban namin ito, hija pero dahil gusto namin na igalang ang kagustuhan mo ay susunod kami. That’s what Magus told us. Do what you asked for,” ani Uncle Von.

Laking pasasalamat ko na hindi nila iyon sasabihin kahit pa mukhang alalang-alala sa akin at sa kung ano pa ang pwedeng mangyari.

Noong gabing iyon, dinalaw muli ako ng panaginip na sa tingin ko ay dahilan ng nangyari sa akin kanina.

But this time, it’s not Loren… not either me. It’s someone I don’t know. She’s busy pumping in and out of Magus’s shaft while he’s staring at her blankly. Nakasandal siya sa headrest ng kama habang sa kamay ay may kopitang hawak at sumisimsim ng dugo roon. Hindi ko makitaan ng ibang emosyon ang mukha niya kundi kawalan.

Ilang pagtaas-baba lamang ng babae ay nanginig na ito at ilang sandali ay yumukod si Magus upang maabot ang babae at kitang-kita ng dalawang mata ko ang paglalandas ng kaniyang pangil dito at makalipas ang ilang sandali ay nawalan na ng buhay iyon. Lula ako sa nakita ng basta na lamang iyong itabi ni Magus sa isang tabi at pumasok muli ang isang babae.

Tao… kumpirmado. Isa silang mga tao. Parang itong nahihipnotismo na nagtungo kay Magus at muli ay kinubabawan siya saka nagtaas-baba roon at nagpakawala ng mga ungol at halinghing at mauulit lang ang pangyayari. Muli ay uubusin niya ang dugo noon.

This is the reason why I don’t want to go back. The first five nights, it’s all about Magus and Loren and then after that, I started bleeding. That’s when I had this kind of dreams. Magus, penetrating and killing an ordinary ones. He just didn’t have s*x with them but killed them.

That explains the blood rushing from my eyes because I cannot see what he’s doing but I will bleed upon knowing it. That explain the fang’s wound on my neck that bleeds whenever he tried draining someone else’s blood, he’s also draining mine. That means it’s true. That’s mean Magus did something that can ruin what we have.

“He knows that I will find out but he still did this,” I whispered while tears are streaming from my eyes.

I am still not ready to go back to him. I am still not ready to be a masochist but I know… the way I still love him after knowing what he did, the time will come that I’ll start accepting it. The day will come that the masochist side of me will be born and will put up with his mistakes as long as I am with him. This kind of love sucks but unfortunately, this is how it works.