More Than Just A Sinner (Tagalog) (R-18)

Chapter 8.

Physically, I am with my friends. But my mind is on somewhere else.

I hate that I was feeling nervous and excited at the same time. I felt my skin tingling pero hindi ko iyon hinayaan na maging dahilan para ma distract ako sa pakikipag balitaan at kwentuhan ko sa mga friends ko at kay Matt. My phone kept on vibrating inside my bag, at nang mapansin iyon ni Matt ay kunot noo nya akong tiningnan.

"Aren't you gonna answer that?"

Ngumiti ako. "It's alright."

Tumawa si Matt. "Who is it? Work? Ahren or Ashford?"

Hindi ako nagsalita at ngumiti lang. Siguro mas okay na nga na isipin nya na si Kuya Ahren or Kuya Ashford ang nangungulit sa akin. We resumed drinking and catching up. Tumigil na rin ang pag vibrate ng cellphone ko after a while.

"So how's Capitol, Agnes? I was shocked when I learned na tumakbo ang Daddy mo. At ikaw pa ang head ng campaign!" Tanong ni Erica. Sya ang class president namin before. Ilag ang ibang kaklase namin sa kanya sa Lasalette before hindi dahil nakakatakot sya or what, pero dahil maarte sya. Which is, tolerable naman para sa amin.

"Okay naman. I want to help Daddy. So far, so good. Nanalo tapos heto, ako na ang secretary nya." Mabilis na sagot ko. I took another shot of tequila. Kanina ay nag margarita lang ako but I felt like I needed something stronger and may inorder naman na silang bote ng tequila.

"Are you still painting and accepting other clients, though? Mukhang ang hectic ng schedule mo." Sabi naman ni Willa. She's the resident bad girl of the class. Kasama rin namin ang boyfriend nya na ngayon na kaibigan rin namin na si Alfie.

"Not at the moment. Hindi pa nagtatagal si Daddy sa pwesto, ang dami nang project na gusto nya gawin. Hectic, but I love doing it. Kayo ba? How's the business doing?" Business partners rin sila Willa at Alfie. They have two restaurants na nagseserve ng Asian cuisine.

"Expanding. Inaaya nga namin si Erica mag invest. Ang dami na nitong pera." Sabi ni Alfie.

Tumawa naman si Erica. "Pag iisipan ko pa nga! Ito'ng si Matt, ayain nyo." Siniko ni Erica si Matt na binilisan ang pagsimsim ng beer na hawak nya.

"What is it?" Gulat na tanong nya.

Tumawa kaming lahat.

"Inaaya ako mag invest nila Willa at Alfie. Magbubukas sila ng bagong branch. Sabi ko ayain ka rin." Paliwanag ni Erica. Bahagya na syang namumula pero mukhang okay pa rin naman sya.

I looked at my wrist watch. Mag-aalas onse pa lang naman. The night's still young.

Pero mabilis na pumasok ulit sa isip ko si Razael. Damn. Napatingin ako sa bag ko na nasa table. Hindi na ulit iyon nag vibrate. Sumuko na ba sya? I mean..

"Agnes?"

Tumingin ako kay Matt. Lahat pala sila ay nakatingin na sa akin. "Yes?"

"You're single, right?" Malapad ang ngisi na tanong ni Erica.

I smiled nervously. "Why?"

"Oh, see? Single din si Agnes! Ayain nyo na rin sya mag invest!" Natatawa na sabi ni Matt kila Will at Alfie.

"Criteria ng pag iinvest sa expansion nyo ay kailangan single?" Natawa ako.

"Hindi naman. Mas maganda mag invest na ngayon habang single pa kayo. You'll never know. Besides, ayaw mo ba na may iba ka pang source of income? May family business kayo but your two brothers are the one taking care of it, right?" Mukhang nag full blown businessman mode na si Alfie.

"Yes. Pero teka, ano ba ito? We're here to enjoy, hindi ba? I am interested, send me your proposal in my email." Naiiling at natatawa na sabi ko.

Nag thumbs up naman si Will at uminom na lang rin si Alfie.

We continued exchanging stories from the past. Automatic akong napa straight ng upo nang maramdaman ko na naman na nag vibrate ang cellphone ko sa bag ko. I excused myself and went to the ladies room again. Just as I expected, it's Razael.

Nakaramdam ako ng kaba at excitement seeing his name in my phone. Huminga ako ng malalim bago ako nagpasya na sumagot.

"Raz.."

"I'm sorry if I am ruining your night with your friends. I just thought I can have a few minutes of your time." Seryosong seryoso ang boses na sabi nya.

I bit my lower lip. Gusto ko rin sya makita at makasama but.. Oh hell. Ano bang gagawin ko? Kung magpaalam man ako, Matt would probably ask why. Nakaplano na ito ang I can't make an excuse. Or kung sasabihin ko na uuwi na ako, malamang mag ooffer 'yun na ihatid ako.

And he said he just wants a few minutes. Lumuwas sya para lang makasama ako?

"I miss you." Mahinang sabi nya.

Fuck. I melted.

"Where are you?"

"Fifty Nine C."

Hindi na ako nagsalita. Pinutol ko ang linya. Parang may kung anong sasabog sa akin sa sobrang kagustuhan ko na makita si Raz. Alam ko na nakatulong ang halos nakahalatian ko nang bote ng tequila sa lakas ng loob na nararamdaman ko.

"Guys, I'm really sorry. I have to go.." Pinigilan ko ang kagatin ang pang ibabang labi ko. It would make me look like I am really lying. "You know my friend Jericho, right? Ano kasi.. h-he needs me." Oh hell.

Nagkatinginan sila. Si Matt naman ay hindi inalis ang tingin sa akin kaya lalo akong kinabahan.

"What happened? Anong mayroon?" Agad na tanong ni Erica.

"S-susunduin nya ako. On the way na sya. B-broken hearted 'yata. I'm really sorry. Babawi ako sa inyo." I smiled at them.

"Ayain mo na lang sya dito. If he's broken hearted, he might want to drink." Nagulat ako nang magsalita si Matt. Sobrang seryoso ng mukha nya at kakaiba ang tingin nya sa akin. Lalong bumilis ang t***k ng puso ko.

Pero pilit kong ikinalma ang sarili ko. Nagawa ko pang ngumiti. Damn. I am not used to this.

"I already asked him.." Gusto ko nang magpakain sa lupa. "But I guess he just really wants to talk to me alone. I know this has been planned pero guys, babawi ako. Alright?"

"Fine, fine. I'll send you the proposal, ha?" Si Alfie iyon.

Tumango ako sa kanya at ngumiti.

Nakita ko na nag kibit na lang ng balikat si Matt. Pero mukhang hindi sya masaya na aalis na ako. Pumayag na rin si Erica at Willa pero walang sinasabi si Matt. Lumapit ako sa kanya at nginitian sya.

"Babawi talaga ako, promise."

"It's okay. If your friend really needs you.."

Nginitian ko sya ulit at hinalikan sa pisngi. I bid goodbye to others, too.

I can't believe I just lied. A big one at that! Nanginginig pa rin ako habang hinihintay na bumukas ang elevator. All the fibers in my body is tingling. Ang gustong gusto ko na lang ngayon ay makita si Razael at mayakap sya. I used the exclusive elevator. Bumaba ako hanggang sa lobby then I lingered for a few seconds before I used another to bring me to the fifty ninth floor.

Parang gustong lumabas ng dibdib ko ang puso ko sa labas ng t***k noon.

I knocked and when the door opened, pakiramdam ko natunaw ako nang makita ko ang nakangiting si Razael. Walang sabi sabi na pumasok ako at yinakap sya. He closed the door and he hugged me back.

"Miss na rin kita." Mahinang sabi ko. Magsasawa na naman ang ilong ko sa amoy nya. Isinubsob ko ang mukha ko sa dibdib nya. I felt him kissed me on my head.

"I thought you won't be coming.." Sabi nya lang rin. Humigpit rin ang yakap nya sa akin.

Tiningala ko sya. "Bakit ka ba nandito? And who's unit is this?"

"I want to see you. This is mine. Dito ako tumutuloy kapag nandito ako sa Manila." Nakangiti na sabi nya. He caressed my hair. Para na naman syang lasing nakatingin sa akin. Malamlam ang mga mata nya at parang ang saya saya nya talaga na nakita nya ako.

I probably look the same. Hindi ko maintindihan pero sobrang iba ang hatak ni Razael sa akin. I tiptoed and initiated the kiss. He gladly met me halfway. Parang may fireworks display sa loob ko na nag take off. Wala na akong pakealam sa lipstick ko na malamang ay kalat na kalat na. I played my fingers through his silky hair.

Humihingal kaming naghiwalay. He put his forehead into mine at sobrang higpit pa rin ng pagkakahapit nya sa akin.

"Are you still going back to your friends?" Parang paos na tanong nya.

Umiling iling ako.

He kissed me again then pulled me up and carried me. Humawak ako ng mahigpit sa batok nya as he slowly walked towards of what I know a bedroom. May kaunting kaba na sumagi sa akin nang makita ko na ang kama. He slowly put me down as we break our kiss.

Nagtitigan lang kami na walang sinasabi. I am so overwhelmed. Isang tingin lang sa kanya pakiramdam ko sobrang ang saya ko. Pero nawawala iyon thinking na baka ito na ang huling beses na makakasama ko sya ng ganito. Marami na kasi ang pwedeng mangyari after this.

I have heard and read stories with the same as ours. Sa huli, kailangan mo pa rin gawin ang tama. We can hide and do what we want. Pumayag ako. Pero haggang kailan?

Walang nakakaalam ng pwedeng mangyari sa susunod na mga oras at sandali. Babalik kami sa Isabela tapos patago kaming magkikita. Ang hirap isipin. I never liked the label 'kabit' because it's immoral, yet I liked being with a married man.

Dahan dahan akong bumangon at umupo sa tabi nya. Kinuha nya ang kamay ko at ikinulong iyon sa dalawang kamay nya. He pulled it up then kissed my hand and looked at me.

"You don't know how happy I am that you're here.."

"A-ako rin."

In a split moment, I made a decision. I may feel guilty about it, but I am sure I won't regret it. I have never been this happy before. Tuwing kasama ko lang si Raz. And I don't know when I can feel this happiness again.

Gusto ko palging ganito. Pero hindi naman pwede.

"Raz, make love to me." I softly whispered.

Naramdaman ko na napatigil sya at umawang ang mga labi nya na nakatingin sa akin.

"Agnes.."

Kinuha ko ang kamay ko mula sa pagkaka hawak nya. I stood up and walked a few steps away from him. Sinundan nya lang ako ng tingin. Humarap ako sa kanya. Dahan dahan kong binuksan ang zipper ng dress ko sa tagiliran ko. I saw Raz swallowed. Parang may gusto syang sabihin pero hindi sya makapagsalita.

I think this will make him see that I am serious.

Dahan dahan syang tumayo nang tuluyan nang mahulog sa lapag ang dress ko. All that's left is my underwear. On my normal self and my thinking and righteous self, I won't be doing this. Hell, I won't even be here kahit magmakaawa pa si Razael.

But I am my stupid self, so this is what he will get.

"Agnes.. I.."

"Do you want me?" Imbes ay tanong ko.

"So much.." Parang hirap na hirap na sabi nya.

Tinanggal ko ang sapatos ko at dahan dahan akong lumapit sa kanya. Hindi sya gumalaw. I slowly put my hands into his polo. Sinimulan kong buksan ang butones nya isa isa. He's not moving, but I can feel his breathing becoming ragged. His handsome face looked like it's torn between a life and death situation.

"Agnes.." He got my hands and stopped me.

Tiningala ko si Razael. His eyes became dark and fiery. "I can't do this to you, please.." He said as if he's in pain.

"Ayaw mo?"

"You don't understand. Mahal kita. I don't want you to feel disrespected. I am still married. And I can't do this to you.." He suddenly broke down. Mabilis sya'ng tumalikod sa akin. His hand is in his face. Ramdam ko ang nararamdaman nya. Mahirap pero nandito na kami.

Selfish na kung selfish pero I want him to be my first. I want to do this with him and no one else. Wala na akong nakikitang paraan pa. I want to have this memory with Razael and him alone. I hugged him from behind.

"I want this, Raz. I want this with you."

Nang hindi sya magsalita ay ibinaba ko ang mga kamay ko papunta sa pantalon nya. I slowly unbuckled his pants. Hindi sya tumutuol. Dahan dahan syang humarap sa akin. Tiningala ko sya. He slowly cupped my face then kissed me.

Agad kong naramdaman ang gigil nya. He's kissing me hard and deep. And I am responding with equal heat I know. His hands unhooked my bra in seconds. Nagbubuhol buhol na ang paghinga ko sa kaba at excitement. Hinila nya ang bra ko and threw it somewhere. He then softly pushed me hanggang sa mapaupo ako sa kama. I looked at him.

Seryosong seryoso ang mukha nya but his eyes are burning with desire. Sya na ngayon ang nagtatanggal ng butones ng polo nya. I pulled him closer at ako na ang nagbukas ng butones at zipper ng pantalon nya. My hands are shaking but I want this. Sobra rin ang kaba sa dibdib ko but this is what I want.

Pakiramdam ko ay namula ako nang tumambad na sa akin ang halos hubad nang katawan ni Razael. Just like what it was in my dreams. His body is perfectly sculpted. Not bulky, but he has muscles in the right place. When my eyes darted on his white Armani briefs and his huge bulge.. I froze.

Before I knew it ay nasa kama na rin si Razael at dahan dahan na syang pumapatong sa akin. Hindi nya inaalis ang pagtitig nya sa mga mata ko. I can feel the gentleness in his moves. He parted my legs and positioned himself in between it. Napapikit ako nang sakupin ng mga kamay nya ang dibdib ko. No one has ever touched me there, ever. But with Razael, it felt right.

His lips landed on mine and kissed me with hunger, again.

Nagsimula syang idiin ang sarili nya sa akin and I swear, kahit may suot pa kaming underwear ay nararamdaman ko na kung gaano sya kalaki at kahanda. May kaunting side ng utak ko ang natatakot pero mas matapang ang ibang side.

His kissed went to my neck, down to my breasts. He licked and sucked me while his other hand is massaging the other all the while pressing his hardness into mine. Hindi ko napigilan ang mapaungol and he seemed to like it dahil mas idiniin nya pa ang sarili nya sa akin.

He's so hard and I can only imagine how big it is.

And I can't help but to anticipate the pain that I will experience later.

"R-Raz!" I moaned when his other hand reached my panty and slowly putting it in.

I felt his cold finger in between my slit, gliding in. Para akong mawawala sa sarili dahil sa sensasyon na nararamdaman ko. Mahigpit ang paghawak ko sa mga braso nya na nasa gilid ko.

"Raz! Ohhhh!" I exclaimed when he pushed his one finger inside me. It's swift. I am so damn wet and he's still sucking my n****e.

Narealize ko na lang na palalim na ng palalim ang paghinga ko. Hindi ko maintindihan ang nararamdaman ko. There's too much pleasure and my body can't seem to take it. Hindi ako handa. It also feels surreal.

His kisses slowly went down to my stomach. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang makita na pababa pa rin iyon ng pababa. Ngumisi sya sa akin then he put his hand in my underwear. He pulled my panty and threw it. I am so exposed. I tried to close my legs pero mabilis nya lang rin iyon na naibuka.

Para akong bata na tinakpan ang sarili ko. Raz smirked. Kitang kita ko sa mukha nya ang pagnanasa habang nakatingin sa kahubadan ko.

"Let me see you.." Malambing na sabi nya at tinanggal ang mga kamay ko.

"Fuck." Hiyang hiya na sabi ko. "N-nakakahiya.."

"Nothing to be ashamed of. You're so f*****g beautiful." He kissed me again in my stomach then I felt him parted my legs wider.

"Ahhh! f**k!" I felt like I got lost in the dark for a split second when I felt him licking me down there. Bigla akong humingal. The pleasure was intense. His finger went inside me again, he went in and out and I just feel like convulsing. "Oh, Raz!"

Nahawakan ko ang buhok nya at bahagya ko syang nasasabunutan dahil sa intensidad ng nararamdaman ko dahil sa ginagawa nya. I want him to stop and to go on, too. I don't know what to say or what to do. Pabiling biling na ako. His tongue is expert in exploring me down there. I don't know how he does it. All I know is that I love it.

"Raz! Please!"

His fingers went in and out faster, and my breathing went deeper and deeper. Nawawala na naman ako sa sarili ko.

Palakas na rin ng palakas ang pag ungol ko. I can't even recognize my own voice.

One scream and I reached my climax.

Pakiramdam ko ay nakakita ako ng mga stars sa kisame. Raz kissed my leg, then to my stomach and up to my jaw. He laid next to me and pulled me closer to him.

"I love you," He whispered.

Napangiti ako habang habol ko pa rin ang hininga ko. Tumingin ako sa kanya.

"That's weird." Ang tanging nasabi ko.

Tumawa sya.

He got my hand and put it in his groin. "I'm hard as f**k but tell me to stop and I will. While I still can.." Parang nagsusumamo na sabi nya pagkatapos.

I smirked at him. After he gave me my first orgasm, akala nya ba ganoon na lang iyon? My plan is still on. I know he want it too as bad as I am but I also understand na nirerespeto nya ako. But I am scared sa short lived na kasiyahan ko.

And this is what I can do for now.

"f**k me, Razael. Or you'll never get to touch me again. Ever." Nakangisi na sabi ko habang dahan dahan na pinapasok ang kamay ko sa loob ng brief nya.