LOVE HEARTS AND LIES

Confessions

I pass along a dark road, surrounded by huge ominous trees that frightened me little. The GPS on my phone tells me that I’ve arrived. I turn off the music and find an easy place to park. Gathering my things, I cast a look at my reflection in the mirror.

“Don’t think about the past, Harper...”

I feel my anxiety building as I get ready to step out of my vehicle. I’m fully aware that everyone in the county already knows of my return. In the city, I don’t have this worry: no one knows me there.

But here, gossip spreads like wildfire and people love to judge every detail of other people’s lives. I swing my legs from the seat and pull a little on my skirt.

Glancing around, I see that I’ve already been spotted: blue eyes filled with disapproval. Eyes that I’m quite familiar with. I guess she’s not happy to see me.

Noel is waiting outside with Maria and Penelope.

Great! Tonight should be interesting.

I walk with a slight, fixed smile, ignoring the eyes burning a hole in my head.

“Harper!”

I embrace and kiss Maria, who seems happy to see me.

“Oh my gosh, you look just like Sara in that outfit,” she squeaks.

Penelope gives her a slight nudge to punish her for a lack of subtlety. I turn to face the one who still hasn’t forgiven me.

Noel.

She was my best friend. We were inseparable. I haven’t seen her since that fateful evening that changed my quiet life and separated from me all those I love.

“Hi, Noel.”

“Look what the cat dragged in. So, we’re good enough for you now?”

I know that biting tone well enough to understand it won’t be easy to pacify things with her, unlike maybe some of the others. Therefore, we got along so well in the past: we are both no-nonsense kind of girls who aren’t afraid to speak our minds. I sigh and cross my arms over my chest, returning her glare. I’ll not crumble under her scrutiny.

“I’m here because I was invited.”

“They didn’t ask my opinion.”

“Noel!” Penelope intervenes.

I watch my childhood friend as she walks away. I have an exemption, but then to tell her or not...?

A warm hand settles on my left shoulder.

“She still has a low boiling point, but she’ll get over it,” Maria says.

I lift my chin to admire the front of the club where music already resonates. Parking is full. Strange to see it in this area. It must be attracting customers from all the neighbouring towns. Lots of small towns with people dying for something fun to do. The atmosphere might even rival a nightclub in the largest cities. Penelope grabs me by the arm and we go after Noel. Am I crazy or is everyone staring at me like they’ve just seen a ghost?

Scary.

The door attendant, I think, welcomes the girls and then his eyes stop on me. He’s a big, muscular young man. His very short brown hair looks rather serious and his green eyes are mesmerizing. Tattoos covering his skin are the same black colour up to his neck.

“Brett, I present to you our old friend Harper.”

His eyes go from the girls to me, but I guess I’ve unsettled him too... but why, exactly? As if I didn’t feel his discomfort, I hold out my hand with a smile worthy of the Raven sisters.

“Nice to meet you, Brett!”

His grip combines softness and firmness. My fingers seem swallowed up by the immensity of his palm.

“Charmed... Harper.”

His deep voice is quiet. He shakes his head slightly, looking sideways at Penelope.

We enter the club and it leaves me speechless. I never could have imagined this place where I grew up could one day house a place like this. The music fills my body with the desire to dance, and the place is packed with people. I follow the girls without knowing where we are going. The light is filtered, sending out warm colours: red, pink, purple... I like it. Distinctive patterns adorn the walls, like Brett’s tattoos. Maria pulls me by the hand and we sit on a plush sofa. Further to our left are two pool tables and a dartboard. A cocktail server with a notebook comes over.

“Hi girls, can I get you the usual...?”

Her words are lost when she lays eyes on me. She frowns and glances at my friends. This situation is starting to get heavy. I’m tired of everybody bugging out as if I were a ghost.

“Emma, I want you to meet Harper.”

“I figured that’s who you must be. Nice to meet you.”

Judging from the look on her face, it wasn’t nice to meet me.

Penelope smiles to reassure me and leans in to talk, sensing my discomfort.

“Sara was known by everyone here. Everyone is just recovering.”

My Sara was a party girl who went out to clubs. I didn’t even know her. I discover new things about her every day. What happened to the girl who was happy staying home with her romance novels, her pots of ice cream and old movies?

Penelope flashes me a sympathetic smile.

“Mojitos all around!” Maria exclaims.

The server turns away.

In my nervous observation of the crowd, I run into Noel, pouting, and sitting alone at the bar. I know that if I want to heal the wounds between us, I should speak with her. It probably won’t change anything, but at least then I can say I tried.

I motion to Penelope that I’ll be right back. I climb on a stool to the right of Noel, my back against the bar. A sigh escapes her, but knowing her as I do, I know very well that she meant for me to hear it. After a few minutes of silence, I decide to break the ice.

“Noey, you used to bite your nails like that when we were children...”

“No one else calls me that,” she moans.

“I know, but I’m not like the others.”

“You lost the right to use nicknames the day you abandoned me.”

Her words shake my heart. I turn to her and put down my glass.

“You think it was easy for me to leave? You think that I didn’t miss you and my life here? You think that returning here and realizing I didn’t know Sara doesn’t torment me?”

She finally turns to me. I can read the sadness in her eyes, just as she must in my own.

“Okay. I want to know why you left and why you forced us out of your life without saying anything to us.”

“Noey...”

“You want to make things right? So, pick up where we left off: the night of the party!”

A huge sigh passes my lips as if a ten-ton weight is leaving my shoulders. Rounded back, eyes down, I wring my fingers without knowing where to start.

“We told each other everything, so what are you hiding? You killed someone?”

I roll my eyes. “Of course not!”

“Because, even for that, you know that I would have helped you get rid of the corpse. We’ve done some terrible, stupid s**t together so why the hell didn’t you come and talk to me? I was supposed to be your best friend!”

I take several sips of rum to try to lighten the anxiety I’m feeling. She crosses her arms and looks at me with raised eyebrows to indicate to me that it’s my turn to speak. I open my mouth, then immediately close it again. It’s the past, I can confide in her. Long minutes pass. A drunken man hassles us, but Noel easily gets rid of him. She looks back at me, clearly getting impatient.

“Things... got out of hand... at the party.”

She sits back down and moves closer to me because my voice is suddenly muffled. I don’t want anyone else to hear me. I already feel like a freak...

“I ...I had a lot to drink. I have very few memories of that evening. A black hole. I woke up at sunrise, in a bed alongside Marley. I slept with him and don’t remember.”

I expect a withering look, but, frowning, she straightens and turns to me.

“Marley didn’t stop bragging about how you were that night, and how you asked for more. Apparently, he didn’t have to do anything, you managed like a pro.”

I shake my head slightly without being able to discern the truth. I feel like I’m always a step behind.

“I left because I was afraid it would get out. But my father found out, and I’ll spare you the reprimand I got. The vipers of this backwater hole were quick to run their forked tongues. That’s why I left: I was afraid of being judged. My father wanted me to leave the house immediately, convinced that I was responsible for Sara’s changes.”

I finished my drink. The bartender looks at me. He’s tall, dark, with black eyes and is also tattooed. He looks younger than Brett, but that doesn’t detract from his charm. His thick muscles threaten to break free from the confines of his tight t-shirt. Melony would go crazy here. Alas, the timing is not good. My former best friend has just discovered what a slut I am.

She orders another round from the handsome bartender. That’s it! The man who passed me during my jog! It was him! Noel hands me a glass and tells me to drink the whole thing in one gulp.

“It’s a mojito, girl. Toss a few down to lubricate the gullet.”

Her hands are shaking. When I see her get the liquid down, I do the same. Then Noel announces to me the thing which I so much needed to hear:

“You did nothing wrong, Harper. Marley was a mean son of a b***h who’s now in prison—for a s****l assault in his freshman year. We won’t see him again, I reckon.”

“That’s horrible! I hope you’re right,” I sigh, from both the weight that leaves my chest and the time I need to think about this discovery.

It was him who started the gossip, the scrapings of scum.

She squeezes my arm with her hand and I look down the bar to meet a pair of wide grey-blue eyes. A man sits alone, sipping on a neat whiskey. He looks troubled. And so sexy... Our glances at each other make my head spin. Or the mojitos are doing their job.

The server near us misses nothing of the scene.

“He’s the boss. And you don’t stand a chance with him.” she spits.

“Shut up, Emma,” Noel replies.

Penelope and Maria join us chuckling, clearly on their way to being drunk. Penelope comes up to me and follows my gaze.

“That’s Jonny, one of the three owners. Brett, you saw at the entrance and behind the bar is Craig.”

I sip my drink trying to act casual, but my eyes keep glancing at the end of the bar towards the dark, brooding mass of muscles, whose name is Jonny.

“You should have told me you were planning to come,” a voice murmurs behind me.

I turn sharply. Facing me, tense and thoughtful, is Tristan. He seems suddenly immense to me. His gaze remains fixed, intense, indecipherable. I take the opportunity to observe him in more detail. In a year things have changed. Small details that are not lost on me.

His blue eyes seem darker than before as if the trials of life had blackened them. His shoulders seem wider, his arms more muscular. His bronzed skin contrasts with his black tee-shirt and jeans, he who wore almost only Bermuda shorts and coloured t-shirts. He exudes virility, mystery, an almost animal s*x appeal. On his forearm—inside, where the skin is thin and soft—I notice a tattoo. Tristan realizes this and doesn’t leave me time to study it. He puts his hand in his pocket:

“So, everything’s okay?”

His remark puzzles me, but not as much as him. Realizing what he just said, he shakes his head, closing his eyes.

A provocative smile takes shape on his lips. Behind my face which I hope is serene, impassive, my mind and my heart are pounding. He bothers me. I have more and more trouble keeping my composure.

Then Tristan rubs his hair vigorously, as he used to do all the time, whenever he was nervous. Or if he wanted to regain control of a situation that had escaped him. I smile inwardly that this tic hasn’t disappeared, to find at least something of the boy I knew. While the man in front of me seems so different. Darker, more tormented. Less social. Colder, wilder, more unshakable...

Yes, Tristan Quinn continues to fascinate me...

“Date?”

“Maybe.”

“With whom?”

“Do you care?”

His eyes narrow, but his lips spread into a cheeky smile. His torso is close to my chest.

“You’re right. You have my blessing.”

“Too kind, what would I do without you?” I quip in a low voice while staring at his mouth.

Don’t kiss him. Don’t kiss him. Don’t kiss him.

I’m covered in chills. His smell, his hoarse voice, and his burning eyes. And me f*****g standing there, crimson cheeks, my breath jerky, and thighs on fire.

“Good evening, Harper,” he turns to leave and is immediately swallowed up by the crowd.

We continue downing rum cocktails which are pleasantly suppressing any negative feelings I had about coming back. I start feeling bolder and I wiggle my hips and run my tongue over my straw, trying to attract Jonny’s attention. My incisors set in the flesh of my lip as I flash him a seductive look before turning back to the girls.

“I think it’s time to dance,” Penelope declares and we all follow her onto the dance floor obediently.

Maria and Penelope wiggle against each other and I notice Penelope smiling intently at the bartender as she rubs herself onto her friend. She’s putting on a show for him and he seems to enjoy it.

“I’ll come back, I have to go to the bathroom,” I say to Penelope on the dance floor.

“Ok, but hurry up and come dance with us,” she orders, her tongue thick with alcohol.

I zig-zag my way through the crowd of mostly intoxicated people. I shake my elbow a little because the bodies compress me like a slice of salami. I discover a small line of bodies in a dark hallway and I move to stand at the end. A redhead constantly flicks her shaggy head of hair, nearly poking my eye twice. The door I’m leaning back on opens abruptly, I lose balance and crash down against a big, muscly torso. I stand up and look into the blue eyes of Tristan. The peppermint smell of his cologne mixed with the whiskey is intoxicating.

“Sorry...,” I muttered lamely.

I look up at his plush pink lips and short stubble. No sound leaves his appetizing mouth. He just stares at me like he’s searching for something. I lick my dry lips. My body is overheating. My hand rests on his firm chest; the silence between us goes on a bit too long for my comfort level. I’m about to pull away and run to the bathroom, mumbling excuses, when his hand closes around my wrist.

“Wait,” he says hoarsely. “I’m sorry, they should put a sign on that door so people don’t lean on it. Someone could get hurt.” He looks me up and down. “Crap, you’re bleeding.”

I look down to see that indeed there is blood dripping down my arm. I must have scraped it against something when I fell. I hadn’t even noticed.

“Oh... I guess I am...”

“Come on, let me help you with that.”

Suddenly he pulls me into the room that he was just in. It’s a sort of VIP lounge, I think... he slams the door with a swipe of his foot and walks over to a closet on the other side of the room. I sit down on one of the black leather sofas and after some rummaging about, he returns with a small first aid kit.

“It’s not that bad, you know, you don’t have to do this,” I say, suddenly feeling a bit awkward away from the loud music and alone with him.

“Shut up,” he smiles.

He leans in close to bandage my arm and I can feel my heartbeat quicken. He lingers by my face. “There, all better.”

“Thank you,” I mutter, feeling a bit out of breath.

I expect him to move away now that he’s finished but he doesn’t flinch. He just stays there looking at me. I seize the moment and lean in to kiss him. Slow at first and then rough and passionate.

He moves to get up and I let my body fall horizontally on the couch with his following overtop me. His possessive mouth presses on mine and the heat emanating from his body envelopes me. Nothing is tender and sweet; everything is passionate and thrilling. His hands caress my body, desperate and hungry. No words are exchanged, we share only moans blended with shameless groans. His hands slip under my skirt and grab the flesh of my ass to lift me.

“Oh...”

“Shut up,” he whispers, his breath heavy with desire.

I obey and our lips are sealed again. My tongue slides against his, tasting the whiskey in his mouth. I grab his square shoulders and remove his shirt while he searches in his wallet pocket to get a little plastic packet that he sticks between his teeth. His hand slips between our bodies to move my underwear aside. A guttural sound is smothered in his chest.

“Yes ...” I moaned, biting his thick shoulder.

His mouth devours the skin of my neck, caressing me with his warm, soft tongue. My fingers forage in his hair. Physically he may dominate me. But I’ve got what I wanted. His enthusiasm. His body on my body. His tongue on my skin.

But not yet his flesh in my flesh...

Tristan grabs my face between his hands and forces me to look at him. I read a crazy, burning desire in his blue, almost black irises. In my eyes, no doubt the same flame, the same intensity, the same question: why are we doing this?

Because.

Because we can’t not do it. Because it’s beyond our strength.

Tristan’s thumb now caresses my mouth, his gaze defiant, as if he is rediscovering my features checking that each mole, each freckle, every tiny scar on my skin is in its place.

And I don’t know how long I’ll hold without begging him to possess me. His hand grips my thigh and pulls me close. He plunges his eyes into mine. I’m drowning in a thousand shades of blue. A thousand conflicting emotions. But the desire wins.

“Take me, now.”

The girls are still where I left them a little earlier, looking even drunker than when I left. I don’t want to continue this evening. What just happened in that room exhausted me, all I want is to go home.

“I think I’m going to head out,” I tell them.

“You what? You’re leaving?” Penelope asks, scrunching up her face in disgust.

“It’s nothing, it’s the crowd,” I say, lying.

I didn’t want to tell her about Tristan. I go up to Noel, sitting at the bar, also completely drunk.

“I’m going Noey, I still feel exhausted.”

“Are you going to drive?” worry puts a frown on her beautiful face.

“Don’t worry. I won’t drive far,” I reply, smiling.

I embrace my friends and wave to the bartender who winks at me. Friendly guy. I head to the entrance and notice Emma, the server, sending nasty looks my way. Brett opens the front door and pinches his lips while nodding his head as I leave. I don’t think and rush to my car. My head is spinning.

I sit in my car knowing I need to rest a bit until I’m sober enough to drive. The thoughts of the night swirl around in my mind. I should never have let him... but with all I’ve been through these last few days...

An urge to scream overtakes me and I let out a howl that hurts my vocal cords but allows for the emotional release I need.