LOVE HEARTS AND LIES

The past knocks

Despite the late hour, the sun still warms the air. I help Mom with dinner. As kids, Sara and I liked busying ourselves in the kitchen, getting our hands dirty. If I duplicate all our old activities, maybe it will feel like she’s still with me. I don’t say a word about the videos. Maybe my parents are unaware of them? I thought my sister was still waiting for a prince charming to take her away on his beautiful white horse. What happened to change her so much?

“You okay, Harper?”

I raise my eyes and force a smile to ease my mother’s concerns. I’m not okay. But I don’t want her to know that.

“I’m fine. Can you pass me the carrots?”

I hold the vegetable by its top and begin to scrape its skins.

“Harper...”

“Yes?”

“You’ve been here for two days and you’re staying in with me to do the cooking. What’s going on?”

“I’m enjoying being at home with you, Mom.”

My mother puts down her knife, rubs her hands on her apron and walks around the table. She slips a finger on my forehead to move aside a rebel cowlick.

“I’m glad you’re here, but you’re young. Why don’t you go to see your friends?”

“Mom, I don’t know anyone here anymore. We all have our own separate lives.”

She turns to cut each carrot I give her before putting them in the pan.

“Some of your friends have known you since kindergarten. Don’t talk nonsense, Harper.”

Her anxiety is obvious. She always worries about nothing. I especially don’t want to endure the looks of all those people. Since that summer evening...

I turn and throw the peels in a bowl for the hens. Someone knocks on the wooden frame of the mosquito screen at the entrance as I continue my work.

“Hello, Mrs Raven! We heard that your daughter is back in town,” says a female voice.

“Hello! I’ll call her. Harper!”

I simulate sudden deafness and feign innocence when my mother insists, raising her voice.

“Harper? Harper?”

I swivel and throw a glance at the cute little Asian woman who follows Mom into the kitchen. I stiffen on recognizing her.

Penelope!

I’m stuck in front of her, bowl in my hands. She hasn’t changed that much. The same brown hair, hazel eyes, and the same smile, too. We grew up together, sharing every birthday party, every unhappy love affair...

“I’ll let you girls be,” says my mother.

I nod to my friend for her to follow me and head for the barn.

“It’s nice and also strange to see you,” she sighs.

“Who told you I was here?”

“Everyone’s talking about it. Hard to keep a secret in a small town like ours,” she jokes.

I open the chicken coop and pour vegetable peelings on the ground. It’s the Raven family custom to take care of animals.

“Congratulations on your graduation, I’ve had one as well. I still haven’t figured out what my next move’s going to be.”

I raise an eyebrow at her.

“You should decide maybe, don’t you think?”

She shrugs as if what I said was dull.

“It’s the holidays, Harper. I just need to relax a bit and then I’ll decide.”

Penelope was mostly a friend of Sara. And while her presence gives me the comfort of socializing with a person my age, I worry that past tensions might break through without warning.

We settle on some tires attached to a tree, makeshift swings that our father set up when we were children. The silence hangs heavy for a moment.

“What are you doing here, Penelope?”

“I came by to see you, Harper. I never understood why you left but we used to be friends, and I want to catch up. So tonight, we’ll have a drink at Night and Day.”

“When you say we, do you mean just us? And what the hell’s this, Night and Day?”

She squirms out of her tire and places her hands on my shoulders.

“It’s a new club in town. Noel and Maria will be there too.”

These girls were also my friends at one time, especially Noel. Still, I remain hesitant. There are a lot of people from my past that I don’t want to see. Going out puts my ability to avoid those people at risk.

I think about Sara and what she would want. I think about how it would be nice to get out of the house, away from my father and his attitude.

“Come on, Harper! Everyone wants to see you,” she insists.

I offer her a slight grin, knowing that my eyes already communicate my decision. Penelope hops around clapping her hands and hugs me in her arms.

“We’ll have fun, you’ll see!”

We return to the house while chit-chatting about our lives over the past few years. She has just separated from her boyfriend. They were clear: the end of graduation marked the end of their relationship. We talk about Maria who’s been in a relationship for a year and Noel, who works at the local radio station.

“What’s the dress code recommended for this club...?”

“Sexy, make the guys drool!” she laughs.

Penelope has always had an incredible zest for life, but there’s a subtle note of sadness behind it, barely noticeable. I smiled, and she gives me a shove while continuing our way.

“But I want to take my car so I can bail if I feel like it.”

Her sulky pout reminds me of a kid who’s had her snacks hidden. She shakes her head even when she notices that the show doesn’t work with me. She turns, pointing her phone at me.

“Enter your number so I can contact you and send the address.”

I do so, hearing the phone in my pocket chime.

“We’ll meet at nine in front of the club. I can’t wait.”

“I’ll be there,” I assure her while climbing the front steps.

She walks away to her little car and called me one last time.

“Hey, Harper? Nice to see you again!” she says with a nod.

I wave my hand and enter the house smiling. I fall over my mother ready to pounce on me. I tremble, surprised to find her waiting behind the door.

“Are you crazy? You scared the crap out of me, Mom!”

“I’m sorry honey, I’m just so happy to see you reconnecting with your old friends.”

I make my way into the living room and slump onto the couch without even taking my shoes off, stretching and lying down on the soft cushions. Splash is quick to curl up against me. Her fur is as soft as my caresses.

“Your mother never told you it was rude to eavesdrop?” I teased Mom, who had followed me to sit on the loveseat across from me.

“I couldn’t help myself,” she says.

I laugh, my heart feels much lighter than it had this morning.

“Harper?” she whispers.

“What is it, Mom?”

She sits on the coffee table and puts her hand on mine. Her poignant look squeezes my chest.

“If you take the car, you don’t drink; if a suspicious man talks to you, you ignore him...”

I hold out my hand to stop her.

“Mom, I’m not a naïve little girl. If a guy even looks at me, I’ll break his nuts. And I’m not reckless enough to get behind the wheel drunk.”

She sighs and leans over to hug me in her arms. Her flowery fragrance envelops me. It smells like a mother’s love.

“I don’t want to lose you, too,” she whispers.

I understand her concern, but I won’t stop living because Sara is gone. On the contrary, I must live enough for the two of us.

“I’m off for a shower before dinner.”

She kisses my forehead before I leave the room. I then hear my father’s truck. In the end, avoiding him is surely the best solution. I climb the stairs and close the door to my room.

I go onto Sara’s computer and scroll through her music selection, before deciding to put the music on shuffle. I let the music soak into every inch of my body. Rolling my hips with the rhythm, I inspect my suitcase to find a suitable outfit. Only, I have nothing decent—either it’s overdressed for this place or too relaxed to go dancing. I open my sister’s closet. I know she has a more traditional style, far from sexy. But on her video, she seemed... different. Surely she can still manage to surprise me. I unearth a small black skirt. It’s rather short: all the better, it will emphasise my legs. I go through her tops and discover a horrible unicorn shirt.

“Seriously, Sara?”

I smile at the mere image of her vehemently defending the T-shirt I wouldn’t even wear to bed. My eye is drawn to an apple green strapless bra, in cotton. Perfect. For shoes, I had already spotted some gladiator sandals under her bed, rising to the calf and silver. I cannot believe I’ll dress like Sara Raven tonight! Who knew that she would have anything other than clothes for kids and Sunday school teachers? Rummaging through a small set of drawers in the back of her closet, I discover, eyes wide in surprise, a collection of cute G strings, a corset, garter belts...

Sara was abducted by aliens!

I wouldn’t have thought she could be capable of buying this type of stuff! Some are so bold that even I’d be hesitant to wear them.

“Who were you, Sara?” I whispered. I roll everything into a ball and hide it further to the back of the drawer so that my mother doesn’t find it. She would have an attack! Unless she’s aware of it? No. She would tell me, I think.

I rush into the shower, carried away by the musical tastes of Sara who I thought I knew. I put on my outfit in the mirror and realize that it’s better that I make some changes. Perhaps playing with my hair? Mom has never seen me other than with my natural style. I’ll show her what Melony taught me: I smooth it with an iron to make it seem much longer. The summer heat suffocates me. The best thing would be to lift all the hair in a high ponytail leaving a few escaped strands. A touch of perfume to target locations: inside the elbows, behind the knees, neck, and wrists, then a dab on the temples.

“Not bad, Harper,” I compliment myself.

Once I turn off the music, I open the room door, letting the tempting smell of food flood my nostrils. I go down a few steps before I hear my parents talking with quick voices. I sit on the landing and listen intently.

“You could make an effort to be more pleasant, Clint.”

“I didn’t do anything!” my father grumbles.

“That’s my worry. She’s all we have!”

The voice of my mother breaks at the end and a chair scrapes the floor. Splash comes near me wagging her tail. I stroke her head to stop her desire to bark.

“You think I don’t know that?”

The hinges of the door creak and the mosquito screen bangs. I travel the remaining distance as if nothing has happened. The atmosphere is tense between my parents and I don’t like to be the reason. When I appear in the kitchen, my mother drops her spoon. Tears in her eyes, she raises her hand to her mouth but quickly recovers when she notices my outfit.

“You... You look beautiful, sweetie.”

“Thanks, Mom. I borrowed Sara’s clothes,” I wince.

“She would be glad to see you taking on her fashion sense.”

She comes to me and hugs me against her. Her hand gently fusses with my hair.

“Your hair...”

“You don’t like it?” I interrupt her.

“Yes. Yes! It’s just different. It changes you. You look so much more mature.”

“Thanks, that’s what I was going for,” I say, smiling.

A kiss on the cheek and I detach myself from her. I offer a little help to set the table and we are sitting when my father returns. I feel his eyes on me, but I don’t look up. I help myself when Mother passes me dishes and we begin the meal in silence.

“Penelope Williams invited Harper out this evening,” Mom began.

“Yes, Night and Day. I don’t know it,” I say.

“A group of boys, new in town, opened this... establishment. They must be your age, or thereabout. Your sister loved to go there with her friends.”

My father, apart from a few grunts from time to time, remains silent. Mom and I are continuing as if nothing has happened.

“They also have a shop in the downtown area.”

“Really?”

“They are city people who pollute our good town. Nothing more,” my father spits out.

I’m surprised by his reaction. He finally decides to open up, even if it isn’t to speak to me directly ... this is an opportunity, perhaps.

“I’m a city girl who’s just trying to live her best life, like everyone else.”

“You’re not a city girl,” he growls.

I put down my fork and look at him without trouble. I search his face and I know he’s upset because I’m standing up to him as always. There was a time when he loved that about me.

“I am one; the city is my home. I’ve come here for holidays but when that’s over, I’ll leave.”

My father finally looks up at me, his eyes blazing. His hand strikes the table with a snap.

“You’re my daughter and you were born here!” he exclaims.

“You finally remember you still have a daughter?” I provoke him.

“Harper!” my mother intervenes.

I regret what I have already said. Damn impulsive temperament. I sigh and take a sip of cold tea.

“Sorry Mom, I shouldn’t have.” I stand up to leave.

I embrace her softly and turn back to my father who hasn’t moved... I hurt him, but it’s nothing compared to what he put me through. I grab my purse and my car keys in the hallway. I climb behind the wheel before sending a message to Penelope.

Me:

[I’m on my way now. Kisses.]

I switch on the ignition. The radio station is playing top hits from the eighties. I increase the volume to prevent myself from thinking. I can’t believe how my dad has been acting. I have lost someone too, the one that completed me. And yet he continues to push me away! It only compounds my grief and breaks a little more of my heart.

Penelope:

[Out front waiting for you.]

I head off in the direction of the famous Night and Day owned by city dwellers. With any luck, they’ll be cute and one of them will be sexy enough to interest me. The fact that they are new in town suits me: at least, they know nothing about me. What better way to unwind? I’d told myself not to sleep with anyone here this summer, but Mel is right, I need to release some built-up tension.