CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE: nothing to forgive
1935 Words
“What are we doing?”
Her voice was sweet and airy. Her fingers were running across his bare chest. It tickled but he did not flinch. It actually felt good, he thought. The door was locked. They made sure of it. The room was dimly-lit. They had turned on just one light, giving them a warm illumination and making the moment so surreal. . They were not naked but he felt like he was. A blanket was draped over them, covering their lower parts.
So romantic, but not even romantic.
She was laying on his shoulder. He loved the feeling of her soft flesh pressing to all the hardness of his body. He was playing with her hair and he just loved the sweet vanilla scent of it. She was so small in his arms. So fragile.
“I don’t know.” She whispered.
Eyes trained at the ceiling above, Zephyr was lost in his thoughts again. He still could not get over what happened. It was running in his head like an old record country song he grew up to. So memorable. Or just maybe because it just happened not so long ago. The way she responded to his touches, nibbles, and kisses. The way she rocked her hips against his. Those dirty talks she whispered into his arms. She was wild but he tamed her.
Why am I here still with her?
“Did you feel something?”
She suddenly asked. She twisted in arms, laying on her stomach, and put her chin on his chest as she stared at him. When he looked at her, blue orbs were staring at him. There was a twinkle in her eyes, making him feel so weak. They were the most beautiful blue color of eyes he had ever seen. Her pupils were outlined by a dark color. They looked so intense. Even if she was just staring at him blankly, her eyes gave him an illusion that there was emotion in them.
“No.” He answered. A lie. He felt many things and it was driving him crazy.
“Good.” She smiled, poking the tip of his nose with her index finger.
“How about you?” He was dying to know even if her answer might make him feel something.
“No.”
His breath hitched. He wondered if she was even sure of the words that were coming out of her mouth. But there was no hesitation in her voice. It was straight. No stuttering meant she meant it. Did she really mean it?
“Good.” He repeated what she said, but deep inside he was not feeling good.
Absentmindedly, he lifted his hand up and tuck some tresses of her hair behind her ear. There was a slight frown on his face as he stared at her intently. He just could not take his eyes off her face. She was an image of a delicate and lonely goddess. He could see everything through her eyes what she really felt inside. He knew she was lonely. She was trying to hide behind a mask but he could see the real Ava. She was tired and he knew exactly that it was the reason why she was using him. He let her willingly. He let her take advantage of him.
This is not the real world. What’s real is what’s outside this room.
“Do you have a boyfriend?”
Zephyr almost punched his face with his own fist for acting such a stupid question. He was not sure what made him ask that and if he already asked her that. He could not remember.
Ava suddenly smirked at him. “Are you worried?”
“Should I be?”
He actually thought she would laugh at him for asking her that question. She was not staring into his eyes. Her eyes were trained on her fingers which were now playing with the stubble in his face as she said, “No. It’s a waste of time.”
He stopped breathing for a while. It was just that she sounded so serious. “Why?” He wanted to know.
“Why is it a waste of time?” Ava glanced at him before playing with his stubble again. “Well, it’s just a waste of time. Distraction. I’m a busy woman. I run a huge company and I can’t fail the people who rely on me.”
“I see.”
“What about you?”
“I don’t have a boyfriend.”
She glared at him, making him shake his head and pinch her cheek. “I’m kidding. I don’t have a girlfriend. I’m old.”
She frowned at him. “You’re only twenty-nine.”
“That’s old.”
“No, it’s not. Old is when your joints and bones give up and when your face wrinkles so bad.”
“Like your father?”
“He can still walk, though.”
“Too bad.” He mumbled.
“What?”
“Good that he can still walk.”
“He’s fifty-four.” She shrugged.
“What’s your nationality?”
It’s better to take advantage of the moment than to keep getting lost in her eyes that I forget why I am here.
“I’m pure American… as far as I know.”
“I see.” He dismissed it.
“Are you born here?”
“Maybe you want my birth certificate? I can give it to you if you want it.” Ava chuckled.
“Is it bad that I just want to get to know you more? I mean, I should, right?”
“My birth certificate can answer all your questions about me.”
“Not all. Will it give me the answer if I want to know you’re a virgin or not?”
A slap hit his shoulder. “Idiot.” She glared at him in annoyance.
“What?” He laughed, snaking his arms around her waist, and pulled her completely on top of him. “I’m just messing around.”
“I know.” She nodded and then laid her cheek on top of his beating heart.
“I’d be guarding outside your door from now on. I also need my own security room.” He told her.
“What’s that?” She frowned.
“A CCTV control room.”
“Okay.” She mumbled. “This is music.”
“What do you m–”
“Your heartbeat.”
It just beat even faster.
Ava closed her eyes, feeling so helpless.
What am I doing here with you?
She never felt this way before. She thought she had finally found her safe haven. His arms made her feel so protected. She thought she had finally an escape to all her miseries. She felt so safe in his arms. It was just crazy because she did not know him that much, but she could not care less anymore. She needed it. He was her escape.
Is this just for a moment? When will this end?
Three months. It was the term.
What will happen after three months? Where will he go?
Life was playing with her. Her emotions were playing with her. The past was still chaining her inside her own cage.
This is not me. This is not me who’s just using someone who can take my miseries away, but I need this. I need him.
The bitter part of living life was fooling the self, pretending everything was fine when it was not. Pretending to smile when she was actually dying inside. Memories did not really visit her often, but her emotions at the moment were tangled and messing with her. Memories that made hate rainy days and dark nights.
A lone tear rolled down her cheek, dropping on his chest. It was heavy again inside. Her heart felt so tight. She kept her eyes closed as she tried her best not to have a breakdown. She did not want to let him see her so weak again.
Isn’t that what you are right now?
“You’re crying.” It was not a question, but a statement.
“I’m not.” She took a breath, but it was shaky. She felt him trying to sit up, but she held him tight and used all her strength to make her stay in bed.
“Hey, what’s wrong?”
She just shook her head against his chest while still trying to keep him in place.
“Damn it,” Zephyr muttered. “You’re making me worry right now.”
She shut her eyes tightly as tears silently flowed uncontrollably. Her grip on his shoulder was so tight. The other hand that was on his chest was now balled into a fist.
“Damn it.”
She never saw it coming. When she opened her eyes again, her knees were already folded on each side of him and a pair of brown eyes were staring back her with so much worry. “I like your eyes.” She whispered between her tears.
“Ava…”
“I like your lips.”
“Av–”
“I like your smile.”
“Ava, you’re not alright. Did I say something wrong?”
“I like your arms arou–”
She was already in his arms before she could even get to finish her sentence and that was when she completely broke down. Sobs shook her body as he laid her head on his shoulder. Her hands were just limp on her sides. She felt so numb.
“It’s okay.”
His hands ran across her back, rubbing it comfortingly. She was glad he did not ask any more questions and just let her cry on his shoulder. And once again, she took advantage of him.
Zephyr was not sure how long they had been in staying in the same position. Her sobs hit him hard. He was dying to know what went wrong. But, he speculated that something might have terribly happened in the past for her to break down. The best he could do at the moment was to give her the comfort she needed. He would find out on his own. When she had finally stopped crying, he gave her a little more time just to make sure she was all fine.
“I don’t want to get up anymore.” She mumbled on his skin.
“We will get out of this room and act like everything is fine, okay? Are you embarrassed?”
He felt her nodding her head.
“It’s okay. There was nothing to be embarrassed, though. To be fine is to be strong. So toughen up and smile at me.”
Look at me.
And she did but was frowning instead of smiling. Zephyr pursed his lips, trying to hide his own smile. He just said that to make her feel better.
“We’re crazy.” He whispered.
“You’re crazy.”
“I am.”
Over you.
“Can you forget this happened?” She asked with hopeful eyes. His hand shot up to dry up her cheeks.
“The fact that you balled your eyes out?”
“Did you seriously say it like that?” Her frown just got even deeper, making him chuckle. She actually looked cute with those puffy eyes.
“I can’t promise.” He finally said.
Ava groaned and laid her head back on his shoulder. “Do I look so ugly right now?”
“Nope.” He said, popping the ‘p’.
“We should get dressed now.” She lifted off her head again and stared right into his eyes. “You have the most beautiful brown eyes.”
“You have the most beautiful blue eyes.” He whispered, tucking a piece of her dark hair behind her ear. He rubbed her under eyes with his thumb gently.
Just staring at each other, Zephyr found himself leaning in he claimed her lips in a soft kiss. It was a slow kiss.
“I’m sorry,” Zephyr whispered when they finally pulled away.
“There’s nothing to forgive.”
- Writer
