Monster's mate

Part VIII

Did you ever notice

I've been ashamed

All my life

I've been losing you

One day at a time

Bleeding, I'm bleeding

My cold little heart

Oh I, I can't stand myself

- Michael Kiwanuka- 

"Selest?"  He whispered my name like the worship to some ancient God. He start smelling my nose, eyes and face to make sure I was real. "Is that you?" He whispered as he caressed back of my head. 

"I missed you my whole life." I assured him and allowed him better access to my body. 

"I was in pain for so long." I heard him say. 

His fingers never stopped exploring me. His touch was so gentle that is was barely noticeable. Then his eyes moved to my lower part where were still visible stains from his earlier brutality. 

"What have I done?"  He quietly murmured in disbelief. 

"What have I done to you?" Now he said it louder as the realization hit him. 

"Its okay." I tried to comfort him but to no avail. 

He fall to his knees and I followed him down. Then he took my hands and covered his own eyes with them. It hurt me to see him this broken. I wanted to say something comforting, anything to help him with his pain. I wanted to shout that I don't care about his doings. None of his doings. Not to others, not to myself. But he covered my mouth with his hand before I could say anything. 

"Shh." He softly hummed.

 I closed the distance between our faces and tried to remove my hands from his eyes. 

"Open your eyes" I tried to sound assured. 

"I am a monster." I could hear him say. 

"I don't care, If you are one." Weakly I smiled and he opened his eyes. 

For few long moments he blankly stared at me like he was trying to absorb my form.  

"Like a starving dog I lived my whole  life of the memory of you."   With those words he broke the silence. 

He spoke with a great hurt and I waited for him to continue.  I tried to touch his face but disapprovingly he tossed his head aside. 

""I know you forgive me Sal. It is in your nature." He didn't touch me but his eyes caressed every angle of my face. 

 "But I will never, ever, forgive myself." 

"My whole life I believed you were dead but I never stopped trying to win you over." 

He looked at his dirty hands as something filthy and disgusting. "To be worthy of you." 

"If, you believe you are too dirty of me. If, you believe you are not up to my level Roy- lower me to yours." 

I took his large hands, pressed them on my chest and start rubbing my robe with them. "Make me dirty brother." 

"No!" He roared. 

 "I never want to touch you again." I looked at him in disbelief. 

"I never want you close to me again." After hearing those words, out of the fear I leaned closer to him but he pushed me backwards.

"I am not punishing you so why are you punishing me?" I cried. 

"Memories of you are my punishment Selest." With those words he stood up and turned his back on me.

"This is your home. Everyone in it will live by your command." He paused before making another step to the door.  

"You can do whatever you want. But don't you ever close distance between us." 

"So, this is it? You are turning your back on me? Again?" I said it loud enough for him to hear me. 

"You are abandoning me and going back to her? Your mate?!" By now I was crying out loud. I was left alone in the room. 

My worst nightmare is slowly becoming my life. With each day that passes he will be more of hers and less of mine. I know what mating bond does to wolves. 

"Roy, I command you to come back! " I screamed. 

"Please, love, come back to me!" I yelped with no one to hear my cries.

"I can not survive without you."  What I truly meant to say was "I can not survive, If you start loving someone else."