The Beta's Cursed Mate

Deep Cleaning

As soon as I got home I threw my purse onto the table and went to the bathroom. I pulled my hair into a loose bun and meticulously washed off my makeup, not wanting to sink back into reality just yet, even if that meant ignoring Rodney a bit longer and enduring his wrath.

I chuckled dryly to myself, his wrath. I fought the anger that welled up in me, tried to consume me, clenching my fist at how he dared to speak to me.

I knew I had worried him, and I would take full responsibility for that on my part, but that didn’t mean that he had to attack me like he did.

I splashed my face with cold water. He was worried about me because he cared about me, because he loved me, because of the recent events.

I went back to my purse and called him, not bothering to read the other texts that popped up on my phone.

“What?” His voice was rough as he picked up on the first ring.

“I’m sorry” I sighed.

“For what?” His voice was flat.

“For worrying you,” It sounded more like a question and I quickly changed my tone, “For not texting you, I should have.”

“Yes, and you always do. I didn’t know if it was happening again.”

S.hit. I completely forgot. I didn’t even think about that. That was probably where his mind went first to one of my episodes. He was scared and I was ignoring him out with new friends.

“Bella?,” he breathed.

“I-I, I wasn’t thinking. I’m so sorry, Rodney.”

“How could you ignore me like that after everything that's happened?” He pressed on.

“I lost track of time, I went out with some friends and-”

“You didn’t tell me. You said you were getting notes and heading home.”

“I know, I already apologized, but plans changed. It was last minute, I promise.”

“Who would you even have been out with?" He demanded, "Something could have happened.” The pit formed in my stomach again. I knew that. I chose to ignore his first question, knowing nothing good would come out of me being around a male friend.

“I know but it didn’t.” Silence, “And you didn’t need to be so rude to me just because you were worried or annoyed.” As soon as it left my mouth I knew I should have let it go, but the flicker of anger left in me thinking of his accusatory texts flared up.

“You always text me, and you always go home when you’re supposed to.” Those words made me stop, I wasn’t his possession.

“When I’m supposed to?” I repeated.

“Bella,” He sighed, I could envision him rubbing his eyes and then pinching the bridge of his nose, something he did only when he was super exasperated with me. I hated when he did that. “I’m not doing this with you now,” He continued on,” You ignored me, had me worried sick out drinking with who? Your s.lutty friends you used to party with every weekend when I first met you?” He chuckled dryly.

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly, I really shouldn’t have brought it up.

“And now you, you, want to start a fight with me over wording? Do you see how you sound? How crazy you’re acting? You really shouldn’t drink it turns you into a petty and mean person. I don’t like it.”

My heart thundered through my chest. What was he talking about? The anger I fought to suppress rose in me once again.

“Who were you out with?” He demanded,

“Friends from class, celebrating our break.” It wasn’t a lie.

“And now your withholding information, Bella. Seriously? Do you hear yourself?” He chuckled again and it made me want to throw my phone.

“I’m tired, I’ll call you tomorrow. Love you.”

“I bet you are-” I hung up before he could say anything else, I dropped my phone on the table before I could throw it and slunk down to the floor leaning against the back of the couch ignoring the vibrations of my phone that didn’t stop, and hung my head on my knees and cried.

Sobs shook through me, all my anger, sadness, resentment, frustration, confusion, and guilt wracked through me with each shaky breath I took.

I let out the wave of emotions that I had carefully tucked away, alone I could open it up. I wasn’t expecting them to all rush out at once but as soon as I opened that door I lost complete control.

I don’t know how long I lay there, I might have fallen asleep on the floor.

A harsh ping dinged on my phone and I saw red. I didn’t want to hear anything else from him. I grabbed my phone from the table and was about to turn it off when I got a notification from an unknown number.

It’s Lucas, hope you made it home safe :)

I held my phone to my chest and before I knew what I was doing, I saved his number and changed his notification to a softer ping so I wouldn’t associate it with the angry ping I kept hearing tonight.

I pulled myself off the floor and dropped my dress on the bedroom floor before crawling into bed. I passed out as soon as I hit the pillow.

I awoke with a start, sweat clung to my brow and I looked around trying to get a grip of my surroundings. Soft light filtered through the curtains that weren’t fully shut.

It was morning then, I looked around for any sign of anything out of place. The sheets were barely touched, I must have passed out. I hoped for everything that I passed out and didn't once awaken or move from this bed.

S.hit I was naked, my sweater dress was on the floor though. But then I remembered I had pulled it off.

Something hit me as I scanned the room, I forgot to lock my bedroom door, and I forgot to hide my keys.

Something could have happened, something really bad could have happened, and it might have.

I checked my phone and everything seemed fine. There were no new messages since last night, but that didn't mean anything.

I carefully left my room and surveyed my apartment. With every step I took anxiety settled over me. I was looking for something that I didn't want to find.

Everything seemed okay though, everything was where I left it. My purse was on the table, were my keys still there though?

I held my breath as I rushed to it, dumping the contents onto the table.

My keys clattered onto the wood along with my wallet and lipstick, music to my ears.

Good, that was a good sign.

I closed the last few steps to the front door. It was locked, double-locked.

That didn’t mean much either, but it was promising.

I sighed, turning my back to the door and letting it hold me up. I looked around again, really surveying it this time, not as scared because I would have seen some sign by now.

Nothing was out of place, there wasn’t any dirt or mud or signs of life outside. Since there was no one to clean them up me I would have seen them. I would have known.

Satisfied but still shaken, I walked to the kitchen and went through the motions of making coffee, cursing myself for letting my emotions get the best of me for one night and leaving myself in such a vulnerable position. That would never happen again, especially when I was alone.

I checked the fridge, I could make one grocery run and hole myself up here for the rest of the week. That would be the best option. There wasn’t anything else I had to do anyway.

I spent the day feeling restless. This was the first time since I could remember that I didn’t relish being home, feeling like a piece of me needed to be here.

I decided to do a deep clean. My textbooks weren’t distracting enough and if the place was sparkling and I lit a new candle, then I knew I would feel like I had my life in order and more content being stuck in the house alone for a week.

After hours of bleaching, soaking, and scrubbing, loose tendrils of hair were plastered on my forehead. My back was sore and it reminded me that I really needed to get back into working out or just stretching.

I found a yoga class on YouTube and cast it to my TV and tried to shut out everything but my breathing, way easier said than done.

But after a hot shower, I looked around and felt pretty okay. The place was clean, my body was sore in a good way, and my muscles were loose from the yoga and the hot water.

Now to make some dinner and catch up on some s.hit TV.

Even that was boring, I was frustrated with myself, with everything. I craved this time alone, relished being in my own space and all I felt was empty, agitated like something was missing, but I couldn’t place my finger on it.

I checked my phone, no messages from Rodney today. Nothing nice, but nothing mean either, so I guess I’ll take it. He knew where I was anyway, he had my location on and I hadn’t left the house so there was no need for him to text me.

I scoffed, throwing the remote against a pillow. Since I was home all day there was no need for my boyfriend to text me. That thought right there woke something up in me. Something more than anger and rage, something that beat against me repeating something that I knew for far too long.

I was about to text him but I thought better of it especially when my emotions were unchecked. A commercial for Shrek 2 came on promising it would be on in the next few hours. I laughed thinking about Lucas and my conversation about it last night.

Before I could second guess myself, before I could talk myself away from it for a thousand logical reasons, I texted him.

So I’ve been thinking about our little debate and I’ve come to a conclusion -

Almost immediately there was that soft ping I forgot I changed his text tone to

What about it? Decide to change sides

It was easy texting him. It felt right, I smiled at his name on my phone.

I’ve come to the conclusion that you’re still wrong I texted him and then added

There is no way that Puss In Boots would ever lose to Elastigirl in one-to-one combat

You’re going to have to convince me again…

Elastigirl I mean sure she's flexible, but she would be completely taken off guard, that's what Puss has, the element of surprise.

But once the surprise wears off, there are nowhere those tiny legs could get him to, she would grab him, chase him, find him. There is no way he's fast enough

Excellent point. I let him think he won for a second before typing out another response

But, the element of surprise wouldn’t have a chance to wear off, she would already be knocked out.

Hahaha, fine Isabella, you win this one. But I’m only giving it to you because I’m driving and can’t explain my thoroughly thought ten-step thesis on why you’re wrong.

I laughed and set my phone down thinking of my next response when he texted again

Also, I don’t want to hurt your feelings

A smile tugged at me, I could picture his face when he said that. His ever-changing blue eyes turned to mock concern.

Prick lol. Don’t text and drive.

;)

I set down my phone again. What was I doing? This felt wrong, but more than that, it felt right.

So so right.

I made sure that the front door was locked and chained, not like that me before, but it was the illusion of safety that I needed tonight. I hid my keys, doing my best to clear my mind so that I couldn't find them later. I didn't have Rodney to take them from me tonight.

I debated going to my room for an added layer of false security, but when Shrek 2 started playing, I settled into the couch and drifted off into a dreamless sleep.