The Beta's Cursed Mate

Waking Up Unconscious

“Do you really have to go away again?” He got back a few days ago and was already packing up to go somewhere else. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it, but I was upset and I didn’t feel like unpacking it right now.

“How many times do I have to explain it? I just went to see friends, to unwind. This is for work.” I crossed my arms in front of me, clamping my mouth shut so I didn’t say anything stupid.

“Bella, please.” He sighed, “Don’t make me feel more guilty than I already do,” He walked up to where I was leaning against the kitchen counter and put his arms on either side of me.

I tilted my head to his and met his stormy gray eyes, “I promise we will do something when I get back, I’m just really busy right now.”

I nodded as I noted the dark circles under his eyes that weren’t there a few days ago.

“Okay,”

He looked into my eyes and tilted his head, looking for something. I kept my face impassive, maybe with a hint of worry. Even though we’d been dating for months at this point, that intense eye contact always made me feel a bit uncomfortable. My instincts wanted me to shy away from it.

He stepped away, “Don’t pull any of that s.hit like you did last time.” I opened my mouth to say something but his back was already turned.

That familiar rage fought its way to the surface, at the injustice, the complete unfairness, and the double standard. He was always like this, even before the episodes started.

“You have your location right? Let me check before I leave, just you know, in case.” He trailed off, he didn't have to say it.

My stomach formed a pit, as much as I hated to be reminded of it, it was something that was always on the back of my mind.

I nodded, then turned to grab my phone from the counter, wanting to do it myself. His eyes followed my movements and I looked for the app before removing and re-adding him.

“There, I refreshed it just in case.” I smiled at him and he pulled out his phone nodding, accepting the notification.

I could see him head to my room from the open kitchen. I released my fist. I didn’t realize I was clenching.

I busied myself trying to pull something together for dinner. I wasn’t hungry but I needed to occupy myself and the last thing I wanted to do was get in his way.

I opened the fridge, I could make some salmon and maybe a quick risotto if we had chicken stock.

I pulled out all the ingredients, humming to myself as I settled into the familiar mindless task of cooking something I didn’t have to think about anymore.

“I’m not hungry.” Rodney jolted me from my thoughts as he passed the kitchen.

“I’ll put some in the fridge for you,” I mumbled, maybe I was cooking for myself, assf.uck. That thought surprised me.

I heard the door open behind me pulling me from myself again.

“Where are you going?” I demanded,

He rolled his eyes as if that wasn’t a question he asked me any time I even got near the d.amn door.

“Out,” He pointed to the world behind the door and I crossed my arms, “I just need to get a few things from the office for the trip tomorrow, pick up a few other things I need.” He shrugged, speaking slowly like he didn’t want to set me off like I was dumb for asking.

I didn’t say anything, I turned back to stirring the risotto, s.hit it needed more broth.

“Is that okay with you?” There was something taunting in his voice that I didn’t like.

“Sure, have fun.”

“It’s always something with you,” He laughed dryly, I didn’t turn to look behind me until the door shut.

I fell asleep before he got back.

Everything was fuzzy, I felt like I was rapidly coming out of being overly drunk and the world came back before me. I shook my head to try to get out of that thick fog, that haze that I was still in.

Finally, things became clearer but that familiar headache rang through me. Pulsing through my body until it cleared the haze. I didn’t know which was worse, the haze or the headache.

I put my hand to my head to try to push it back together, it had to be splitting open. There was no way this feeling was coming from inside of me, but it was. I removed my hand and sighed, clenching my teeth against the pain.

My hand was crusted in blood?

Was that mine? My hand started shaking at my brain's realization.

My stomach dropped and I felt nauseous as I realized what was happening but I was still outside.

I never woke up before, never until I was back at the apartment.

My breath came out in short bursts.

Okay, where was I? I just needed to get home. I sat down.

Concrete.

A street, no, a parking lot.

Facing the forest.

Rustling and a loud huff had me scrambling backward. There was something out there.

Someone watching me. Something watching me.

I pushed back and a black bag scraped against the concrete with my movements. My hand won't let go of it.

How did I not notice it?

Okay, just breathe. I’m not in the middle of nowhere. I need to figure out where I am and I can get home. That's all.

I stand up steadying my breath and trying to forget all of the panic that is threatening to overtake me completely.

I can ignore it, I’m good at that.

“Bella?” A confused voice had me turning around, familiar but panic still rose.

Rodney was standing in front of me looking me over.

“You found me,” I breathed, relief flooding through me.

“Bella?” He asked again as if I wasn’t there, his eyes went to the bag in my hand. I instinctively pulled it behind me, something in me told me to protect it, but I was too scared to know what was inside, too scared to even try to remember what I was doing.

“Come on, let's get you inside.” He took a tentative step toward me with his hands in front of him, as if I was a threat.

I nodded, he came closer and I wanted to crumple into his strong arms.

He reached for the bag, and I reluctantly pried open my hand from it, my fingers sore with the effort, as if I was clutching it for dear life.

He turned on his heel and I followed him, realizing that we were near my apartment building, in one of the parking lots out back that we rarely used once a newer one was put in.

So, I almost made it home, but why didn’t I this time?

I physically shook my head, I didn’t want to think about it.

A twinge of pain shot through me and I hugged myself as I followed him. I felt like s.hit and not because of the dull throb of my head.

I felt helpless, I couldn’t stop myself, Rodney couldn’t even stop me.

What have I become? How could I stop it? Could I even stop it?

Tears streamed down my face and I choked back a sob as I walked up the steps to our apartment.

He looked back at me warily as he locked the door twice behind me, not like that could stop me.

He opened his mouth to say something but shook his head, a flash of confusion crossing his face.

“I’ll start you a bath, get out of those clothes.” I looked down at the dark hoodie, his hoodie I was wearing and the dirt and blood stained on it.

I peeled them off on the floor not caring anymore.

Usually, I wake up in the apartment or come back to consciousness in the apartment. I guess I was never fully sleeping, I wasn’t sure.

There was usually dirt, I was exhausted and looked and felt like I ran a marathon. Sometimes there was water and mud around the room if it was raining.

Rodney was always there to help, he cleaned up everything before I woke up the next morning, after I saw what I did. I was immensely grateful to not have that reminder. I didn't know what I would do without him.

No one else would want me, no one else would understand.

We stopped speaking about it really, so it was easier to pretend it didn’t happen even though it was constantly tugging at the back of my mind.

“It’s ready.” Rodney came out of the bathroom and looked me over, “When did you wake up?” He took a few steps toward me and stopped.

“A few minutes before you found me, I- I,” I swallowed, hugging my naked body that was freezing to my touch.

He nodded and turned to his office.

“Thank you,” I mumbled, my voice sounding distant.

He looked back towards me with one of his eyebrows raised and nodded again.

I walked past the kitchen table, my phone was sitting there and I grabbed it instinctively now. I used to leave it around but now that, he, well Lucas, now that he texted me occasionally, I didn’t think Rodney would like that.

I suppose I should feel guilty if I had something to hide from my boyfriend. I knew that wasn’t right. I would think about that tomorrow.

I willed myself to not look at my body, as I sank into the warm water, the water turning a mix of muddy brown with a tinge of red around me.