The Beta's Cursed Mate

The Decision

(Isabella)

My head was pounding as I forced my eyes to open, fighting against everything in me that told me to go back to sleep. My phone was vibrating. That’s what must have pulled me from my deep sleep. I grabbed it, shutting it off immediately before turning to Rodney.

There was always an emptiness in me, a fear mixed with sadness after one of those episodes. I reached to wake him up so that he would snuggle me in his warm arms and pull me close, telling me that everything would be okay, that he would protect me and take care of me.

His side of the bed was cold.

My eyes shot open at the realization, my sleepiness leaving me abruptly. I sat up and looked around before crawling out of bed.

The memories of last night hit me and I almost stumbled. I was wearing one of his shirts. I had to shower after the bath to remove the rest of the dirt from me and scrubbed at my hands to get the dirt out of my fingernails multiple times in anger.

What was I even doing?

I hated that part of me.

The light left on in the kitchen felt too bright against the closed curtains everywhere, but there was no sign of him, no sign that last night happened either. I got a faint smell of bleach, Rodney must have cleaned the bathtub and my dirty clothes were gone from the floor.

His keys weren’t on the table, the door was locked but not chained, so I guess he was gone.

Did he try to wake me up?

A part of me was surprised. I grabbed my stomach at that prickling feeling of hurt. He left me after last night. I thought he would have postponed his work trip at least.

I grabbed my phone to check what he texted me, what his pathetic excuse was, but I didn’t have any from him.

A different wave of emotion washed through me as I saw it was a missed call from Lucas, that was the call that woke me up.

Before I could think, I immediately Facetimed him back. I wouldn’t go back to sleep anyway, not with so many mixed emotions rushing through me.

His bright smile filled the screen and he looked wary, exhausted even, but happy. There was a glimmer of light in his eyes and it was infectious. I couldn’t describe it.

“Hello?” I said. I never had to fake it with him. Recently, I felt like I was choosing my emotions, putting on a mask of things that I didn’t feel but that all washed away whenever I spoke to him.

“Hi, er, I just wanted to hear your voice, make sure you were okay.” My breath caught in my throat, there was no way he could have known but I needed to hear those words now more than anything.

“Oh.” I took a breath, trying not to cry. D.amn it, “I’m fine, I’m glad you called actually.” It came out before I could think.

“Really?” He looked hopeful and it melted me.

“Yeah, I just, I missed talking to you I guess? I know that sounds stupid. I don’t even know you. But you’ve become such a good friend to me in the few weeks I have.” I felt like I stumbled over my words.

“I’m glad to hear it,” That f.ucking gorgeous smile again, “So, tell me everything. I need a distraction.”

“Well, I think I’m going to die soon,” I smile at his reaction.

“Isabella,” He says gravely, “I’ll come right now." That protectiveness made my stomach clench.

“Lucas stop,” I giggled, actually giggled. Who was I, “You know in Harry Potter when Harry starts seeing that black dog and thinks that it's a symbol of death?”

“The Grimm?”

“Yes! That thing, well I swear I have been seeing a dog around,” It was true, but I definitely made it sound more dramatic. Ever since our midterm break, I kept getting the feeling that someone was watching me. I didn’t really think anything of it and didn’t even voice it to Rodney, I knew it was stupid.

“Tell me about this dog,”

“He’s brown and as big as a house,” Lucas laughed once.

“And you keep seeing it?”

I frowned, “Well I think I heard it, but I definitely have seen something recently. On my way to class, usually in the woods.”

“Stay out of the woods then,” He smiled but looked away from the screen, “So a dog is following you? What do you think it means?”

“Well, certain death of course.”

“And my fair Isabella, are you ready for that?”

I put my hand over my heart, “If the wizarding world calls in my soul I will be.”

He smiled but his eyes looked hurt so I changed the subject not sure what affected him.

“Besides my new pet, I’m burying myself in studying so I can get through the next few months. My professors decided to finally increase our workload right at the end, it seems like they don’t want us graduating.”

“I’ve heard that was the case.”

“You didn’t go to college?” I asked and then looked down. That was incredibly rude. Of course, that didn’t matter at all, “Sorry, just with your job and you know-.”

He shook his head, “I had enough training. I was training actually for the job I took over since childhood. So no, I didn’t need it.” I nodded thinking of Sam, why their paths were so different.

We ended up talking for hours, he paced around a house that looked huge. I didn’t see much of it but in the rare glimpses of the background, I got there were stone walls, huge windows, and high ceilings. I didn’t ask where he was for some reason, I knew the answer would make me feel small.

I ended up drifting back to my room and lay on my bed as I talked to him. He was doing the same thing and after a while, he fell asleep, his thick lashes falling across his cheeks and he didn’t open them again.

The phone fell out of his hand and I was looking at a white ceiling. I curled up in bed and drifted back off to sleep as well, not shutting off the phone. It felt more comfortable with him there.

I felt less lonely.

The next few days passed by quickly, too quickly. Maybe it was because of my studies or maybe it was because of the peace that I finally felt.

Keys rattled in the door and my stomach clenched, I swallowed a familiar feeling of fear, almost choking on it as I pushed it down. I noticed for the first time that my body stiffened when he was around.

Rodney walked in wearing full black. Something I might have made a mission-impossible joke about before.

“Hi,” I forced out closing the book in my hands, “How was it?” I painted on a smile.

“Exhausting, I’m glad to be home.” He kissed my forehead and went to our room. Usually, I asked more but I didn’t care, I was mad at him for some reason that had nothing to do with the fact he had only texted me once since he left. Or the fact that he left me after that last episode.

Every movement of mine was calculated, I was aware of my body with every small motion I made.

He came back out with just his black sweatpants on, something that used to make my mouth water. I wasn’t sure what the change was, or when it happened.

I realized that I was happier since he was gone and his presence, even if he wasn’t doing anything aggressive, annoyed me. More than that, it made me feel actually sick to be around him, constantly on edge, constantly worrying about something that might set him off that I had no idea of.

“What did you get up to?” He looked at me pausing in front of the bathroom door

I shrugged and put on another smile, I wondered when I started doing this when they stopped being genuine, “Mostly studying, we’ve had a ton of homework and.” He nodded and closed the bathroom door.

I swallowed, but that normal hurt and sadness were replaced by something else. He didn’t even bother to check on me.

I settled the rage and focused on a cool calm, something that used to feel foreign but I was used to at this point. I walked to the kitchen to give myself something to do. Busy myself instead of being thrown through the turmoil of my thoughts.

I felt my insides tighten as if pulled by a leash, I got a flashback of who I used to be before. Before.

I grasped the counter and took three steadying breaths. I didn’t want to forget this feeling, I didn’t want to lose this moment.

I made up my mind right here that I would think about this relationship the next time I was alone. Truly face it for once.

I could feel something shifting, changing recently and this was probably a long time coming, but I could just now see what I knew to be true for months now.

This wasn’t healthy, it wasn’t going to change, I couldn’t do this.

I can’t do this.

Steadying breaths, I opened the fridge to feel the cool air on my face, something to ground me. To stop me from the short bursts of breath that would have me spiraling.

“What the hell are you doing?” Rodney laughed but it sounded more like a scoff.

I blinked realizing I was staring into the fridge, “Uh, just seeing if there is anything to make for dinner.”

“Shouldn’t you already know that?” He raised an eyebrow. Breathe breathe breathe.

“Okay, you’re starting to freak me out, Bella,” He took a step toward me and I took one back for the first time, knocking into the open fridge door.

Anger flashed across his face mixed with confusion.

“Sorry, just startled me.” He stepped forward again and pulled me into a tight hug, something loosened in my chest and it wasn’t relief. It was finally knowing. I didn’t have to think about it, I knew my decision.

Nothing was going to change, and I couldn't keep staying just for those rare moments where we felt like us again.

I just needed to figure out how to go about this. I let him hold me for a few moments before letting me go.

“I’m going for a run,” I announced, heading to the room to change into leggings.

“I’ll come with you,” He appeared at the door, taking up most of the frame. I shook my head.

“I’m okay thanks, I’ll have my phone with me.” I plastered on a smile and he looked me over, not taking his eyes off me. It made me uncomfortable.

“Where are you going?”

“Just the trail behind my, er our place. I feel like I’ve been stuck home recently with the s.hit weather I want to enjoy a dry day.” I overly explained.

A vein twitched in his face and he clenched his hand. I looked towards it and he released his grip, staring at me.

“Are you okay?” I asked him, but he didn’t seem to hear me.

“Do you still want to go for a run?” He asked, crossing his arms in a way that seemed forced casual. I wonder if that's how I look, if he knows that I’m faking my smile right now.

“Yeah,” I shrugged, mirroring his casual stance. I didn’t change my mind in a minute.

“Okay.” His jaw clenched and he turned away from me

“Rodney?” I asked and he paused, “What was in the bag?”

“What do you mean?” His stormy eyes turned back to me, his voice flat.

“The bag that I was holding the other night when you know.” I trailed off.

“Oh,” He nodded, “Nothing really, just dirt.”

“Just dirt?” I repeated. Why would I put dirt in a bag? Then where did the blood come from? He had reason to lie to me though.

He nodded, “I took care of it. Don’t worry.”

“Thanks,” I said to his back.

I walked across our parking lot to where one of the trails snaked into the woods. I debated sending Lucas a picture of me walking to meet my Grimm but I needed a clear head and not one consumed by Lucas.

I rolled my shoulders and started a quick stretch before starting my brisk walk. I didn’t really need to run I just needed some time alone some time away to think and walking through the woods always helped me collect my thoughts.

I needed to end it with him, but then who would find me who would protect me after an episode? I shook my head, that didn’t matter I would figure it out. I couldn’t keep him around just for that.

I should go see a doctor, I would go see a doctor. Rodney was the one that thought it was a bad idea and that it was just temporary, but it turned out it wasn’t.

We lived together. I’m assuming he would move out. I wouldn’t be opposed to leaving if I could find a place but halfway through the semester might be tricky. No harm in posting on one of the f******k groups to see if I could get lucky and find a sublet.

The main problem was having the conversation with him, it would have to be somewhere public and I couldn’t budge on my decision. I couldn’t go back on it.

I’ve seen him get really angry before and I didn't want that directed at me, I could do it tonight even go to dinner have a bag packed and go where?

“Heya Isabella.” Sam smiled brightly at me, startling me. I didn't hear his footsteps, I didn't notice anyone else on this trail.

“Hey, Sam.” I said after a moment of realization, “What are you doing out here?”

He shrugged, running a hand through his sandy brown hair, “I like these trails, they’re nicer than the ones by my house. Want company?”

“Sure,” I said but something in my face must have given away my lie.

“How about I walk behind you, just in case you need to talk, I swear,” He held a hand up, “I won’t talk to you just enjoy nature.”

I smiled, “You can walk with me you know,”

“No no don't worry about me, I’m just here to protect you. You never know what's in these woods.”

“Lucas told you,” My eyes went wide, I didn’t want Sam knowing I thought something was following me.

“No? What?” He genuinely looked confused.

“Nevermind, I just, I thought I saw something before.” I smiled at him feeling embarrassed.

I turned back to my thoughts back to the trail. Sam made good on his promise and followed in silence for almost an hour.

“I have a strange question to ask you, but I don’t know who else, I don’t have anyone else.” I turned back to him when I figured it all out.

“Shoot,” He smiled widely, but he looked worried.

“Do you think?” I didn’t know how to ask it, “Do you think I could crash on your couch for a night maybe?”

“Sure, as long as you need.”

“I just,” I pushed around some gravel with the toe of my shoe, “I think something is going to happen and I need to-”

“You don’t have to tell me,” He reached out and squeezed my arm, “I mean, you can talk to me if you want, but if you’re not ready you don’t have to explain.” I felt immensely relieved at that. Not just having a place to stay if I needed it but knowing that I had someone to talk to.

A friend.

“We’re friends right?” I asked, kicking a pebble.

“Of course, we are.” He gave me that smile that reminded me so much of his brothers, “Now we need to decide on movies and snacks if you’re staying.”