BROKEN & SCREWED (BS #1)

Chapter 4-1

4

I woke up when Jesse nudged me onto my back and then moved above me. When my eyes opened, I knew what was happening, and I wanted it. As his lips touched my neck, I wound my legs around his. Soon we were both groaning.

An hour later, after we were both spent, Jesse groaned and got up. He padded barefoot into his bathroom. His shower turned on, and I took that as my cue. Instead of my dress, I nabbed one of his larger shirts and a pair of his shorts. I knew they weren’t Ethan’s, so I knew Jesse wouldn’t care. As soon as I was dressed, I hurried out of there.

When I got home, the place was empty as I rushed upstairs, but I was used to it. It seemed that my dad lived at his office and my mother was usually in bed at all hours of the day. I dressed for work and left, making sure I locked the door behind me.

It wasn’t until I pulled into the mall’s parking lot that I realized I hadn’t heard the television in my parents’ bedroom. Mom always fell asleep to the news. For some reason, the hairs on the back of my neck stood, but I tried to shake the uneasy feeling. I’m sure my mother was okay. She was always okay, distant but okay.

Ben arrived at the Coffee Hut at the same time as I did. It didn’t take long for the other two girls to leave and we got comfortable. It was a weekend night, so we both expected it to be slow, which it was. After an hour of not having a single customer, the sight of Angie and Marissa made me feel giddy. Ben stopped in the middle of his story, but I was okay with that. I couldn’t hear much more about his dog, Mickey, who liked to hump other dogs and was the happiest English Cocker Spaniel there was in the world.

“Hey, guys!”

Both shared a look at my bright smile.

“What?” I rolled my eyes. “You guys want coffee?”

“No.” Angie snorted. “We’re just at the Coffee Hut to smell the merchandise, not actually to buy it.”

Marissa grinned and tightened her hold on the bags in her hands.

“Where’d you guys go?” I tried to count the bags, but there were too many. I wasn’t surprised. Marissa was the shopper in the group.

She shrugged and flipped her black hair over her shoulder. “Just some stores. I got a sexy outfit for school. You need to go with me next week. I’ve seen your wardrobe. You need something sexy for the first day.”

Angie narrowed her eyes. “Where were you last night? Justin had people over, but neither of us could get a hold of you all night.”

Ben sucked in his breath beside me. He started to hum from his excitement.

I shrugged. “I stayed home. I didn’t feel like going out.”

“But you couldn’t tell me that? I texted you a million times.”

Marissa arched her eyebrows and looked at Angie in surprise. She bit her lip as a frown formed.

“I know. I’m sorry. I’ve been out of sorts.”

“You’ve been out of sorts for a long time,” Angie snapped and crossed her arms. “What’s going on with you?”

“Hey—” Marissa opened her mouth.

“I don’t need a friend intervention. I’m fine. I’ve just been sad lately. Get off my back,” I snapped.

“You took off with Jesse yesterday.” I glared at Angie at the same moment Ben turned his eyes to me.

“You did?” his breathing picked up. He whispered underneath his breath, “That is awesome.”

“You did?” Marissa’s tone chilled, and she moved back a step. Her arms folded over her chest as she mirrored Angie’s pose. “I thought the two of you were nothing to each other. When did this change?”

I felt caught in their sights. And something told me they both knew more than they were sharing. So, I sighed in surrender and asked, “What have you heard?”

Both girls frowned and glared at me, but Marissa was the one to answer. “Just that Casey Wright said you were in Jesse’s bed last night. She left the party with him but came back an hour later majorly pissed off. And the things she was saying about you . . . if I weren’t so pissed that you ditched us for him, I would’ve taken her out.”

I froze as I heard her words.

They both knew I lied.

This was not good.

Then I looked at Angie. Her eyes had softened, but I saw the hurt in them. “I’m sorry for not telling you.”

She softened even more. Her arms fell back down to her side. “It’s whatever. I guess. So what’s going on with you two?”

Marissa looked away.

I may have softened Angie but Marissa wasn’t going to budge. I only hoped that I wouldn’t lose her friendship because of it. “I thought you supported the idea of Jesse and me.”

“I did, but you’d been distant and even quieter since his graduation two months ago.” Her hands lifted in the air. “What do you want from me? You’ve been off since Ethan died, and you were finally becoming a little more normal until that night. Since you left with Jesse—”

“Wait. How do you know that?”

“I saw you, and then you never responded to my text. When I came out to make sure you were okay. I saw the two of you and he got in your car. It doesn’t take a genius, Alex. I knew what you did. And you never came to Barnies the next day for breakfast.”

“And you’ve been so distant from us since then. We can’t even depend on you to hang out with us. I mean, Justin had a party last night and you wouldn’t respond to our text messages.”

Ben harrumphed beside me. “She doesn’t text me back, either.”

I swung around. “You texted me last night?”

He shrugged and edged to the side. “I would’ve. I thought about it.”

I continued to stare at him.

He looked away and busied himself with a customer that had approached on the side. “Hi! How can I help you?”

I turned back to my friends. “I’m sorry. I am. I just . . . I don’t know what to say.”

“So are you guys together or what? Casey said she got booted out by him. He took one look at you and practically threw her out of his home. Granted, I loved hearing that she got booted on her ass, but . . .” Marissa trailed off and shared another dark look with Angie. She took a breath, as if to ready herself. “But what’s going on? Are you guys dating?”

I looked away. What could I say? No, we weren’t. My friends would lecture me on how I needed to be a strong woman. I couldn’t give up the jewels for nothing, but they didn’t know what it was like. I could escape with him, only him. It wouldn’t be the same with anyone else. I would feel empty. I did feel empty with everyone else, even spending time with people.

Jesse understood.

Then I lifted my shoulders in a helpless shrug. “No, we aren’t together. I don’t know what else to say other than that Jesse loved him, too.”

“Oh!” Angie’s eyes went wide.

Marissa looked horrified.

“Oh my gawd. I didn’t even think about that.” Angie surged forward. Her hand clamped down on mine where it was on the counter. She squeezed it. “I am so sorry, Alex. We—we didn’t even think about that.” Her shoulders sagged. “I’m a horrible friend. I should’ve thought about that.”

“Yeah, well, don’t worry about it.” My tone was casual, but I couldn’t ignore the guilt in my stomach. It spread throughout me. I looked anywhere but at my friends. I shouldn’t have pulled away and I knew I had. Angie was right. Since that graduation night, I had steadily stopped responding to them and hanging out with them.

“Okay, um . . .” Marissa still bit her lip, but she forced a cheery voice out. “There’s a thing at the baseball fields tonight. It’s like a midnight tournament. Do you want to go?”

I held my breath. Did I?

“Jesse will be there.” Marissa added. “The whole thing’s like a good-bye to him tonight.”

And that was my reminder that he had become the school’s star over the last year. He went from an above average athlete to excelling where no one could touch his records. I forgot how much Jesse had achieved over the last year, but in a sense I understood. He pursued anything that would keep his mind from Ethan. I did the same, but that meant I pulled away from everyone else.

Ben gushed out, “Can I come, too?”

Both Angie and Marissa cracked a smile.

Then Angie questioned, “Alex?”

I already knew I was going. Who was I kidding? I was glutton for punishment, and seeing Jesse in his element was definitely going to be a punishment for me.

I nodded my agreement.

Ben clapped his hands together. “Oh, goody! I can’t wait. I have the perfect shirt in mind.”