BROKEN & SCREWED (BS #1)

1 When I got to the bonfire, the smell of fire and booze filled the air. Underneath was the smell of sweat. My nose wrinkled, and I grimaced but headed toward it. The guys had been partying all day since it was the last day of school. I was glad I didn’t smell anything worse. People swarmed in the woods as I continued toward wherever the fire would be. That was where my friends would be. Angie and Marissa liked to be the center of attention. Angie was the willowy blonde with a model’s look. Her blue eyes seemed to launch out of her body. They were intense, smoky, and had ensnared most of the male population in our school. And Marissa rivaled her in the looks department. She was petite, with jet-black hair, dark almond eyes, and a personality that dubbed her Sullivan High School’s man-eater. Even though we had finished our junior year and had three months of summer before we started our reign as seniors, I knew they wanted to start early. Those two were ready for the senior girls to leave so they could take the crown as the queens of our school. “Alex!” I couldn’t stop a chuckle as Angie leaned over her boyfriend’s shoulder and waved at me. She was so eager that she tipped forward and fell down his body and to the floor. She’d been standing on a truck and her movement sent a jerking movement underneath the rest of the girls who danced there. They screamed, grabbing on to anything to steady them. A group of guys stood around the truck. Some of the guys were ogling the girls, but some of them were chatting with their friends. More than a few jumped forward and couldn’t hide their smirks when the girls grabbed them for balance. Justin looked down at Angie on the ground, sighed, and continued talking with his friend. “Alex!” Her shout turned into a whine, and I took her hand so I could haul her back to her feet. “I’m so embarrassed.” “You shouldn’t be,” I said. She’d done it enough times over the past year since she had started drinking. Then I glanced around. “Where’s Marissa?” “Where else?” Her tone turned snippy. “Trying to hit on your man. I don’t know why she even tries. He doesn’t want a girlfriend since he broke up with Sarah. Everyone can see that Jesse Hunt is the hit ’em and quit ’em guy this year. Seriously. He’s hooked up with someone at every single party.” She threw her arm around in a circle, and her voice rose a notch. “And everyone also knows that if he’s going to date someone, it’s going to be you.” The slight enjoyment I had when I first got to the party died. “Stop, Angie. Jesse and I aren’t even friends. We’re nothing.” She snorted. “And if he were going to date someone, it would be Sarah. It wouldn’t be me. He was with her for three years, remember? Those type of feelings don’t vanish.” She snorted again, and then her chest heaved a few times before she crossed her arms. “I’m going to get more beer. You want any?” I shook my head. She left even before she saw my response, but she knew I didn’t drink. The only two times I ever had any alcohol were the two times I got wasted. Both nights intermingled with harsh memories, memories I didn’t even want to think about ever again. “Alex!” This time it was Marissa. She had a bright smile on her face as she hurried around a group. She held a cup of beer in one hand and was wiping her face with the other as she stopped next to me. She panted for a second but then flipped her black locks over her shoulder. Her hand went to her hip and, just like that, her pose could’ve been in a magazine. “Hey.” I was half warm, half cautious. Was she going to talk about Jesse? He’d been her obsession for the last month. I knew she didn’t want to really date him, but she did want to sleep with him. Marissa had harbored feelings for him most of our lives. She never uttered a word to me until the last two months when she realized that Jesse and I were more strangers than what we had been. She latched on to my arm. I fought from cringing from her beer breath as she fanned herself. “Okay, first: Jesse is an ass.” I relaxed. Finally. “But, holy cow, that makes him so super hot. Am I weird? I must be wired backward. I don’t know, but I want him even more. I swear. Can you talk to him? Tell him I’m good in bed. No, wait. He has to know I am. I mean, hello.” She frowned, and her eyes crinkled together. “Wait. What was I talking about?” “Marissa.” “What?” She perked up. Her nails dug into my arm. “Let go of my arm.” “Oh!” Her eyes went wide again. “Oh my gosh! I am so sorry, Alex. Did I hurt you? Please tell me I didn’t. I’m such an i***t. What was I talking about before?” I peered closer. She didn’t look that drunk. “Oh, that’s right!” Her whole body jerked up in an excited spasm. She clapped her hand to her cheek. “Please talk to Jesse. I know you say you don’t want to. I know you say you’re not friends with him, but I know you are. I know you both are still close, so do you think you could put in a good word for me?” “I . . .” I had no words. This was more forward than she’d ever been before. She had to have been drunk because the alternate option was that my best friend was incredibly insensitive to me. Had she forgotten about the last year? Or why Jesse and I weren’t close anymore? And then someone threw their beer on her. She was soaked in an instant. Her mouth fell open. Anger filled her face, along with shock, but her eyes were wide as she turned. Angie stood there with a smug smile and an empty cup. She waved it at Marissa before her hand fell to her hip. Both of them faced off against each other. Angie stepped close. She was taller and looked down her nose at Marissa. “Are you kidding me? You did not just ask Alex to put in a good word with Jesse for you? Are you serious? Seriously?” “You b***h!” Marissa screeched. She flung her hands in the air, as if she weren’t sure what to do with them. “Guys.” I started to step between them. I was hauled back by Justin, who bypassed me to grab Angie’s shoulders. He turned her away, but sent a scathing look at Marissa as he did. “What?” Angie snapped at him. His eyes flickered once. A dark look was in them and her hands fell back down. She took a breath, looked at me, and took another breath. I looked away. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. Comfort her? She was wrong. It’d been too much for her to ask, but she had a beer thrown on her because of her question, which seemed like enough punishment. “I’m sorry, Alex. I wasn’t thinking about you.” Marissa’s voice was small but loud enough for me to hear. I took a deep breath. My stomach settled again, and I shrugged. “It’s okay.” “It’s not. I was a being a selfish b***h. I forgot . . .” My heart pounded. What was she going to say? “Never mind. Do you want something to drink?” I let out a deep breath of relief. She hadn’t said it. And, like Angie, she left before I could reply. They both knew me so well. Justin took Angie back to his truck, and they climbed inside. Her arms flew around. Her face kept switching from outrage to fury, and Justin kept patting her back. I stood there. I still had no idea what to do. Angie and Justin would get heated, both of them were so honest and open that fights were inevitable. They always made up in the morning. When I saw Marissa with some of her cheerleading friends, I knew it would be sooner than that. She was biting her lip as she cast concerned looks toward Angie. She sent a few toward me, but her eyes fluttered and she looked away. I made the decision to leave. This party wasn’t for me, not that night, not with him there. A few girls called out good-byes when they saw that I was leaving, but no one stopped me. No one dared, because the truth was that I wasn’t close to any of them anymore. I had been. A year ago, I was one of the popular girls. It was why I had become friends with Angie and Marissa. No one could rival us when we were together. My phone buzzed as I neared my car. I pulled my phone out and saw the text from Marissa. Marissa: I’m sorry. I really am. Please don’t be mad at me. I’m really, really, really sorry if I hurt you. I’m so stupid sometimes. Ok. All the time. This time. I was stupid this time. I’ll make it r8t with Angie too. Promise. Breakfast in the am? Barnies? Me: Sounds good. Call when u wake up. Marissa: R U mad? R U hurt? I heaved another breath. Was I mad? No. That was Marissa, she didn’t think sometimes. Was I hurt? On this night, I couldn’t breathe without hurting. I should’ve replied, told a lie to my friend, but I didn’t. I pocketed my phone and kept my head down as I got to the car. Everything slowed to a halt after that. Nothing happened. No one made a sound. No one moved. There were no animals in the background, no smell that warned me, but tingles raced down my spine and I knew. I looked up, swallowing over a knot. There he was, Jesse Hunt. His dark eyes penetrated me from across the ten yards that separated us. His black hair had been buzzed since that afternoon. His lips were curved in a sneer, and he was sitting on my car’s trunk. His knees were pulled up and his feet rested on the bumper. He had on a sleeveless black shirt that was ripped at the ends. The tattoos on his arms seemed even darker from the moonlight. They were highlighted against his skin, which was a golden tan. “What are you doing here?” I sounded hoarse. My heart was pounding. I couldn’t get enough air. His top lip curved upward in a smile, but he still kept the sneer on his face. I never knew how he could do that, but he had perfected it by the time we hit junior high. “What? You got those virginal panties on now?” His eyes flashed a warning to me. “What do you think I’m doing here?” I swung away. Why could he affect me so much? “Hey!” He raised his voice a notch. “It’s the big night for us, Alex. Come on. Who else would I be with tonight? Only you and me. We’re the only ones.” I lowered my head. He was right. My heart slowed a bit. No one else could understand. No one else had loved Ethan like we had. But that didn’t mean I wanted to think about my big brother at that moment. So, I swung back and rushed out, “I saw Sarah at the bonfire. She looks pretty.” I wet my lips. When had they gone so dry? “Do you think you’ll ever get back together with her? I think she still loves you.” He stared at me for a moment and then snorted. When he raised his hand, I saw the flask for the first time. He was drunk. Of course, he was drunk. I blinked back rapid tears. He only talked to me when he was drunk. Though, there were tons of times when he ignored my calls, my looks, or my pleas for any comfort he could’ve provided when he was drunk, too. “Are you serious?” He rolled his eyes, and for some reason, it seemed savage when it came from him. He fixed me with another penetrating stare. “Come on, Alex. What are we doing here?” “You’re on my car.” He snorted again and raised the flask once more. “It’s Ethan’s car.” “He gave it to me.” I tensed, ready for a sharp rebuke, but it never came. Silence. My eyes snapped to his, and I was surprised to see that he wasn’t looking at me. He had turned away. I could see his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. The image of it took my breath away. He was beautiful in that moment. The moon was behind him, casting its light over him. When he looked back, he draped both his arms on his knees. His head hung down. His shoulders drooped as he took a breath. Hearing the shuddering inhale from him, I clasped my eyes closed. I heard the pain in him. My own matched his, and I wanted to go to him. But that was how it happened the last time. Nothing good came out of that except more suffering. I felt my wall crumble and whispered, “I’m tired of hurting, Jesse.” He looked back up. The cockiness was gone. The anger still burned in his eyes, but he had stuffed it down. I knew it was there, though. But it didn’t keep me away. His torment was on the surface, and he let me see that. Tears burst from my dam. I couldn’t stop them. “It’s the exact time that it happened, you know. Right now. It’s 11:05. June second.” The pain suffocated me, but I couldn’t turn away. I nodded with my throat full. “I know.” Jesse sighed again and stretched his legs down. He slid off the trunk and leaned against it. The moonlight flashed over his flask as he raised it again. As I heard it empty, he tossed it aside and crossed his arms over his chest. Even though Jesse was lean, his biceps bulged from the movement. He had always worked out, but since Ethan died, he had doubled his time there. “My God. I f*****g loved that guy.” A hand reached inside me and squeezed my heart. More tears streamed from my eyes. I was helpless to stop them, but I choked out, “I know.” “Drive me home?” My eyes closed again, and I wrapped my arms around myself. There it was. That was the request I knew was coming. My heart thundered while I tried to think clearly. And then I said, “Yes.” The corners of his lips curved up, just slightly. We didn’t speak after that. We didn’t need to. I went to the driver’s side. He went to the passenger’s side. We didn’t speak as I drove past his black Ferrari or when we pulled up to the mansion his father had built when Jesse’s mother had been dying. As we walked through the hallways, up the stairs, and to his back bedroom, my heart was calm. I was calm, and that made me not calm. I shouldn’t have been calm. Jesse went to his bar and poured vodka into a glass. He slid it across the counter to me. I picked it up and waited until he poured one for himself. It was the third time we’d done this. Ethan’s funeral. Ethan’s birthday, and tonight, which was the anniversary of the day Ethan’s first car wrapped itself around a tree. He had died a year ago and nothing was the same.