BROKEN & SCREWED (BS #1)

Chapter 9

9

“Hunt!” Jeremy’s voice boomed out. Everyone’s attention was now solely on us. He threw his arms wide. One came around my shoulders, and he pulled me tight against his side. “It’s Ethan’s little sis. You been hiding her from us? What kind of a buddy are you?”

Jesse’s eyes narrowed as he straightened to his fullest height. “Get your hands off her.”

A shiver went down my spine.

The air in the room, which had been entertaining, grew tense. Jesse’s voice was low, deadly low, and the threat of violence filled the room. His hands were clenched in fists, and his eyes sparked with the promise that he would follow through with his threat.

“Well, now.” Jeremy’s voice grew serious. His arm fell away and he moved to the side. “No need for that. I had no idea she was your girl.”

Jesse took two steps and latched on to my arm. He dragged me out the door.

Jeremy hollered from inside, “You don’t need to leave, Hunt. We’re all friends here.”

He gritted his teeth but refrained from responding.

“What are you doing?” I panted as I tried to keep up with him.

His hold on my arm was going to leave a bruise, but I bit my tongue. Jesse looked murderous as he took me to his Ferrari. He opened the door and stepped back. When I didn’t get in right away, he snapped, “In! Now.”

Anger boiled up inside me, but I got in.

When he got into his own side and took off, I glanced back at my car. This was not the time to remind him that we’d have to come back. I only hoped that Jeremy didn’t know it was my car. I hoped they wouldn’t do anything to it.

As he sped through town, he took a few corners that had his back end sliding across the road. He didn’t slow down. He went faster. The murderous rage in his eyes never diminished either. As he pulled up to the gate in front of his house, he punched a button to open it. Instead of driving up the hill toward the house, he drove underneath it. It was an underground parking garage, and it was filled from one corner to the other with sparkling vehicles.

Jesse pulled up to the front slot and got out. When I shut my door, the sound echoed throughout the space. It only added to my amazement at how big Jesse’s home was. Then he went to a door and an elevator opened for him.

I groaned and followed him inside it. My family’s house was a typical suburban home, but it was an anthill compared to his. He was still rolling with whatever anger he had over my showing up at Jeremy’s house, so I continued to keep my mouth shut.

The elevator opened to a small hallway, and Jesse led us around the corner. We came from a back entryway into the dining room and kitchen area. All the lights were off, but he flipped them all on before he went to one of the large refrigerators.

As he yanked open a door, I slid onto a stool behind one of the counters. “You’re going to eat right now?”

He straightened abruptly, closed the door, and glared at me.

I gulped.

“What the hell were you doing there?”

I shrugged. “I heard you were with Benson and Mazel. I came over here because I didn’t want you around them. I got the address from somewhere and went over there.”

“You got the address?” The muscle in his jaw bulged out. “Where’d you get the address from?”

My eyes slid to the side, and I saw Mary in the hallway. She was pale and she clutched her hands together in front of her. I saw the fear in her eyes as she slowly shook her head.

“Marissa.”

He let loose a string of curses and roughly opened the refrigerator again. This time bread, tomatoes, cheese, peppers, and more were thrown on the counter behind him. He slammed the door shut and pulled out a large cutting knife from the block.

I sat up straighter and my eyes widened. “What are you doing with that?”

“I’m making a f*****g sandwich. Are you okay with that?” He held the knife in the air, waiting for my approval.

I jerked my head in a nod and watched as he cut the food for his sandwich with a quickness and precision that I’d only witnessed from him on the basketball court. The sight of it made me uneasy, but I held firm. I couldn’t let him know that I was uncomfortable. He’d only started to open up. I couldn’t risk another closed wall to me. So I sat there and held my breath as he sliced and diced through cheese, peppers, tomatoes, onions, and meat for his sandwich. After he applied some mayonnaise and mustard, I caught my breath again.

That was Ethan’s favorite.

I wasn’t surprised when Jesse shoved the sandwich in front of me. “Eat!”

I couldn’t breathe, but my finger inched the plate away. Then I looked down. “That was Ethan’s favorite.”

He sucked in his breath and froze.

I’d never seen that look on his face. My hand started to reach for him, but he jerked forward. His arm swept the plate aside and he caught it with his hand before he hurled it at the sink behind him. The entire action was violent, and I fell backward from my stool in shock.

His shoulders heaved up and down. His breathing grew haggard.

I felt the tears on my cheek. I tasted them in my mouth, but I didn’t make a sound. Not one sound.

My heart pounded in my chest. It wanted to come out. Each time, it thumped harder and rougher. I pressed my hands to it, trying to calm it, but then Jesse turned back around.

His eyes were dead again.

My chest deflated.

He was back.

The walls were back.

He had no emotion and his voice was soft. “Do you need a ride home?”

I jerked my head from side to side.

He frowned. “You drove to Benson’s, didn’t you?”

It was jerked in a nod this time.

Then he sighed. His shoulders dropped dramatically. “I should give you a ride back to your car.”

As he started to walk back toward the hallway we came from, my mouth fell open. What had just happened? He was there, he was with me and he was present, but now he was gone. In a blink of an eye, he was back to the robotic blank mask he wore to the rest of the world.

As he grabbed his keys, I lunged for them and snatched them from his hand.

He blinked in surprise. “Alex?”

Then I turned and hurled them down the farthest hallway. It was my time to show my anger, and I seethed at him with my hands in fists. My shoulders heaved up and down and my heart threatened to pound itself from my chest again.

“Alex?” He was so quiet, so soft.

“Don’t you dare,” I snapped at him. I yanked my hands through my hair and pulled at the ends. Pain blasted through me, but I welcomed it. Hell, I relished it. It was a relief. “You make me a sandwich—Ethan’s sandwich, and then you push me away again. You don’t get to do that anymore. I cared about him, too!”

His face shuttered closed again.

I knew he was going to turn around. As he did, I caught his shoulder and threw him back. Then I pushed him against a wall and yelled in his face, “I loved him, too! He was my brother—”

“He was my brother!” His hands found my shoulders, but he held on. “He was there through everything, through my mom, through my dad’s affairs. Everything. He was there.”

“Say his name.”

“What?” He froze.

“Say his name.”

His hands dropped as if they’d been burned. He flattened himself against the wall.

“Say his name.”

He shook his head.

“Jesse.”

Then he brushed past me. I tried to block him, but he kept going and his body hit mine, knocking me backward. I cried out from the pain and fell against the wall, but I couldn’t look away. My hand went to my shoulder where it stung, but every cell in my body went on alert. I couldn’t look away from the haunted expression in his eyes. He didn’t know that he had hurt me. I watched as he seemed locked in some memory. His lips moved, but nothing came out.

I reached out and touched his arm. I pleaded in a tender voice, “Tell me. Please.”

He started to shake his head, but his voice wrung out, “I feel him, you know. All the time.”

I blinked back rapid tears. “Me, too.”

“I feel him at school. I can’t get away from him. The only time is when I’m with you.” Then he looked up. There was an extra layer of wetness over his eyes. The tears were there, brimming to be shed. “But that makes no sense. I should feel him when I’m with you. You’re the only other person to—”

My phone peeled out a shrill ring at that moment. I threw my hands up and let loose a few curses. It was the worst timing, but all the fight left me when I saw who was on the other end. I went numb as I answered it. “Dad?”

“Your, uh . . .” He cleared his throat. His voice sounded rough. “Your mother is in the hospital. She swallowed a bunch of pills.”

“What?” I gasped. All thought ceased. Flashbacks from Ethan’s accident flooded me, and I struggled to hear what else he was saying.

“Keeping her for observation . . . a seventy-two hour hold . . . coffee . . .”

And then he hung up.

I stared at the phone in my hand. Suddenly, I couldn’t remember answering it in the first place, and I frowned at it. What was I doing with my phone? As I looked around, I saw Jesse. His hands were shoved deep in his pockets, and he was watching me with a fierce frown.

Then I remembered.

“What’d your dad want?”

“Ethan was in a car accident.” The words spilled from my lips.

Wait—my lips pulled down at the corners. That wasn’t right.

I’d been at a party with Marissa and Angie. It was my turn for the drinking game, but the phone pulled me away. It was my dad, and I thought about ignoring him. I was having fun, but then Angie nudged me with her shoulder, silently telling me to answer. He spoke, but his words were fuzzy—too hard to remember.

“Alex.” Jesse touched my arm. His voice punching me back to the present day. “What’d your dad say just now?”

I frowned again. Why was this so difficult? “My mother.”

“What about her?” He took both of my arms in his hands and bent low so his eyes were level with mine.

I felt him trying to pull me back, but I wasn’t sure where from.

“She tried to kill herself.”

He sucked in his breath and stayed there for a moment. I thought he was going to pull me into his arms, but he didn’t. His hands fell away. I was cold without him, but then he stepped farther back.

“I’ll take you to the hospital.”

I searched his eyes. They were guarded, but it didn’t matter anymore. I was surprised as I realized that. I didn’t even want to go to the hospital. I’d see her in seventy-two hours. I wouldn’t feel her emptiness for three days, and a part of me was relieved. It was a part that I would never share with anyone.

Jesse touched my arm again. “I’ll take you.”

“Will you stay with me?” I wouldn’t go if he wouldn’t be there with me.

He nodded. His voice gentled. “I’ll stay as long as you need me.”

My heart swelled inside, but I reminded myself that he would leave again. Jesse always left. But his hands were gentle as he ushered me out to his car. When we got to the hospital, he went to the front desk and asked the questions I couldn’t bear to even form in my mind, and then he led me to the elevator.

I drew in a shuddering breath.

He punched the button for the same floor we’d been on during Ethan’s surgery. I couldn’t remember if my dad told me she had to have surgery or why.

Then the elevator sounded our arrival and we were walking down the same hallway as before. It hadn’t changed. The walls were white and stark. A few paintings were hung, but they were out of place. And they were in memory of others who had died already.

I shivered. I wondered if I donated one, would it be in Ethan’s memory?

“Jesse?”

My father pushed out of his chair. His normally tan face was pale. His features that always seemed charming and charismatic were twisted into a grieving mask, but his eyes lit up when he saw Jesse beside me. Then he had his arms around him and I heard his voice muffled against Jesse’s shoulder, “Thank God you’ve come. It’s real good to see you.”

Jesse’s eyes flashed in confusion at me, but he hugged my father back. When my dad didn’t let go, Jesse gave in and hugged him back. After another second, my dad released Jesse, but only to hold him by the shoulders. He shook him a bit. “It’s real good to see you. I mean that. How have you been?”

I saw that Jesse swallowed tears back. His head nodded and then hung.

My dad hugged him again. This time was longer, as if Jesse had been the one who died and came back to life.

After the second hug, Jesse asked hoarsely, “How’s Shelby?”

“Oh.” My dad’s arms fell away. He shook his head and the same hoarseness came to his voice. “She ain’t doing good. She’s in surgery right now. They had to pump her stomach, and I guess she swallowed a razorblade, too. I don’t know anything else yet.”

Jesse looked at me in question.

I flinched as I knew what he was thinking. Why hadn’t I told him before? He knew my mother would’ve shown signs of depression before, but how was I supposed to answer that? We were all sad. We’d been sad for so long. It hadn’t only been her.

I turned away and found an empty seat. Then I huddled in my own corner. My father never once looked at me. When he saw Jesse, his eyes were only for him. That was when I knew that I’d been right. He loved Jesse more than he loved me. Jesse was his last real connection to Ethan.

As we waited to hear how the surgery went, my dad talked only to Jesse. They hugged a few more times, and then Jesse took the seat beside me. He relayed everything my father told him.

After the sixth hour of being there, the doctor came out. My father motioned for Jesse to approach the doctor with him. I couldn’t even find it in me to be bothered by that. And again, Jesse came back to me. The surgery had gone well. My mother would be held for observation and placed under suicide watch and would be monitored closely.

It’d be weeks before she would return home.

I knew the instant my father had told Jesse that. The relief in his eyes was unmistakable, and as Jesse explained it all to me, I shared the same sentiment.

I could be at home and not feel her emptiness.

Finally.

I would only feel my own since my father was rarely home. He spent most of his time at the office, and he’d likely spend the rest of the time at the hospital with my mother.

A different sense of numbness settled in me as Jesse bundled me back in my coat. He hugged my father another time, and after my dad thumped him on the back, with his voice full of emotion as he thanked him for coming in a voice full of emotion, Jesse led me back to that same elevator we had taken up.

We were leaving again, but my mother was still alive. Ethan had died. My mother would live.

I didn’t feel any of it.

When we got to my home, Jesse sat me at the kitchen table. A cup of water was placed in front of me, along with some toast. I nibbled on a piece because he had that determined look in his eyes. When I was done and shoved the plate aside, Jesse sighed, but he took it to the sink and led me by my hand to my room.

No words were shared as I got ready for bed.

Jesse helped me get ready for bed.

He found my pajamas and helped me put them on. When I felt the warm material against my skin, my eyes closed. I readied myself. He would leave soon. I looked at the bed. I already knew I wouldn’t sleep at all. When I glanced back to him, he was pulling his sweater off. I moved to the dresser and pulled open the bottom drawer, retrieving the shirt he had left here the first time we had ever been together. He slipped it over his head and undid his pants. When he saw that I was staring, he gave me a crooked grin.

“You thought I was going to leave?”

I nodded.

I couldn’t speak.

I hadn’t been able to since the phone call.

Then he cupped both sides of my face and stepped close, making sure I was looking in his eyes before he spoke. “I will stay as long as you need me.”

I choked out, my voice raw and painful, “I thought you’d leave. There’s a lot of feeling tonight.”

His thumb brushed over my cheek. It was a tender gesture. “Not for you. You turned it off tonight, didn’t you?”

Then the tears came. I couldn’t stop them. I didn’t know what unleashed them, but they fell free like a waterfall.

Jesse cursed under his breath but held me against him. He rocked me back and forth for a while, eventually picking me up and laying me in bed. I fell asleep tucked in his arms with more tears on my cheeks. Sometime during the night, I woke. The tears had dried on my face, but I brushed them away and found that I was alone in the bed.

An eerie feeling came over me, and I left for the hallway. The bathroom was empty, and there were no lights on in the house. I didn’t search downstairs, though. I already knew where he was. I stopped outside of Ethan’s bedroom. The door was open and I saw Jesse on the edge of his bed. His elbows were braced on his knees and his head was bowed, resting in the palms of his hands. His shoulders shook. There was no sound, but I knew he was sobbing.

My heart broke then. I thought it’d been broken already, but it splintered apart again. Then I stopped thinking and went inside. As Jesse had comforted me before, I did the same. I lifted his head and slid between his arms. His whole body stiffened for the briefest of moments before he lifted me on his lap. My legs parted, and I straddled him, needing to hold him close. Desire burst forth in me when I saw the heat in his eyes. He didn’t want comfort. He wanted to forget.

His hands cupped my legs. He pulled me tight and ground into me. My chest was pressed against his, and my lips parted for him.

We both forgot together.