keep pushing forward

chapter 20

Jenna.

{ my head is hurting, my body is exhausted as I'm walking through the house with Jackson on my tail. he's talking about something the way he always does and I'm trying my best to keep a smile on and listen. we pass through the living room, Matthew sitting in his chair watching TV. I grab the laundry from Jackson's bedroom and bathroom then me and my tail walk back through to the laundry area in the house.

" okay bud it's about bath time"

he perks up

" can I do bubbles"

I let out a long sigh close my eyes, the dishes still need to be done, I've gotta fold the laundry, and that doesn't count the mess of toys that is scattered nor the mess outside from Matthew grilling and drinking with James all afternoon.

plus I already know he won't sleep through the night because he's been fighting it so bad lately, doctor says it's normal while he's growing.

I put a big smile on my face as I bend down

" of course buddy but we can't stay in king okay?"

he nods his little head and runs off I'm sure to go get bath toys. I take a moment the breath, won't be much longer and I can lay down.

walking back through Matthew is still in the same place. I shake my head, I've asked for help. I've begged for it but it never actually ends with me getting help.

Jackson and I do bath time, he splashes and giggles and says " mama look"

a thousand times before I finally get him out, dried off and in his PJs. looking over the bathroom I throw his towel down knowing I need to also clean that mess up.

once I have him settled with a little chocolate milk and cartoons on his tablet on the couch I go to clean up the kitchen mess.

finishings the last pot I tell Jackson to tell daddy goodnights and of course he pouts

" come on buddy I will snuggle you"

this makes him happy as he tells Matthew goodnight and runs off to his bedroom. walking back through Matthew grabs my hand

" hurry I need some snuggles as well"

he says trying to hint to me that he wants s*x, I know what he wants. I give him a smile and kiss before going and laying with Jackson.

I'm so exhausted as I lay here I don't want to have s*x tonight, id love to relax in a nice bubble bath myself. snuggling Jackson it takes a bit for him to finally fall asleep and when he finally is I wish I could just lay here and sleep also.

sighing I pull my body from his slowly kissing his little head.

making my way back through Matthew says something's as I walk back to the laundry and put the dry clothes in a basket setting it on the floor in the living room before going to our bedroom to find myself some pj's, I know I want be able to shower tonight.

as I'm pulling my shirt off I hear his voice

" my turn"

I cover myself a bit

" I am so exhausted Matthew"

he smiles at me biting his lip

" I won't take long promise"

I just sigh and nod I already know he won't take long. but maybe him spending a bit more time with me holding me I wouldn't feel so sad, so lonely.

he grabs my hands Making the shirt I was holding over my exposed breast fall

" hey aren't you attracted to me anymore? I mean I'm only home a few more days. are you seeing someone's else Jenna?"

his eyes never leave my chest.

" no matt I want you also. I'm just exhausted that's all".

he nods." well come on then let's do this"

i lay myself on the bed still in my panties, Hopi maybe he will touch me a bit. help me get as excited as he is about this. he turns the light off beforehand coming over to me, he pulls them down and grunts out. then he pulls my body to his and starts trying to get it in, at first it hurts a bit since I'm not completely ready but thankful my body starts responding and things start sliding a bit smoother because he hasn't stopped. his hands holding my hips as he thrust in and out of me

" oh God feels so good huh?"

he ask as I fake a moan.

" oh yes"

I breath out my eyes screwed shut, at this point I definitely want me getting off tonight. not to long then he is finishing on the towel he obvious already has brought in here. and I lay there breathing as he pats my thigh

" thank you"

I nod and he chuckles, I know he thinks I'm breathless or maybe coming down from my orgasms that's what he always thinks. but no, I know I still have to fold that laundry and maybe a can get a few minutes before Jackson is back awake.

I get up, get my PJs on and going to the bathroom to clean up. only to find his beard hair all over the bathroom counter and his clothes all over the floor.

" think I'm gonna watch a bit of TV tonight"

he says as he kisses my cheek and walks out.

I close my eyes telling myself not to cry. I clean myself, and the bathroom mess before sitting in the living room floor to fold

" ya know I could use your help?"

I whisper and he sits up in the chair

" with what baby?'

I look around, toys still scattered, laundry overflowing this basket

" right now the toys or this laundry "

he chuckles

" I don't work my ass off out there just to come home and work too Jenna you know this. and hell it isn't even that bad"

I bit my lip holdings back the tears.

as I climb into bed my body is exhausted.

I'm not sure what time it is when he climbs in behind me.

" think Jackson is waking"

I sigh as be rolls over}

I shoot up in bed looking around Shaking my head

" no no no I'm not back there. im not with Matthew anymore"

I tell myself as I feel around my own bed, my own little home I've made with Jackson.

I breath deep trying to calm myself as I lay back in the bed pulling my blankets over me, I hadn't had a dream like that is so long. after we first separated I had them often, like my brain was some how trying to tell me not to turn back. not to forget that I may be doing it all on my own now but at least I don't have him hanging over my shoulder all the time needing to also be taken care of.

once I've calmed down I grab my phone seeing a messages from Shane and smile reading it.

me- I am so happy to hear the surgery went well, hope you got a bit of rest. let me know if there is anything I can do for y'all.

I press send before getting up and getting myself ready for the day. then go and bring Duke for a walk before making sure the fence is closed so I can let him run for a bit.

my phone chimes and I smile as I start my coffee hoping it Shane. but it's Matthew

Matthew - good morning. not sure what time I will bring him back but I will call once I know. he's still asleep at the moment. have you thought of when you'll be able to sit down with me?

I bit my lip and fix my coffee, I'm ready for Jackson to be home. and I know I need to reply but I don't want to argue with him nor do I want to sit down and talk with him because I don't feel like it'll change anything, especially after that stupid dream or nightmare I guess I could call it.

I sip my coffee replying

me- just let me know when he's ready. I will see what the week looks like and get back to you.

he doesn't reply but Shane's name pops up and I smile.

shane- s**t baby girl I completely forgot about Duke in all this mess, if you want to drop him at the RV there is a key under the mat. I'm so sorry!

I got a bit of rest and I hope you did as well. when will Jackson come home?

I smile like an i***t at my phone. going to the porch and enjoying the birds chirping.

me- Duke is no problem at all, we just went for a walk and now I'm having coffee in the porch while he runs in the yard a bit.

I'm not sure when Jackson is completely Matthews said he'd call later.

shane- I'm gonna make all this up to you I promise. I know you have email on your plate and don't want to be taking care of my dog.

enjoy your coffee, this hospital coffee is s**t.

I giggle, I I know that's true. I prefer homemade than anything.

me - you don't need to make anything up to me, he's having a good time in the yard.

he doesn't reply so I sip my coffee before grabbing Duke a treat and I head in, he can enjoy the yard while I start on getting things ready for the week.

I clean up a bit and pull out the things to make enchiladas for dinner, if I make it now I can just heat it later once Jackson is home and he and I can enjoy a lazy evening before starting our week.

I get it all started and in the oven.

maybe I'll make a plate and leave it in Shanes RV so he has a home cooked meal when he finally makes it home, I know he will be exhausted.

would that be weird?

my phone chimes

shane- are you busy today?

me-just cleaning up the house and running to the store later. everything okay?

three dots appear and disappear over and over and I start to get nervous.

then his message finalized comes through.

shane- I don't want to bother you darlin.

me-it isn't a bother babe what do you need?

I know he's been up most the night, I know he feels bad for leaving and I also know how much his sister means to him so I know he's been stressed.

shane-I could really use clean clothes, I sent Sarah to get a bit of rest and she doesn't want to leave Daniel alone yet so I promised I'd stay here.

I giggle, I'm sure he still smells like a mixture of cologne and fire. it's actually an intoxicating smell on him. but I'm sure he wants out of his dirty clothes.

me-absolutely, text me the address and it shouldn't take me to long. anything special?

the three dots do their dance again

shane- anything clean is fine at this point darling.

shane-I'm so sorry to have to ask you to go out of your way and do this. if not I can run home when she gets back.

me-I will grab it and be on my way in a few.

I set my phone down and get myself a little more together, I'm only in stretchy capris and a tee I put on after my shower this morning but I spray on perfume and apply a bit of mascara so hopefully I don't look to bad.

I plate him some enchiladas and get Duke some more food and water before bringing him in. I also feel up a thermos of coffee for Shane.

I grab my phone seeing he once again apologized and thanked me along with which hospital they are at.

with that I head out. swinging by his RV, I was surprised to see it was so neat and clean. I set his food in the fridge with a little note and grab him some clean clothes with a toothbrush as well as some deodorant.

then I head towards the hospital.

once I get there I text him and he lets me know what floor and what room and I make my way.

knocking lightly in case Sarah's husband is asleep.

Shane opens the door smiling at me as he takes the bag from my hands, kissing my cheek

" thank you so much for this. I'm sorry if it was a bother "

I shake my head smiling

" it's nothing Shane."

he lets his hand rest on my neck as he gently rubs his thumb over my cheek

" you look gorgeous "

I blush Shaking my head

" how is everything here?"

he motions for me to come in and I see the large guy asleep in the bed, he looks rough and his leg is all bandaged up.

" he woke up earlier and he and Sarah were able to talk, but he's in a bit of pain so he's resting now after we had lunch"

I give him a smile

" how's she holding up?"

I shakes his head

" she's better since he woke, mama took her home to make her clean up and rest"

I nod

" I'll keep watch if you wanna freshen up"

he raises a brow and I shrug taking a seat, I'm sure this is where he slept. he looks so tired but I know he won't leave until he knows Sarah is gonna be okay.

" I won't be long"

he whispers before kissing my cheek and disappearing into the bathroom. I scroll through my phone as I wait.

he comes back out and he has the bag of I'm assuming dirty clothes and the thermos in the other

" you are to good to me darlin"

he says holding the thermos up and I giggle lightly

I stand not wanting to over stay my welcome even though I'd love to spend the day with him.

" I just figured it'd get you through the day"

he sets the stuff down pullups me into his arms and kissing my lips lightly

" it will. you are the best"

I blush, it wasn't anything special just clothes and coffee.

" it really wasn't a big deal"

he smiles at me not letting me go, one hand squeezes my motto making me squeal a bit

" Shane!"

I whisper as I hit his chest but he chuckles

" your ass looks amazing in these"

I shake my head at this crazy man. he squeezes it once more as he kissed my forehead

" how's Duke?"

I smile up at him

" he enjoyed yard, I'm sure he's napped now"

he smiles

" I'm gonna make all this up to you darlin"

his voice his deeper but soft.

" I promise it's all okay babe. you just take care of your family and yourself you look tired"

I say letting my hand run throughout his beard.

anthro at clears. he doesn't let me go

" I am so sorry"

he whispers against my head

" and who is this Shane?"

I hear a ladies voice and I pull from Shane blushing at being caught in his arms

" I'm assuming that's the girlfriend Sarah has been going on about this morning"

a deep voice says and my eyes go wide at the guy In the bed as he is now away. I'm sure I'm bright red. how long has he been awake??

at that moment a beautiful girl walks in and I know it's Sarah. her eyes wide.

" everyone this is Jenna, Jenna this is Sarah, Daniel and my mama Tracy"

I give them a shy wave and the silver haired lady come over I'm a flash and gives me a hug squeeze as I let out a giggle, I have no idea what he's told them about me if anything.

" it is so nice to meet you Jenna! call me mama T or Tracy whatever you like."

I smiled nodding and then Sarah hugs me

" hey I'm Sarah and that big lug in the bed is my husband "

I smiled at them both and tell them it's nice to meet them all.

Shane's arm goes around my waist holding me close. I have no idea what to do or say.

" well I'll be getting out of y'all's hair, I didn't mean to intrude I was just bringing him some clothes and coffee"

Ms Tracy waves her hands as Sarah climbs in Daniels bed sitting next to him

" you definitely aren't intruding we'd love to visit with you"

I blush looking at Shane for an answer, I'm not sure if he was ready for me to meet his family.

he squeezes my hip nodding

" maybe she can stay a few minutes mama but she is busy and also has to get Jackson at some point"

I bit my lip, I don't mind staying but I don't know if I'm ready to hear everyone opinion on me being divorced or having a son.

Ms Tracy goes out and comes back with an extra chair, telling Shane and I to have a seat and she takes one by the window.

" well I'm sorry we are meeting like this, I hope you are feeling better Daniel. oh and congratulations you guys"

I say Daniel nods kissing Sarah's hand he's holding as she smiles big blushing

" thank you. we're so excited mama has already started buy-in clothes even though we aren't far along"

I smile at them both, Shane holding my hand making me not feel as nervous

" you already knew she was gonna go overboard"

he says and they all laughed as Ms Tracy rolls her eyes waving her hands

" I've been dying for a grandbaby and that one there just won't seem to settle enough to give me one"

she says giving Shane a pointed look who hangs his head flushing a bit himself as I giggle

" so how old is your little boy?"

I smile at the thought of him

" he's 7 and so full of energy, but definitely my best friend"

everyone smiles at that.

we all chatted about me and Jackson and the fact that Shane has met him and how Shane is with him. we talked a bit about what gender Sarah was wanting and Ms Tracy told me a couple stories of them both when they were little.

they had passed my phone around to see pictures of Jackson and awed over my dude.

I maybe insecure with myself but he is always something I'm happy to show off.

as they were looking my phone had chimed and I knew I had a notification, when Ms Tracy passed it back I but my lip hoping she hadn't seen it.

when my phone is unlocked part of the messages can be seen when they first come in at the top of my phone.

as I looked it over it was a message from Matthew.

Matthew - went to drop Jackson off and you aren't home where are you. call me.

I sighed trying not to let my irritation show.

" well y'all it was great meeting y'all and I hope you get to bust out of here soon"

I say smiling.

everyone hugs me and we agree we will make dinner plans once Daniel is out of the hospital.

Shane held my hand walking me to my car.

" everything okay darling?"

I gave him my best smile

" of course just need to go handle things and get Jackson"

he nods looking me over, I don't think he believes me but he doesn't push me. instead he pulls me into his arms holding me for a minute.

he then kisses my head

" thank you for the help today and I'll be by to grab Duke as soon as I can"

I nod

" sounds good. just let me know if you need anything else."

he presses his lips to mine softly

" sorry about the family"

he whispers against my lips and I smile

" don't be, I mean I'm sure that isn't the way you wanted me to meet them but they seem nice"

he chuckled

" yeah I'm sure mama is gonna be all over me once I get back up there"

I giggle she does seem like she is gonna have a lot of questions.

" alright I'm gonna let you go even though I absolutely hate to"

I smile up at him

" after things calm down let me know, maybe we can do dinner or something"

he nods letting his head fall to my neck as he places a small kiss there, then my lips and I sigh out, wishing I could stay with him.

he helps me in my car and I watch him walk away beforehand calligraphy Matthew

Matthew - what took so long where are you?

me-I was busy Matt. do you want me to come get Jackson?

he grunted

Matthew - he's at your aunt's now, I had something come up. what have you been doing?

me-that isn't any of your concern Matt.

he laughs but I know he doesn't find this funny

Matthew - we have a lot to talk about so don't forget to let me know when you are free.

I sigh letting my head fall into my hands.

I agree I'll let him know then I hang up not wanting to continue this conversations. I head to my aunt's to grab Jackson before running to the store for the things we will need for the week.

there I talked with her about how Matthew is being and she told me to just tell him he's got to accept this because I'm not doing anything wrong and he needs to respect my boundaries. she also wants me to talk to Jim about his back and forth with Jackson, apparently Jackson told her they were supposed to go fishing but then he got a phone call and he told Jackson he had to bring him home.

Matthew was all dressed up when he dropped him off. my aunt said he and my uncle had a few words when he started talking about how I wasn't at home to get my child, even though we'd agreed he'd call ahead of time.

either way now I've gotta try to pick my dudes spirits up, which wasn't hard at first he was upset Because when he asked to call Shane I told him it wasn't a good time, and explained things to him. but he was happy to hear that Duke would be waiting for him at home after we hit the grocery store.

Shane.

I hated having to ask her to bring me clothes and I couldn't believe I'd completely forgotten about Duke, but thankfully just like always she's so understanding.

now her meeting mama was a bit wild, I wanted nothing more than them to meet but I wanted to talk a bit more with mama about things and I also wanted to do it on Jenna's time frame. but I guess I can't change that now. she seemed okay with it, after the shock wore off. I wasn't ready for her to leave but I'm assuming that maybe Jackson needed her by the way she was leaving so quickly.

making my way back to Daniels room my sister teased me a bit and Daniel was no help.

I stayed around and had lunch with them, then when the doctor finalize came in to let us know they figured Daniel could go home tomorrow I could see the relief on my sister's face, they were gonna hold him tonight just to double check nothing came up. but as of now all his head scans/ stomach scans we're looking good.

I wasn't gonna leave but my sister insisted ahed be okay and of course mama was gonna come back tomorrow and help them get settled at home.

after saying my goodbyes mama decided it'd be a good time to walk out when I did.

I raised a brow looking at her as we made our way down to parking

" okay out with it woman what did you think of her?"

she laughs as she pats my arm, she hadn't said much about Jenna since she left.

" well my dear boy I think she's a very sweet lady and I can't wait to have dinner with her soon."

I nodded listening

" she's very beautiful and I see the way you look at her. and I'm happy that you are happy."

she paused looking at me as we now stood by her car.

" have you had contact with the ex husband? she clearly has her own battles shes fighting I'm her head the same as you do. have you thought of this? are you gonna be able to be patient enough for this?"

I grabbed mamas hands, I could see her worry

" I have met him mama, and I have met her family. he's been around during family things as she and I were getting to know each other. and I knew him, sorta before even meeting her. I know she's figuring things out and I know I still am as well. but she respects that side of me and I am hoping I'm helping with her side of things "

mamas eyes go wide in surprise and I nod.

" yes mama she knows, we talked it over and she was shocked but didn't look at me any different."

she gave me a bright smile but then it fell.

" mama?"

she sighed shaking her head

" that ex husband of hers wasn't good was he?"

I smirked shaking my head.

" I don't know how you know these things mama."

she gave me a look rolling her eyes

" a mother knows things. but while I was looking at Jackson's pictures she got a message I only saw part of it but I can tell he was or is controlling "

I nod

" trust me mama he was and is still an ass. but he doesn't faze me. I only worry about her and Jackson on the middle of his crap. part of us taking things slow other than Jackson's obvious is that she doesn't see her own self worth because of him"

mamas eyes for big as she covered her mouth, then she pointed at me

" I can see you love her boy. and I swear on your daddy's grave if you do anything but respect that woman I will whoop your butt you hear me"

I pulled her in for a hug chuckling

" trust me mama I'm doing the best I can. I'm trying my best to treat her the same way dad always treated you"

she nodded her head before we talked a bit more and said our goodbyes. but not before she made me promise to talk to Jenna about dinner.

as I drove back to my RV, I wanted to shower, grab something to eat and then I'd call Jenna and see when the best time to get Duke would be for her.

the conversation with mama playing over in my head, I know she's worried because of my past addiction. I was a s**t person in that time. I treated just about everyone like s**t and pushed my family away so I wouldn't treat them that way. but still hurt them. I'm happy mama likes Jenna, I knew she would. and I know she's gonna be a bit protective over her now as well, it's just the way mama is and always has been.

when I got home I threw her thermos in the sink to wash and kicked my boots off sending Jenna a text before hopping in the shower.

me- hey gorgeous, I'm exhausted but made it home. taking a shower then if it's good time to call I will.

I'd already been texting her a bit throughout the day and had let her know they were gonna let Daniel go home tomorrow.

jumping in my shower the hot water felt so good on my body, and honestly it made me even more sleepy than I already was.

getting out and throwing on boxers and sweats I saw her text saying it's be a good time to call.

I opened my fridge going to throw together a sandwich when I found a plate with foil over it with a pink sticky note

- Shane, figured you'd need a home cooked meal after all that. eat and rest.

- J

I smiled shaking my head as I pulled the foil back on the food. it looked amazing as I threw it in the microwave it smelled even better.

hitting call on the facetime call and setting it at the small table I grabbed my plate and dug into the deliciousness on the plate.