A Little Bit Married

The Same Kind

I blinked, my lips parting slowly, my chest lightly heaving. The tears that had been rolling down my cheek and lightly wetting the page had dried off, and all I was left with was a cracked desert inside of me. My heart felt like it had been completely drained of life and love and sustenance, and I could hardly bring myself to think straight.

I fell back, the diary falling off my fingers. Through every second, with a gun pointed to my mouth, I had thought of Kevin. I had thought of the love I had been foolish enough to think we share, the pain I thought he would feel seeing me with another man.

All of that had been in my mind. All of that had been me manipulating myself into thinking I mattered.

My chest heaved, and I blinked, looking around. I could see him in front of the mirror, his hands wrapped around my waist. I could see him kissing me on the kitchen counter. I could see him lying in bed beside me, his hair a beautiful mess.

My hand slowly came to my heart, and I sucked I my bottom lip. For how long has he had to tolerate me? How long had he looked at me and wished he was looking at her? Since when had I been an obstacle in their path?

My lips parted. I couldn't even convince myself to cry. I couldn't beg my eyes to say the words I knew I couldn't. To yell out the pain that threatened to numb me inside.

Slowly, I left the bed, then grabbed the diary, my eyes scanning the back. It was cold, just like its owner.

Slowly, I walked to the door, then turned slowly to the house I had thought was my little escape. My little hideout with the man I loved.

Now I looked back at it, and all I saw were the times when I could have faded away. The moments when he could have fallen out of love with me. The things that made him wish it were her. The sacrifices I made that he hadn't asked me to.

I turned away, my eyes blinking rapidly, my body lightly trembling. Gray was right. He knew I would come running back. I opened the door and stepped out, then walked slowly towards the car. The driver immediately opened it, and I went in, my eyes staring off blankly at nothing.

He got back into the car and drove away, and not even once did I turn towards the house. It felt like I had nothing in common with it anymore. Like it was foreign land.

I watched the dark skies, the lit up houses, how the aesthetics changed from a middle-class environment to raw opulence and wealth. I swallowed hard. I really was homeless now.

He dropped me right in front of the main entrance. The party was still ongoing, but once I entered, I was immediately approached by a maid.

"Sir has retired. He has asked me to take you up."

I swallowed, then followed behind her as she led me up the massive stairs. We walked around the balcony, and I saw massive flashbacks of the way I had put everything on the line for a woman who was taking my fiancee away from me.

I wondered if she had known he was engaged. If she had known I was the one. She probably didn't. If she did, that would just be too cruel, wouldn't it?

We got to the room, and I could tell how massive it was just from the size of the door. The maid opened the door, and I stepped in slowly, my fingers grabbing handfuls of my dress.

The room had a dark aesthetic, and everything was covered in minimalistic colours like black, grey, ash or white. I looked around.

The bed was a massive round bed, and above it was a large portrait of a burning heart. I swallowed hard. That was exactly how it felt deep inside right now.

The left side was covered in glass, and it offered a view of the city. I slowly walked inside, my dress falling behind me. There was a full-length mirror on one wall, and I stopped watching myself.

The dress was still as beautiful as ever, but the one wearing it...

I met my own eyes in the mirror, and I shook my head, feeling the words in that letter pierce through me again. What part of this face had Kevin hated?

"I see that you are back."

I turned slowly, my eyes falling on Gray. His hair was falling over his eyes, and he had gotten rid of the jacket. His shirt was open all the way down, his sleeves rolled up, and I turned away without looking at his body under it.

"You knew."

"Earlier, yes. You must feel like such a fool aiding your own heartbreak."

I sighed. "I do. Are you happy now?"

I could feel him slowly come behind me, then move my hair away from my back. I closed my eyes as his fingers lightly caressed the exposed skin of my back.

"You are not my enemy. I actually do pity you."

I turned to him. "Pity me?"

"Yes. I was left at the altar. You were not enough. We are the same kind." His lips parted, his tongue lightly pushing behind his lower jaw.

I turned away. "You... should be happy. It is appropriate punishment for someone who couldn't mind her business."

He chuckled, his head resting on my shoulder. "Don't beat yourself up. This marriage is more than enough."

His fingers moved around the bare skin of my back, and I took in a sharp breath.

"What do you intend to do with me?"

"Have you change," he whispered. "And go to bed. I have a business trip tomorrow."

My fists clenched a little. "I forgot my things."

"You won't need them," he said, his eyes meeting mine in the mirror. "You can only wear white or black, or the colours between them."

"Is this why she ran away from you?"

He shrugged. "At this point, I do not care anymore. It's been a long day."

I watched him walk away from me, and I turned to the mirror, my lips sucked between my teeth. This is my life now.