I love you, stupid!

Teach

Arkin

“I’m just saying, we know each other, we’re friends. What could be better than that?”

Fico shrugged as he sat down beside me on the bed.

We were at his dorm.

We just finished watching an adult video as part of him helping me out in ‘knowing’ my ‘true self’.

It hand been a couple of weeks since I let him and I didn’t know why I even did but I must say, I’m learning quiet a lot and it had been both educational and entertaining and oh! I just admitted it to myself that I’m crushing on Fico.

I’m still not sure if I’m gay though, but I’m crushing on Fico. That I know.

“You’re crazy!”

I laughed nervously as I could feel his warmth next to me the way I could smell his cologne.

It was a long day at school earlier but he still smelt this way. The good and sexy way.

“We could just start by kissing and then let’s see from there.”

Really now, he was trying to tell me we should try and have s*x as if he’s just asking me to try and give beef steak a chance when he very well knew enough I don’t eat anything beef except corned beef and beef burger patty.

“You’re joking, right? This is just a prank. Or a test. To see if I’m easy, right?”

I was laughing nervously.

My palms wet.

Armpit slowly watering with sweat and my heart pounding violently as Fico slowly inches towards me on the bed.

“Can I kiss you?” 

His face just a mere distance to mine.

“I really want to kiss you.”

I swallowed dryly.

I didn’t answer him but I bit on my lower lip and licked at it and before I knew it, Fico was already doing the same and we were already kissing.

And it was the start of many more...

“Hey!”

I pushed Fico a little harder when I saw how he was leaning down on me. 

Face so close as if that dream was turning into a reality.

“What do you think you’re doing!?!”

I yelled at him massaging his chest.

“Was that really necessary? I felt like I stopped breathing for a while there.”

I sat properly and fixed myself.

“It’s your fault! You startled me. You can’t just go and hover over people like that and not expect a kick or a slap.”

I didn’t know I fell asleep again.

The last time I remember, I was eating some brownies trying not to make any eye contact with Fico as I did so.

“We’re already at the restaurant and  I’ve been calling you but you never wake up so I thought I had to shake you or something. You really didn’t have to act like I was trying to violate you or something.”

Fico ranted as he was still massaging his chest.

“I think it’s bruised.”

He said as he made a move to open his shirt and I had to stop him.

“It’s not. It won’t. Now can we just go and have our dinner so we could finally get to the province already!?!”

I suggested as I was still trying to recover from my dream and that reality of Fico hovering over me earlier.

“It’s really gonna bruise.”

I heard Fico still going on about his chest as we made our way inside the restaurant.

It was a small open air space looking over the town scape.

It had a native vibe to it, with tables designed to be under grass huts instead of umbrellas.

There were not too many people around but it was already enough to get everyone busy so I had to listen to Fico moaned about his bruised chest for a few more minutes before an attendant got to us.

“I’m sorry to keep you waiting, sir, we had a shortage of staff tonight. Anyway, do you have reservations?”

The staff asked.

“Is there a need for that?”

I asked.

“Yes sir. I’m afraid, only Mondays and Wednesdays are only open for everyone. The rest of the days except Saturdays when we close for stacking up you need reservations to dine in.”

Wow.

Is this restaurant that good?

I looked at Fico.

He stopped mumbling about his chest and fixed himself.

He looked at me with his I got this face before he regarded the staff.

“Hi! Sorry, but we just came from the City and it was a long drive and my boyfriend and I really wanted to dine here for our anniversary, can’t you arranged anything to make that happen? Please?”

I made a face at Fico with what he said.

And just when I was about to protest, he took my hand into his and pulled it up.

He sandwiched it with his hands as he made a prayer motion at the staff.

“Please.”

The staff looked at Fico and then at me.

I would have blinked at the staff abnormally if not for Fico nudging me with his elbow on my side.

I ended smiling gingerly at the staff.

“Please. We wouldn’t be long. Just dinner. Anniversary dinner. Please.”

So Fico still really use this kind of tactic to get what he want huh!?!

The jerk!

I couldn’t help but feel hot in the face as I remembered my dream from earlier.

Fvck!

“Munchie, are you okay? You look sick? You’re red in the face and you feel hot! What’s wrong?”

Fico turned towards me and made a move to check my temperature by putting a hand in my forehead but I was quick to stop him.

“I’m fine. Just a little tired.”

I said as I tried to get my face away from Fico and my hand as well, but he didn’t let me do the latter.

“My boyfriend is sick, tired and hungry on our anniversary, couldn’t you at least help us feel good even for a little while?”

Fico turned to the staff.

“Alright, follow me you two.”

The staff said after a while of looking alternately at me and Fico.

“Nice!”

I heard Fico muttered under his breath before he wink at me and we followed the waiter.

“I’ll just get the menu sir.”

Fico smiled at the retreating staff.

“You’re still holding my hand.”

I commented as I stared at our intertwined hands up on the table for everyone to see.

“We need to look believable.”

He said as he showed no sign of letting my hand go.

I heaved a sigh.

As if him calling me munchie again after so many years and more than once a few hours into seeing each other again after everything weren’t enough, and my heart almost beating out of its rib cage and me trying hard not to faint with all that’s happening, Fico showed no sign of being affected.

“I told you to not call me anything other that my name.”

I said instead as pulling my hand off his proved to be futile.

“Again. We need to be believable if we want to have our dinner.”

Fico assured me.

Still holding my hand on the table.

“I can eat all those chips in the car. Besides, I didn’t agree with this. You never asked me.”

I told Fico in gritted teeth.

“I had to do what I need to do, can you just be a little help? I’m trying to get us decent food so we would be comfortable for the rest of the drive can you just let this one be?”

Of course, it’s just for convenience.

It’s Fico after all.

What seemed to feel like heaven for me is nothing but just something insignificant to him.

I looked at our intertwined hands still on the table.

I looked back at the good times.

And that time when Fico bursted all the bubbles.

And I snickered.

Why am I even stressing myself out!?!

It’s  Fico Joaquin Vedasto after all.

I chuckled bitterly.

“What?”

Fico asked me with a furrowed brows.

“Nothing.”

I said as I casually pulled my hand off him and he had no choice but to let go.

“I just realized, some things and people—for that matter, never really change.”

Fico blinked at me.

Obviously confused.

But I didn’t have time to unburden him when I felt burdened and hurt myself.

I wonder when will I ever learn?

I heaved a loud sigh yet again.

“Here’s the menu, sir and here you go, sir.”

The staff arrived and handed us the menu respectively.

Fico and I were quite as we made our order and even as we waited and we’re already earning until Fico spoke out of the blue.

“Arkin. I know that you are annoyed with me and that you wanted me to shut up but, the night is beautiful and the food is great don’t you think? I was thinking maybe we could, you know, catch up, at least over the course of this dinner?”

My second spoonful of halo halo froze mid way to my mouth as I heard what Fico had to say and I was more so rendered speechless when I saw how he looked so expectant and wishful.

I groaned inwardly as I wiped my mouth clean and put my desert down the table and looked at Fico.

I took a deep breath before I responded.

“Fine.”

Ugh! 

I really hate myself!

This will be the last time you will give in to him Arkin, alright!?!

“What is it?”

Fico’s face gradually lit up and if I wasn’t quick to stop myself, I’d definitely end up mirroring his smile which was the last thing I would want at the moment.

“Thank you.”

He said quietly.

“Hmm.”

I hummed as I downed on some water.

“So, what’s up with you? What are you doing now? I was honest when I said I have no idea where you are or what you’re doing all these time. I mean, I hear from Saddie from time to time about you and learned that you’re a college instructor but apart from that, I don’t know anything  about you anymore.”

So he’s in touched with Saddie all these time and he didn’t even try to reach out to me!?!

“I’m good, really. Nothing much to talk about.”

I said as I continued with my desert.

“I thought you wanted to be an engineer?”

That’s because you wanted to be an engineer.

“People change. I changed.”

He nodded as he continued eating his chicken adobo.

“You still don’t have any SNS?”

I shook my head.

“Not much use for me. I have my phone and my email I really don’t see the need to broadcast myself to the world.”

I saw him nodded.

“But it would be nice to get and update from you from time to time.”

I snickered bitterly.

“SNS are not the only way to reach out and be updated with people if you really want to.”

I saw him nodded again.

“Yeah...but it’s easier said than done.”

I looked at him and furrowed my brows.

Was that a hint of sadness I saw in his eyes!?!

“Aren’t you gonna ask about me?”

I shrugged and put my unfinished  desert away and looked at him.

He was looking right back at me.

Do I really want to know what he had been up to all those times I was trying to put all the pieces he shattered back together again?

“I’m listening.”

The answer is yes!

Even if it meant some of the pieces might detached from each other again.

“I almost didn’t go to college after you left.”

I blinked at him.

I didn’t know that.

Saddie didn’t say anything.

“Enrollments were almost up and I still didn’t get to take entrance exams for engineering colleges when my father stepped up and decided enough was enough. He dragged me to Manila and made me study there. It was hard at first and I was failing, until I realized I didn’t want to be a failure when I finally see—I didn’t want to be a failure. So, I studied hard and got to know people made connections and before I knew it, I got myself in an international company and life was good and here I am now.”

I bit on my lower lip.

Was that really what I wanted to hear from him all these time!?!

I mentally shook my head.

I didn’t even know what I want anymore.

“So, why teaching?”

Fico asked.

“Well, I don’t know. I mean, I was—I didn’t know what I want the whole of freshman year so I enrolled myself in a course where I could freely take electives and so I ended up in Communication Arts. Then I met people, made connections and realized that I want to teach. So yeah.”

I saw Fico nodded before he gave out a snicker.

“Seemed like we made good connections with everyone during college except with each other.”

Fico and I stared at each other for I don’t know how long until the wait staff came over our table.

“Is there anything more you would want sir?”

“No more, just get us the bill please.”

I said and as I dismissed and wait staff and chided myself.

What the fvck was I staring Fico for!?!

“You left. Just like that. You didn’t even say good bye or even tell me.”

Fico broke his silence after the wait staff walked away with our payment which I insisted on making.

“It doesn’t even matter.”

I said as I stood up and got ready for the exit.

“Let’s go, it’s getting late.”

Fico stood up and I thought he’d lead the way but he said something which confused me instead.

“It does. Matter. At least for me.”

I laughed bitterly.

I’m not sure if it matters to us the same way and that’s what hurt the most.

“You left without a word. Just like that. No words. No goodbyes. Why?”

I shook my head and smiled.

The ache in my heart started to grow bigger.

“Because you let me.”