Forgotten Passion

Huge loss

It was a few days after Blake’s departure that I finally got the courage to call my parents.

The phone started ringing but as soon as it was received I heard someone else's voice, it did not sound like my mother but before I could ask that person she said, “ Laura its aunt Beth your neighbour your parents had an accident and they've been admitted in the hospital please come back ASAP. We are here and taking care of them but you need to hurry up as the situation is really bad.”

For a moment the shock  completely immobilized me and I sat heavily into the chair, Closing my eyes against the unwelcome vision of the news. In a haze I forced myself to move and take the phone again to arrange for a flight to fly to London straight away. There was no time to breakdown because mom and dad needed me.

Later as I sat in the taxi and hurried to the airport.  I had a reason to thankful to Blake for his generosity as I had not been foolish enough to return the money he had already put into my bank account. All though I knew that I must try not to think about the generosity, I must remember his cruelty to me for his infidelity in the last few weeks.

When I reached the hospital I discovered that I was late to see my father as he had died within an hour of being admitted in the hospital later when I look back on this time and I wonder why I had not collapsed immediately when I was given the news. It was almost as if another person was in my shoes performing the needed action so that I was calm and composed when the nurse took me to see my mother .

“I am glad you have come sweetheart I thought you will be late ….”

“Mom” I said  in a choked voice don't say that you have to get well soon you have to I need you mom.” I said desperately.

I have been determined not to cry but found the site of my mother’s broken body in the hospital a bit too much to bear, after all the other troubles of the past week.

“You don’t  need to pretend with me Lara.” my mother said quietly. " I don't know what to do with myself knowing your dad is gone, if you and Blake are as half happy as your dad and I have been you will be very lucky Lara. I'm tired now I think I will have a nap.” My mother added searching out  for my hand and holding my finger. “Sit with me for a while love if you can.”

“Yes of course I will mom don't worry I'll be there whenever you want me, “ I added gently stroking my mother’s hand.

“Lara,  Lara !”

“Yes I am here mom don't try to talk just rest.”

 “I just wanted to say that I am glad you've got Blake to look after.I am  glad we let you marry him. We were worried but we were right to let you marry him, I am glad.” She sighed very and closed her eyes.

I spend the next few hours sitting quietly by her my mother's bed but she never spoke sensibly again. It was after midnight when she died and even though I knew that my mother has spoken the truth when she said she did not want to live without her husband it was impossible not to shed many bitter tears. The irony of my mother’s last words stuck me forever. As though the double loss of my parent was not enough to bear. I was deprived of the love and support of Blake’s presence and now I had to face the future alone.

I returned to stay in my parents’ house until after the funeral and all though it seemed drab and shabby in comparison with the flat in Milan, the well-loved rooms that  closed around me with warmth and the familiar things became doubly valued because of their association with my parents the constant stream of old friends and relatives came to express their sympathy and with the help of the pills from the doctor to make me sleep at night there was a little time to think or give away to grief.

Aunt Beth my parents next door neighbour urged me to give away my tears and said. “Don't bottle it up have a good cry it will only be worse later if you don't. We all know how much you thought about your mom and dad we also love them a lot but one can change the fact that they are gone, now the  time has come, you have to bid farewell to them with love.”

She gave me a gentle shake and said. “where is your husband ? I want to know even if he's gone somewhere for business,  he should be aware of what you are going through, you need him here now.”

The sadness which I had so successfully kept at bay over the last two weeks became so violent for me to control. Tears began to flow down my cheek slowly and silently at first until eventually my body began to shake with sobs.  Aunt Beth stared at me in shock and came down on her knees and comforted me in her arms.

When I stopped sobbing I sat there shaking my head and said .“I'm sorry Aunt Beth.” wiping away my eyes and blew my nose fiercely. “ I don't know what came over me I’m afraid I have soaked your dress.”

“Don't worry Lara  it's nothing just stay strong we are always here holding your back." She got up and left.

I stayed back and started taking care of myself as I had become weak because of so may things happening in my life back to back. Aunt Beth had given me the moral support I needed.