Women And the Demons Who Love Them

We Were Young-4

Imagine Dragons- Radioactive 

Final: It's Genetic

    The look in his eyes is one I am completely familiar with. He's sitting on the end of his bed, his elbows are on his knees, his hands are tangled in his hair. His head bowed low. The tears from his eyes are dripping onto the carpet. I crouched down in front of him making him look up at me. That shame in his eyes holds the pain my own eyes had always displayed when I snapped. This is his third suspension this year. One more incident and he'd get kicked out of school.

    "It shouldn't be so hard to walk away," he said shaking his head. "What's wrong with me?" 

    "There's nothing wrong with you, baby. We just have to find something to channel this. Like I did," I tried to reassure him.

    "This happened to you?" he asked his eyes meeting my own. 

    "Yeah, all the time. It still does sometimes," I sighed, rubbing his arms for reassurance. I'm the only he lets put hands on him. 

    "I thought I got it from dad," he admitted, sitting up. I stood up before sitting on the bed next to him. 

    "No, dad's just angry. He had it rough growing up," I said. "This- this thing inside of us is genetic. I got it from grandpa. He got it from his dad. So on, so forth," 

    "How do you control it?" he asked. I wiped his face leaning into him offering the same comfort my dad and now my husband offer me when things get rough. "I don't want to feel this anymore, ma,"

    The sound of his voice breaking shattered my heart. I glanced over at the doorway to see Lawrence standing there with his arms cross and the same broken look on his face. Our son is suffering and it's all my fault. I had hoped this thing inside of me wouldn't affect him. 

    "I used to go down to the boxing gym. I run a lot now and it helps. Low music, reading, hot showers or cold. Depending on how strong it hits and how I want to feel afterward. Would you be interested in any of those things?" I asked him. He glanced at me nodding and wiping his tears away. 

    "Boxing sounds okay," he said his voice thick with emotion. 

    "Yeah? We can sign you up. You want me to go check some places out with you or maybe you want your dad to take you?" 

He looked over at the door the shame in his eyes heavier now. 

    Lawrence had tried to stop him. At thirteen, my son is already my height. He looks just like his father. He's beautiful. Jeremy had almost leveled Lawrence with a left hook. Another, Taylor family inheritance. The guys at school were teasing him about his nose piercing. The only reason I had allowed him to get was because of Lawrence. He had told Jeremy he had gotten his first piercing at thirteen. So, Jeremy obviously wanted one too. 

    It angered my son to hear them call him names but he didn't take it out and he didn't let it bother him until one of the boys shoved him. No one believed my son when he said the other kid was put hands on him first. The other boys had all pointed a finger at him once we were able to get Jer to calm down. The school didn't believe him because of my infamous track record in the school and the fact that Lawrence is a well-known fighter. 

    "Dad, I am so sorry," he said getting up. 

    I had iced Lawrence's face but it still looks pretty bad. He pushed off the wall and was in front of our son in an instant. He opened his arms for him and Jeremy didn't hesitate to jump right into the hug. 

    "You're good. I'm actually really impressed. I haven't been hit like that since I left the octagon," he did get a clean hit. I smiled looking down at the floor. Jeremy fisted his shirt tightening the hold on his father. 

    "Will you take me?" he asked him. 

    "Hell yeah. You're going to put in some real damage, buddy," automatically Jeremy's posture changed. The light in his eyes returned as he straightened up. He glanced back at me with a smile. "Get some rest. We'll go in the morning," 

    "Thanks," he said sitting next to me. 

    "Just because your suspended doesn't mean you can slack on your studies. I got some packets from your teachers," I said. He groaned falling back on the bed. 

    "Are you serious?" he asked me. 

    "Yip. Athletes still need to keep a two-point-five GPA. In this house, it doesn't go lower than three," 

    "Okay, mom," he said covering his eyes with his arm annoyed now. 

    I got up going over to Lawrence feeling better now our son feels better about all of this. I glanced back at my kid one last time before I closed the door behind me. Lawrence placed his hand on my belly without taking his eyes off me. 

    "She's going to be his reasoning. I swear," he said leaning into me carefully. 

    "I think so too," I said taking his hand. He led me back to our bedroom. 

    He had been my reasoning. He had stood next to me through the therapy that never worked. He had been there when my dad completed his sentence. He had taken my dad on when he had lost his s**t. He was there through it all. There were times when it got so bad he almost walked away. We thought we were done with it once we moved out of our parent's places and into our own house but now it was back. This omen that plagued me for years is now resonating inside my son and might even affect my unborn daughter. 

    "Hey," he said making me look over at him. "He's going to be fine. You're here right?" 

    "I know. It just hurts me to see him like that. That's our baby," 

He smiled making me sit on the bed. He knelt down in front of me wrapping his arms around me resting his head on my protruding belly. 

    "He's fine. He has the two of us and soon he'll have Lawrin," 

    I smiled shaking my head. He made me promise that if we named our son Jeremy we'd name our daughter Lawrin. I hadn't planned on doing this again, mostly, because it had been so hard on both of us when I was pregnant with Jeremy. I was on bed rest the entire time, an IV in my arm and constant light spotting. I cried every time I had to eat because I couldn't hold anything down. The anxiety attacks would hit from the pain of not being able to eat and they happened whenever they pleased. I'd wake shaking with tears in my eyes. 

    I placed ran my fingers through his soft hair twisting the straight ends around. This calms me. It calms him and it calms the baby. Thinking back at all the trouble we had gotten into makes me smile. 

    That first day we met had been the beginning for us. He drove me home that night and watched Arrow with me while we ate cheez-its. When my mom got home I introduced him as my friend and he introduced himself as her future son-in-law. He wormed his way into everything I did. He infected me with him and the virus spread through me consuming everything that I am. 

    I figured out what Shark meant. Lawrence had been a part of an underground fighting ring. Not only did he participate in the fighting, but the owner of the club they fought in illegally had him hunt down anyone who owed him money. They called him and a group of others, Sharks. It wasn't until my dad nearly killed said, owner, that he was released from that obligation.

    That man had been the reason why my dad had spent three years of his life in prison. He didn't want that for me and Lawrence. He didn't want us to live as he and mom had. It was obvious my dad had wanted a son. They both spent a lot of time together in the gym, training. My dad denies it but he cried with pride the day Lawrence made it into the UFC. 

    The day he won his first heavyweight championship he proposed to me bloodied and sweaty in the middle of the octagon. I swear it couldn't have been more perfect. He couldn't be more perfect. 

    I started training again and I also stayed in school. I had almost dropped out when I was offered to fight for the woman's lightweight division but I couldn't do it. I would have never had my son. So instead, I stayed in school. I studied psychology not to become a shrink but to guide people like me. 

    To point them in a direction that made sense and suited them. Not all of us are fighters. Not all of us panicked with interaction. There are so many forms that this disease came at people and while the medications worked for some, others had a violent reaction. I don't like thinking about those I've lost to this. Those who weren't strong enough to live through it. 

    "Speedy, why are you crying?" Lawrence sat up sitting on the bed next to me. 

    "Don't laugh," I said wiping the tears from my face. 

    "I'd never laugh at anything that makes you cry," he swore, scooting closer. 

    "You did it," I said looking up at him.

    "What?" he asked confused. 

    "That first night. When you said you didn't want to befriend me," he smirked before it turned into a grin. My favorite smile is this one. The one he wears with confidence and ego. There is pride and love all in that one smile. I love it. 

    "That's why you're crying because your mine? Shouldn't that make you happy?" he asked drying my face.

    "These weird tears are of happiness you cocky f**k. Your daughter makes me emotional," 

    "Our daughter," he corrected. 

    "Your daughter. She's not even here yet and she hates me. The only time she's calm is when you're around me. The rest of the time she's playing soccer with my organs," the sly grin returned. 

    "I love you, Speedy. You're the best thing that could have happened to me," he pressed his lips to mine gently before he stopped to look at me again. Those big brown eyes just trapped me like they had that first time on the bus. "You're got damn right you're mine. I thank my mom every time I talk to her, for making me take the bus that morning. For accidentally taking my keys," 

Fin.