To Want You

28

The doorbell suddenly rings and I silently excuse myself to go check who it is. Abel's stare never weavers from me until I've slipped out from the kitchen.

"Stupid." I grit through my teeth. At this point, if he keeps saying things like that I might end up cancelling the flight. I bet he doesn't know how much those expressions he makes affect me.

I run my fingers through my hair and release a little whimper of frustration. My eyes feel stingy and I feel like choking out a cry. I've been out a strong exterior while hiding what I'm really feeling. He's making this harder for me than it already is. And I bet he doesn't know that. He's probably thinking I don't care about him at all. But God knows that's not it.

There's a reason why I refuse to accept him from the beginning. Why I keep going against their nature, forcing him to believe we'll be nothing more but friends. Me leaving to go study abroad, is just an excuse to distance myself from him.

Because despite growing up together since kids, there's a secret about my family Abel and his parents know nothing about. Just thinking about it leaves a bitter taste in my tongue.

The night after Abel's friends revealed I was his supposed partner, I had a long talk with mother on the phone. There, she asked if I had experienced multiple episodes of headaches and once I told her she was right, she slowly took a long breath and told me something that was far beyond my imagination. I remember pulling on my hair and biting my nails once in a while as I listened. Unhealthy habits I do when I can't think straight.

What my mother was trying to say is that. Unless I want live in suffering my whole life, I can't be with Abel.

It's a lot to take in honestly.

Imagine, after knowing someone all your life, suddenly you decide to leave because you know if you stay close to them you'll be in danger.

I don't consider myself selfish for placing my life over friendship. I'd choose to live any day. But that doesn't mean I like the idea of leaving.

I asked my mom if there was any possible way to walk pass that procedure but she ended up saying if there was a way, they'd have already done it. Hearing that left me mentally drained.

"Daron?"

"Oh hey. Mind if I come in?"

Blinking, I hesitantly look behind me like I'm making sure there's nothing to be embarrassed about. Not like there is anyway. I step to the side and gesture him in. Daron pulls out a smile that makes his eyes drown into his cheeks, turning them into a pair of cute crescents. His dimple's visible too. Today he's clad in a hoodie over a white tshirt, black ripped jeans that accentuate his long legs and a pair of black converse for the feet.

"I hope I didn't interrupt anything."

"Not at all. I was just in the kitchen. What brings you here anyway?"

"I heard something and wanted do confirm it."Smiles the brunette.

There's a long pause when we reach the middle of the hallway. Daron suddenly stops in his tracks with his face directed towards where the kitchen is. He awkwardly turns back to face me with a hand behind his neck.

"I..I kinda forgot something. Im actually suppose to do some errands."

I divert my eyes around the walls and respond. "Well, in that case. I don't think there's anything we can do about that."

"Yeah. I better get going. Sorry for the inconvenience." Daron gulps a lump, looking like he's scared. Before he can completely step out of my door, he turns around and offers me a soft yet sadden smile. " I hope you'll return soon."

And with that, he leaves before I can even ask how he knew I was leaving. Guess word does travel fast like a wild fire.

I return back to Abel who appears more tensed than how he was awhile ago.

"What was he doing here?" It comes out in a tight growl. I slip on the stool across from him and grab hold of my noodles.

"You mean Daron? He wanted to confirm something."

"And that is."

"Asked if I was leaving. I'm not sure how he knows about it but yeah." I flicked my eyes to collide his. "Are you free tomorrow? There's this new amusement park an hour drive from here and I really want to go there."

With a click of his tongue, he arches a brow in confusion at me. "Don't you hate amusement parks?"

"Hate is such a strong word. More like dislike it but I wouldn't mind trying it. Besides, Loona was convincing. Let's go there. The three of us." I humm on the last part, waiting for his answer. He won't say no obviously but it's better to hear a verbal respond from him.

"Fine. What time should I pick you up?"

"I'll be ready around seven."

Abel repeats the time in a whisper before swirling his chopsticks inside his cup of noodles.

That's right.

Before I leave, I should at least leave behind a joyful memory. I'm not sure how long it'll take or when I'll return. A frown falls on my face before I can even stop it.

I don't.

I dont want to leave.

But it's something I have to do.

Abel leaves an hour after helping me clean around. I stretch my muscles and let out a yawn, draping a towel over my shoulder. Once today ends, I'll only have four days left before leaving.

Thirty minutes in the shower later, I'm beginning to feel lethargic. I slide on a new set of comfortable clothes before laying on my bed. My suitcases are ready, left on the side to remind me of reality. This is for the best. He'll eventually forget about me.