Nine
1226 Words
It's been two months since I left the country to move to Canada and the pain was still there. No, it was doubled. Because I found out I was pregnant with the man that I had a one night stand with.
Yes! And I got so depress for about week up until now. I did not know at first that I was pregnant, not until a friend of mine whom help me to find a place to stay here told me that she noticed that I'm not on the mood lately, I easily gets irritated over simple things. I seldom eats and drinks a lot of water. I also don't like the smell of onion.
When she told me about those things and said that it was some signs of being pregnant, I laughed at her and told her she is crazy and out of her mind. But when what she said hit my head, I froze to my position and passed out.
Luckily, she was able to send me to a hospital and that's when the doctors ran out some test to me and found out I was 6 weeks pregnant.
I was so scared and I cried that night after finding out. A part of me was happy and a big part of me was afraid and guilty. Because I don't know if I will be able to raise the child of not.
"Are you sure you'll be fine here? You can stay at my place if you want. My parents wouldn't mind at all. They are even the one who told me to tell you this." Trina said. She was the friend of mine whom I told earlier.
She is a sweet and a long time friend of mine. We were not able to see each other after four years since she moved here in Canada but we do face time sometimes and always get on touch. When I told her about what happened about me in the Philippines, she help me to process everything I need including my ticket, accomodations, place to live in Canada and of course my passport. She's been helping me since then and up until now. That is why I owe my life or her.
I shook my head in disagreement. "No, it's okay Trin. I'm fine here okay. It's been two months that I'm staying here. I'm really fine on my own." I said. Trying to convince her that I will be good here all by myself to the house that she lets me in.
It's one of her family house that I am staying anyways and to be honest, three family's can live here already. But here I am, living on it all by myself.
"No, it's not just you now. You have someone right there that you need to take care of now. You should be worried by yourself and not do anything bad about it." She said.
I nodded to what she said. I'm really blessed to have someone whom cares to me.
"I can manage really. I'm just alone here, you know."
"That's exactly my point. You're all alone here. What if something bad happened to you? What if suddenly you feel pain or something might go wrong. You have no one here with you." She said. Trina's voice were full of concern.
And I can't help but to be teary eyed at it. I wanna cry hard because of how concerned Trina is to me. I don't know if I'm just over reacting or it's just my hormones brought by being pregnant. But I do sure know that she's really the best. She never left me even in this hardest time.
She never left me alone and consider like a precious thing in her life. I wouldn't know what had happened to me until now if it wasn't all because of her. She's my savior and definitely the best of the best.
"You really don't have to worry, Trina. Like what I said, I can still manage everything. I'll tell you when I'm not. I'm just still two months pregnant and I can still do house hold chores." I said. Trina shook her head in disagreement.
"I read on a book about pregnancy that the crucial part of pregnancy is the first trimester. You know I'm just trying to protect you and your baby."
I heaved I deep sigh. I really know and understand what she means but I don't want her to shoulder all the responsibilities of me. As much as much as possible, I want everything to be done on my own. I know she's just helping me all for goodness, but that doesn't mean that I'll just stay on put and do nothing. That's not right. I will definitely feel guilty.
"Please, Trin. I know you just wanna help me that bad and the baby also, but you know that I wouldn't do that, right? I don't want to put everything in you. You understand me right?" I ask. She look at me for a about a seconds then breathe out heavily.
"Fine! If that's what you want. But please, don't stress yourself to much okay? Don't overthink and if you feel anything bad about yourself, you don't have to hesitate and tell me ASAP." She said. I smiled at her.
"Of course!" I snapped in jolliness.
She rolled her eyes at me. "Don't of course, of course me. I know that you're still crying every night because of something. You know crying isn't good for you, it will just put you in stress and also the baby. That's why I wanted you to stay in the house so you could have at least someone whom to talk to." She said.
And I was about to say anything, she already cut me off. "Yeah- yeah! I know what you're gonna say. Just let you live yourself alone and I don't need to worry of anything blah blah blah!" I laughed at her reaction.
Yeah she's right. I've been crying every night since I arrived here in Canada. And there's no single night that I don't do so.
What Isaac did keeps on hunting me every night and I can still remember every single scenario that I saw. It's buried in my head already.
And by the time I got to find out that I was pregnant, the pain that I felt doubled. Because I don't know what to do. I got pregnant all of a sudden.
And the stress level since the day that I found out I was pregnant was so on the highest level that I had thought of commiting suicide just to end my pain and sufferings. But hearing the baby's heartbeat made me cry in happiness and in pain too. It made me guilty of thinking to end my life without thinking of my child's life.
And that's what made me walk and live as of today. The child that I am bearing right now is the reason of my life. I would carry it no matter how hard it is for me. I will give everything to it, and will do everything to make this baby the happiest in the world even without it's father.
That is the promise that I'll make sure to happen. Even without them, just this baby. All by ourselves.
- Writer
