10
1106 Words
I'm currently at home and Trina had just left earlier. Later, I will go to my ob-gyne for my follow up check up and Trina insisted in coming with me but I refused. I don't wanna burden her even more. She had help me so much already. Even though she's telling me that it's fine, but still I don't wanna let her. What she had help me is more than enough to what I ever wanted.
My schedule to my ob-gyne doctor is at 1pm and it's still 11. I still have two one and a half hour to take a rest before I leave.
Honestly, from the very first day that I had found out that I was pregnant. I was so afraid. I was so afraid that people would judge me. I'm afraid and scared not because I will bear a child on my own. What makes me afraid more us the fact that people will talk behind my back. People's judgement to be exact.
After leaving Isaac behind and coming here and haven't found out first about I was pregnant, I don't know how to react. It feels like I wanted to cry but I'm to afraid to do so. It was a mix emotions for me.
There's also a times that I am in want of his face. Yes, every night. I dream of Isaac. Of his held and his hugs and kisses, but every time it happen, the man that I had a one night stand with always comes in the scene.
And after I left the country, I heard nothing from Isaac. I cut ties with him. I never ask nor heard any thing about him and if there is, I don't want to be interested in it.
I know it's been two months already, but the pain is still here. It still in my heart. It was stabbed deeper inside me and I don't know when wil I ever forget of it. Or maybe not? I don't know.
I'm still not yet ready to forget. I tried so many times to get rid of what happened. But every time I do so, the pain just grow deeper and heavier. It's because maybe I'm not yet sure and ready.
I heaved a deep sigh as I look up the ceiling of my room. I am lying down in my bed and too lazy to get up. I always wanted to just lie down and sleep. I always wanted to eat, but every time I do so and when every time that there is a food in front of me, I suddenly felt I don't want to.
It's because if the hormones maybe. My mood always changes also in just a snap. I'm here lying down in my bed and theres time that tye next thing I know, I already walking down the road to buy something on a mini mart.
I shook my head as I laughed to my thoughts. Thinking if it, having a baby isn't a bad thing though, it makes you happy hearing it's heartbeat and the feeling of being moody and sleepy everytime.
Anyways, u haven't mentioned that I am currently working as a marketing manager to one of the business of Trina. Yes, she help me again. Her business is into beauty products so definitely she is into beauty industry.
At first, she wanted me to manage her business but I refused. I could not handle such responsibilities. I know that she trust me that much but that doesn't mean that I should abused it, I should also know how to say no to her help. Especially with that thing.
Given the fact that her business is well known, I don't want it risk it. So instead, I told her that I can just help her with the marketing department and she gave me the position of a marketing manager.
I started working just a month ago and so far so good. It's quiet fun and okay working back again when with people and making myself busy with stuffs but of course, I avoid stress as much as possible. I don't wanna risk my health and my baby also. But as of now, I'm on my free day and I will resume work tomorrow.
I yawned wheb u felt sleepy again. I wanted to take a nap but I'm trying to fight it because I know that it won't probably end as a nap. My nao would end up into 5 to 6 hours. And I have an appointment 1pm so no for now.
I stood up from the bed and starts to fix myself. I comb my hair and then put a sun screen. It's too hot outside. I haven't tried putting sunscreen since I was born, lol. But since I got pregnant, I've been wanting to try make ups and other beauty stuffs. And Trina said that's because my baby would definitely be a girl.
I smiled at the thought of having a baby already. What would it look like after it will be born! I hopes it looks like me. I wanted to see a mini me. I wanted to see a little me and what do I look like when I was still young. Because I haven't seen any pictures of me when I was a baby until I grow up.
That's one thing that makes me sad every time I remember it. Growing up having no parents is the most painful part of all. Having no one to take care of you and for you to tell things when you're not fine.
Having no one to tell when you're afraid or excited and happy. No one to take your side when you got into trouble. No one to pat your shoulder when you're tired and having no one to cry on. And maybe that's the reason why I engage myself and my six years to Isaac because I found in him the things that I haven't felt when I was young. Not until he did something that shattered my world.
Tears suddenly starts to fell my eyes without me knowing it. I sniff and wiped it dry.
It's been two months already but why can't I just forget it. I wanna forget it. I wanna move on and go on with my life.
I shook my head once more. It's just my hormones. I should not be into it. I will get through this all. I promise to forget hin and give all of my attention ot my child. After all, it is the only thing that I have now.
- Writer
