Gage

Chapter 6

Wren

“Snows are supposed to start falling soon. We may have to wrap Marley's lesson up a little sooner than normal today.” I muttered to Anderson as I finished putting the last of the feed buckets in the tack room. I swear I don't know how my parents managed to run this place with both of them and everyone else. I feel so burned out already.

I head out of the tack room and find Marley petting the Alpacas and donkeys that are lined along the fence begging for attention. I felt Anderson's presence behind me.

“She reminds me a lot of you when you were that age. So full of happiness and such a love for animals.” I didn't know what to say to that so I hummed, content and made my way to the little girl, nodding to the workers I passed along the way.

“Hey, little missy. How was school today?” I said tugging on the end of her braid. She turned around and beamed up at me.

“It was sooooo good. I got to play hopscotch at recess before it got too cold and then Luna gave me her cookies from her lunch!”

God was it always that simple as a child?

I miss it. I squat down next to her, so I'm at her height and pull a few treats out of my pocket. “Wanna feed them some goodies?” I asked and she nodded frantically.

Marley had not needed a warming up period to be comfortable around me. It was almost instantaneous. She was such a happy go lucky child and so tenacious. She was calm but had a fire in her. I could tell.

“Did you finish your homework?” I asked.

It may be a Friday night but I was not willing to have her dad come at me for any small thing. Ever since the night at the bar a few weeks ago I have been avoiding him like the plague. He stirs something in me and I don't like it. He hates my guts. I don't much like him either but every time I'm near him or see him or am within his reach I get an electric feeling almost like fireworks all over me. I feel alive. I just feel and feelings are bad.

Those feelings always get overshadowed though for annoyance and frustration at the glares he sends my way or the snide comments I get frequently. I swear if I hear I abandoned my family one more time from him I'll gladly let him cuff me and take me to jail. That's kind of kinky. Jesus Wren you need to get laid. It just gets so frustrating, the rollercoaster he sends me on. One minute he's nice and the next he is just so damn mean. That's why feelings are bad. They're confusing, they're complicated, they lead to more pain and hurt, and most of the time they are not reciprocated.

I spent so many years forcing myself to go numb to the pain, numb to the hurt, numb to the feelings. It got to the point I couldn't differentiate between any of the emotions and eventually all of them just turned off. Call it a defense mechanism or call me broken. I couldn't care. But shutting down saved me from giving up so many times.

So many times people asked why I stayed or why I never tried to leave. They didn't know. I did try. So many times. It's like he had a tracker built into me or something because he would always find me and when he found me it would always be worse. It got to the point where I stopped trying to run. No one believed me past a certain point anyways and if no one was going to believe me then I wasn't going to care.

When Gage had asked if I was safe I truly didn't know how to answer him. Am I safe? Right now, yes. Will I be tomorrow? I don't know. When will James find me? Will I ever truly be free of him or the damage he's done to me? I don't know. Another reason I need to stay away from Gage. I'm too damaged. He deserves someone that will bring joy and someone who can give them the love and life he deserves. That they both deserve. I don't even know how to love anymore. I don't know if I'm even loveable.

God, I'm so f****d up in the head.

I'm brought out of my thoughts by the rumble of thunder in the distance. “Why don't we do your lesson in the indoor arena today? I'll cut the heaters on and when we're done we can have some hot cocoa while we wait for your dad?” she thought about it and nodded. Snowflakes were starting to fall and coating her hair in a light layer. I tugged my hat down a bit to cover my ears and we made our way into the barn.

“Who do you want to ride today?”

“Um, I think I want to ride Cash.” she said, certain of her choice.

“Johnny Cash or Cashew?”

“Cashew!” she said and trotted ahead with a skip while grabbing my hand and dragging me along with her. We got Cashew all tacked up and I helped her get situated in her saddle. Cashew was a little bay gelding with an awesome temperament and the silliest personality.

“Alright, today I'm not going to lead you into the ring. I want you to get him in there all by yourself. When you get in the ring I want you to trot 2 laps, Canter for 1 and back to a trot for the 4th and then wait for further instruction. Think you can do all of that without any help?” I asked and she nodded. Her helmet snugs on her head and her pink boots stand out in contrast.

Marley was a natural born rider. I could feel it in my bones. I swear I blinked and half of her lesson was already done.

I knew the minute her dad walked in. The energy changed and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. He didn't interrupt us. Just sat there watching his daughter be a rockstar in the saddle. I chanced a look at him out of the corner of my eye and he was of course still in uniform. God, he looked good in that.

Stop it, Wren.

“Alright bring it in.” I yelled out as Marley was finishing her ride. She walked Cashew to me and hopped off.

“Thank you Cash for letting me ride you today!” I taught her to always thank her horse for every positive thing they do.

“Daddy!” she squealed when she noticed he was here!

“Hey, munchkin. You did awesome today!” he said joining us in the ring and giving the little horse a few well deserved pets.

“Can we stay for hot chocolate? Pleaseeeeee!” she begged and poked out her lip. Please say no. Please say no. Please for the love of god say…

”I guess that's fine.” f**k.

“You know what to do. Go untack Cash and give him a good brushing and a blanket.” I instructed. I headed into the house to start on the hot chocolate while Anderson made sure Marley didn't need any help.

I gathered her bags and made sure her homework was put back in it as Gage walked through the back door into the kitchen. I tried not to meet his gaze as I handed him Marley's things and his touch lingered on my skin during the transfer. My eyes met his piercing blue ones and I froze.

It was like he could see into my soul and all of my secrets too. He had heat to his eyes but didn't say anything.

“Want some cocoa?” I asked softly. He blinked as if brought out of a daydream himself and stepped away. His cheeks tinged pink and he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Sure. Don't want to stay long though. The roads are pretty rough.” he said. I made myself busy making three glasses of the rich sweet goodness and added marshmallows to each cup.

I felt him come up behind me as if assessing my every move. “I'm not going to poison you if that's what you're looking for.” I don't even know why I said that. God, I swear I have no filter. He chuckled and it was deep and rough sounding and it sent goosebumps all over my skin.

“I have a feeling if you were you would have done so already.” he ended with a light laugh. I could feel his body heat against my back and I'm sure if I pushed my hips back just a bit, I'd feel him there.

His hand comes down around me. His fingertips drag down my arm as he reaches for his mug. I turned my head a bit and I realized I was right. He is nearly on top of me. I don't pull away though. Instead, I push myself against him. For just this one time, I'll allow my body to surrender to the curiosity of how it feels to touch him.

I hear him groan just a bit the minute my skin makes contact with his. He smells woodsy, like pine and cinnamon. He tips his head down just a bit and I think he may even be trying to kiss me. That is until we hear the pounding footsteps on the back porch and he jumps away from me as if I've burned him. His Hot cocoa nearly spilled from the mug.

“Daddy! Your truck is almost buried under the snow!” Marley shouts as she comes inside looking like Jack Frost herself.

Gage peeks out the window and groans. “I'm going to have to dig us out, great.”

“You could just stay here…” I offered. Remember what I said about no filter? Same concept applies. What the hell was I thinking?

“Can we daddy? Oh please!”

“It would be too dangerous to drive home in this and it's going to be dark soon. I have the extra bedrooms here…Just a thought.'' Shut your trap, Wren while you're ahead.

He seems to weigh over my offer before looking back outside again. His shoulders slump and he tips his head back to the ceiling. Please say no, please say no. Please ignore my lapse in judgment and just say no.

“I guess we don't have much of a choice.”

Fuck.