Gage

Chapter 5

Gage

I was left standing there. My head was still spinning from the abrupt change in demeanor from her. You would think she would want to change her image, to want people to like her though it seems I'm the only one who has a problem with her at all. I don't know what I'm doing or what I'm feeling. All I know is I get so god damned frustrated when I look at her or think about her but the minute I saw Noah flirt with her I saw red.

He is my best friend but I was still ready to throttle him. It was a little shocking that she didn't seem to pay him any mind though. Noah is a flirt. He gets what he wants, who he wants and women have no issues flocking to him. He may be a playboy but women know the stakes when they get with him. Much like me, he's not settling down. I personally did that once and it ended in tragedy and I wasn't going to go through that again. Never again. Marley was enough for me.

Speaking of my baby girl, my phone rang and my mom's number popped up on my screen.

“Hi daddy!” she squealed when I answered the video call.

“Hi, kiddo. Enjoying your weekend with Nana and Papa?” she nodded her head vigorously and smiled. Her smile seemed to be missing a tooth right in the front.

“Look daddy! I finally lost my tooth! The tooth fairy is coming tonight!” I heard my mom say something about putting it under her pillow in the background and I smiled.

“I see that! Look at you baby girl.” her hair was freshly washed from a bath and braided just the way she liked it.

“We were just calling to let you know about her tooth and to say goodnight, son.” my mom said as she came into the picture.

I nodded and said goodnight and blew tons of kisses to my daughter and hung up the phone. A bittersweet feeling hit me. My little Marley is 7 now and growing up. It may seem like just another lost tooth to most but to a parent it's a sign that they're not little babies anymore. The next time I blink she'll be hitting her teenage years and dating.

Fuck no. Not a chance in hell.

I heard the rumble of a truck start up and saw Wren's dad's old truck hit the road. I saw Anderson's hand hanging out the window indicating he had come to pick her up. Good. I had had enough of drunk drivers and people thinking they could drink and drive. It ruins lives. It ruined mine and I had made a promise that night that I was never going to let another person do it again to the best of my ability.

Still though, it bothered me the way she froze up when I asked why she turned her back on her family and why she left and never came back. It was a simple question that should have had a simple answer. Though I couldn't help but wonder if maybe things aren't as simple as I thought they should be. Things aren't always black and white. Life has speed bumps and potholes in the road. Don't judge another person's journey based on the road you traveled. My mom used to tell me that all the time and for some reason, it's been popping up in my head a lot this week. I'd get Wren to talk about it eventually.

There she goes again getting into my head and my thoughts. Part of the reason she aggravates me so god damned much is because she gets under my skin so easily. She makes me feel things, she makes me feel attraction and lust, she makes me feel curious. Things I hadn't felt or even explored since Savannah passed away.

No, no passed away, she was killed. Remember that, Gage.

I didn't want to be feeling these things. I didn't want to find Wren attractive. But dang it she was. She was f*****g beautiful. Her black hair was so shiny and long. The perfect length to wrap around my hand. Stop it. But then it's a perfect contrast for her jade green eyes. Her lips always seemed to have a frown on though and I didn't like that. I wanted to change that. She never had her back to a room and she always scanned whatever room she entered for exits. She was always aware of her surroundings.

I've been watching her since that first day. It sounds creepy, but I'm a cop dammit. It's my job. That and she spends a lot of time with my daughter so I have to tell myself that I'm doing my job as a dad and not that I enjoy watching Wren because I actually like looking at her. God, I'm f*****g pathetic.

I made it back to the bar and the thumping of the base was vibrating and flowing outside. I didn't even feel in the mood to go back inside. I shot Noah a text saying I was headed home.

The screen door to my house slammed behind me and I was hit with the smell of home. I tried to keep everything the way Savannah kept our old house. Even down to the smell. I had pictures of her hanging all around among the many that I had of Marley. I always make sure to take pictures because you never know when all you will have are memories. Memories of what you want to be real.

I grabbed a beer out of my fridge and popped the cap off and drank a few gulps.

I propped myself against the counter and took in the silence in my house. It wasn't often that I had the house to myself anymore and most people would enjoy it but I hate it. The silence allows me to think. The silence allows me to remember. The silence makes me feel the gut wrenching pain of loneliness. But being lonely is what you want though. Being alone means you don't have to feel the heartache of losing anyone else. Being alone means you don't get hurt. But dammit, I miss having someone. I miss having someone to hold at night. Someone to help me with Marley. I miss having someone to love. I miss having someone to wake up to in the mornings. I miss having that one person that you can't live without. I miss having the one person that you think about when you wake up in the morning and the last person you think about when you close your eyes at night. I miss having my person.

I finish my beer and head to my bathroom and step into the shower. I turn my head up all the way and steam slowly fills the room. The tiles are a cold contrast against my feet and the water burns my skin making me feel something. Anything. This big shower makes me feel so small. Ironic that my 6’2 tall ass feels small but I do.

I lather the soap against my skin and wash the day away. But for some reason, my mind pictures soft hands washing me instead of my own rough ones. I imagine the scent of Vanilla and peach perfume filling the room with me. Jet black hair wet up against tanned skin. Green eyes piercing into my soul. I don't know why I'm thinking about her here with me, but I am. And dammit, I wish I was actually feeling her touch right now. I miss touching. I miss intimacy.

I can feel my c**k hardening between my thighs and slowly reach down to stroke it. I give it a squeeze and groan at the sensation.

My head drops down as I brace myself up against the shower with my other arm. I stroke myself more as I imagine tiny hands wrapped around my girth. Her soft skin that I can't seem to get off my mind. What kind of sounds does she make when she's been brought to the edge? What kinds of groans would escape her mouth when I touched her body? I imagine how good her plump lips would look wrapped around me. Imagining her looking up at me with her expressive eyes. I pump myself harder, faster.

I grunt with excitement as I feel myself getting closer to release. I feel a tingle in the base of my spine and I feel my body telling me how close I am. I feel my release just at the edge as I throw my head back and grit my teeth and jaw as I spill myself over the bathroom shower.

I watch it go down the drain and suddenly wish it was on her tongue and down her throat before I chastise myself for even thinking of her let alone jacking off to the thought of her.

With a towel wrapped around my waist, I comb my hair and brace myself against the bathroom counter.

“What the f**k is wrong with you?” I ask myself. I'm supposed to hate her. I'm supposed to despise her. What the hell was that? I just f*****g came to the mere thought of her. Just from imagining her. And it felt so f*****g good.

I feel so angry with myself, for knowing that it felt good but also for thinking of her. I should have been thinking of Savannah. God, I'm a s**t bag. It almost feels like a betrayal to think of another woman. That's why I haven't ever slept with anyone since. Savannahs gone. My mind tells me. It's what everyone has told me but I still can't bring myself to do it or anything with anyone. I don't want to. So I force myself to push people away. I turn down every advance made towards me, I turn down every opportunity of a one night stand, I force myself to not fall in love again. I don't even allow myself to entertain talking to other women other than the polite conversations and usual day-to-day talk. I may be broody and all, but I'm not a total asshole. I think.

But I want to talk to Wren. I want to know more about her. So imagine my shock when I find myself pulling on a pair of sweats and picking up my phone and sending a text off. I had saved her number and told myself that I was only going to text her when I was on my way to get Marley and that was it but she doesn't have her. She isn't even working today.

Hell, it's 12 in the morning she's probably asleep.

G: Why’d you leave me hanging, little dove?

W: Little dove?

W: Nevermind. What do you want, Gage?

G: Oh, you wounded me. I want to know why you ran. Seems to be a habit of yours.

I could see the bubble with the three dots appear indicating she was typing but it disappeared and reappeared several times. I almost thought she wasn't going to send a response when a few minutes had passed.

W: Why do you care? You don't like me, I don't like you. Why does it matter if I answer your questions? Honestly, it's best if we stick to being cordial with each other and leave it at that.

Her response bothered me. I don't know why, but it did.

G: No judgment from me Little dove. I promise. I am just curious. And I don't hate you. I don't hate anyone. Well, one person but that's a story for another day. You annoy me, there's a difference.

G: So, why'd you leave everyone? Why did you never come back?

W: Not that it's any of your business, but I couldn't. Literally. That's all I'm going to say….

G: What do you mean you couldn't? Anything is possible.

W: Not anything. It is easy to assume when you haven't lived my life. I did what I thought was best and what I thought would protect them. I loved my family. I never wanted to leave them.

G: Protect them? Wren, are you in trouble?

The thought of her being in trouble or danger made my skin crawl. I was confused by her messages and why she was suddenly divulging so much information. But then again, it's easier to talk about the hard stuff when you're not looking someone in the eyes. It's easy to be brave behind a screen.

W: No. Not anymore.

W: Goodnight, Gage.

And just like that, I was left with more questions and even more confused than when I first messaged her.