Chapter Four
1584 Words
We headed back to Nat and Sab’s house, I felt awful keeping what I saw a secret, however, there may be a chance I was incorrect, it may have been innocent, but I highly doubted it. Plus, I wanted to hit the internet when we got back and do some looking, see if there were any social media connections to this man. I did not know his name, but I knew his face, and I would recognise any profile picture if he had uploaded one.
One of the benefits of living on your own with a toddler, was lack of human companionship, which made Social Media an outlet for human contact, and a way of keeping up to date with the paddock. I was not in the league of Rosa, but I certainly knew my way round the different platforms.
Molly was sleeping in the back seat of the car, having missed her afternoon nap, Nathalie was happily chatting about finishing off the nursery when Sab was away. I found myself unable to concentrate on what she was saying, desperately wanting to talk about this to my best friend, but how do you talk about her beloved brother’s girlfriend potentially cheating on him, especially as Sab and Sam disappear off for four weeks soon, and she is 33 weeks pregnant. I needed to be certain before I open up that Pandora's box.
“Are you Okay Emily” Nat asked, obviously noting how quiet I was
“Yeah sure, I think the shock off earlier is catching up with me” It wasn’t fully a lie, but the shock she would automatically presume I meant, was not the one I was actually referring to.
I really missed Colin right now, he would have known exactly how to handle this. I often found myself having imaginary conversations with him when unsure of what to do, trying to find an answer in what he would have said to me. My familiar cry inside my mind shouted to him, asking him again why he left me! Of course, I always knew the answer, because he was trying to save me, and he thought I was already in those flames with all lost. If only he had been selfish and headed outside how different our lives would have been. I normally kept these thoughts for evening, when alone, I could then fully embrace the sadness and guilt I felt. But this afternoon I bit back the tears and forced my mind to focus on the present, not the past.
As we pulled into the large drive at the front of the house, I gently picked up Molly placing her head on my shoulder whilst she still slept soundly. I quietly went upstairs and placed her in her little bed. Nat and Sab were so kind, they had given me a large room on the left hand side of the house with a connecting door added leading to a smaller room for Molly, it was filled with toy’s, decorated in white with pink bedding, curtains and rug. Shelves of cuddly toys adorned the walls, and a picture of Colin and me celebrating his race win in Austria hung on the opposite wall. To the other side of my room was a large bathroom, with bath tub, and shower, two sinks and a toilet, a cabinet stood beside the bath which contained all sorts of boats and ducks, pirate ships for Molly to play with at bath time. This really was her home from home, and she loved it, we came here every year during the winter break when Nat and Sab were home, and for a couple of weeks during the Summer. Sometimes they would stay in their home in England as well, visiting me, they came as often as they could, between living at the paddock, here and England. They were my family now, and Sam was Nat’s brother, and a genuinely lovely guy, how anyone could treat him like this was beyond me. I turned on the Monitor in Molly’s room and headed downstairs to help Nat with the shopping. After unpacking baby Marc’s new toys in his nursery and hanging up his new little outfits, Nat looked tired.
“Why don’t you go have a lie down Nat, you need to rest up”
she did not take much convincing and headed off to her bedroom for a lie down. I returned to my room, and got out my laptop, let the cyber stalking commence.
I started with Rosa’s various profiles, looking through her friends and contact’s lists to see if there was anyone familiar, I firstly looked at anyone connected with the Paddock, but found no one who remotely looked like him. Then I headed to her old school friends, still nothing, so I decided to look at her university friends and then it did not take long before I found him. His name was Pol Mir, he lived in Barcelona, he had a wife and child, and worked in advertising, he had attended the same university as Rosa a year above her. Maybe it was innocent, however the passionate kissing I saw made me highly doubt it. He seemed to be ‘Liking’ a lot of her updates and comments, although it seemed only in the last couple of months. The one that caught my attention was earlier this morning, around the time Sam had arrived at the house.
‘Dejada a mis propios dispositivos, LIBERTAD’
If my knowledge of Spanish was correct this translated into “Left to my own devices, FREEDOM” and instantly he had liked the post.
Maybe tonight once we had Molly down for her bedtime, we could possibly all have a chat, and see what Sam wanted to share about the events today. I would have till midnight before the munchkin’s halo would drop and she became a non-sleeping terror. I set aside the laptop and decided to get some rest myself, whilst I was able. I drifted off to sleep.
My favourite dream, Col was stood next to me, holding my hand and laughing at me as I attempted to cook us some food, we were young, at the beginning of our story, our faces shining with happiness and the first flush of love. He had encouraged me “you’re doing great Em” he would say, I fell content, loved, whole. The dream suddenly turns, and he starts to slowly fade, disappearing into darkness, and I search for him, though a town, in a paddock, in a forest, but he was not there, he had gone. His voice barely a whisper off in the unknown distance “Don’t give up Em your still doing great”. I start to cry “don’t leave me, don’t go again” I woke up as always with tears soaking my pillow, and as always I am hit with a wave of grief, a hole in my heart that never disappears, each time I wake up it renewed, pain of losing him had never wavered, not in three long years.
I hear Molly happily playing in her room, and pull myself round, wiping the tears from my face. I force a smile as I walk into her room.
“Hey there munchkin, did you have a nice sleep?” I ask her, she turns to me with those big blue eyes and smiles, that charming adorable smile, and I feel the hole fill a little, she is my everything, she is what keeps me sane, she is what keeps me here.
I take Molly downstairs, Sab and Sam are sat in the kitchen, laughing together still full of adrenaline from being on the dirt track, it was good to see Sam’s smile actually reach his eyes. I felt a sting in my heart again, as I remembered what I had witnessed earlier, and a fresh wave of guilt washed over me.
“Hey Munchkin” Sam shouted over to Molly, she ran over to them, and stood looking up between them, then slowly pointed to the cookie they had, smiled and said “Cookie” they both laughed and promptly gave her one.
“Fank oo” she said smiling and turned to show me her prize.
“Is Nat still napping?” I ask them
“For sure, yes, she is sleeping beauty” Sab teases, his love for his wife shines out of his eyes, and a fresh wave of pain hits my heart, I remember Colin looking at me in that way. I put those thoughts to the back of my mind and go make some Tea, I pinch a cookie and head up the stairs with both. Knocking on Nat’s bedroom door I whisper, “are you awake yet?”
“Yes, please come in, I am being lazy I cannot be bothered to get out of bed” Nat laughs
I hand her the tea and cookie, smiling at my friend. She was blooming, always was a beautiful lady but her pregnancy glow made her even more special. As I sat on the side of her bed, she looked at me thoughtful then said gently
“Emily, What did you see coming out of the baby shop?”
- Writer
