Chapter 3: Exist
1509 Words
Kate’s pov
I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes are all puffy and red. How will I hide this from my family?
I have so many things to hide, first my cancer and now my broken heart.
I took a shower and even after that I still looked terrible. No amount of makeup can cover this, and I feel like I am going to vomit. The chemo was taking a lot out of me.
I got ready wore some sunglasses and ran out before anyone could see me.
I got to the hospital.
“Hi, you seem terrible.” Sara said, and I just shrugged.
“Is it the cancer or the divorce?” Rue asked.
“I think it’s both. I feel terrible because of chemo, and then it makes me so sensitive that I just can’t stop overthinking.” I said as I sat down.
Everyone here seems to be like that, and maybe it’s because they might die at any time.
They say things just like they are.
It’s something that I honestly think that I appreciate a lot.
Since my family avoids the topic, it's actually good to have people who don’t.
“If it isn’t my favourite patient.” The doctor said, and I rolled my eyes at this.
“You say that to everyone every day you walk in here.” I said, and he just smiled.
“I know, but you are my favourite.” He said, and we all laughed at this.
“You also said that to me as well.” Rue said making everyone chuckle.
The place was bright even though everyone here was just a few steps away from opening the gates of death.
Grace came and sat next to me and held my hand as the doctor prepared everything.
“We are going for a walk in the garden, we will be back soon.” Sara said getting up with Rue and other patients.
The doctor left, leaving me with just Grace in the room.
“I love your hair, every time when I look at you I see myself in you.” Grace said. She then took out her phone, “this is me when I had hair.” she said, and I looked at the photo.
Honestly, there is a resemblance between us the more I look at the photo. The long brown hair, the green eyes, and even our smiles were a little similar.
“Tell me about you.” I said, and she thought about it for a second.
“Well, I have been battling cancer for as long as I can remember. I was diagnosed when I was 14 years old, and I won that battle and went into remission. But then it came back a few months ago, this time stronger than ever.” She said and then looked down.
“14 HUH, that’s a young age to be dealing with something like that.” I said, and she shrugged.
“Well, I have seen kids younger than me when I came here with my father.” She said, and I nodded.
“Still, you probably lost your teenage years to this.” I said, and she just shrugged.
“Some people didn’t even get to childhood but died before they could enjoy it. Some didn’t even reach their tween years. Life takes away things from everyone, I am sure you are aware of that.” Grace said, and I nodded.
I am aware of that. I think the biggest misconception we have in this world is that life is unfair. I think life is fair, and everyone has their own problems that life has handed them. To others, it might seem like their problems are not that big, but to the person living them, they are just as big and scary as any other problem.
So, In a way, I think life is fair. Maybe I could be wrong, and it wouldn’t be the first time I was.
“As for me, I was blessed with wealth and a very supportive father.” Grace said, and I looked at her.
“A supportive father and wealth?” I asked, and she nodded.
“My father is the owner of this hospital and many more. Because of my cancer, I think he suspected it might return, so I spent most of my teenage years traveling. I have seen the world. If I die then I will die with no regrets.” she said, and I smiled.
“I am glad.” I said, and she looked at me.
“What about you? Will you have any regrets?” she asked, and I thought about it.
“Yes, I will have a lot of regrets. I really want to live a little longer. I know how selfish that may sound.” I said, and she shook her head.
“It sounds completely normal. Have you traveled much?” She asked me.
I never really dreamt of anything. All I ever wanted was a normal life, and traveling wasn’t included. When I did, we went to all the places Maxim wanted to show me, and he thought I would love. I did love those places. I just never really dreamt I would go to such places that everything felt like a dream.
“Yes, I traveled a lot with my husband.” I said, and she looked at me.
“What about you?” she asked me, and I just shrugged.
“Growing up, I was my parent’s daughter, and then I became a wife. I never really dreamt of anything for myself, now that I am neither it feels as if I don’t exist.” I said, and she looked at me.
“What do you mean neither?
“What do you mean neither? Aren’t your parent's daughter?” she asked me, and I nodded.
“I am, and I still am their daughter, but they don’t know anything that is going on in my life now. They don’t know what I am going through.” I said, and she nodded.
“And they were your entire identity.” She said, and I nodded. We stayed quiet for some time. It got me thinking that I don’t exist at all.
Everything that I enjoyed and used to do reminds me of Maxim which means I try to avoid it. All the books on my to be read list are books he recommended and books we agreed to read together. The hobbies I enjoyed I used to enjoy with him as well.
Everything that was me became me and Maxim. I let him into my life and now he has left traces of himself on everything that used to be me.
“I hope that one day you exist in this world. I hope you will be able to take up space with your head held high.” Grace said, and I smiled at this.
“Well, I also hope that you feel beautiful again because in my eyes, you are the most beautiful person in the world.” I said, and she winked.
After treatment, I got an idea.
“Do you want to join me for something?” I asked Grace who nodded.
We went shopping for wigs and found two perfect ones.
“Why are you buying a wig? You don’t need it.” she said, and we went into the hair salon.
“What is the one hairstyle did you ever want to do?” I asked her and she looked in the mirror.
“Bangs and like short hair, not super short but reaches my shoulders,” she said. I looked at the hairdresser.
“Please do that hairstyle.” I said, and she nodded.
We sat down for some time as the hairdresser did her work.
When she was done I looked at myself In the mirror.
“The bangs look good, but next time I will do this with long hair.” I said.
“You look really beautiful.” Grace said, and I looked at her.
“Take a picture.” I said, and she took a picture of me with a huge smile on her face.
After clicking a few pictures.
I looked at the hairdresser.
“Please take it all off.” I said, and she looked at me confused. Grace looked at me and held my hand as if she understood why I was doing it. She has been through the same, so I think she knows as well.
My hair has started falling off from the chemo, and I don’t want to risk my family seeing me.
After she had cut my hair, Grace and I wore our wigs.
We really do look alike. If someone saw us once then they could easily be mistaken and think that I am Grace or that she is me.
I looked at myself in the mirror. It made me wonder that with this illness eating away at me, how will I exist?
- Writer
