His Valentine and Her Lycan Imprint (Book 2)

Chapter 4 Gathering Thoughts

POV: Zayla

No! My poor baby. I need to get my son somewhere safe where the witch can't get to him. Caden tried to calm me down. The second I saw him coming towards me I knew right then fighting this bond was going to be futile. I had a flashback of me burning Damon when I had an emotional fire episode. I became fearful of burning him but was able to calm down. That is how I knew fighting this was going to be hard. I cared so much to calm down so I don't hurt him. That feeling alone scares me. I'm afraid of losing another mate. I don't want another mate. The way Caden was looking at me he seemed to know what I was thinking. That's not possible, is it? I can't read anything from him. In a way that makes him perfect.

"Zay they're all in the cells now. Are you ok? How's my nephew?" Jordan informs me. "He's ok. I'm freaked out. Jordan I am drowning here. What do I do?" These past few months my and Jordan's stepsibling relationship has really grown. We've become just like brother and sister. Jordan has been a really good friend and someone I can confide in. I'm honestly glad he was at that meeting to witness my imprint on Caden. "Take a break. Take the day off. Go to the cabin and clear your mind. Gain your bearings back and come back. Maybe you can approach things in a new light." Jordan advices me. In many ways, he's like my advisor. "What about Caden? What do you think I should do? Don't hold back. I want your honest opinion." I ask. I need to know what my pack thinks about Caden. What will happen if I do accept him? What will happen to my pack? What about his pack? Will we go back and forth or merge our packs? This is so confusing. I definitely need that break to gather all my thoughts and figure out what I'm going to do. I need to regroup. "Give him a chance. Alpha Caden seems like a good guy. I think you can trust him. I know you're afraid and feel like you're betraying Damon but he would want this for you. I'm not saying this because Caden could never replace Damon but Zayn needs a father and someone who can teach and prepare him to be king. I know you can do that but Alpha Caden has a lot more experience than you do. You need help and He is more than willing to help you. Just give it a chance." Jordan responds. Wow, that was a lot.

I will go to the cabin and clear my head. The cabin was Damons. It was his spot. No one knew about it, not even Cassie knows. I told Jordan about it. I go there sometimes to breathe. I told him because in case anything happens he would know where to find me when I disappear. "OK, Inform Caden I will be unavailable until tomorrow morning. We will speak then." I order Jordan. I have changed so much from that girl who was afraid of her secrets getting out. I wasn't this blunt nor was I this serious. Losing Damon changed me. Becoming a mother and the alpha of this pack changed me. Everything changed when I lost Damon. "You got it." Jordan leaves to go speak with Caden. I need to figure some things out and to do that I need some space. This is something I have to do on my own. No one can tell me how I feel or what I want.

"Mom, I hate to do this but I need to be alone for a minute so can you watch Zayn until I get back tonight?" I ask my mom. I hate putting Zayn on her all the time. I'd take him with me but I need some peace right now to gather my thoughts and figure things out. "Sure, no problem honey. Miranda and Devon are coming over for dinner tonight. Will you be able to make it? She says she has an announcement to make." Mom asks me. How much do you want to bet she's pregnant? Here lately it seems to be raining babies. "Ok, I will be here for dinner if I can make it," I answer.

I let those who need to know I'm going to be taking the day off today. I don't think I have ever done that. Everyone knows to follow the chain of command. If anything happens Jordan knows where to find me. I kiss my son on the top of his head before I leave for the cabin. An hour later I'm at the cabin. I sit outside on the porch in a rocking chair enjoying the outdoors and fresh air. It's so peaceful here. I remember the first time Damon took me here. We played in the water. I had faked not knowing how to win so he would get wet like I was. After all, he was the one that threw me in the water. I like to focus on the good memories we had.

I decide to go inside and get a glass of water. I'm not here often so there's no food or drinks here. There is only water. I fix a glass and go to walk back outside with it when I catch my reflection in the mirror on the wall in the living room. I knew the imprint put an automatic mark on me but I wasn't expecting it to be like this. It's a normal mate mark but I guess because he didn't physically mark me I wasn't expecting there to be a visible mark there. My mark looks like a tattoo. It's an image of a rose with a dagger going through one of the petals. At the end of the dagger is a single drop of blood, I guess. I suppose it is to represent the Blood Rose Pack. In one of the leaves in script writing is Caden's initials, C.G.J. The entire mark is colored in black in white. It's actually pretty. I like it. His mark is on the left side of my neck and shoulder. Damon's was on my right side. I look at that spot every morning when I get up. It's blank where Damon laid his mark on me. Seeing Caden's mark on me makes me sad. It pushes me to think about Damon. I look away from the mirror in sadness.

I continue back outside and sit back in the spot I was sitting in before. When I first started taking over the pack I tried to stick to a strict schedule but then unforeseen things would come up. I'd have to push things back and deal with something else until it all became chaos. I don't like chaos. At least this kind of Chaos I don't. I have no problems with a chaotic mind but outside the mind is an entirely different ball game. Everyone tries to help with what they can but there is only so much they can do. Now I have to leave the pack and I'm freaking out about that because I have no one that has the authority to do my paperwork nor make the decisions that need to be made daily.

Now, I have this new mate and I'm afraid of being with him. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't attracted to him. He looks very different than what Damon had. He has darker features such as his hair and eyes. He also seems to be older than me and what Damon was. I wonder how old he was. One familiar thing was his height. Damon was about the same height as him. I wonder if I will always be comparing him to Damon. How does Caden feel about me having a previous mate? I had always saved myself for my mate and only ever wanted to be with my mate. I had never considered losing my mate and gaining a second chance mate nonetheless an imprint. Would he be ok with me having given myself to Damon? I know that's silly to think but I can't help it.

Sometimes I look up at the sky day or night and wonder if Damon is looking down at me. I wonder what he would think of all of this. Would he like the way I've been running the pack? "Mate wants us to be happy. I want our new mate. We should give him a chance." Lavender says. She, more than me has been heartbroken. I know this is just her wolf nature and she doesn't fully understand my human nature the same as she doesn't always understand my human one. When you combine both wolf and human it can get complicated especially when you share one mind. With that being said I know she is right. It is not Caden's fault I lost my first mate. I don't think he's had a mate before so I'd be his first and only mate. I'd be a b***h if I denied him that opportunity. I believe in the mate bond so I will give it a chance but it won't be easy for me. At least this time I won't go into heat. If he had been just a second chance mate I would have gone into heat again but because he is an imprint there is no heat. I am grateful for that part.

I won't fully accept him yet as my heart still belongs to another but I am trying. Maybe I can live again and not be so dead inside. I just hope Caden understands that no matter what my son comes first. Zayn will always be a reminder of Damon. He's all I have left of him. Now I need to figure out what to do about Zayn. He's not safe in the pack. I need him in a place away from all Lavender wolves. No one else can pledge to him. This is what Tracy wants. If she can get everyone to pledge to my son she can kill every wolf with one life. Zayn is a helpless baby with no way of defending himself. I am his mother and lifeline. I am the only one who can protect him. I will do everything in my power to protect my son. I'll be damned if I lose yet another person in my life to that damn witch.