CH.5
1220 Words
(Aspen's pov)
While the guys are out on the porch bonding, I decide to confide in Trini. Trini I need to talk to you before they come back in. She looks at me and says,
"Ok spill it."
I sit down next to her and tell her after what happened with Mikael tonight, I don't know how I'll ever feel comfortable being with Hardin in an intimate way. She pulls me into a hug and says,
"Asp, you two are mates and I can see how much he cares for you already. I'm sure if you and Hardin talk about what has happened, he will be more than willing to go at your pace."
Trini what if I can't ever do it? What if he can't accept that and decides to find someone who will please him and he rejects me? We all know the mate bond isn't complete until we mate. I feel the tears starting to well up in my eyes and I can't hold them back. Trini is trying her best to comfort me but I've been through 2 attacks and I was just starting to get back to normal in my head. Now I'm even more messed up. We hear the porch door open and I try my best to dry my eyes before Hardin comes in and sees me but I can't and he is at my side asking if I'm ok. I shake my head and tell him we need to talk. He nods his head but he looks sad like a little boy whose dog just got hit by a car and I feel so bad. I grab him by the hand and lead him to my room and sit him on my bed. I'm pacing back and forth thinking about what I need to say, when he grabs my hand and pulls me in front of him, and says,
"Aspen please talk to me and tell me what's wrong." Sapphire chimes in and says, "Do not do this to our mate. Do not break his heart. He will die of a broken heart if you do and we will die too from feeling his pain."
I take a deep breath and sit next to Hardin and look at the floor. I begin to tell him what's wrong. Hardin, I know we are mates and I'm lucky the moon goddess paired me with such a sweet and gorgeous man like you but I don't think I'll be enough for you. He lifts my chin and says,
"Aspen, my beautiful mate, and future Luna, I will never see you as less than enough for me. In my eyes, you are perfect and no other she-wolf will ever compare to you. I want you and only you at my side as my Luna and my wife. I want you to be the mother of my pups and spend the rest of our lives together happy."
At this point, I'm a bawling mess and he leans in and kisses my cheek which is soaked with tears. I try to stop bawling and eventually calm myself enough to speak again. I tell him that I want that too but I'm emotionally scarred and I don't know if I will ever get over the things that have happened to me. He wipes a falling tear from my cheek with his thumb and says,
"I know about what happened with Mikael but you said things that have happened to you as if something else has happened before. Aspen, please tell me why you feel like this, my love."
I decided since he is my mate. He has a right to know and in telling him this, his reaction will determine if I reject him or not.
(Hardin's pov)
I'm sitting here on my mate's bed but instead of making love to her all night to complete the mate bond, she is sitting here bawling and saying she won't be enough for me. What in the hell has happened to my beautiful mate to cause her to feel so low about herself? This woman is perfect. She has beautiful golden-brown eyes, long brown hair, she is tan, a nice body from what I can see and I can see how loving this woman is just by looking into her eyes. She finally looks up at me and takes a deep breath and says,
"Hardin, what happened to me tonight wasn't the first time I have been assaulted. When I was 14, one of our pack members who was a few years older than me forced me to give him what he wanted. I couldn't defend myself and no one could hear me screaming for help. when he got what he wanted. He told me no one would ever want a she-wolf who wasn't pure and no one would ever touch me again."
I'm sitting here listening to my love tell me someone other than Mikael hurt her but this sick bastard got what he wanted and told her she was worthless after he did that to her. I'm beyond pissed but I hold my feelings back because I don't want to scare her into rejecting me, so I look at her and tell her I'm sorry that happened to her, and before I could tell her she isn't worthless like he told her she was, she stopped me and said,
"There's more to it." I nod my head to let her know to continue and she takes another deep breath but then breaks down and says, "When he forced me to do that, he got me pregnant. I couldn't give birth to the pup due to my body being way too small and the doctor said we would both die, so I had to terminate the pregnancy. my mom and I spent 4 months in another state to let me recover from what I had gone through."
I'm speechless but tears are streaming down my face as my mate tells me this. I quickly grab her and pull her into a hug and tell her how sorry I am that she has had to go through so much trauma in her life and that it doesn't change how I feel about her. She looks up and says,
"That's the mate bond." I shake my head and say mate bond or not Aspen, it was not your fault and you couldn't stop him from doing it. So it still wouldn't change how I felt about you. Aspen, I could see the good in you from the moment our eyes met. Nothing about you is worthless baby and you are more than enough for me. I will not accept a rejection from you, Aspen. If I have to live my life single without my mate, then that's what I'm willing to do. she looks down at the floor and shakes her head no.
She says, "I don't want you to live your life single because of me Hardin. I'm not going to reject you, I just needed you to know how I felt and what has happened to me to make me this way."
Hearing her say she wasn't going to reject me, was a big relief. Now I just have to figure out how to help her get past her past.
- Writer
