Cold Hearted, You

08

NOTE: Please be aware of the chapters point of view.

08

I walked out of that room with an unseemingly smile plastered on my face. For a very unknown reason, having that talk with Kai somehow warms my heart as if I can be that soft hearted girl I used to be once again around him. The Krystal that he is familiar with and knows well among everyone else.

Despite the fact that he is still as stubborn as he is, I couldn’t deny the fact that he still has his part in me where he makes me feel like I can be vulnerable. That I could cry in his arms like he used to do whenever I cried out in pain when we were kids. That I can be my fragile self before everything just has to be messed up. Countering that kind of feeling, I hated it because of how weak I felt… but I also liked it.

I could say that conversation is the most normal conversation I had among everyone except for Yvonne. She has always been the exception in some things because she knows everything since day one. Kai is the first to have me able to talk for long without getting so irritated. I did get annoyed when he spoke up about the past but surprisingly, I was still able to handle it and went on to talking. Like it was just a usual talk and catching up with him after years of not seeing him.

“Whatever made you change, you wouldn’t go through it because I will be on your side to guide you and help you get through it.”

A small smirk forms in my lips as I remember his words to me earlier. It’s funny how he can just say it so easily and tell me that his presence played a big effect on me. Whenever I think about it, will things really be different if he is actually around during that time or that year? Will he be able to prevent things from happening just because he is on my side like he told me to? But… don't things happen because there is a reason for it? And for that case, the reason is probably to help me open up and see what is actually real and not.

Who is actually there for me and who is not? Maybe it was to tell me that despite knowing him for so long, he could still be one of those people who is on the latter.

There is a part of me, even if I would want to deny it many times, who is glad that he finally returned after years of staying in the States. I could never deny that because no matter how much I try to turn my world upside and down, he is still part of my life. He has been there since I was young. It’s really hard to just suddenly set him aside and act like he doesn’t exist in my life because I cannot do that to him. But he shouldn’t blame me either.

He gave me his word that he would be on my side until we decided to part ways in college if ever we pursue a different course. He gave me many words that I really hold on to even though he left for another country because it wasn’t really his choice to do that. I held on to it but in the end, it was only me who got disappointed.

Because I couldn’t reach him on the day that I badly needed someone… him. While he was probably having the time of his life in the States with his foreigner friends, going to the beach in Santa Monica and hanging out with other girls, I was left with no one to hold on to. They left me.

Everyone left me.

“She is here! OMG!”

I raised a brow as my head turned to the side when I heard a female student say as she passed by me with her friend. They probably didn’t notice my presence considering they just walk, more on the run, towards the direction I am about to walk to. More students also followed which starts to get me curious as well.

My eyes went to the crowd just a few meters away from mine. I don’t know who it is they are crowding at because of the amount of people surrounding that person, it was hard to tell who it is or was it worth the crowd. Everyone seems so excited and I can even see sparks in their eyes from afar.

“What could actually get that kind of crowd in here?” I questioned myself, whispering.

I flinched when I heard the squeals from that crowd which triggered my irritation once again. This is not how I want my day to become. First, I had to deal with those events in the Pearl Bar. Second, I have to face Kai and realize that I am still not that fully capable of calling myself strong. And now this! A crowd in front of me with students screaming with their high pitch voices.

“Sorry!”

Someone said when she accidentally bumped into me on my shoulder. She didn’t give me a single glance. What the hell? She was about to approach the crowd once again when I spoke up because I couldn’t accept this just like that.

“Stop there,” I said in the coldest tone I could possibly use. She probably recognized my voice as she immediately stopped to look back on me slowly. Her eyes widened as I stared back at her with dull eyes.

“K-krystal,” She called in a stutter and scared, obviously in her tone. My eyes went down to her shaky hands that cannot stay still on her side before it went up to meet hers once again. “I-i’m sorry. I-i didn’t s-see that i-it was you.”

“Obviously you didn’t... because if you did, you won’t just pass by me as if I’m a stranger.” I pointed out which causes her to gulp. I tear my eyes away from her to look back at the irritating crowd that is starting to occupy a massive part of the hallway. “What is going on in there?”

“W-well….” She started but I didn’t hear any continuation from her.

I look back to her only to see hesitation and a hint of fear in her eyes. She avoided my eyes and looked down to find answers. It was so obvious to her that she is in so much contemplation that I couldn’t bear to watch it anymore.

“Speak it before I make you do so.” I warned that she would flinch in her spot.

Students stopped passing by our spot in hurry unlike they did before. Probably because this kind of scene is eye-catching to them that they would want to have a view of it before going to join that crowd as well. They would slowly just walk, afraid to have my attention switch to them. It was stupid actually because doing that would really make them caught my attention more.

“A-an alumni came for a-a visit.” She carefully says, looking down and biting her lower lip afterwards.

Alumni?

A scoff in disbelief escapes my lips as I repeat the same words in my mind. The more I think about it, the less these students have become in my eyes. I am aware that most successful businessmen and businesswoman, including those who are highly known in a different industry, mostly graduated from this school. That is why the school has held a reputation since then that my parents don't want to ruin.

“An alumni… for that kind of crowd?” A sarcastic laugh escapes my lips. She raised her head to look at me in the eyes as my laugh disappeared and my lips formed a line. “It’s not really worth it.”

She gulped hard when I said that. I was about to just actually let it go after hearing that nonsense reason the crowd until I heard something that made me stop from going anywhere. My mood suddenly went down and I know, it’s not going to be a good day anymore.

“I-it’s actually Jessica… your sister.”

I was left staring into thin air as I processed her revelation to me. That student is unknown to me but her words indeed strike me hard. I signaled her to go and leave me as the students who stopped by our spot immediately left as well.

My eyes went back to that crowd. I couldn’t help but just give it a look while keeping my mouth shut like always. She already tried to bother me in my own house and on my messages. Is she planning to bother me here as well? There is a reason why she is entertaining the crowd. She wouldn’t just choose to entertain them without thinking of coming to me.

“You just know how to always ruin my day.” I told myself as if she could hear me.

Heaving a deep sigh, I decided to act like I didn’t hear of her presence in this school at this moment. She wouldn’t notice that I am around her as well with that kind of crowd surrounding her. Without looking to my side, I walked forward to my destination but was stopped when she actually called for my name.

“Krystal!” She says in that soft voice but that name is enough to make everyone who keeps on screaming earlier to finally shut their mouth.

Not giving her any attention right now would definitely cause some talk between these students especially that everyone’s eyes are on us. Even though we are in this kind of situation, I still actually care for our family and my image. That is the last thing I would want to ruin, especially that my image is important for me right now. It’s what helps me live my life independently at the moment.

“Excuse me,” I heard her say before the students made way for her to walk towards me. I clenched my fist to control my emotion before facing her as she stood in front of me. “Are you going somewhere?”

I hate it… I hate it when she thinks she can still ask me this kind of question as if nothing happened.

“I am. I have to go.” I simply said, about to walk away when she suddenly held on to my wrist. I mentally curse with the sudden contact of her cold hand to my skin.

I look down at my wrist which she is holding with a little tight hold. My eyes went up to give her a glance to see her pleading eyes. Why does she always act and look at me as if she is the victim? That I am the bad girl here.

“Can we talk?” She questions in almost a whisper.

Without saying anything, I look to her side where students are still standing there and watching the two of us as if we are in a drama. One cold look was enough to have them run away and get out of my sight in a swift. Some acted like they weren't part of the crowd and stood just a few meters from our spot.

“We don’t have anything to talk about. Let. Go.” I told her with a firm tone on my last two words.

“Just a few minutes please.” She pleaded.

“Don’t make me yeet your hand away from my wrist in front of these students. I’m sure you don’t want a scene that can tarnish your reputation.” I warned her.

The look in her eyes is full of pity and just sadness. It even looks like she is about to cry already and just preventing herself from tearing up. What a usual scene! It was always her to be the one to cry leaving me to keep myself stoic from it. She won’t get me with those kinds of eyes if she really wants my attention.

“I will let go if you promise me that we will talk.” She tried to seal a deal that made me release a scoff.

“I don’t make promises that I know I can’t fulfill… unlike you.” I threw my first bomb at her that made her hold loosen up on its own. I took my wrist from her hold and gave her a blank look. “Stop coming here if you are only planning to create a disturbing crowd.”

I was about to pass by her when she spoke up about something I just couldn’t let go and turn a blind eye.

“But it’s already been two years, Krystal.” She says in a soft and whispering tone. My eyes went to her, giving a warning to stop her words from there already. “It’s already been a long time. How long are you planning to act up like this?” 

A scoff in irritation and disbelief escapes my lips. If only we weren't surrounded by these students, I would already burst out on her but I can’t do that. Not here.

“You wanna talk, right? Follow me.”

Those were my last words before returning back to the same path that I know will have less people in it. I kept walking and walking until we stopped into the lounge area that has no students. It’s only a few meters away from the music room as well.

“Erin, I-”

“Two years? It’s already been a long time?” I repeated her words which caused her to shut up. With hatred and pain inside me, I gave her my next question in a firm that causes her to flinch. “Who are you to actually say that?”

“Krsyt-”

“Do you think you actually have any rights to ask me that?” I said in a normal range of voice. “You don’t even know what happened… and now, you are acting like you know everything. Like you… and Kai knows everything.”

That was the hardest part in this. They are acting like they know about it all when in reality, they don’t. There was a reason why I just wanted to shut her out of my life. She is my sister, someone I know since then I could depend on. But the moment that happened and I got stuck in a situation where I needed her the most, she was nowhere… just like Kai.

“None of the two of you were even here to comfort me and ask me anything. Why?” I questioned myself and her. She was about to answer when I did it for her. “Because you were so damn busy minding your own self! You were so busy chasing your dream that you even left all of your responsibility to me without asking me if I was fine with it. You were so busy being that selfish one who only thinks of her future!”

A raise in my voice causes her to flinch and jump a little in her spot. She raised her hand, wanting to touch me but I yeet it away before she could even do that. She looks at me in sorry while I look at her in anger.

“You and Kai are just the same. The two of you left me. The two of you were never there when I needed someone on my side the most.” I look down to her, slightly shaking. “The two of you broke your own useless promises.”

“I-it wasn’t like that, Krystal,” She reaches for my hand but I just yeet it away once again. “Didn’t I come back for you? I approached you the moment I returned but you were the one who pushed me away.”

She stated her reasons with her eyes showing signs of tears building up in there already. I could just leave her here so easily but if we were to tackle this now, she could back off from me immediately.

“What do you expect me to do when you show up in front of me, looking all glam and fresh from another country, after what happened?” A scoff in disbelief escapes my lips. “Don’t tell me you actually expected me to run to hug you and cry in your arms? I would probably have done that… if you decided to come back in the same year it happened!”

It was all that. She keeps insisting that she was there. She was really there… but a year late already. She returned to the time when I didn't need her comfort anymore. When I don’t need someone to pity me because of what happened. She returned and acted like the innocent older sister who is always there by her younger sister’s side when in reality, she is just selfish.

A sarcastic laugh escapes my lips when she wipes a tear on her cheeks that falls down from her eye. It’s really funny whenever she does this. She really came here, wanting to act like the fragile one.

“What now? You’re crying?!” I fired at her which she shakes her head in denial but I am not stupid, not anymore. “Don’t you ever try to act like you are the victim here, because you are not. Since the beginning, you used that dream of yours to run away from your own hatred and own responsibilities. I was the one who had taken over the things you should have been handling because you were selfish enough to handle it on your own!”

“You know that is not the reason, Krystal,” She tries to deny it but it is useless now.

“You know what? Just let it go and… don’t mind me anymore if you actually want me to be nicer to you. The more you try to push yourself on me, the more I will just hate more than I already do.” She closes her eyes as another tear flows down to her cheeks. “Besides, there is no use talking about this anyway. Even if you will give me an excuse right now, it won’t change the fact that nothing… nothing won’t change anymore.”

It’s already too late for me to hear her sorry. Since the moment she decided to choose her dream over the urge of wanting to be by my side, I already decided as well that a sorry later on won’t be accepted anymore. She left me hanging and I couldn’t accept that anymore.

“Nico?”

I turned to the side where she is looking only to see the other person that I don’t want to see right now as well. He stood just a few meters away from us, just in front of the music room door. I inhaled and exhaled sharply as he approached our spot, giving me a glance.

“I didn’t know you’re already back! Since when?” She asked as if we weren’t just in a confronting scene just a few minutes from now.

“Probably two weeks or more already but I only returned to school for about a week already.” Kai answered in a friendly yet polite tone which I can’t do anymore unless it’s my sponsors.

“I thought you will finish your high school there already.”

They just really had to talk so casually, like I am not here.

“Well, kuya Joshua needs some hand in the company so I had to come back. I also want to return for a long time anyway.” I felt a pair of eyes on me and when I looked at Kai, it was him who was giving me a look right now.

“What?” I raised a brow at him which only caused him to smile a little and shake his head..

“If only I was notified earlier that you are back already, I could have asked you to have dinner with me but I’m a little busy as of the moment so I can’t today.” My sister explained as I couldn’t help but release a scoff from my lips.

“Busy but had enough time to bother me,” I whispered, which earned me a confused look from Kai and a shaky look from my sister.

I didn’t give them any sign of care from their looks as I only felt Kai giving me a look before doing the same thing to my sister. I already told him that a lot of things have changed… but I didn’t tell him about this one as well.

“Krystal, I… uh… actually passed by mom to ask her to have lunch with me. I was also on the way to the Pearl to-”

“Don’t bother. The two of you can go. I don’t want to have lunch with any of you two.” I immediately rejected without even letting her talk.

“But Krys-”

“Let’s go, Kai! We still have classes to attend.” I said before pulling him through his wrist which he didn’t fight back anyway.

I can hear my sister calling my name but I didn’t bother to show any care anymore. It’s already enough that we had that kind of talk. It’s already for her to try and bring up something I don’t want to remember anymore.