Cold Hearted, You

09

NOTE: Please be aware of the chapters point of view.

09

Watching Krystal fighting the urge to show me what she really feels, it’s hard. Seeing her smiling, having the best time of her life and being all happy was always the best thing I could ever witness. It used to always complete my day just to see her with all smiles until we parted ways every single day but now… it’s different.

It was like the word happiness has already been out of her vocabulary. Like it is already forbidden on its own. It already ceases in her vocabulary that no matter how one situation can make her smile, she will do her best to fight it off. I don’t know if it’s just her thing on wanting to be on the miserable side or her wanting to stick with the new Krystal she keeps on describing.

“I guess you weren’t happy with what you were witnessing since your arrival.” She says, keeping her fingers on the piano keys.

The disappointment kicks in just by remembering how we first met since I returned. It was like a turning point on how I view her to be. It was beyond my expectation to witness her act that way considering the Krystal I remember and was already tainted in my mind is already long gone.

I look down to her with softness in my eyes. It’s unexpected for me to hear those words coming from her own mouth. Since I arrived, all we ever do is probably argue because of how I was unacceptable to her new self and how different she is. For her, I am stubborn and nosy but I couldn’t blame her. Just having this kind of conversation with her right now is enough to make me happy.

“Did it ever cross your mind, the possibility that if I didn’t leave… you would still be the same person as you were the last time we met each other?”

That question has lingered in my mind for a while now. The moment of our first encounter, I already thought of that because at some point… I wanna blame myself. Partly, I think that I am at fault that she became this kind of person in front of me. I wasn’t there when she might be undergoing something very hard that turned her like this.

This new her is not really bad. I could tell that she has her own limits and has control of herself from time to time. It is just her coldness and ability to close her own thoughts and heart from anyone that bothers me. Just by witnessing that conversation she had with auntie back then, it was already so obvious that she closed her heart from her that drifted them apart. She talks less and keeps a poker face on to scare the people away. It’s so hard to read her that I couldn’t help but get worried.

“What do you think?”

“Not to be confident or to boast about the effect of my presence on you… but I think you will still remain the same. Whatever made you change, you wouldn’t go through it because I will be on your side to guide you and help you get through it.” I answered honestly. “What about you? Do you think the same way as I do?”

I may sound so confident about what I answered her, but deep inside I was scared. Scared that maybe I was wrong about my own thoughts. That I wasn’t really that important to her back then despite those years of spending every time together. It’s so hard to tell now whether everything that happened in the past is precious to her like it is for me.

But her next words… it was the opposite of the answer I expected from her.

“Partly.” She stared in front of me in deep thought. “Even with your presence, there is still no assurance that things would be the same because nothing will stay the same way in this world. Everyone is bound to change with every challenge and struggles they face in order to grow up as that is part of one person’s life. If one person didn’t change, that only means he didn’t learn his lessons yet.”

She has a point and her answer is enough to convince me for a little. She was right when she said that nothing really does stay the same because even I have changed. It was partly because of the environment I have adapted for the last six years as well as just that natural change as I grew up. So… I really couldn’t blame her for these changes.

“You decided to leave on the same day you told me you were leaving. You hesitated to tell me so there was even a chance for me back then to end up confused because you suddenly disappeared. In short… you left me without giving me enough time to adjust and take your words all in.”

It struck me… hearing all those words coming from her own mouth. I knew since day one that not telling her earlier about the sudden plan of my parents to send me to the States with kuya Joshua was the wrong thing to do. No matter how much I tell myself that she did understand or my brother told me the same things and including my parents, there really is still a different impact on her with my sudden leaving.

She was right… I really did leave her.

“Look, Kai. You should really stop trying to make things the same way because it won’t be anymore. It’s time to accept that during those days that you were in the States, I was left facing my own challenges and struggles that turned me into the kind of person standing in front of you right now. It’s only up to you now if you are willing to accept that if you want to be part of my life again.”

During those times that I was in the States, she wasn’t the only one who had her own challenges and struggles. Even with my brother’s presence, I had to adjust to my surroundings by myself. It wasn’t my first time coming there but it was my first time to actually live there. Communicating wasn’t hard because I know their language well but socializing is.

I had to struggle during the first month of school because I don’t have any friends. I was a transferee almost at the middle of the school year where most students already got their own circles to join in. With my brother attending a university and getting busy with his academics and going out with his college friends, I also had to do some things on my own. I was only lucky because most of the things that we need are already provided and we have easy access to the places to get our necessities but still, it was hard.

The two of us had our own struggles and challenges while we were apart from one another. But one thing for sure, I didn’t have a drastic change like she had. Because the moment I left, I promised to myself that I will return her to the same Kai who is much more mature and responsible now. The Kai she can actually boast around and later on… might possibly want to take the next level. But of course… I got ahead of myself too much.

I watch her back as we walk out of the music room in silence. That talk is probably our first normal one since I arrived. I wanna be happy because we finally had a decent talk but I just couldn’t bear to. Those words that came out of her mouth are probably the unsaid words she has been wanting to tell me since she saw me.

It was mixed up. There is honesty in it, pain that makes me feel so guilty and somehow… words that feel like a lie. I don’t really know how to put it into words because all I know is that I feel guilty that I left. I feel guilty that I wasn’t there. I feel bad because while I was really having fun with my new friends in the States, she has to face her battles on her own.

A sigh escapes my lips as I try to budge off whatever it is in my mind. I think since I arrived, everything that is on my mind now is all about Krystal. Maybe it’s because I just didn’t expect that things would really become so different after many years of not being together. But maybe I was just stupid enough to think that everything will remain the same after six year of now physical contact and three years of no talk even online with one another.

I flinched when I suddenly heard that familiar ringing sound of my phone from my pants pocket. Getting my mind straight, I reached for my phone in my pocket and saw my brother’s name written on the caller ID. What does he want now?

“Why are you calling me? Aren’t you busy?” I immediately fired without even letting him speak up.

[“Goodness, Kai Nicholas! Chill! What’s with you and your grumpy attitude right now?”]

He complained with a short chuckle after. A scoff only escapes my lips as an answer which only made him laugh even more.

[“Is my brother being possessed or what? What’s with you?”]

“Nothing. Why did you call?” I answered, avoiding his question. “Aren’t you busy to have some time to call me right now?”

[“Actually, I just got off a meeting with the board members and I have to attend another one in an hour. Technically, we have an hour to talk little bro.”] He boasted.

“Unlucky for you because I don’t have an hour to talk, kuya. I have class in thirty minutes so keep it short.” I insist.

I heard him say something to his secretary because some movements are heard on the other side of the phone. He must be in his office now. To be honest, I don’t know how my brother manages his time. He gets to hang out with his friends and can even go to a nightclub every now and then. There would even be some days when he would just suddenly show up in our house and drag me with him to some places just to hang out.

If I didn’t know he is the current CEO of our company, I would even guess that he is just an unemployed guy who is still depending on his parents despite his age. He just knows how to live his life to the fullest despite having a huge responsibility laid on his shoulder. Somehow I am happy for him because at least he still has some time to have fun instead of drowning himself in bachelor life.

[“Why are you in a rush? Are you with Krystal right now?”]

“Why are you suddenly bringing her up?” I questioned in confusion.

[“Just curious. Last time, you told me that you had some kind of struggle with her. Have you figured out what happened to her when you were gone? Like why was she suddenly nowhere to be found by me?”]

That… I forgot about it. Knowing my brother, if I told something about him especially if it’s about the Vargas siblings, he would remember all of it. So even if I forgot about it already, he will still be out there to remind me about those things. I doubt that there was even a single detail that he doesn’t notice unless he is less far interested in it.

“I don’t have an answer for those right now because we just had our first normal talk since my arrival.” I revealed.

It’s funny actually because just a few minutes ago, Krystal walked out of the Pearl Bar in frustration. She even called me out for being nosy and told me to just go back to Los Angeles if I am not satisfied with how things are. Then suddenly, coming into this music room, we had a talk like coming here is the only way of having on.

[“That’s shocking. When you told me that she changed and became a different person, I didn’t really believe it because I thought it was only due to the years gap of not seeing each other. Maybe it was because things are still a little awkward but hearing that today is your first normal talk… I don’t know anymore.”]

There was a hint of confusion and worry in his voice now. Kuya has always been the one who knows everything about me and Krystal. When ate Jessica was away, it was always him that Krystal runs to because he acts like her own older brother already just like I am to ate Jessica as an older sister. The four of us are really attached to one another that is why things like this are so uncommon.

“You really think I’d lie about it? Aren’t you the one who told Krystal to wait for me because I have something to tell her once I return?” I told him, rolling my eyes as that memory kicked in.

The moment we entered the plane, he immediately revealed what he told Krystal. I was really close to throwing him out of the jet because of it. Dad even had to scold the two of us because we keep on bickering and I keep on kicking him in his shin. Our parents almost considered settling us into a different home for each because they were worried we would fight like we did on the plane but I was too young to stay by myself. At the end, we had to promise not to fight but we still had some arguments.

[“You can’t blame me for that, bro! I just know that by the time you are back here for good, the two of you are already at the right age. Who would have thought that so many things had happened and the two of you suddenly drifted away like that?]

A sigh escapes my lips just by remembering it again. Even kuya Joshua expected that there would be some improvement between me and Krystal. He even pointed out that I was so consistent with my feelings with her, which he doubted in the middle because I tried to turn away and attach myself to other girls which didn’t end up well. Who would have really thought that three years of no contact, now we are back to almost square one?

“Krystal was really right when she said that nothing remains the same in this world. Look! Even me and her, whom everyone thought will be stuck to each other for a long time, ended up like this.” I said, exhaling deeply which earned me a laugh from him.

“Stop exaggerating! It’s not the end of the world to say that two of you actually drifted away. Just like I said, it might be just the growth hormones! Krystal knows you better than anyone else so I’m sure she’ll come around soon.”]

“I am not exaggerating. It’s the truth!” I insisted. A smirk forms in my lips, thinking of something naive just to pissed him off a little. “I mean look at you! After so many years, you are still single. Are you even planning to date someone? You are not getting younger my brother.”

[“Says the one who can’t even tell her long-time crush what he really feels. Butt off my personal life, little bro! It’s none of your business.”]

A satisfied smirk forms in my lips as I hear his slightly irritated, obvious tone. Whenever he will try to fight with me about this and using Krystal, I would argue about him being single. The history between him and ate Jessica is still unclear because they haven’t really met for years now. That is why it’s hard for me to tell whenever he really moves on from her already. It’s the same way with ate Jessica because I haven’t met her in the States as well even though she often comes to Los Angeles for business.

“Then you butt off my personal life too!”

[“Sorry bro, can’t do it. The girl involved in your personal life is kind of really important for me as well. So… not a chance.”] I scoff, knowing that I lost in this one. [“Anyways, you still wanna know why’d I call or not?”]

“You were the one who keeps on opening up new topics instead of spilling it and now you are asking me that?” I argued.

[“What a brat of you sometimes, aren’t you?”] I let out a chuckle instead of giving him an answer. [“Okay! I called because mom wanted me to let you know that we will be visiting the Vargas mansion this weekend. I think she just talked with auntie this morning and told me about it while I was in the meeting.”]

The Vargas mansion? It’s been a long time since I have been there. I wonder if things are still the same there?

“Why didn’t she just call me?”

[“You were in class so she didn’t wanna disturb you. By the time of your break time, she will be at her yoga class already so I had to be the one to deliver the news.”]

The very last time I have been in that house was a week before I went to Los Angeles. I can still remember that we took an afternoon swim during that day and played piano after just like we always do. It was just an usual routine in our weekend but thinking about it now, I missed it.

“Is everyone gonna be there?” I asked, pertaining to one person that he probably knows who.

[“Mom didn’t say if Jessica will be there as well so I’m not really sure. But i’m sure Krystal will be since she lived there.”]

After having a couple more teasing towards one another, he dropped the call when his secretary entered his office to sign some documents. He really kept his word when he said that he had an hour to talk with me because we did talk for a couple of minutes. He can be really talkative which is why he is fitted the most with the company because he is good with negotiating as well.

The moment the call ended, my thoughts drifted to mine and Krystal’s conversation once again. I still couldn’t believe that we had a normal talk and she talked to me so casually. I even witnessed her fighting the urge to smile! That is so rare that it’s unbelievable for me to think so.

My finger touches the keys she touched earlier. A smile then forms in my lips, thinking of how she plays it. “I guess you still remember that piece.”

The piece she played earlier was actually the one we used to play together when we were kids. It was a routine for us to play it once or twice a week or just whenever we saw a piano. We both first heard that piece when kuya Joshua played it first to ate Jessica while we watched him. Who would have thought that she would still remember that after having so many things changing?

Finally getting my senses back, I decided to walk out of the room. Before I could even go out, I saw Krystal standing near the glass walls just a few meters away from my spot. A woman with long light brown hair and a familiar back dressed in a blouse shirt tucked in denim pants with a pair of nude pumps stands in front of her. She is a little shorter than Krystal.

Who is it?

I adjusted myself and immediately noticed the same eyes that Krystal has. The cold, irritated eyes. She looks down to the woman in front of her as I watch her change her expression but remain that same cold eyes on. I narrowed my eyes as I got a slight view of the woman’s side face.

“Ate Jessica?” I called in a low voice.

It’s clearly her! But… what's with the atmosphere? Just watching them from a distance, I could feel that heavy atmosphere between the two of them. Are they fighting? I doubt that! They are probably the closest siblings that I know… but… things can change between them as well, can’t it?

“Should I just leave before Krystal could see me?” I asked myself.

Just by thinking of those pair of cold eyes staring at me, I wanna back down already. I am already slightly satisfied now because we had a normal talk and I don’t wanna ruin that. A sigh escaped my lips and decided to skip the greetings with ate Jessica for today since we will meet this weekend anyway.

But of course, some things just don't go as planned.

“Nico?”

With that familiar soft and feminine voice called my name, I already know I am done for. Should I turn and face her then greet her? Maybe I should just act like I didn’t hear her but that would be impossible! It’s only the three of us in this area!

After contemplating for a couple of seconds, I slowly turned to face them. Just like I expected I saw that expression on Krystal’s face. I tried my best not to glance at her but I was too late. As she inhaled and exhaled, she looked at me in those cold eyes.

You messed up, Kai!