You're To Blame

Lost And Found (4)

Chapter 4: Lost And Found (4)

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That night I headed back to my apartment… I went through my regular route only to see the cat I’ve been taken care of, it had grown to become quite big but still each time welcomed me when it saw me…

It still didn’t have a name but when I adopt it I was sure to give it a good one and also a nice place to call it’s home…

Only… this time the cat wasn’t there…

The food and water I had left for it before had remained untouched and this bothered me. I began looking around. Although my eyes were already closing I was so tired, my legs were barely able to hold me up anymore from the entire night shift. The sun was almost about to raise at any moment it was 5:43 in the morning…

And then I found it… it was dead, the cat I’ve been taken care of laying on the side of the road. I didn’t see any physical harm to it though, but it was undeniably gone…

“Oh, are you the nice girl that fed the cat?” An old lady watering her plants in her garden called out to me.

“Hm? Yes, I fed it from time to time cause…” I turned to look at her and she noticed my eyes were watering.

“Don’t cry dear… there are a lot of bad people in the world… You can’t cry over each one…” She explained but I couldn’t understand what that meant.

“What? Did something… happen to the cat?” I asked the old lady and she was somewhat reluctant to reply to me at first but then finally caved in.

“You see… that cat got very attached to you, so on days you wouldn’t walk by here, the little one would meow a lot… and it had began disturbing the neighbors. I believe… someone poisoned the cat…” The old lady’s voice was like nails on a chalkboard, her every word leaving me wondering what was I doing in the past one year until now.

That cat was the reason I hadn’t given up completely on everything… because I wanted to adopt it and give it a home… now that’s gone…

What reason do I have to keep going?

“Young lady, you shouldn’t go there, there will be a storm soon and walking past the bridge is dangerous.” The old lady warmed me.

“I’ll be careful…” I told her. I couldn’t glance back to see her anymore, because I was afraid I’d see the cat’s corpse as well…

Why did it have to be like this?

I never asked for much out of life… I was a good person and I did things for others… I was never selfish… I just wanted to live well…

So why…

Things like these happen to the best of people… is it a test? If so I don’t want to be apart of it anymore… I don’t want to fight… and lose anymore…

“Don’t be stupid.” I heard a voice from behind me… Was that Derrick again?

“Are you stalking me now?” I asked while turning back around. My hands were at the side of the bridge. What was I planning on doing? Nothing really, I was just standing here…

“I’m not stalking you. You’re in my way.” Derrick said while walking past me. I continued staring off into the distance not paying him any mind.

“Why do you look like you’re sick of living?” Derrick asked me but I ignored him. “Do you really have nothing to hold onto?” He continued questioning me but it all felt pointless.

“I’ve… just wanted to have a good life… a simple one but even that seems too much. One without unhappiness…” I explained to him, he didn’t outright laugh at my face but I could tell that’s what he wanted to do.

“It’s because you’re not aiming high enough.” Derrick told me, I gave him to reply, so he took that as an invitation to continue on. “If you want to escape the mundane you have to continue getting better day by day… if you ever come to a stand still as you are right now, you will actually sink low… because not moving means you’re falling behind.”

“I don’t have where to aim…” I told him and he shook his head.

“An actress, it’s what you’ve always wanted to do, remember? Back then when you took me to your home… you were practicing lines…” Derrick seemed to remember that time much better than I ever could. I had put it in the back of my memory.

It was a year ago…

“So move forward and become someone in this life. That way you’ll know it’s a life worth living… if you experience more and more of the world then maybe you’ll see that it’s not so bad as long as you have purpose.” As Derrick said that he climbed on top of the side of the bridge and walked it like a tight rope…

“You won’t be able to move forward if you aim for mediocrity! You have to go higher to achieve anything in this life.” He said as he kept his balance perfectly. I wanted to tell him to climb down but I was just amazed.

How did this person have so much confidence in his every action and word? So much purpose… so much vitality and desire for life…

He was someone I wanted to be like…

“I’ll do it! I’ll become an actress! I’ll aim high! Higher than anyone!” I said yelling through the rain that began pouring down on both of us just like back then…

Only…

“Good…” Derrick said while getting back down and giving me his jacket he put over my head.

This time… he was the one that saved me…