Finding Her True Alpha

Nothing Useful

Ashlyn

I woke up in my bed, not remembering walking to my room. Looking down, I’m still wearing the clothes from yesterday. His scent hit me, and I remember Mason carrying me to my room. His scent was so calming, and I didn’t want to shower or change. I wanted to smell like him, but that would probably give the wrong impression.

I sat up, took off my shirt, and put it under one of my pillows. I know I must look like a crazy stalker, but his smell is so intoxicating. It’s not like I’m sneaking into his room at night and rubbing myself on his body or stealing his clothes. Even though if he asked me to rub myself all over him, I wouldn't say no.

I turned on my phone before I went to shower. I should get ready for the day and find the library to look up all this bond crap. It’s been four days, and I’m already over it.

Once in the shower, my thoughts ran rampant. I can’t believe Ian lied to me for a year. I knew he was having a hard time with his mom’s death, but to do that to someone who was nothing but supportive. I guess I couldn’t give him what he needed. I think that was the worst part of this whole thing: being unable to give the person you love what they need and that he didn’t trust me enough to talk to me.

After finishing my shower, I got out and did my hair before getting dressed. I was also restocking my workout bag for today's training. When leaving, I grabbed my phone, and I noticed I had a few messages.

Ian: I’m so sorry about everything. Please, talk to me.

Ian: I’m going insane here! Please call me!

Ian: I love you so much, please don’t do this.

He had a new number.

Me: Ian, I understand you’re sorry, but I need time to process this.

Ian messaged back almost instantly.

Ian: please, babe, can you talk to me? Let me try to fix this.

Me: Ian, I don't think you can fix this. Why didn't you talk to me? Yes, I wanted to be with my mate for the first time, but we could have discussed it. You didn't have to get it elsewhere. I could have helped you. Was I not enough for you? Tears filled my eyes as I typed.

Ian: Of course, you are enough for me. I'm sorry, I'm such a fuckin’ mess. I know I hurt you, and you deserve so much more, but I love you.

Me: You need time to think about what you want. We made plans, Ian. These were real for me, but now, I don’t know.

Ian: Babe, please don't say that. You're the only good thing in my life.

Me: it just had to be Nicole. Were there others?

My stomach twisted at the realization.

Ian: Yes, there were others, and I was wrong, so very wrong.

Me: I thought I would have been your first. That’s what we planned.

Ian: I know I'm a f**k up, but please don't do this.

Me: I don’t know what you want me to say. Out of everyone in my life, I never expected this from you. I was happy and ignored all the signs that you weren’t. That’s my fault.

I silenced my phone before walking out of my room and into the common area. Liam was sitting at the table with a coffee, playing on his phone. I sat down in the chair across from him.

“Good morning, beautiful. How did you sleep?” He put his phone away. “Would you like some coffee?”

“Yes, please. With milk and sugar.” I smiled. “And my sleep was good, thank you. Did Brandon and Mason already leave?” I asked as he returned to the table with my coffee and sat down.

I took a sip. “It’s perfect, thank you, Liam.” I exhaled over my mug.

“You’re welcome.” He winked at me. “And yes, Brandon and Mason have already left. We will meet them at training this afternoon.”

“Okay. In the meantime, I need to go to the library. But first, I need to grab a notebook and some pens. If that’s okay with you?”

“Okay, but first, let’s go get breakfast downstairs, and then I’ll take you to the mall. We should have time to go to the library before training.”

“Thank you, Liam.”

“You ready to go?”

“Yes, just let me grab my purse.” I walked to my room to retrieve it. Liam was waiting by the elevator. When it arrived, we stepped in and were on our way.

We finally made it to the library. Liam was so full of energy. I only needed a notebook and pens, but I left with a tablet, a smartwatch, and a pencil for the tablet. Apparently, I don’t need a notebook now, but I still bought a notebook and some pens. I wasn’t going to argue with Liam. I just wanted to make it to the library before training. And he was so excited about all the new technology. He was like a kid in a candy store.

I asked the librarian where to find the books I was looking for, and she pointed me in the right direction. Liam walked with me, and then he sat down at a table. These books are restricted, so I can’t sign them out, so I’ll be spending a lot of time here. Pulling a couple of books about mate bonds off the shelves, I went to sit at the table with Liam. He played on his phone until I started reading one of the books. Then he took the other one.

“What are you looking for?” He whispered. We are in a library, after all.

“I’m trying to understand more about the mate bond.”

“Anything I can help with?”

“Well, if you could look through this book and find anything about breaking the bond, I’d really appreciate it.” I smiled.

“On it.”

After an hour and about ten books later, I’d learned nothing I didn’t already know. I couldn’t find anything on second chance mates, and the only way to break the bond is for both parties to accept the rejection. It’s been a waste of an hour.

After one book, Liam gave up and was glued to his phone again. Whoever he was messaging had him smiling, and I had to remind him it was time for training. He was back on his phone when we were heading up to our floor.

“Talking to someone special?” I nudged him.

“Something like that.”

“Girlfriend?”

“I don’t have girlfriends. Just casual,” he answered.

I wanted to ask him about Mason and Brandon’s status, but Liam returned to his phone. I felt like a third wheel to his phone. I might ask the king to reconsider this protection thing. I beat their top warrior in training. I can clearly take care of myself.

After grabbing my bag, we went to the training building. Liam drove his car. That was the only time he wasn’t on his phone.

Hopefully, the king will agree that I need my own place and space. Maybe I can start some online classes until classes resume in January. It’s been one day, and I already feel like a burden to them. They didn’t ask to watch me or to have me move in. Hopefully, I’m just overthinking things, but I feel awkward and weird about this.

We walked into training, and Liam walked away, still on his phone. He didn’t even greet Brandon and Mason. They had already been changed and were waiting for some of the students. They both looked at me, and I shrugged. I went to get changed. When I came out, the guys were explaining to each student what they needed to improve on and pairing them up with someone with similar skills.

I started to stretch and warm up. Since I didn’t have a partner, I wrapped my hands around a punching bag and hit it for a bit. By the time class was over, I was panting and covered in sweat. I felt better after teaching the bag who was the boss. Brandon approached me while taking a drink out of my water bottle.

“So, are you going to tell me what that bag ever did to you?” He smirked

“I just thought it could use an ass-kicking.” I shrugged. We looked at each other and started laughing. I pushed him playfully as we went to get changed to head home. It was weird calling it my home. It didn't feel like home; nowhere did.