Her Heart

Chapter 11

SABI nila you'll realize that you love someone when you are afraid to lose them. Too afraid that that person will live with someone else rather than you. She loves him so much that she is too afraid to lose him. She is afraid to let him go, she thinks that if she will let him. He will forget about her. She had her fair share of first. She is his first in everything, that if he fails she will be heart broken. She couldn't pin point why she loves him when in fact there is someone better than her. She is just a plain looking person with her secret horns, a few people can unlock it.

"Kumusta na kayo ni Von Rix?" Ange asked.

She smiled shyly, "Maayos naman kami."

She wanted to explain how her heart aches whenever he sees him with someone else better than her. Masyado na siyang na pa-praning . It is because they are still in a secret relationship.

"Mabuti naman. Akala ko kasi wala na kayo—'" she asked curiously.

She giggled in response, "Nah. It's okay Ange. Everything is going smoothly."

Except for that fact that her parents knew about her relationship with Von Rix. Her father hated their relationship. Nasabihan siya nitong bobo dahil sa dami-rami ng lalaki ay si Von Rix pa kuno ang napili niya. Galit na galit siya pero wala siyang magawa kundi tahimik na manginig sa galit.

They never asked her to break up with him but their words were too bad. Hindi naman malalaman sana ng Mama niya kung walang mga pakialamerang kapit-bahay na nag-effort lang pumunta sa pinagtatrabahuan ng Mama niya to spill the beans.

It was frustrating as hell, that she wanted to pull the hair of that old hag! Hindi niya ma-gets ang pag-iisip ng mga Marites sa lugar nila. Pinapakialam siya ng mga ito kung sino dapat ang kaibiganin at mahalin. A complete bullshit! Kesyo mabubuntis raw siya ng maaga. Sisirain daw ni Von Rix ang buhay niya.

Hindi nga siya nakialam sa mga kapit-bahay na may mga anak na maagang nagkaanak. Samantalang siya, umabot ng diesi ocho anyos ng hindi lumalandi.

Why the do they need to interfere with her choices in life? Hindi naman siya nakikialam sa mga kagagohan ng mga ito sa buhay. Kahit ang pag-inom ng alak sinusumbong pa ng mga ito. Kulang na lang pati sa mga gala niya ay samahan siya ng mga ito para malaman lahat ng mga galaw niya.

Why does everyone makes everything as a big deal? Ano ba ang pakialam nila sa buhay niya?

After her conversation with Ange she left, may lakad kasi sila ni Von Rix. Celebrating their monthsarry. She was wearing a plain black shirt and high waisted pants paired up with a black sandal. They decided to meet at the mall, baka kasi may makakita na naman at may magsumbong na naman sa magulang niya. Ratrat na naman aabutin niya sa mga ito. Kesyo wala siyang plano sa buhay. Kung alam lang nila.

Minutes later she arrived at the mall. She headed right through their favorite place: the Jolli. This is where they usually celebrate their occassion. Dito sila palaging nagkikita, noon they can secretly sneak out and see each other at Ange's house pero mas naging mahigpit ang kanyang Lola. They had to see each other outside their place. He usually drop and picked her at her school. Sa may kanto lang siya bababa at maglalakad hanggang makarating ng bahay. Nakasanayan na rin niya ang lahat. Von Rix arrived minutes later, she sat on the corner waiting for Von Rix.

She was just playing games with her phone. Habang hinihintay ang binata. This is their usual routine, kapag nakauwi na balik na naman sila sa hindi pagpapansinan. Like they were strangers, but almost everyone around their place knows they were together. Pero dahil sa mga magulang niya, umiiwas na lang sila. It was one of the hardest part of their relationship. Tipong may gusto silang gawin pero hindi nila magawa dahil sa mga matang nakapalibot.

"Babe," he said while holding a tray of their favorites foods.

The way he said those word never gets old, she would always feel butterflies on her stomach. The way his lips twitched and his eyes smiles. She can't simply let go of those.

He sat across her as he placed the tray, "Happy monthsarry, Babe!"

She smiled, "Happy monthsarry!"

"I love you," he suddenly said out of the blue.

How can she ever let him go? When all of the precious moments weighs more than anything?

They spend their time telling stupid jokes, talking about their family and anything under the sun.

Tumitig siya ng diretso sa mata ng binata. He was smiling as he talks about his night out with his friends. Masayang masaya ito, masayang-masaya sila sana hindi matapos.

"Sana pang habang buhay," mataimtim niyang dasal sa kanyang isipan.

He was her first love and she wished it will be him 'til the end. It maybe too soon to say, but she is sure as hell. Ngayon lang siya naging sigurado, she wants him whatever s**t other people will say. Si Von Rix ang gusto niya hanggang dulo.

She can't imagine herself spending her life time with another man.

Her heart only belongs to him. . . forever.

ILANG oras niyang pinag-isipan ang mga salitang binitawan ng kanyang ina. It hit her really hard, five years she buried all her deepest thoughts. Hindi na niya naiisip ang sarili niya, all she think is she needs to earn and finish her degree. Sa tuwing pumupasok sa isipan niya ang mga walang humpay na sana ay nilulunod niya ang sarili sa mga trabaho. It was a good way to help her divert her attention.

Simula ng tumungtung siya sa Pilipinas ay walang katapusang sana ang naiisip niya. Gusto niyang huminga, pagod na pagod na siya. Gusto niyang lumimot pero paaano? Kung sa tingin niya ay ang binata na ang una't huli niyang mamahalin?

"Ma?" untag niya sa inang nanunuod ng palabas sa sala.

"Bakit 'nak?" she paused the movie she was watching and looked at her eyes directly.

She could see how her mother became older. Her grey hair's visible, even her wrinkles. Malambing itong tumitig sa kanya, tila tinatansya rin nito kung ano ang sasabihin niya.

"Aalis ako ngayon Ma. May pupuntahan lang baka bukas na 'ko uuwi," paalam niya rito. She is planning to go to a place where she can calm her mind.

Tumango-tango ito, "Sige 'Nak. Ako na ang bahalang magsabi sa Papa at Lola mo. Basta umuwi ka bukas ha?"

She smiled and nodded in response.

She took her jacket, bag and wallet. She wants to stay at the beach so she can hear the waves. She took a cab, after a few minutes she arrived at the resort. Mayroong mga kubo roon, she could already hear the crashing of the waves. Dumiretso siya sa accommodation area, she rented a kubo.

"Maayong gabie, Ma'am. Our staff will lead you to your hut, if you need anything do not hesitate to call us." A woman with the same age handed her the keys.

"Thank you," she said.

A woman with the same height as her lead her to her hut. It was a place that she exactly needed, a comfortable one and near the sea. She thanked the staff bago ito umalis.

Now it is her and the sea.