Anything for You
920 Words
Matthew held my hand in the car as we both occupied the back seat. Nikolai was driving, one hand resting on his thigh, the other holding the wheel. I watched him, whatever part of him I could see. He felt so kind. So polite. Yet, so cold. So, withdrawn. It felt almost like talking to two different people at once.
"Baby," Matthew said, poking my side gently.
I turned to him, my brows furrowed. "Yeah?"
He shrugged. "Are you mad about the dinner thing? I would still come over. He is just really busy."
I swallowed, then forced a smile. It would have been so much better had it been just dinner. I was mad at myself. Mad at the nine year old who had held on to the image of Nikolai for ten years.
"I don't mind. As long as you are there."
He smiled, his thumb caressing my fingers. "I will bring your favourite peonies too."
I gave a small smile. Maybe this was it. Maybe this is where I train myself to forget the fantasies. Matthew was good for me. And I was in love with him. I was, right?
I swallowed and turned away, not willing to entertain the thought. Nikolai seemed rather unfazed by whatever we were saying, and I sighed and turned to the window.
"Niko," Matthew suddenly said.
I turned, my brows furrowed, just as Nikolai turned slightly.
"Yes?" His voice was low, deep, and I felt a long line of shock reach down my spine.
"What is so important?"
Nikolai looked up to the mirror, and I saw his right brow raise. "What?"
"I mean, Iris is having her debut performance at a club next week. She is a great singer but doubts herself and really wishes someone who is objective would listen to her."
I held Matthew's arm. "Hey, it's..."
"I hate musicians, though. Good luck with your performance, Iris."
I sucked in a sharp breath and turned to Matthew, shaking my head. He, however, wouldn't stop.
"For God's sake, Niko. It's just one dinner and..."
"Matthew. Stop. Have dinner with your girlfriend, I have no issues. Why do I need to be there?"
"It would make her happy if..."
"Why do I need to make your girlfriend happy?" Nikolai asked, the car slowing down.
Matthew swallowed, and I could tell he was letting his emotions get the best of him again. He was extremely sensitive and took everything to heart. It was an inconvenience most times.
"But I am your brother, Nikolai. You haven't been around all my life. Can't you make me happy by coming for this one dinner?"
Nikolai paused, and for a second, I thought he was going to agree.
"I am your brother. Not your dad. I have no obligations to be around you all your life."
My lips parted, my delusions immediately leaving me, with the ice cold water of reality on my face. I turned to Matthew, who was now very close to tears. His lips pursed, and his light brown eyes, one that he had gotten from his father, were filled with a layer of tears.
I held on to his hand tighter, my chest lightly heaving. I couldn't bring myself to say a word or even to comfort him. He had been talking about how much he missed his brother, and now that he was back, he felt like a completely different person.
"Drop me off here," Matthew suddenly said, and I could hear Nikolai's exasperated sigh.
"Matthew..." I started to say, but he shook his head.
"No. I want to get down here, and you are coming with me."
Nikolai slowly stopped the car, and my eyes widened. Before Matthew could go out, however, Nikolai turned to him, holding his hand in place, preventing him from leaving.
"Just dinner?"
My eyes left Matthew to settle on Nikolai. He somehow still maintained a calm, kind expression despite everything.
Matthew swallowed. "You said you were busy."
Nikolai nodded. "You want me to come for dinner and listen to your girlfriend all night long, that would be fine. As long as you are happy."
The delusions came back faster than a formula one car in a pit stop.
Matthew immediately broke into a smile. "It is a promise, right?"
Nikolai nodded. "Sure. I will head out after dropping you both and bring back a gift for Aunt Meghan."
Matthew smiled again, then sniffed a little, his hand wrapping around Nikolai's long, slender fingers. Nikolai smiled again, his dimples sinking in. His eyes, however, remained stone cold.
"Can we go now?"
Matthew nodded, releasing him. "Of course. Thank you."
Nikolai nodded and started the car again, and I watched his back, my chest heaving. Something about him made my heart hurt. Something about him made me want to reach out to him.
I sighed and nipped slowly at my fingers. "Thank you, Nikolai."
He smiled at the mirror. "Better be a great singer."
Matthew immediately started to talk about the songs I had written, most of which he had no idea were for his older brother. About a love that had been too early. A love that had gone too soon. A love that would remain forever hidden.
"Anything for you," I muttered under my breath, my eyes lifting to the mirror.
I knew Matthew wouldn't hear it under his rant. He barely listens anyway.
But Nikolai's eyes slowly met mine in the mirror, and I swallowed. He'd heard me. And I meant every word.
- Writer
