Nikolai
1110 Words
I slowly looked up as Matthew started to chuckle beside me. We were four rows away from the front, but I could clearly see him. The pitch black hair that fell on his eyes in thin strands, the dark blue eyes that did not quite reflect the smile on his lips.
My lips parted, and I vaguely heard the sound of my pen falling to the floor. I guess he had a tendency to make things fall for him. Whether it was the cake or the pen... or the heart of a nine year old. Or even a nineteen year old.
I swallowed, my chest heaving, my hand dropping to grab a handful of my dress.
"He came back yesterday. He couldn't even make it to Mum's funeral. I feel like there are so many things I need to catch up with him. What he has been doing. How his life has been... I have missed him, man."
I swallowed, my eyes lowering. I couldn't look at him that way. It was a sin to stare at him. He didn't belong to me, and I belonged to someone else. I closed my eyes for a few minutes, then turned to Matthew.
"I am sure... he is here to stay, right?" My heart was hopeful. I hoped he was here to stay.
"Yeah. He is working as a lecturer here, see? He also has lots of plans. Let's have dinner together, babe. The house is awfully quiet with just us two."
I shook my head. "No, I..." I swallowed and looked up again. Nikolai was talking to a student about something, his eyes focused fully on her, his head slowly nodding.
I looked down to my feet. "Wouldn't it be awkward? He doesn't know me."
Matthew smiled. "He wouldn't mine, Iris. Let me see."
He suddenly leaned forward and waved, and I felt my breath catch in my throat. My lips parted as I stayed focused on Nikolai, who hadn't noticed Matthew just yet.
Suddenly, however, he looked up, then broke into a smile. He raised his right hand and waved back before turning away to set up the projector.
I wish I had the right to ask why he never came for my ninth birthday. I wish I had the right to ask him why he had the nerve to leave like that. Without a goodbye. I wish I had the right to do anything at all. I sighed and shook my head, then grabbed another pen from Matthew.
He smiled at me but said nothing, his hand resting on my thigh. I closed my eyes, guilt filling my chest. Matthew, my boyfriend, was sitting right next to me. But my eyes...
I let my eyes drift back to Nikolai, who was now rolling his sleeves up. The bright twinkles in his eyes were gone. I remember them like I remember how he left. I remember every single detail.
The class was soon over, and luckily for me, it was the only class I had that day. I needed to go home and be alone. Organise the thoughts that a ten years old flame had burned through.
Matthew had his hand wrapped around my shoulder as we left class, and I was grateful he had decided to just leave since Nikolai seemed busy with a few students.
We were halfway down the halls when Nikolai's voice came, efficiently stopping me in my tracks.
"Matthew."
Matthew turned, but I couldn't bring myself to. I couldn't bring myself to look in his eyes.
"Niko! I was going to go home and wait since you seemed busy."
I slowly turned, my lips parted, my brows lightly furrowed. Nikolai was right in front of me, but he was turned to Matthew. It seemed like he never saw me. Like he would never see me.
"I have no more classes today. I will drive you home."
Matthew nodded, his eyes filled with admiration for his older brother. Slowly, Nikolai turned to me, his brow rising. He still carried a polite smile and the gentle appeal that he always had hidden in those eyes. In those lips.
"Who is..."
"That is Iris," Matthew announced, his voice cracking from excitement. "My girlfriend."
Nikolai nodded, then gave me his hand. "Nikolai. His older brother."
"She knows you," Matthew said, laughing. "She came to our house once on her ninth birthday. Do you remember? You woke me up to wish her a happy birthday and..."
"Matthew," Nikolai said with a small laugh. "How am I supposed to remember something from ten years ago?"
I swallowed, a pang of hurt slicing through my chest. I blinked rapidly, my lips parting, my eyes filling.
Slowly, I gave him my hand. His hand was warm, and he held me in a loose grip, one that lasted barely three seconds. I felt the electricity reach up my arm, all of my body responding to him.
"I remember you, though," I said in a small voice, my eyes slowly meeting his. He still towered above me and even above Matthew.
"What?"
I swallowed. "I remember you from ten years ago."
He watched me, like he wasn't sure what to do with the information, before he gave a small laugh.
"Well. Thank you for remembering me, I guess."
I swallowed and looked down to my feet. I had always known I was being extremely foolish. But now... now it was a lot more obvious.
"We were childhood friends. She lives next door."
Nikolai nodded but said nothing. I couldn't take my eyes off him, but he seemed rather keen on doing just that.
"Also, Aunt Meghan is just like my mum. We should have dinner together with them. Aunt Meghan has been dying to see you ever since I told her you would come back. Iris is a..."
Nikolai slowly shook his head. "I don't think that is a good idea. I am pretty busy."
I bit down on my lips. "Will you have dinner with us sometime, then?"
Nikolai met my eyes for the second time since we met.
"I will try. Some day. Let me drop you both home. I have somewhere else to be."
I stood there as he walked past me, his cologne lingering around me, my hand still carrying the warm sensation of his palm.
I turned in the direction he had gone, just as he took the right, exposing the right part of his neck. I could see a black tattoo peeking out, and he slowly disappeared.
I swallowed as Matthew pulled me into a warm embrace. Life probably happened, and I haven't been able to move on still.
- Writer
