Where Stars Fall

All Over Again

I slowly dressed up, my mind mostly absent. I walked to the mirror and took in my reflection. I was wearing a light pink dress that stopped mid thigh and tights underneath, with my hair falling back. I swallowed and pulled my hair in two parts in front of me, my chest heaving.

With a small sigh, I turned around and went downstairs. Matthew was helping my mother set the dinner table while she seemed to be on a call as she put the last touches of dinner together.

Once I came down, she handed it over to me, then walked away to finish the rest of her call. It was most probably work.

I sighed and plated the rest of the dishes, then helped Matthew with the rest.

"Where is your guitar?" Matthew asked, his eyes meeting mine, the candy in his mouth making his lips bulge.

"I won't be using the guitar."

"Why?" He asked just as my mother walked back to us.

"I will freshen up quickly," she said, then walked away again.

I gave a small shrug, then sat down. "I don't think I am going to sing."

"But Nikolai will..."

"He doesn't even like singers! You heard it. And I don't want to sing."

"That's bad," said a new voice. I turned, my eyes wide, my heart immediately losing grips of control. Nikolai was standing behind us, and he was looking down at me, his brows lightly raised, a small bag and a flower bouquet in his hands. "I came to hear you sing."

My lips parted, my chest lightly heaving. Matthew immediately left his seat and crossed over to Nikolai, who let him hug him.

"She probably thought you wouldn't come," Matthew said, a glint of pride in his eyes.

Nikolai did not reply that, and instead, dropped the flowers and bag on the table. He occupied the seat on my right, his knee slightly grazing mine.

If he felt it, he didn't care because his smile remained intact, his gaze fixed on Matthew.

Matthew chose to sit across from us and continued to talk about my guitar and how much he loved it when I played. Nikolai only nodded intermittently, and I swallowed, turning to him.

"Thanks for coming," I said, my voice a bit shaky, my eyes trained on him.

He turned to me, and for a split moment, he only let his gaze settle on me. Slowly, he gave a lopsided smile, then turned away again.

I swallowed, my hand coming over to my chest, my lips parting so I could breathe.

"She is so nervous, and she doesn't want to play the guitar tonight because she feels like she is not so good at it."

Nikolai nodded. "Excuse me, I need to take a call."

I immediately felt his absence as he left his seat, and I swallowed, my head lowering. My mym joined us after a few minutes, and she sat next to Matthew, her smile small.

"My brother is here," Matthew said, leaning to her. "He brought those."

I raised my eyes in time to see the gaze my mum cast at me, like she was telling me to behave. Honestly, I wish I could behave too.

"You must be Meghan. My brother has told me so much about you."

My mum looked up, just as I turned. Nikolai was standing behind us, a strained smile on his lips, his eyes rather... cold. He seemed almost like he didn't want to meet my mother.

I turned to her, and weirdly enough, she looked the exact same way. Her smile was strained, her eyes blank, and she didn't rush to hug him the way she always did with Matthew.

"I am. You must be Nikolai."

He sat next to me, his scent filling me up. "Yes. It is quite sad that this is the first time I get to meet you."

She nodded. "You didn't come for your own mother's funeral. I doubt meeting me would be good enough to interrupt your schedule."

"Mum," I said, catching the resentment in her tone. I just didn't know if it was because she knew how I felt for him or because he hadn't come for the funeral. "He couldn't make it because he was busy."

"Exactly what I said," she said with a small, humourless chuckle as she handed a plate of food to Matthew. "If he was too busy to pay last respects to his own mother, a next-door neighbour like me does not really stand a chance."

Nikolai smiled. "You are right. I couldn't make it to accord her last respects. I hope you lot did, however. And I know that my mother needs more honesty, especially now, than respect, although most may argue that they go hand in hand."

Matthew searched my eyes, but I turned away, unable to make sense of anything. My mother cleared her throat, then handed him a plate. He watched it for a while, then smiled.

"I am allergic to nuts."

"You are?" I asked, turning to him. "Everything here has..."

"My bad," my mum said, cutting me off. "No one mentioned that to me."

"I actually did, Aunt Meghan. Did you forget?"

She gave a shrug that I felt was far too nonchalant for someone who had made that sort of mistake. "It must have skipped my mind."

"But..."

"Matthew, it's okay. People do forget. Others don't."

My mum's smile faltered as Nikolai slowly stood up, then reached for her hand. She gave it quite reluctantly, and he gently kissed it.

"Thank you for dinner, Meghan. I hate that I won't be staying the entire time."

She forced another smile again, and I lowered my head, tears filling my eyes.

"Niko, we could..." Matthew started to protest, but Nikolai stopped him with a wave of his hand.

"I will see you at home," he said simply.

I expected him to just leave, but suddenly, like a dream, like one of those wishes I mumble to myself right before I close my eyes, I felt him.

Nikolai leaned to me, his right hand cupping the side of my face farthest away from him, his fingers sifting through my hair.

My lips parted as I turned to him, and it took me all I had in me not to hold his hand right.

"I will listen to you sing some other time," he said, his voice low, his eyes tender.

My heart softened even more, my chest heaving, tears filling my eyes even faster. But before I could savour it, he left my face, then walked away, strands of my hair falling off his fingers and coming back in front of me, his touch forever etched in my skin.

I looked up to the path where he had gone, and I knew just like that, he had ruined me all over again.