A Second Chance Love: My Marine

Not Making Moves

 I was skating, the snow was falling softly, large snowflakes, like the ones you see in the movies. The sky was black and all that lit the area were lampposts that surround the outdoor rink. I just skated around, doing twirls and spins, letting all my frustrations go. The music was blasting in my ears as I listened to sappy country music, trying to hold back my tears.

I knew I needed a good cry. I did this to torture myself and force myself to cry when I got into these moods, like most 15-year-old girls. It came to the end of the song, “Didn’t know how much I loved you” lyrics and that was when the tears started falling. I collapsed on the ice just crying. I couldn’t hold it anymore.

I loved him and it was eating me a live and I didn’t know how to tell him. I was scared to tell him. I heard skates come on the ice and watched them stop in front of me. I looked up and there he was staring, Lucas.

He reached his hand out to me and I took it, helping me up. He pulled me in a tight hug and held me until I stopped crying.

“What’s going on Lena? Why are you crying?” he asked quietly in my ear.

I sniffled, “Nothing…it was something stupid my mom said to me today?” I lied.

“What ever your mom said isn’t true, you know that. But no matter what I will always be here Lena. I love you no matter what, remember that.” I looked up into his eyes, expecting to see him green orbs filled with love and compassion, but instead, his eyes were all black.

I close my eyes, no believing what I was seeing. I opened my eyes, and I was in a dark room by myself and heard the voice of my mother.

“You are nothing to me. You are worthless. A disappointment. No wonder why your father is never home. He would be disappointed in you. Your birth mom would be disappointed. We never loved you. Kyle never supported you, it was all fake and Lucas never loved you. He used you until he got what he wanted you stupid girl.”

“NO!” I screamed, falling to me knees in the dark, covering my ears and closing my eyes, rocking back and forth. “STOP LYING!” I screamed again.

“No one ever loved you.” Kyle said. “I wish I were an only child.” The tears started forming.

“I never loved you Alena. I got what I wanted and threw you away. You disgust me.” Lucas said. They all laughed at me as I sat in darkness, rocking myself, trying to give myself the comfort that I desperately needed.

I woke up in a cold sweat. This happened occasionally. My breathing was erratic, and I tried desperately to calm myself down. It took a few moments, but I finally was calm enough to where I could stand up and not have to worry about falling from being light-headed.

I got out of bed and went downstairs, wearing black sweatpants and a tank top, my hair threw in a messy bun. I looked at my cell phone as I was turning the corner into the kitchen and it read 5 am. I ran smack dab into a wall.

“I don’t remember a wall being there.” I said to myself. I looked up and seen a person, with what looked like milk spilled on the floor. I sighed and walked around him, getting some paper towels and helping him clean up the mess. “Sorry” I said, not looking Lucas in the eye.

“It’s okay. Did I wake you?” he asked. I shook my head no. “Why are you up so early? Open skate isn’t until 11.” He questioned me.

“Um…I uh…wanted some water before I went for a run.” I said, still avoiding his eyes. I picked up the paper towels and threw them away and getting myself a bottle of water. He stood there while I took a quick gulp. The silence was awkward and that is putting it lightly. “Yeah…so…I’m going to go now…”

I went to walk by him and he grabbed my hand. I shot my head down to look at his embrace and looked him. That is when I felt it. The tears were coming back. “Lena…” he whispered.

“I can’t do this…” I ripped my hand away and darted up the stairs.

“LENA!” He yelled. Didn’t he want to wake up the other two? I ran to my bedroom and shut the door and locked it. I heard him knock but Ignored him until he went away.

I blinked away the tears. I was not going to give him that satisfaction, letting him know he still has that affect on me.

I knew I needed time and space from him. I couldn’t believe that Kyle would do this and not tell me. I sighed to myself, getting dress in my black leggings and long sleeve shirt. I grabbed my skates, backpack and keys and headed to my car.

I needed to do the one thing that always helped me clear my mind. I needed to go skate. We only lived 5 minutes from the rink and most days I would walk, but I needed to get out of the house as soon as I could. I didn’t feel comfortable there and this was something I needed to talk to Kyle and Mia about. I pulled into the rink and noticed that I was the only car there, thank goodness.

I went to the bench and put my skates on and turned on my wireless speaker and started to play some music. It was about 6 am at this point and I had about another hour before some of the guys on the team would come in early to hit the gym before starting their day.

I skated around the boards, nothing fancy, but going as fast as I could. Speed was something I was always comfortable with. I don’t know how long I was skating for. I just needed to let the cold air clear my head until my music stopped and once that happened, I stopped skating until I came to a slow stop. I looked over to where the speaker was and there was coach standing there, smiling and shaking his head at me. I skated to him and stopped at the entry way to the bench.

“What’s up coach.” I said catching my breath.

“You never cease to amaze me when it comes to your skating. Are you sure you don’t want to try out for the team?” I shook my head no at him. “Just figured I would ask. You are getting faster every time you come on the ice.”

“Yeah, well, it helps with I need to let off some steam and frustration.” I half smiled at him. I went to the bench and sat down next to him.

“Yeah, let’s talk about why you are here so early when you don’t have to be here until 1030?”

I sat there in silence for a brief second, thinking about everything that happened.

“Start from the beginning, and then I will talk, because I do have something to say and I don’t think you’re going to like it.”

“Okay…” I took a deep breath, preparing myself mentally for what I was going to tell coach. You see, normally, I wouldn’t be going to people about my personal problems, but with coach, it was different. He was the father figure that I needed while living in this city. He and his wife were always there for Kyle and I. They knew our story and felt like that they could be that support for us.

“Well…spill young lady.”

“I found out that Xander sent pictures to this girl he met at the last game. He said it shouldn’t have bothered me because we were not official, but now he wants to make it official and he said some pretty awful things to me, which you saw when Ky facetimed you. And Lucas…god Lucas.” I shook my head and looked up to the ceiling…just saying his name made me emotional.

“What about Lucas?”

“He’s back. Remember about the guy I told you about that I loved who went into the Marines? Yeah, well, he’s back and he’s coming today for try outs. He used to play hockey with Ky and I. Heck, he helped teach me everything I know. And he’s living with us and I don’t think I can handle this…”

“Okay, so let’s tackle this, one thing at a time.” He took my hand to give me support. “First, with Xander. Yes, what he did was a d**k move and I do not agree to what he did and what you do with your relationship with him is up to you. You know I did not want you with him. He had a reputation for a reason. I say forget him and concentrate on yourself. But I do want to warn you, he is still on the team.”

My eyes shot open in surprise. “What? We kicked him off!” I yelled.

“Well, Daly said, as much as he dislikes him for what he did with you, that it is a conflict of interest for us to kick him off and he didn’t actually break any rules to warrant that decision. I wanted to let you know before he came to practice today. He has been warned to stay away from you though.”

I sat there in disbelief. Wonderful. Freaken wonderful!

“And with Lucas, just take that one day at a time. Maybe he wanted a fresh start and knowing that you, Kyle and Mia are here, he felt more comfortable than going to his own home.”

“I guess so…but why does he have to live with me?”

“That is all Kyle’s doing. But I can tell you this, if he makes the team, he will end up moving into the team’s dorm and be getting his own room.”

My eyes shot open and an idea came to my mind.

“When he makes the team, can I have the dorm he would be getting?” I asked. His eyes shot open.

“Absolutely not.”

“Why not?”

“What makes you think he is going to make the team?” He c****d his eyebrow to me.

“Trust me. You think Kyle is good right?” He nodded his head yes. “Who do you think trained with Kyle and I everyday since we were able to skate?”

“Okay, but why wouldn’t you just stay at your apartment and we can send him to the dorm?”

“I don’t know. Because if I stayed in the dorm, I would have my own sanctuary. If I stayed home and he went to the dorm, he would still come over to my place because of Kyle.” I stated with a matter-of-fact tone. I think I just proved my point.

“Yeah, no. Not gonna happen. I cannot have you be there with a bunch of egotistical male hockey players who already look at you like a piece of eye candy.” I groaned at him.

“Fine. Be that way and make things more difficult for me. If you cannot help me with this, then I will find another option.”

“Yeah, you do that.” He stood up and rubbed my head, messing up my hair. I shook my head to try to get my hair to go back but no use, he messed up my messy bun. “Go shower and get something to eat. We will go over everything in about an hour since you’re here so early.”

I nodded my head and grabbed my things and went to my car to make the quick drive home. I wonder how all of this is going to play out…