A Second Chance Love: My Marine

Letters and Memories **Possible trigger warning**

Later that morning, I sat on the bench, clipboard in my hand with a list on 10 guys trying out for the team. The team was sitting on the visitor side with the assistant coach. First was scrimmage. As the guys went on the ice so did the guys trying out. I avoided contact with all of them and I just kept rubbing my wrist. I briefly looked down at it, looking at the black ink lettering tattooed over my scar. I heard the whistle blow, breaking me out of my trance.

“Okay. First, scrimmage.” The guys got into place and I tried to pay attention, taking notes as best I could. The scrimmage went on for about 15 minutes, cutting the try out numbers from 10 to 5. We only had 2 spots. After the scrimmage, we went to different drills. It was important for the guys to learn to play two-way hockey, both defense and offence.

After about another 20 minutes of the drills, I walked up to coach.

“Hey…um…can I be excused? I don’t feel so well.” I said not looking at him in the eyes, still rubbing my wrist. He looked at me strangely and nodded his head. “Thank you” I grabbed my things and started to the door.

“LENA!” I heard Kyle yell. I stopped quickly and put on a fake smile and turned to him. “What’s going on? You never leave early.”

“I just have a really bad headache. I’m going to head home and try to take a nap. Let me know who makes the team yeah?” He hugged me quickly and told me to feel better and that he would talk to me later.

I reached my car and sat and took a few deep breathes. I rubbed my wrist again, looking at the rink and started to go home, trying to make my mind relax.

It took all but 4 minutes to get home and that is when I started a hot bath with some essential oils to try to help me calm down. As I was filling the tub, this nagging feeling was bugging me, so I went to my closet and pulled out a beautifully decorated box with red roses on it, wrapped on top with a black ribbon.

I flipped through numerous letters, looking for a specific one that he sent me while he was in basic training, one that I would always hold dear to my heart, one that gave me hope that everything would work out for us.

My love,

I cannot stop thinking about you. I miss you like crazy. I sometimes lay awake late at night, looking at the stars, wondering if you are doing the same. I am counting down the days until I can see you again. When I come home, I want to take you on our first date and it is going to be magical. I want to walk along the beach with you holding your hand, listening to the waves crash under the moonlight. I want to take you to the local fair and ride all the crazy rides together. I want to engulf you in kisses and hugs and tell you every second that I love you.

I love you so much. Words cannot describe it Lena. I am regretting this decision. I should have gone to New York with you guys, I never should have listened to my dad. I know he is proud of my decision, but him being proud isn’t worth my happiness and you are the only one that can make me happy.

When I see you again, please, tell me you love me in person. I need to hear those words and I know once I hear those words, everything will be okay again.

Until then,

Lucas.

My eyes teared up reading that. I dropped the letter on top of the other ones, leaving the box on my bed and went to the bathroom before the water overflowed. I got undressed and sunk myself in, listening to music, closed my eyes and relax. I set my alarm for 30 minutes, knowing the guys would be back soon and I wanted to be out of here before that, then I slowly drifted off to sleep.

There I stood in the hallway, watching as I ran into my room crying. This literally was one of the worst days of my life. At 16 years old, I shouldn’t have to experience this heartache, and there I was, watching it happen again.

I heard my ‘mother’ and father arguing about me, like they always do. I have been suspended for a week from school for fighting because the girls that bullied me took it too far. They physically harmed me and left notes in my locker telling me to hurt myself. My mother was saying it was my fault, that if I were more like the other girls this wouldn’t have happened and how I was a disappointment.

No one was there to stand up for me. Luke and Ky were off at the gym, we were supposed to meet later for ice cream. I looked at the little girl as she slammed the door shut and looked back at the mother and heard her say more nasty things about me. I closed my eyes tight and I appeared in the bathroom, looking down at the 16-year-old girl, who had an empty pill bottle of pain killers and a giant cut on her wrist. I closed my eyes in horror, screaming for her to not do this, but I wouldn’t listen. Her cell phone kept going off. It was Kyle and Lucas, blowing her phone up. I tried to pick it up but my body wouldn’t let me. I started crying, watching her fall asleep in the tub, blood engulfing the water.

The torture this girl has gone through at school and at home went on for too long and she never said anything to anyone, that is until the door slammed opened and there came running Lucas and Kyle, right into her bathroom. The grabbed her, threw a blanket over her and rushed her to the car, straight to the hospital.

There she laid, asleep after almost ending her life.

“Lena…” Lucas whispered, taking her hand in his and kissing her forehead. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you…I will always be there for you from now on.” And he gently kissed her lips.

There was a loud banging coming from my bathroom door but I didn’t want to respond. I just wanted to be alone. “LENA!” someone yelled.

I didn’t answer. I slowly opened my eyes and realized I was home. I was 23, not 16. It was just a dream, more so, reliving a nightmare.

“LENA!” A second voice yelled.

“Lena please. Answer your phone, open the door, say something.”

I got out of the tub and wrapped a robe on.  I opened the door and there stood Kyle and Lucas. Kyle hugged me tightly. “I am glad your okay!” he said rather loudly. It hurt my ears.

“Why wouldn’t I be okay?” I asked c*****g an eyebrow.

“I don’t know. You have been out of it and looked all cryptic the fast few days and when you left you looked severely depressed…”

“yea…”

“You didn’t think about it, did you?”

“No, but I dreamt of it. Like I was watching it happen.” I said softly. Kyle hugged me tightly again.

“Well, don’t look like that again and scare me, scare us.”

“Us?”

“Luke was worried too of course.” I looked over to him and he stood there silently nodding his head. I rolled my eyes.

“Okay. Fine. I’m okay, I promise. So how did it go?” I said as I walked out of my room. Kyle was following me but Lucas was still in my room. I looked at him and seen him starring at the box on my bed and my eyes went wide. I ran back into my room and closed the box up and put I back into my closet.

“What are those?” he asked.

“Nothing that concerns you.” And I stormed out to meet my brother who was already in the kitchen.

I walked to the island and Kyle handed me a beer. I took a quick sip and asked again. “How did it go?”

“Well, Luke made the team of course, defense. We also got a new goalie, Mark. We are actually doing a scrimmage tomorrow for practice to see who is going to be first line and second. Coach isn’t sure between Mark and Xander.”

“Well, that should be interesting.” I laughed. The boys just chuckled. “So, what are your plans for tonight?”

“We are going out with some of the guys on the team.”

“Ah okay.” I took my phone out and texted Mia. The guys were going to the bar so I was going to make her stay in with me. Girls night. I needed to avoid them as much as possible.

“Where are you guys going?”

“I don’t know, probably just bar hopping. It will be Luke, Mark and I. Kind of want to keep it small, if any of the other guys want to come out they will just text me. Do you and Mia want to join us.” Just then, my phone pinged and I let out a huge smile.

As I was texting her back I looked up and seen that Lucas was starring at my wrist. When I finished responding to Mia I hid my hand in the pocket of my robe. “Nope. I have other plans with Mia.”

“Okay, suit yourself. I’m going to go lay down for a bit before we go out.” Kyle stated and he went to his room leaving Lucas and I in the kitchen.

I heaved a heavy sigh and went to go to my room to relax before Mia comes home from class. As I went to my door, Lucas grabbed my shoulder and turned me around.

“What the hell dude.” I yelled and he just stared at me. “Speak?”

His eyes lowered to my hands as they were still in the pockets. He grabbed my wrist and tried to pull it out, the one that had the scar on it from that one day. I stiffened my arm, trying to keep it where it was. “What are you doing?” I questioned through gritted teeth.

“Let me see your wrist.” He stated, not asking. He was very demanding.

“no!” I stated firmly, but he didn’t let go of his grasp.

“Let me see your wrist!”

“NO!”

He pushed me against the wall, his body flushed against mine. My breathing started to become heavier as I struggled under him. He caged me in, one hand pressed against the wall and the other cupped my cheek. I closed my eyes, trying not to look him in the eyes. He pulled my face to look up. “Look at me.” He stated. I shook my head no, trying to relax my breath. “Lena…look at me.” I opened my eyes and I met his green eyes. They reminded me of our past. I could see a hint of emotion hidden behind the coldness. He had pain, regret, love, all hidden behind numbness. I stood there and stared as his hands trailed down to my wrist inside the pockets and he pulled my one wrist out and took a step back.

He eyes shot open at what he saw. He looked at the tattoo and then looked at me and back at the tattoo. I pulled my arm away from him and turned around to head into my room and I slammed the door.

I went to my closet to pull out some pajamas for tonight and I heard him slam my door open.

“What the hell is that?” He yelled at me. I couldn’t look at him in the eyes. “Answer me Lena.”

“You don’t get to call me Lena! Only those that care about me call me that! Its Alena to you!” I jammed my finger into his chest with every word.

“Why are you being difficult?” He gripped his hair in frustration turning from me.

“Me? Difficult?” I scoffed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about” I said under my breath.

“No, you don’t get to do that. Not now. We are going to talk and get all this out in the open!”

“You do NOT get to come in here and demand s**t from me Lucas! You are no longer apart of my life so you have no say!”

“Why are you so thick headed? Once you put that tattoo on your body I became permanently apart of your life!”

“I will just cover it up or get it removed if it bothers you so much!”

“It’s not that it bothers me it’s confusing! When did you get it Lena?”

“Do not call me Lena!”

“WHEN DID YOU GET THAT TATTOO!”

“NO!”

“WHEN!”

“Why do you care? You left me! You decided that what ever we had was over! Not me so you get no say and you do not get to ask questions about my life!” I screamed. The tears were forming. I never cried this much. I needed to be the heartless b***h I was supposed to be but Lucas was screwing with my emotions so much.

“Alena…once you got that on your wrist…when? When did you get it.” He said softly, like he was giving up.

I grabbed my hair in frustration. “Why are you asking me?”

“Why can’t you just answer me? Why are you making this difficult?”

“FINE!”

I went silent.

“When?”

I turned to face him with tears swelling in both eyes. He walked up to me and pulled both my wrists to face him, both had tattoos, both related to one another. “When Lena? I need to know when…please…answer the question…” He rubbed him thumbs on both tattoos on both wrists while holding me hands. I couldn’t handle the contact. I pulled them out of his hands and brought them to my chest.

“2 weeks after you left me…2 weeks after I got your letter…2 weeks after you shattered my heart into a million pieces!” His eyes darted to mine and I couldn’t handle the gaze. I turned around quickly and ran into the bathroom and locked the door. I slid onto the floor crying. Emotions engulfing me. I wish he never came back. Why did he have to come back?

He was knocking on the door calling my name.

“Luke, please, just, leave me alone.” I heard him sigh “We need to finish this conversation at some point Alena…you can’t avoid me forever.” and he left. I looked at my wrists.

Semper fi was tattooed over the scar I put on my own body and on the other wrist the meaning Always faithful with a red heart with his initials, LV.

With that, my phone pinged from the unknown number that messaged me before

I still love you

Now I knew who it was.