For the Famiglia: Intertwined fate

The baby

It was the anger I wasn't familiar with, wasn't used to not like this seething f*****g mess right now. Sitting in the NICU watching the small baby boy his dark hair still a little b****y as he was struggling with his breaths. He didn't even have a name yet the thought wasn't in my mind everything had been a blur. Getting Dominica to the hospital, a C-section to save the baby which was a fine line as it was but Dominica was gone. She was barely there when we got to the hospital pale, limp, glassy eyes and vomit was down her face and clothes as she gasped to breathe. I had been around a lot of people dying, dead people but it was different somehow “Mr Damiani? Mr Damiani?” the Nurse called I don't know how long she had been standing there but my mind was on so many different things it was hard to focus.

“What?” I managed my eyes still on my son. He was so small, smaller than I imagined, with fingers that could barely wrap around my own and he was already struggling with NAS.

“Your family is here” I nodded... I had left in such a rush I barely explained what had happened. It was such a f*****g mess. With one last look at my boy, I relented. Leaving him alone wasn’t ideal I was all he had now but I would be back. Racking my hands through my hair as I walked the white walls, the paleness of it all seemed to give me a headache or maybe it was just the situation with Dominica still haunting my mind I was waiting any moment for a dozen more calls from her family ambushing me about losing there princess... f**k what was this s**t going to cause.

“Marco” my Nonna was the first to embrace me once I got out to the waiting area all of them looked concerned except my father who just looked frustrated. I hugged my grandmother back not sure what I was feeling I knew there was anger but a mix of numbness sat in my gut like a lead weight “Are you okay? What’s happening? You rushed out of there so fast” my Nonna bombarded me with questions.

“Ma, stop with all the questions huh?” my father chimed in.

“What happened? You weren’t answering your phone” Santos questioned as well but Catarina seemed to pull him back.

“Dominica had the baby... It’s a boy” the words came out slow and tired. It’s been a few hours now though it felt like days running a hand over my face trying to explain the rest “The housekeeper found Dominica she overdosed... I got her to the hospital they were able to save the baby but....” sighing everyone suddenly looked grim.

“Well....” Angelo began

“Shut your mouth, Angie” my father snapped expecting him to say something stupid.

“Marco” my Nonna sighed patting my back. She hated Dominica but appreciated her silence on the matter at the time.

“You called her family?” my father questioned I only nodded in return “fuck... I imagine hellfire is about to come our way.”

“Well what the f**k am I supposed to do, pops” I snapped. I was already angry I didn’t need this s**t too.

“She was your wife—“

Stepping closer and lowering my voice I rarely challenged my father but I wouldn’t stand by with this “I did every f*****g thing I could. How many rehab stays, how much babysitting how much appeasing would have been f*****g enough? you want to blame me f*****g fine. I will take it, I will take all this. You can’t f*****g stand there and say I didn’t f*****g try.”

“Marco” Santos stepped in between us. He was my little brother granted however Santos was larger than me.

Taking a breath and stepping back. I straightened my buttoned shirt not that it made me look any less like s**t at that moment “If that’s all you want to say you can f**k off now. I have a son I need to sit with...” stepping back for the hall I heard a debate amongst them and calling after me but I was already walking back. Heeled shoes raced along the tiles and before I knew it Catarina was by my side. I was confused we weren’t particularly close “What are you doing?” I questioned.

“My nephew was just born, wasn’t he? I want to see him” I was confused at first however remembering family like most of us was important to her and she had a soft spot for children.

“Fine” We walked silently back to the ward with a second person she couldn’t go in the room to see him up close so we stood behind the glass window and looked in on the little boy that was now mine, a new wave of responsibility resting on my shoulders as we spoke.

“That dark hair just like you and Santos” she seemed to observe about the baby. I appreciated the attempts that subtlety after everyone for so long had questioned the paternity “he’s a cute baby. Why is he in the NICU? He’s not really a premi.”

“He’s having breathing troubles but it’s most likely to do with the NAS they just want to keep him under observation plus the yellowing... He seems a little too jaundice” I explained.

“Wait NAS?” she questioned.

Sighing and leaning my head against the glass “Dominica not laying off the s**t while she was pregnant... He was already born an addict...” she looked worried at my words but didn’t say anything just stood beside me as we looked at the sleeping baby.

“Have you figured out a name?” she asked.

“Dominica and I always fought about it we never settled on anything—“

“Couldn’t you compromise?” she asked I laughed at the mere thought there was never any room to compromise between Dominica and me. It was supply and demand or bribe. “Well, what did you want to name him?”

Looking at the looking boy his dark waves of hair. He had the newborn blue eyes so I didn’t know what they would change to one day it was hard to examine what he would look like since at that moment he more resembled an angry old man with his wrinkled little face “Niccolo...”