The Jerk's Property

Chapter 13

Asher's usually indifferent face wrinkled into a grave expression as I struggled to let go from his arms.

"Huwag kang malikot, baka mahulog ka," hirap na saad niya habang pilit pinapanatili ang pagkakabuhat niya sa akin.

"Kaya kong maglakad," tugon ko na may halo pang paghikbi. Lumuluha lang ako kanina, pero nang binuhat niya ako ay tuluyan na nga akong naiyak. Peste talaga. Pansin kong wala nang masyadong tao rito sa kinaroroonan namin at may malapit na upuan sa ilalim ng isang punong mangga. "Kaya ko sabing maglakad!" ulit ko.

"Malapit na nga tayo," pilit naman niya.

Binilisan niya ang paglalakad hanggang sa umabot na kami sa may upuan. Itinulak ko siya nang maibaba na niya ako saka ko pinunasan ang luhaan kong mukha.

Nanatili lang siyang nakatayo sa harapan ko habang pinapatahan ko ang aking sarili. Hindi siya umimik. Nang medyo kumakalma na ako ay lumuhod siya at inunat ang paa ko kung saan mayroong gasgas at dugo.

He let out a sigh. "You are too careless. You're hurting yourself."

Iniwas ko ang paa ko nang akmang may ilalagay siyang band aid sa tuhod ko. "Yeah, right! Sinasaktan ko lang ang sarili ko!" asik ko, pilit inilalayo ang paa kong sinusubukan niyang ipirmi.

Letting myself get closer to him is already a way of hurting myself.

"Let's talk after I put this on, huwag kang malikot." His authoritative and cold voice made me fidget in my seat.

After he successfully put the band aid on my wound, he sat beside me without breaking the unnatural silence ruling over the atmosphere.

I still feel bad about what he did, what I found out, everything. Nagalit at nasaktan ako nang makita siyang may kasamang iba, pero ngayon . . . mas nangingibabaw ang lungkot.

He is just sitting only a few inches away from me that we could almost hear each other's breath, but he is too far, farther even than the galaxy.

"Yesterday, my mind says that you're hurting. Akala ko may ibang rason kung bakit. But when you didn't reply, and based on how you looked at me back there and to how you treat me now, how am I supposed to think that it's not me?" Naramdaman ko ang tingin niya sa'kin. "Ah, oo nga pala. You told me earlier that you hate me. Three times."

Hindi ko alam kung nagmamaang-maangan siya o ano, pero hindi iyon ang nakakuha sa atensiyon ko. I looked at him with my half-ached brows.

"Your mind says I'm hurting?" I purposely tried to sound bitter. "Paano ka nakakasiguro na nasasaktan nga ako? We can only have that bond if we are soul mates!"

"Pero nalalaman nga natin."

"Huwag kang pakampante," iritado kong sambit para pagtakpan kung gaano ako nasasaktan sa katotohanang masyadong magulo ang relasyon naming dalawa. "Anuman ang nalalaman mo, hindi iyon totoo."

He looked at me in his gentle eyes. "It is."

"Hindi nga sabi!"

"Then why do you hate me?"

"Tell me first why did you say sorry!"

He seemed to be taken aback. Bahagya siyang napaurong kasabay ng kaunting pag-awang ng kanyang labi at muling pagdidikit ng mga ito.

He didn't look away. His vision remained at me as he slightly tilted his head, like as if checking something in my face.

"Because I was with Krisha yesterday, and you were with Benjie. I was mad, but I tried to suppress it. Mas concerned pa ako sa nararamdaman mo. Akala ko kasi, nasaktan kita dahil doon." Mahina ang boses niyang nagsabi n'on. "Pero mukhang hindi naman pala."

Nakaramdam ako ng anghang sa aking lalamunan. "Krisha, huh? The soul mate." Hindi siya umimik. "At paano ka naman nakakasiguro na iyon ang dahilan? How am I supposed to know if you're with her?"

"Because I know that you saw us," aniya, nalalasahan na naman ang lamig sa paraan niya ng pananalita. "Hindi dapat kami pupunta roon. But then, Benjie messaged Krisha that he's going to that new restaurant with someone named Felicity. Then, Krisha told me she wants to try it too. It led me to the awareness of you and Benjie being together when in fact, you promised something to me just the day before."

Nawalan ako ng sasabihin. I couldn't think of anything to say and I just let the time pass by without being able to explain.

Bakit parang ako na ang may kasalanan ngayon?

"Sumama ako kay Krisha nang nalaman kong naroon ka, at kasama mo pa si Benjie. Pero pagpasok namin, wala kayo. If ever we looked very close, I'm sorry. We really are. Krisha and I are childhood friends, mas close ako sa kanya kaysa sa mga barkada ko. I also wanted to introduce her to you, pero patapos na kami nang nag-message si Benjie sa kanya na nakauwi na pala kayo, and you even saw us together before you left."

Halos mapaigtad ako nang naramdaman ko ang paghawi ni Asher sa buhok kong tumatakip sa mukha ko at bahagyang dumaan ang daliri niya sa aking leeg.

"I'm supposed to get mad, Felicity. But because you were hurt, and you were crying, how can I? I even blamed myself though I know I did nothing wrong."

Iiwas ko na naman sana ang tingin ko nang pinigilan ito ng kabila niyang kamay at marahang ipinaharap sa kanya. Nagtama ang aming paningin at nakitaan ko ng dilim at iritasyon ang kanyang mga mata.

"I'm done explaining my side. Aren't you going to say anything?" His voice sounds so dangerous, I can feel my skin hairs standing to their ends.

"Wala rin akong ginawang masama," pabulong kong tugon, ang mga mata ay hindi makatingin sa kanya nang diretso.

"Ahuh?"

"Totoo," giit ko. "Matagal na kasi akong nangako kay Benjie na sasamahan siya sa pagpunta sa restaurant na iyon. Huli na rin naman iyon. I already told him that I like y—" Natutop ko ang bibig ko nang mapagtanto kung ano dapat iyon.

I felt him leaned more, head is tilting and fingers are creating circles on my shoulder. He's making me lose my focus! "I'm sorry, what was that?"

"Wala. Kalimutan mo na iyon," iwas ko.

"You told him that you like . . . who?"

My cheeks burned as I saw a playful smile on his lips I badly want to erase. No, I should collect myself together. Hindi ako dapat natatangay nang ganito kadali dahil alam kong kayang-kaya niya iyong gawin kailan niya man gustuhin.

Asher may just be playing with my feelings, I haven't confirmed how he truly sees me. At kahit gaano ko pa siya kagusto, hindi ako ganoon kadesperada para maunang umamin.

That's my principle in life. If I like a guy, I just like him. No confession intended. If that guy likes me, then I'll wait for him to tell it. Bakit ako mag-co-confess? Ano ang ibig sabihin n'on? Na mas matapang pa akong babae na magsabi ng nararamdaman kaysa sa kanya na lalaki?

When I was in high school, one of my guy classmates said that he doesn't want girls doing the first move.

Lalaki ang nanliligaw. Period.

Well, I have nothing against those ladies who have the courage to confess their feelings. After all, wala namang masama roon. Ang akin lang, hindi ako ganoon. At ayaw ko sa ganoon. Kanya-kanya na lang ng trip sa buhay, walang pakialaman.

"Felicity . . . "

Tumikhim ako at tinanggal ang mga kamay niyang nakahawak sa 'kin. "Kalimutan mo na sabi."

Sadness clouded his features, but still managed to force a smirk. "Nakapag-isip-isip ako, Felicity," aniya nang hindi inilalayo sa akin ang mukha. "Hindi na kita pipigilang makipag-close sa ibang lalaki. I'm not pushing you to be with them. I just want you to do what you want. Ayaw kitang itali sa akin. You deserve more than that."

I can see his good intention. He only wants the best in me, but why do I feel bad? Hindi naman sa gusto kong pinagbabawalan nga ako, pero hindi ko alam. Ang sama ng pakiramdam ko. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit. Dapat maging masaya ako dahil iniisip niya rin ang nararamdaman ko, ang mga choices ko sa buhay.

I don't really understand myself someti— always. I don't understand myself always.

"E-edi mabuti." Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at pilit minanipula ang reaksiyong maaaring lumitaw sa mukha ko.

Why did he suddenly say that? Is he already letting go? Akala ko ba . . .

"It's not bad having an opponent, though." His baritone voice is sending chills in my body. "Minsan, mas maipapakita mong mahalaga sayo ang isang tao kapag alam mong pinaglaban mo."

My eyes fell on my hands. Lumalakas na naman ang t***k ng puso ko, binibingi ako.

Hindi ko na alam kung ano ba ang gusto ni Asher na mangyari. He is making me fall for him even more, and there's no guarantee that he'll catch me. Even if he does, he can't keep me forever in his arms because somebody else is meant to be there.

"So, I'd be expecting rivals from now on. But, hey!" Muli niya akong ipinaharap sa kanya. "Hahayaan ko lang na may kalaban ako, pero sisiguraduhin kong ako ang mananalo."

Tipid akong ngumiti. "Yabang mo."

"Are you still mad?" kapagkuwan ay pansin niya. As of now, it is really noticeable that I'm not in my usual face.

Ayaw kong sirain ang gaan ng atmospera, pero hindi ko na binalak itago ang matagal nang bumabagabag sa akin.

"Asher, don't you think it is wrong?"

His expression turned cold all of a sudden. "What is so wrong in wanting you?"

The softness and a stain of pain in his voice put me in the verge of crying. "Krisha—"

"Why are you bringing her up all of a sudden?" Ramdam ko ang iritasyon sa boses niya. "And who told you that she's my soul mate?"

"Benjie did," hirap kong tugon, naguguluhan. "And he even said more which made me think of our relationship. The reality, how can we oppose that? Asher, mali ito, e."

"Benjie likes you, kaya niya iyan ginawa."

"But he's right!" I frustratedly enunciated. "Asher, may soul mate ka. Ganoon ka-simple. Hindi ba dapat mahal mo siya? Kusa iyang nararamdaman!"

"What about you?" His face turned stoic. "Is it that easy for you to give up? Can you really forget everything between us? Can you really forget me?"

Yumuko ako at umiling. Umiling ako nang umiling hanggang sa pumatak na naman ang mga luha kong lapastangan. I gasped for air. "Benjie's soul mate is dead. A-and he told me that . . . that if his soul mate is dead, then he is available, no complications."

Hindi ko siya tiningnan. Ayaw kong makita ang reaksiyon niya dahil alam kong ayaw niya at hindi siya natuwa sa sinabi ko.

"But do you really want that?" Malumanay ang naging tugon niya na mas lalong nagpahirap sa aking huminga.

Asher is trying to consider me, but he's hurting.

Umiling-iling ako. "But I want to try." Pinunasan ko ang luha ko. "I want to divert my feelings to someone else, Asher."

"But not because he is available, he is supposed to be chosen," he plainly replied.

"And not everything we like is worth fighting for." I felt something sharp creating a deep wound in my heart as I realized what I just said.

Tiningala ko si Asher para sana bawiin ang sinabi ko dahil mukhang hindi ko rin kayang bumitaw sa kanya, pero ngumiti siya sa akin at hinaplos ako sa pisngi.

"Felicity, you are my soul mate." My teary eyes blinked at him twice, comprehending his statement. "Ikaw ang soul mate ko. Hindi sa pader, hindi sa tadhana." Kinuha niya ang kamay ko at itinapat ito sa dibdib niya kung saan ramdam ko ang puso niyang pumipitik. "Dito."

Hindi niya tinanggal ang kamay ko roon at hinayaan akong pakiramdaman ang t***k ng puso niyang mistulang ako ang isinisigaw.

Halu-halo ang nararamdaman ko, napaka-ironic. Joy, but in it there is pain. Comfort, but in it there is heartache. And calmness, but in it there is fear.

And Asher . . . is he worth it for these all? Because for me, he deserves every good thing in the universe, and I will be nothing but his downfall.

"Natatakot ako," at last, I expressed.

He took my hand on his lips and sweetly kissed it.

"Didn't I promise you that I'll find for the answers of these uncertainties? Didn't I tell you that I'll try to seek for the solution to this conflict?"

I bobbed. "You did."

"So," he leaned closer that our foreheads are touching, "do you trust me?"

"Gusto ko pero—"

"Then trust me." Marahan niyang pinasadahan ang labi ko gamit ang hinlalaki niya. "Trust me, Felicity."

Lumabi ako at bahagyang lumayo. "At bakit ako magtitiwala?" I tested him. "Paano ako magtitiwala sa lalaking ni hindi ko alam kung ano ba talaga ang turing sa akin?"

"Do you want to know what I feel?" He nibbled on his bottom lip, making it look wet and shiny and reddened.

Ang lakas ng tahip ng dibdib ko. His small sexy gestures are drawing me away from sanity.

Ikinalat ko ang mata ko sa paligid at ngayon lang napansin na marami-rami rin palang estudyante rito. Iba-iba ang uniforms, pero karamihan ay taga-Vilican at Geneva University. They are everywhere, though. Sa kabilang upuan ay may grupo rin ng mga estudyante roon na hindi ko man lang napansin kanina.

Seriously, ganito na pala karami ang mga tao mula pa nang pumunta kami rito? I am too focused in me and in Asher that I turned blind to what's happening around us.

Bigla akong nakaramdam ng hiya. Sumigaw-sigaw pa ako kanina at umiyak-iyak. Tapos mayamaya ay para kaming mag-jowang naglalandian. Then these number of people . . .

What if they were watching us the whole time? Asher is quite famous, though. Oh my God?!

Hindi ko nagawang tingnan kung pinapanood ba nila kami o hindi. I just acted like normal and pretended that nothing controversial is happening. Ma-issue pa naman ang mga tao.

"Ano ba ang nararamdaman mo?" pasimple ko na lang na tanong kay Asher, pero ang mga mata ko ay nasa aking mga kuko.

"I won't say until you look at me," he stated hoarsely, the way he speaks pulls me to a figurative slumber I couldn't seem to resist.

"Sabihin mo na next time," wika ko na lang at akmang tatayo na.

Pinigilan niya ako. "I like you."

It is the same phrase that Benjie told me in the parking area the last time, but why is my heart going haywire? It's thumping like crazy, it might jump up down to my feet!

"I want you," he added, eyes are locked into mine. "I need you."

Pigil-pigil ang aking ngiti habang iniiwas ang mukha kong sinusubukan niyang ikulong sa kanyang mga palad.

"Asher," I softly complained, but it sounded more like a kid having a crush for the first time.

"I adore you."

"Oo na!" Tumatawa kong sambit at tinanggal ang mga daliri niyang pumipisil sa magkabila kong pisngi.

As he let go of my face, what he did next almost ceased my brain from functioning.

He leaned very close and gave me a peck on my lips. It is just a peck, but I felt it.

"Asher . . . "

He genuinely smiled. "I love you."

What . . . ?

"A-anong sinabi mo?" Halos hindi na yun lumabas sa bibig ko habang pinapakiramdaman ang nakabibinging ingay na dulot ng t***k ng aking puso.

I misheard it, didn't I?

"I love you, Felicity," he repeated more clearly as he grinned. "Pero huwag kang mag-alala, hindi ka obligated na mag-I love you too." Tumayo siya at inilahad sa akin ang kamay niya. "Tara na?"

Saglit . . . Ni hindi pa nga nag-sink in sa akin ang sinabi niya!

"But remember this, my lady." Bahagya siyang yumuko para mapagmasdan akong mabuti. "Sa segundong sasabihin mong mahal mo rin ako," muli niya akong hinalikan nang mabilis sa labi, "akin ka na."