Have You Wonder

Semi-colon

I turned my back from him as soon as his card landed on my hand. No words were heard, just leaving him like that.

"Hey... where are you going?" He asked, thinking I'm going somewhere without him.

"I'll wait for you there. As if I can use your card without you?!" I blurted in a matter-of-fact tone as I was pointing on that high chair.

"You can." He murmured.

"Ha?" I asked in disbelief.

"I signed some agreement and set the card that you and I can share my account." He said with full of confidence.

Is he insane? I mean, is that even possible? Why would he do that? It's been a long time since we're over so why does he even drag my name in everything he owns.

"Why would you do that?" I complained. He should take care of his stuff.

He just ignore me and walk towards the bathroom as if he is dropping this conversation. Why do I even bother asking when we both know that he's still not giving up.

After a few minutes, he came out fresh from the shower. He looks better than he was but those beards don't compliment his visual. I wonder how long does he's been acting like this?

He throws his towel on the couch and just messed his hair with his hands and he is good to go. I just shook my head in disbelief at how he gets prepared to go out in less than ten minutes. I envy guys being this way.

We walked side by side towards the elevator and we are all alone in there. The silence and closed space are killing me.

Three...two...one.

I gasped as soon as we arrived at the lobby. I still can't stand being with him for the longest time. It's killing me. I don't know why but that silence took my breath away.

"Are you okay?" He asked and I just nodded vigorously.

I am starting to regret this decision.

I immediately walked passed through him and go to the hypermarket across the condominium. But no matter how fast I walk, his long stride catches me in no time.

"What are we doing here?" He asked skeptically.

"I'm cooking," I said nonchalantly while I was pushing the cart.

He smiled like a kid getting his much-awaited reward but I just ignore it. I don't want to give him false hope. I just came here to make sure he eats and gets to sleep at least one night. I can't stand replaying her sister's reaction when I rejected her request.

It only took me less than an hour and I'm done picking what I think is needed. But I didn't think it will fill the whole cart.

"Are we preparing for some phenomenon or something? Why did you pick this much?" He scorned in disbelief but I just stared at him blankly.

This reminded me of the day when we were resting in the Engineer's quarter in ATLE. He was lying his head onto my lap, taking a nap while I was browsing on social media. Then I saw this list of underrated dates of a couple.

Going to groceries together is number one on the list. I don't know why but for me, it's romantic. So I told him about the list and he said that we will prove that list wrong. But the breakup happens and he couldn't keep his promise back then.

After a few years since we broke up, we will be able to make it. Not a date to be considered, but we made it. We did groceries... together.

we came back to the condo and I start rummaging into his kitchen while he was organizing and stacking the stuff we bought. But I can't stand the way he puts it in the cabinet and fridge so I just told him to clean his pad.

After a couple of hours, I'm done doing what must be done in the kitchen. I finished organizing and restocking foods and other supplies. Now, it looks like somebody's living decently in here.

I opened the lid on the casserole as the soup starts to overflow but I forgot to use the potholder so I used my bare hand. I screamed from holding the hot lid and he run towards me in panic.

"I just touched the hot lid with my hands. Nothing serious." I brushed off but he took my hand immediately and looked at it intently.

He put it under the flowing water from the sink and blows it off as if it will work. I looked at him intently as he was diligently taking care of my hand.

"If I were to give up on us just because you say so, then I'm crazy. Who's crazy that will easily give up when you, staring at me that way, makes my heart flutter like how I feel like seven years ago?" He said while focusing on blowing my hand.

"I prefer being called crazy than being hopeful over something spoiled and shattered," I grumbled.

"I still believe that our story is not yet on a period. We are just in a pause, a semi-colon on our relationship." He said.

I pulled my hands away from him and looked back at what I am cooking. I don't wanna talk about this. I can't... I won't. That's what I promised when I decided to go here. That I'm gonna try to talk to him without causing any more pain to him. I know and I understand what he's going through... and pushing him off the cliff will make it worse.

I want him to be happy like how I am right now and that will only happen if he will able to accept that... we're over.

"Let's eat." I blurted enthusiastically as if nothing happened.

He just fixed the table and prepared everything so we could eat. While I was digging at my food, he was just staring at me eating and I start feeling uncomfortable with the attention he's giving me.

"Eat or I'll leave?" I warned.

After we are done having our lunch, he brings out the blueberry cheesecake. I stared at it for a few seconds and the memories start flashing back again.

It reminds me of the day when he picks me up right after he told me about his plan to leave to work abroad with a paper bag in his hand, containing caramel macchiato and blueberry cheesecake. I didn't know it will be the last time I'll receive a treat from him.

Now, here we are, after years of pain and regrets, we are sharing a blueberry cheesecake after having a meal together.

After we ate, I insisted on washing the dishes while he watches Netflix on the couch. But when I walk towards him right after I finished washing, I saw him lying on the couch having a good nap.

I slowly took the remote from his hands while he was hugging it in his sleep. I tried my best to pull it carefully as Karina said he was lacking some sleep. If being around him even just for today means he could feel relaxed and comfortable, I'll let him do so.

I turned off the television and lost my footing. I tripped and I landed my butt on the floor. Fortunately, it didn't wake him up. But as I checked on him if he's still in a deep sleep, I couldn't help but look at his peaceful face.

He is sleeping soundly as if he was suffering from insomnia. His dark circles are no joke. He also looks like he lost some pounds since the last time we met.

Why are you doing this to me, Kree? Why are you making me so worried about you when I shouldn't? why do you make me feel like a villain when I was your victim?

My hand starts reaching for his face as if it has its own life. I start caressing his cheeks as I watch him getting wrecked for something that was over.

I traced my finger onto his thick brows down to his eyes and then to his pointed nose. My hand moves smoothly as if it has a memory that reminisces its traces from seven years ago. Why do I always end up going back in every little way from that seven years ago? Why?

I brushed my thumb onto his cheeks but he slowly moved from lying on his side. I took away my hand and was about to stand up when he surprisingly grabbed my wrist which made me fall onto him. I tied to stand up thinking that he was just dreaming or what but tightened his hand on my back. He buried his head onto my shoulder and I was stuck just like that. I tried my best to pull back but he didn't let me go.

"Ten minutes." He mumbled and I stopped moving.

"Give me ten minutes and I'll let you go. Just give me ten minutes and I'll set you free like you want me to. Despite how much it will pain unbearably." He begged and my eyes start welling up.

It was just that ten minutes but it made my heart crush. His voice sounds demanding but his cracking voice as if he's holding back his tears breaks my heart.

Instead of pulling away, I start leaning my head on his chest. I miss this warmth. I miss the gentle touch which always makes me feel like I'm home. I miss his caress which I never feel from anyone.

"Seven minutes." I bargained which made him giggle.

He gently tap my back as we were in that position for who knows how long. I don't think seven minutes can be this long but for the last time... for the last time, I want to comfort him.

He slowly removes his hand from holding me and I wanted to stop his hand from moving away. I want us to stay that way but I don't have the guts to say so. He gradually pulls me away from leaning onto his chest and our eyes slowly meet. My eyes were clouding up with tears as I look at him. I didn't expect this will hurt me but I feel like he is ready to let me go now.

It reminds me of how hard I try to push him away. And now that he is willingly listening to that seven minutes, my heart feels like being ripped.

He glides his hand onto my cheeks as the tears escape away. One teardrop after the other, my eyes keep welling up and I couldn't help but to break down in front of him.

He hugged me tight one more time and I hugged him tighter. He gave me a soft long peck onto my forehead and I keep tearing up.

"I'll keep waiting until the day you look for me. But since you want me to leave you alone, I grant your wish." He giggled as he tried to joke while we both messed up from crying.

I slowly lean face towards him until my lips landed on his. I missed these lips which used to be mine.

That night, I sealed our goodbyes with our lips.