Have You Wonder

Selective

I was frozen at where am I currently standing right now. I feel like my whole body is shaking from so much shock. I was praying to God while walking towards here that I was just assuming things but seeing Enzey lying on that bed with a lot of bandages in her right arm and around her head, kills me. The guilt is hitting me down to my bones.

Of all people, why did I call her that night? And why do I even have to drink something I never did before? Now I feel like I will never gonna sip even a drop of alcohol. Because it will always remind me of the guilt I should bear for the rest of my life, as Enzey became like this just because I got drunk recklessly.

"Are you okay, Sir?" The attending nurse as she saw me standing in the doorway.

I couldn't take the courage to take one step forward to Enzey. I wanna look at her closer but I don't think I deserve to see her after what happened. Because I am the reason why this happens to her.

"By any chance, you know the patient?" The nurse asked once again but I continue ignoring her.

I was about to run away, trying to go back to my room but my tears suddenly start flowing. I clenched onto my chest as I feel like my heart is being squeezed real hard. I support myself while holding onto my knees, trying to breathe normally but I feel like I'm running out of oxygen. I begin breathing heavily so I sit slowly on the floor and lean on the wall. I kept crying endlessly while hitting my head on the wall as if it could erase what just happened.

I always say that I'll protect her and never let anyone hurt her but here I am, blaming myself for putting her on a hospital bed with a lot of bruises and injuries.

I couldn't care about the people staring at me as I continue banging the back of my head on the wall but a man in his late fifty's put his palm behind my head to stop me from hurting myself. I looked at him with all the mess on my face as I keep on crying like a kid who just lost his most favorite toy.

"I don't know what you have been going through but hurting yourself this way won't solve it." He blurted and that makes me cry even more.

"Don't waste your handsome face crying over spilled milk. Be a man and face whatever it may be. Say sorry if you made a mistake, beg on your knees if you have to. Don't just hide and cry on the floor." He advised and that is a face-slapping wake-up call.

He offered his hand and I took it with a grateful heart for that heart-warming advice. He's right. I shouldn't run away from Enzey. It was my fault that she was in that worse condition so I should be responsible for her. I should never leave her side until she gets awake and ask for her forgiveness whatever it takes.

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It's been three months since we had the accident but Enzey hasn't gained back her consciousness. The Doctor said everything was fine and we just have to patiently wait for her to wake up. There are no complications but it seems the head trauma she had in the accident is requiring Enzey more time to recover. And we are so glad that she didn't get any broken bones from the physical trauma since the car bumped on the steel railing and hit the passenger's seat real hard.

And when I say us, I was about her parents.

In God's most unexpected way, he introduced me to Enzey's father while I was having a mental breakdown from so much shock and guilt. At first l, I thought they will blame me for what happened but it happened that the truck driver got fallen asleep and hit the car we are riding on. While I was on my knees begging for their forgiveness for calling out their daughter that night, they say it was not my fault. It was a pure accident and there's no one to blame for that. Meeting them this way made me realize why Enzey grew up into such a fine woman. She was raised by great parents.

"Luke, I'll just get some water. Please look after her for a moment." Enzey's mom said and I just nodded politely.

Her mom and dad were taking turns taking care of Enzey while I continue going to work in the morning. I have to work harder to help them pay for the hospital bill. After all, that's the least I can do for doing this mess.

I was wiping her arms with the wet towel when I saw her forefinger flinches. I rubbed my eyes thinking I was just delusional but she starts wrinkling her forehead as if she was trying to open her eyes and wake up. I hurriedly call out to the Nurse's counter and seek for the attending Doctor.

Finally! Enzey has regained her consciousness after three heartbreaking months.

"We are so glad to see you awake, Enzey. Your mom and were desperately waiting for you to come back. How are you feeling now?" The Doctor tried to starts conversating and thankfully, she was able to speak smoothly but with a weak voice. I was imagining she might suffer some problem as soon as she woke up from that intense head trauma.

"The back of my head feels like thumping as if being hammered." She complained. Then other physical tests have been checked as well but there's no other problem to be worried about.

"Well, it's normal that you still feel uncomfortable from the head injury since you were sleeping for three months. But everything will be fine." The Doctor reassured.

"Three months???" She exclaimed from so much shock and she holds onto her head as she feels pain from shouting.

Then her mom starts explaining things to her. She was kinda lost and couldn't follow what she was talking about. Her eyes tell them all how confused she is right now.

"Luke is here. He was with you when the accident happened. He never leaves your side were unconscious this whole time." Her mom praises me but Enzey's gaze makes me feel anxious.

It feels like she was looking at... a stranger.

"L-Luke?" She repeated and she looked at me, puzzled.

"Yes, he said you were officemates and you two are good friends." Her mom explained but she wrinkled her forehead as if she is suffering from a bad headache.

The Doctor who was about to leave looked back at her and noticed the unwelcoming situation we are having right now. He might have thought that there must be going wrong.

"Enzey, I know this is kinda wrong timing to ask you this but I just wanna ask if you can still remember what year are we right now?" The Doctor throws a question and we are all staring at her, anticipating that it's not what we think of.

She was looking at all of us, in disbelief of the Doctor's trivial question. Then her expression gradually became serious as everyone was looking forward to what answer she will give.

"If it's three months have passed since the accident, then it's January 2016." She responds confidently and her mom almost collapses from where she was standing.

The Doctor asks her a few more questions to assess what's going on and it turns out that she couldn't remember the day of the accident. Her memory stops way back in 2016 when she was working in her previous company.

"Mrs. Almonte, I think Enzey is suffering from selective amnesia due to the car accident." The Doctor stated.

"What do you mean selective?" She followed up.

"She forgets a certain period of her memory that causes her great stress and in her case, it was the car accident since she witnessed every detail of that night and her memory went back and stopped, maybe in the happiest time of her life." The Doctor explained.

That makes sense. That's why she was looking at me that way. Because her memory resets to the time when I didn't exist yet. Or maybe I did but she couldn't recognize me yet.

"Will she regain her memory?" Her mom worriedly asks.

"She will, with her strong will. But we shouldn't force her to get back those memories immediately or she will suffer from an intense headache." The Doctor asserted and excise himself as he left the room.

And I was there, dumbfounded by everything I heard. Now, all the memories we had, all the laughter we shared have all gone. She must have gone through huge emotional stress that day, to the point that her mind decided to reset to the time where the pain is not yet happening. From that seven years where her heart was not yet suffering from so much pain from her ex.

"Mom, have you seen my phone?" She asked, still not giving me attention like the way she used to. I just hope this was all just a prank and a hidden camera will reveal the humor behind it.

"Your phone got damaged from accident. We will just buy you a new one." Her mom said.

"Here, you can use this." I offered and she was just looking at me, hesitant to take it.

She took it after a few seconds contemplating and dialed a number. Despite her selective amnesia, she was able to memorize his number. That must be how much she loves him.

The phone rings for a long time but he's not picking it up. On the fifth try, finally, someone took the call.

"Kree, it's me Enzey."

Their conversation continues for a few minutes and I was just sitting on the couch, listening to their conversation while waiting for my phone back.

"I love you..."

Those last three words she said before she drops the call made my heart drop and get shattered into thousand pieces. I was waiting for that for months and am hopeful that I am almost there but in one glimpse, all of our memories together and my shared feelings with her disappear in just a blink of an eye.